Enter FALSTAFF. Eva. Have a care of your entertainments: Fal. There was, mine host, an old fat woman there is a friend of mine come to town, tells me, even now with me, but she's gone. Fal. I spake with the old woman about it. Sim. And what says she, I pray, sir? 36 Fal. Marry, she says that the very same man that beguiled Master Slender of his chain cozened him of it. Sim. I would I could have spoken with the woman herself: I had other things to have spoken with her too, from him. Fal. What are they? let us know. Sim. I may not conceal them, sir. there is three cozen-germans that has cozened all the hosts of Readins, of Maidenhead, of Colebrook, of horses and money. I tell you for good will, look you: you are wise and full of gibes and vlouting-stogs, and 'tis not convenient you should be cozened. Fare you well. Enter DOCTOR CAIUS. [Exit. 85 Caius. Vere is mine host de Jarteer? Host. Here, Master doctor, in perplexity and doubtful dilemma. Caius. I cannot tell vat is dat; but it is tell-a me dat you make grand preparation for a duke de Jamany: by my trot, dere is no duke dat de court is know to come. I tell you for good vill: adieu. Host. Hue and cry, knight; I am undone. 44 villain! I am undone! Sim. Why, sir, they were nothing but about Mistress Anne Page; to know if it were my master's fortune to have her or no. 49 Fal. 'Tis, 'tis his fortune. Fal. To have her, or no. Go; say the woman told me so. Sim. May I be bold to say so, sir? Fal. Ay, Sir Tike; who more bold? Sim. I thank your worship: I shall make my master glad with these tidings. [Exit. Host. Thou art clerkly, thou art clerkly, Sir John. Was there a wise woman with thee? 59 Fal. Ay, that there was, mine host; one that hath taught me more wit than ever I learned before in my life: and I paid nothing for it neither, but was paid for my learning. Enter BARDOLPH. 63 Bard. Out, alas, sir! cozenage, mere cozenage! Host. Where be my horses? speak well of them, varletto. [Exit. villain! go. Assist me, Fly, run, hue and cry, 95 [Exeunt Host and BARDOLPH. Fal. I would all the world might be cozened, for I have been cozened and beaten too. If it should come to the ear of the court how I have been transformed, and how my transformation hath been washed and cudgelled, they would melt me out of my fat drop by drop, and liquor fishermen's boots with me: I warrant they would whip me with their fine wits till I were as crest-fallen as a dried pear. I never prospered since I forswore myself at primero. Well, if my wind were but long enough to say my prayers, I would repent. Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY. Now, whence come you? 107 Quick. And have not they suffered? Yes, I warrant; speciously one of them: Mistress Ford, good heart, is beaten black and blue, that you cannot see a white spot about her. 118 66 Bard. Run away, with the cozeners; for so soon as I came beyond Eton, they threw me off, from behind one of them, in a slough of mire: Fal. What tellest thou me of black and blue? and set spurs and away, like three German I was beaten myself into all the colours of the devils, three Doctor Faustuses. 71 rainbow; and I was like to be apprehended for the witch of Brainford: but that my admirable dexterity of wit, my counterfeiting the actior of an old woman, delivered me, the knave con stable had set me i' the stocks, i' the commor stocks, for a witch. Host. They are gone but to meet the duke, villain. Do not say they be fled: Germans are honest men. Enter SIR HUGH EVANS. 12 Quick. Sir, let me speak with you in you: 76 chamber; you shall hear how things go, and, warrant, to your content. Here is a letter will say somewhat. Good hearts! what ado here is to bring you together! Sure, one of you does not serve heaven well, that you are so crossed. Fal. Come up into my chamber. [Exeunt. To pinch her by the hand; and on that token 44 The maid hath given consent to go with him. Host. Which means she to deceive, father or mother? Fent. Both, my good host, to go along with me: SCENE VI.-Another Room in the Garter Inn. And here it rests, that you'll procure the vicar To stay for me at church 'twixt twelve and one, Enter FENTON and Host. Host. Master Fenton, talk not to me: my mind is heavy; I will give over all. Fent. Yet hear me speak. Assist me in my purpose, And, as I am a gentleman, I'll give thee 4 A hundred pound in gold more than your loss. Host. I will hear you, Master Fenton; and I will, at the least, keep your counsel. Fent. From time to time I have acquainted you With the dear love I bear to fair Anne Page; 9 Who, mutually hath answer'd my affection, So far forth as herself might be her chooser, Even to my wish. I have a letter from her 12 Of such contents as you will wonder at; The mirth whereof so larded with my matter, That neither singly can be manifested, Without the show of both; wherein fat Falstaff Hath a great scare: the image of the jest 17 I'll show you here at large [Pointing to the Letter] Hark, good mine host: To-night at Herne's oak, just 'twixt twelve and one, Must my sweet Nan present the Fairy Queen; 24 28 Her mother, even strong against that match Her father means she shall be all in white, 33 it 37 She shall go with him: her mother hath intended, And, in the lawful name of marrying, To give our hearts united ceremony. 51 Host. Well, husband your device; I'll to the vicar. Bring you the maid, you shall not lack a priest. Fent. So shall I evermore be bound to thee; Besides, I'll make a present recompense. ACT V. 56 [Exeunt. SCENE I.-A Room in the Garter Inn. Enter FALSTAFF and MISTRESS QUICKLY. Fal. Prithee, no more prattling; go: I'll hold. This is the third time; I hope good luck lies in odd numbers. Away! go. They say there is divinity in odd numbers, either in nativity, chance or death. Away! Quick. I'll provide you a chain, and I'll do what I can to get you a pair of horns. Fal. Away, I say; time wears: hold up your head, and mince. [Exit MISTRESS QUICKLY. Enter FORD. How now, Master Brook! Master Brook, the matter will be known to-night, or never. Be you in the Park about midnight, at Herne's oak, and you shall see wonders. 13 Ford. Went you not to her yesterday, sir, as you told me you had appointed? Fal. I went to her, Master Brook, as you see, like a poor old man; but I came from her, Master Brook, like a poor old woman. That same knave Ford, her husband, hath the finest mad devil of jealousy in him, Master Brook, that ever governed frenzy. I will tell you: he beat me grievously, in the shape of a woman; for in the shape of a man, Master Brook, I fear not Goliath with a weaver's beam, because I know also life is a shuttle. I am in haste: go along with me; I'll tell you all, Master Brook. Since I plucked geese, played truant, and whipped top, I knew not what it was to be beaten till lately. Follow me: I'll tell you strange things of this knave Ford, on whom to-night I will be revenged, and I will deliver his wife into your hand. Follow. Strange things in hand, Master Brook! Follow. [Exeunt. SCENE IV.-Windsor Park. SCENE II.-Windsor Park. Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER. Page. Come, come; we'll couch i' the castleditch till we see the light of our fairies. Remember, son Slender, my daughter. 3 Slen. Ay, forsooth; I have spoke with her and we have a nayword how to know one another. I come to her in white, and cry, 'mum;' she cries, 'budget;' and by that we know one another. 8 Shal. That's good too: but what needs either your 'mum,' or her 'budget?' the white will decipher her well enough. It hath struck ten o'clock. 12 Page. The night is dark; light and spirits will become it well. Heaven prosper our sport! No man means evil but the devil, and we shall know him by his horns. Let's away; follow me. [Exeunt. SCENE III.-The Street in Windsor. Enter MISTRESS PAGE, MISTRESS FORD, and DR. CAIUS. Mrs. Page. Master Doctor, my daughter is in green: when you see your time, take her by the hand, away with her to the deanery, and dispatch it quickly. Go before into the Park: we two must go together. 5 Caius. I know vat I have to do. Adieu. Mrs. Page. Fare you well, sir. [Exit CAIUS.] My husband will not rejoice so much at the abuse of Falstaff, as he will chafe at the doctor's marrying my daughter: but'tis no matter; better a little chiding than a great deal of heart break. Mrs. Ford. Where is Nan now and her troop of fairies, and the Welsh devil, Hugh? 13 Mrs. Page. They are all couched in a pit hard by Herne's oak, with obscured lights; which, at the very instant of Falstaff's and our meeting, they will at once display to the night. 17 Mrs. Ford. That cannot choose but amaze him. Mrs. Page. If he be not amazed, he will be mocked; if he be amazed, he will every way be mocked. Mrs. Ford. We'll betray him finely. Mrs, Page. Against such lewdsters and their lechery, 24 Those that betray them do no treachery. Mrs. Ford. The hour draws on: to the oak, to the oak! [Exeunt. Enter SIR HUGH EVANS, disguised, and others as Fairies. Eva. Trib, trib, fairies: come; and remember your parts. Be pold, I pray you; follow me into the pit, and when I give the watch-ords, do as I pid you. Come, come; trib, trib. [Exeunt. SCENE V. Another part of the Park. Enter FALSTAFF disguised as Herne, with a buck's head on. Fal. The Windsor bell hath struck twelve; the minute draws on. Now, the hot-blooded gods assist me! Remember, Jove, thou wast a bull for thy Europa; love set on thy horns. O beast a man; in some other, a man a beast. You powerful love! that, in some respects, makes a were also, Jupiter, a swan for the love of Leda; O omnipotent love! how near the god drew to the complexion of a goose! A fault done first in the form of a beast; O Jove, a beastly fault! and then another fault in the semblance of a fowl: think on 't, Jove; a foul fault! When gods have hot backs, what shall poor men do? For me, I am here a Windsor stag; and the fattest, I think, i' the forest: send me a cool rut-time, Jove, or who can blame me to piss my tallow? Who comes here? my doe? 17 Fal. Divide me like a brib'd buck, each a haunch: I will keep my sides to myself, my shoulders for the fellow of this walk, and my horns I bequeath your husbands. Am I a woodman, ha? Speak I like Herne the hunter? Why, now is Cupid a child of conscience; he makes restitution. As I am a true spirit, welcome! [Noise within. Mrs. Page. Alas! what noise? 36 Fal. I think the devil will not have me damned, lest the oil that is in me should set hell on fire; he would never else cross me But, stay; I smell a man of middle-earth. thus. Enter SIR HUGH EVANS, like a Satyr; PISTOL as Anne. Fairies, black, grey, green, and white, Pist. Elves, list your names: silence, you 48 Cricket, to Windsor chimneys shalt thou leap: Where fires thou find'st unrak'd and hearths unswept, There pinch the maids as blue as bilberry: Our radiant queen hates sluts and sluttery. 52 I'll wink and couch: no man their works must 57 That, ere she sleep, has thrice her prayers said, Anne. About, about! 60 72 Search Windsor castle, elves, within and out: Fal. Heavens defend me from that Welsh fairy, lest he transform me to a piece of cheese! Pist. Vile worm, thou wast o'erlook'd even in thy birth. Anne. With trial-fire touch me his finger-end: Eva. 92 Come, will this wood take fire? [They burn him with their tapers. Fal. Oh, oh, oh! Anne. Corrupt, corrupt, and tainted in desire! 96 About him, fairies, sing a scornful rime; SONG. Fie on sinful fantasy! Fed in heart, whose flames aspire, 100 As thoughts do blow them higher and higher. 104 Pinch him for his villany; Pinch him, and burn him, and turn him about, During this song,the Fairies pinch FALSTAFF. See you these, husband? do not these fair yokes Ford. Now sir, who's a cuckold now? Master Brook, Falstaff's a knave, a cuckoldly knave; 80 here are his horns, Master Brook: and, Master Brook, he hath enjoyed nothing of Ford's but his buck-basket, his cudgel, and twenty pounds of money, which must be paid too, Master Brook; his horses are arrested for it, Master Brook. 121 And twenty glow-worms shall our lanthorns be, Mrs. Ford. Sir John, we have had ill luck; we could never meet. I will never take you for my love again, but I will always count you my over and above that you have suffered, I think, deer. 125 to repay that money will be a biting affliction. Fal. I do begin to perceive that I am made Mrs. Ford. Nay, husband, let that go to make amends; an ass. Ford. Ay, and an ox too; both the proofs are extant. Forgive that sum, and so we'll all be friends.184 Ford. Well, here's my hand: all is forgiven at last. 129 Fal. And these are not fairies? I was three or four times in the thought they were not Page. Yet be cheerful, knight: thou shalt fairies; and yet the guiltiness of my mind, the eat a posset to-night at my house; where I will sudden surprise of my powers, drove the gross-desire thee to laugh at my wife, that now laughs ness of the foppery into a received belief, in at thee. Tell her, Master Slender hath married despite of the teeth of all rime and reason, that her daughter. they were fairies. See now how wit may be made a Jack-a-lent, when 'tis upon ill employment! Eva. Sir John Falstaff, serve Got, and leave your desires, and fairies will not pinse you. 140 Ford. Well said, fairy Hugh. Eva. Ard leave you your jealousies too, I pray you. Ford. I will never mistrust my wife again, till thou art able to woo her in good English.145 Fal. Have I laid my brain in the sun and dried it, that it wants matter to prevent so gross o'er-reaching as this? Am I ridden with a Welsh goat too? shall I have a coxcomb of frize? 'Tis time I were choked with a piece of toasted cheese. Eva. Seese is not goot to give putter: your pelly is all putter. 153 Fal. 'Seese' and 'putter!' have I lived to stand at the taunt of one that makes fritters of English? This is enough to be the decay of lust and late-walking through the realm. 157 Mrs. Page. Why, Sir John, do you think, though we would have thrust virtue out of our hearts by the head and shoulders, and have given ourselves without scruple to hell, that ever the devil could have made you our delight? Ford. What, a hodge-pudding? a bag of flax? Mrs. Page. A puffed man? 164 Page. Old, cold, withered, and of intolerable entrails? Ford. And one that is as slanderous as Satan? Ford. And as wicked as his wife? 168 Eva. And given to fornications, and to taverns, and sack and wine and metheglins, and to drinkings and swearings and starings, pribbles and prabbles? 173 Fal. Well, I am your theme: you have the start of me; I am dejected; I am not able to answer the Welsh flannel. Ignorance itself is a plummet o'er me: use me as you will. 177 Ford. Marry, sir, we'll bring you to Windsor, to one Master Brook, that you have cozened of money, to whom you should have been a pander: Mrs. Page. [Aside.] Doctors doubt that: if Anne Page be my daughter, she is, by this Doctor Caius' wife. Enter SLENDER. 193 |