Quick. Nay, but do so, then: and, look you, be may come and go between you both; and in any case have a nay-word, that you may know one another's mind, and the boy never need to understand any thing; for 'tis not good that children should know any wickedness: old folks, you know, have discretion, as they say, and know the world. 137 Fal. Fare thee well: commend me to them both. There's my purse; I am yet thy debtor.Boy,go along with this woman.-[Exeunt MISTRESS QUICKLY and ROBIN.] This news distracts me. 142 Pist. This punk is one of Cupid's carriers. Clap on more sails; pursue; up with your fights; Give fire! she is my prize, or ocean whelm them all! [Exit. Fal. Sayest thou so, old Jack? go thy ways; I'll make more of thy old body than I have done. Will they yet look after thee? Wilt thou, after the expense of so much money, be now a gainer? Good body, I thank thee. Let them say 'tis grossly done; so it be fairly done, no matter. 151 Ford. Troth, and I have a bag of money here troubles me: if you will help to bear it, Sir John, take all, or half, for easing me of the carriage. 183 Fal. Sir, I know not how I may deserve to be your porter. Ford. I will tell you, sir, if you will give me the hearing. Fal. Speak, good Master Brook; I shall be glad to be your servant. 189 Ford. Sir, I hear you are a scholar,-I will be brief with you, and you have been a man long known to me, though I had never so good means, as desire, to make myself acquainted with you. I shall discover a thing to you, wherein I must very much lay open mine own imperfection; but, good Sir John, as you have one eye upon my follies, as you hear them unfolded, turn another into the register of your own, that I may pass with a reproof the easier, sith you yourself know how easy it is to be such an offender. Fal. Very well, sir; proceed. 200 Ford. There is a gentlewoman in this town, her husband's name is Ford. Fal. Well, sir. 204 Ford. I have long loved her, and, I protest to you, bestowed much on her; followed her with a doting observance; engrossed opportunities to meet her; fee'd every slight occasion that could but niggardly give me sight of her; not only bought many presents to give her, but have given largely to many to know what she would have given. Briefly, I have pursued her as love hath pursued me; which hath been on the wing of all occasions. But whatsoever I have merited, either in my mind or in my means, meed, I am sure, I have received none; unless experience be a jewel that I have purchased at an infinite rate; and that hath taught me to say this, Love like a shadow flies when substance love pur to me, yet in other places she enlargeth her mirth so far that there is shrewd construction made of her. Now, Sir John, here is the heart of my purpose: you are a gentleman of excellent breeding, admirable discourse, of great admittance, authentic in your place and person, generally allowed for your many war-like, courtlike, and learned preparations. Fal. O, sir! Ford. I would you knew Ford, sir, that you might avoid him, if you saw him. Fal. Hang him, mechanical salt-butter rogue! I will stare him out of his wits; I will awe him with my cudgel: it shall hang like a meteor o'er the cuckold's horns. Master Brook, thou shalt know I will predominate over the peasant, and thou shalt lie with his wife. Come to me soon at night. Ford's a knave, and I will aggravate his style; thou, Master Brook, shalt know him for knave and cuckold. Come to me soon at night. [Exit. 244 Ford. Believe it, for you know it. There is money; spend it, spend it; spend more; spend all I have; only give me so much of your time in exchange of it, as to lay an amiable siege to Ford. What a damned Epicurean rascal is the honesty of this Ford's wife: use your art of this! My heart is ready to crack with impatience. wooing, win her to consent to you; if any man Who says this is improvident jealousy? my wife may, you may as soon as any. 251 hath sent to him, the hour is fixed, the match is Fal. Would it apply well to the vehemency made. Would any man have thought this? See of your affection, that I should win what you the hell of having a false woman! My bed shall would enjoy? Methinks you prescribe to your- be abused, my coffers ransacked, my reputation self very preposterously. 255 gnawn at; and I shall not only receive this Ford. O, understand my drift. She dwells so villanous wrong, but stand under the adoption securely on the excellency of her honour, that of abominable terms, and by him that does me the folly of my soul dares not present itself: she this wrong. Terms! names! Amaimon sounds is too bright to be looked against. Now, could I well; Lucifer, well; Barbason, well; yet they come to her with any detection in my hand, my are devils' additions, the names of fiends: but desires had instance and argument to commend Cuckold! Wittol!-Cuckold! the devil himself themselves: Icould drive her then from the ward hath not such a name. Page is an ass, a secure of her purity, her reputation, her marriage-vow, ass: he will trust his wife; he will not be jealous. and a thousand other her defences, which now I will rather trust a Fleming with my butter, are too-too strongly embattled against me. Parson Hugh the Welshman with my cheese, an What say you to't, Sir John? 266 Irishman with my aqua-vitæ bottle, or a thief to Fal. Master Brook, I will first make bold with walk my ambling gelding, than my wife with heryour money; next, give me your hand; and self: then she plots, then she ruminates, then she last, as I am a gentleman, you shall, if you will, devises; and what they think in their hearts enjoy Ford's wife. they may effect, they will break their hearts but they will effect. God be praised for my jealousy! Eleven o'clock the hour: I will prevent this, detect my wife, be revenged on Falstaff, and laugh at Page. I will about it; better three hours too soon than a minute too late. Fie, fie, fie! cuckold! cuckold! cuckold! [Exit. Ford. O good sir! 272 Ford. Want no money, Sir John; you shall want none. Fal. Want no Mistress Ford, Master Brook; you shall want none. I shall be with her, I may tell you, by her own appointment; even as you came in to me, her assistant or go-between parted from me: I say I shall be with her between ten and eleven; for at that time the jealous rascally knave her husband will be forth. Come you to me at night; you shall know how I speed. 283 Host. Bless thee, bully doctor! Shal. Save you, Master Doctor Caius! 16 20 Caius. Vat be all you, one, two, tree, four, come for? Host. To see thee fight, to see thee foin, to see thee traverse; to see thee here, to see thee there; to see thee pass thy punto, thy stock, thy reverse, thy distance, thy montant. Is he dead, my Ethiopian? is he dead, my Francisco? ha, bully! What says my Esculapius? my Galen? my heart of elder? ha! is he dead, bully stale? is he dead? 31 Cains. By gar, he is de coward Jack priest of de vorld; he is not show his face. Host. Thou art a Castilian King Urinal! Hector of Greece, my boy! 35 Caius. I pray you, bear vitness that me have stay six or seven, two, tree hours for him, and he is no come. 38 Shal. He is the wiser man, Master doctor: he is a curer of souls, and you a curer of bodies; if you should fight, you go against the hair of your professions. Is it not true, Master Page? 43 Page. Master Shallow, you have yourself been a great fighter, though now a man of peace. Shal. Bodykins, Master Page, though I now be old and of the peace, if I see a sword out, my finger itches to make one. Though we are justices and doctors and churchmen, Master Page, we have some salt of our youth in us; we are the sons of women, Master Page. 52 SCENE I.-A Field near Frogmore. Enter SIR HUGH EVANS and SIMPLE. Eva. I pray you now, good Master Slender's serving-man, and friend Simple by your name, which way have you looked for Master Caius, that calls himself doctor of physic? Page. 'Tis true, Master Shallow. Shal. It will be found so, Master Page. Master Doctor Caius, I am come to fetch you home. I am sworn of the peace: you have showed yourself a wise physician, and Sir Hugh hath bown himself a wise and patient churchman. You must go with me, Master doctor. Host. Pardon, guest-justice.—A word, Mon- way but the town way. Host. Mock-water, in our English tongue, is valour, bully. 4 Sim. Marry, sir, the pittie-ward, the parkward, every way; old Windsor way, and every Eva. I most fehemently desire you you will also look that way. Sim. I will, sir. 9 [Exit. Eva. Pless my soul! how full of chollors I am, Cains. By gar, den, I have as mush mock-and trempling of mind! I shall be glad if he Tater as de Englishman. - Scurvy jack-dog Fest! by gar, me vill cut his ears. have deceived me. How melancholies I am! I will knog his urinals about his knave's costard Sim. Yonder he is coming, this way, Sir Hugh. Eva. He's welcome. [Sings. To shallow rivers, to whose falls- 29 Heaven prosper the right!—what weapons is he? Sim. No weapons, sir. There comes my master, Master Shallow, and another gentleman, from Frogmore, over the stile, this way. 33 Eva. Pray you, give me my gown; or else keep it in your arms. [Reads in a book. Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER. Shal. How now, Master Parson! Good morrow, good Sir Hugh. Keep a gamester from the dice, and a good student from his book, and it is wonderful. Slen. [Aside.] Ah, sweet Anne Page! 40 of Shal. What, the sword and the word! do you study them both, Master Parson? 45 Page. And youthful still in your doublet and hose! this raw rheumatic day? Eva. There is reasons and causes for it. 48 Page. We are come to you to do a good office, Master parson. Eva. Fery well: what is it? Page. Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, who, belike having received wrong by some person, is at most odds with his own gravity and patience that ever you saw. 55 Shal. I have lived fourscore years and upward; I never heard a man of his place, gravity, and learning, so wide of his own respect. Eva. What is he? Page. I think you know him; Master Doctor Caius, the renowned French physician. 61 Eva. Got's will, and his passion of my heart! I had as lief you would tell me of a mess of porridge. 64 Page. Why? Eva. He has no more knowledge in Hibbocrates and Galen,—and he is a knave besides; a Caius. I pray you, let-a me speak a word vit your ear: verefore vill you not meet-a me? Eva. [Aside to Caius.] Pray you, use your patience: in good time. 84 Caius. By gar, you are de coward, de Jack dog, John ape. Eva. [Aside to Caius.] Pray you, let us not be laughing-stogs to other men's humours; I desire you in friendship, and I will one way or other make you amends: [Aloud.] I will knog your urinals about your knave's cogscomb for missing your meetings and appointments. 92 Caius. Diable!-Jack Rugby,-mine host de Jarretierre,-have I not stay for him to kill him? have I not, at de place I did appoint? Eva. As I am a Christians soul, now, look you, this is the place appointed: I'll be judgment by mine host of the Garter. Host. Peace, I say, Gallia and Guallia; French and Welsh, soul-curer and body-curer! 100 Caius. Ay, dat is very good; excellent. Host. Peace, I say! hear mine host of the Garter. Am I politic? am I subtle? am I a Machiavel? Shall I lose my doctor? no; he gives me the potions and the motions. Shall I lose my parson, my priest, my Sir Hugh? no; he gives me the proverbs and the no-verbs. Give me thy hand, terrestrial; so;-give me thy hand celestial; so. Boys of art, I have deceived you both; I have directed you to wrong places: your hearts are mighty, your skins are whole, and let burnt sack be the issue. Come, lay their swords to pawn. Follow me, lads of peace; follow, follow, follow. 114 Shal. Trust me, a mad host!-Follow, gentlemen, follow. Slen. [Aside.] O, sweet Anne Page! [Exeunt SHALLOW, SLENDER, PAGE, and Host. Caius. Ha! do I perceive dat? have you make-a de sot of us, ha, ha? Eva. This is well; he has made us his vlout ing-stog. I desire you that we may be friends Ford. Where had you this pretty weathercock? Mrs. Page. I cannot tell what the dickens his name is my husband had him of. What do you call your knight's name, sirrah? Rob. Sir John Falstaff. 24 Mrs. Page. He, he; I can never hit on's tame. There is such a league between my good man and he! Is your wife at home indeed? Ford. Indeed she is. Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, SLENDER, Host, SIR HUGH EVANS, CAIUS, and RUGBY. Page, Shal., &c. Well met, Master Ford. Ford. Trust me, a good knot. I have good cheer at home; and I pray you all go with me. Shal. I must excuse myself, Master Ford. 56 Slen. And so must I, sir: we have appointed to dine with Mistress Anne, and I would not break with her for more money than I'll speak of. Shal. We have lingered about a match between Anne Page and my cousin Slender, and this day we shall have our answer. Page. Slen. I hope I have your good will, father 64 Page. You have, Master Slender; I stand wholly for you: but my wife, Master doctor, is for you altogether. Caius. Ay, by gar; and de maid is love-a me: my nursh-a Quickly tell me so mush. 69 Host. What say you to young Master Fenton? he capers, he dances, he has eyes of youth, he writes verses, he speaks holiday, he smells April and May: he will carry 't, he will carry 't; 'tis in his buttons; he will carry't. 74 Ford. I beseech you heartily, some of you go home with me to dinner: besides your cheer, you shall have sport; I will show you a monster. Master doctor, you shall go; so shall you, Master Page; and you, Sir Hugh. Page. Not by my consent, I promise you. The gentleman is of no having: he kept company with the wild prince and Pointz; he is of too high a region; he knows too much. No, he shall not knit a knot in his fortunes with the finger of my substance: if he take her, let him take her simply; the wealth I have waits on my 28 consent, and my consent goes not that way. 82 Mrs. Page. By your leave, sir: I am sick till I see her. [Exeunt MISTRESS PAGE and ROBIN. Ford Has Page any brains? hath he any eyes? hath he any thinking? Sure, they sleep; be hath no use of them. Why, this boy will arry a letter twenty mile, as easy as a cannon vill shoot point-blank twelve score. He pieces out his wife's inclination; he gives her folly Lotion and advantage: and now she's going to my wife, and Falstaff's boy with her. A man may bear this shower sing in the wind: and Falstaff's boy with her! Good plots! they are laid; and our revolted wives share damnation to gether. Well; I will take him, then torture my Shal. Well, fare you well: we shall have the freer wooing at Master Page's. 89 [Exeunt SHALLOW and SLENDER. Caius. Go home, John Rugby; I come anon. [Exit RUGBY. Host. Farewell, my hearts: I will to my honest knight Falstaff, and drink canary with him. [Exit Host. Ford. [Aside.] I think I shall drink in pipe |