What he denominates the "forcing system,"
Nobody asks him about forcing pumps !*

O say, with hand on heart,

Suppose that I should start

Some theory like this:

"When Genesis

Was written, before man became a glutton,
And in his appetites ran riot,

Content with simple vegetable diet,

Eating his turnips without leg of mutton, His spinach without lamb, carrots sans beef, 'Tis my belief

He was a polypus, and I'm convinced

Made other men when he was hashed or minced;". Did I in such a style as this proceed,

Would you not say I was Farre gone indeed?†

Excuse me, if I doubt at each Assize
How sober it would look in public eyes

For our King's Counsel and our learned Judges, When trying thefts, assaults, frauds, murders,

arsons,

* 1211. The over-stimulation, which too frequently ends in the habit of drunkenness in Great Britain in every class, is the result of the British forcing system simply.

† 1282. Was not vegetable food prescribed in the first chapter of Genesis? - Vegetable food was appointed when the restorative power of man was complete. The restorative power in some of the lower animals is still complete. If a polypus be truncated or cut into several pieces, each part will become a perfect animal. - - Vide evidence of Dr. Farre.

To preach from texts of temperance like parsons,
By way of giving tipplers gentle nudges.

Imagine my Lord Bayley, Parke, or Park,*
Donning the fatal sable cap, and hark!—

"These sentences must pass, howe'er I'm panged: You Brandy must return and Rum the sameTo the Goose and Gridiron, whence you came; Gin! Reverend Mr. Cotton and Jack Ketch

Your spirit jointly will despatch;

Whiskey be hanged!"

Suppose that some fine morning,

Mounted upon a pile of Dunlop cheeses,
I gave the following as public warning,
Would there not be sly winking, coughs, and
sneezes !

Or dismal hiss of universal scorn:

"My brethren, don't be born;

But if you're born, be well advised,
Don't be baptized.

If both take place, still at the worst
Do not be nursed:

At

every birth each gossip dawdle

Expects her caudle;

At christenings, too, drink always hands about;

*975. What happy opportunities, for example, are offered to each Judge and King's Counsellor at every Assize to denounce all customary use of distilled spirits as the great excitement to crime. The proper improvement of such opportunities would do much for temperance.

Nurses will have their porter or their stout;
Don't wear clean linen, for it leads to sin,—
All washerwomen make a stand for gin.
If you're a minister, to keep due stinting,
Never preach sermons that are worth the printing,*
Avoid a steamboat with a lady in her, †

And when you court, watch Miss well after dinner;‡
Never run bills, or if you do, don't pay, §
And give your butter and your cheese away; |
Build yachts and pleasure-boats, if you are rich,
But never have them launched, or payed with
pitch; ¶

* 4642. When a clergyman gets a new manse, he is fined in a bottle of wine; when he has been newly married, this circumstance subjects him to the same amicable penalty; the birth of a child also costs one bottle, and the publication of a sermon another. By J. Dunlop, Esq.

† 4637. The absolute necessity of treating females in the same manner, in steamboat jaunts, is lamentable.

4637. Some youths have been known to defer their entrance into a temperance society till after their marriage, lest failure in the usual compliments should be misconstrued, and create a coldness with their future wives.

§ 1635. It (drinking) is employed in making bargains, at the payment of accounts.

| 4639. A landlady, in settling with a farmer for his butter and cheese, brings out the bottle and the glass with her own hands, and presses it on his acceptance. How can he refuse a lady soliciting him to do what he is, perhaps, unfortunately already more than half inclined to?

4640. The launching-bowl is a bonus of drink, varying from £2 to £10, according to the size of the ship, bestowed by the owners on the apprentices of a ship-building yard at the launch of a vessel. The graving-bowl is given to the journeymen after a vessel is payed with tar.

In fine, for Temperance if you stand high,
Don't die!"*

Did I preach thus, sir, should I not appear
Just like the "parson much bemused with beer?"

Thus far, O Mr. Buckingham, I've gathered,
But here, alas! by space my pen is tethered;
And I can merely thank you all in short,
The witnesses that have been called in court,
And the Committee for their kind Report,
Whence I have picked and puzzled out this moral,
With which you must not quarrel:

"Tis based in charity That men are brothers, And those who make a fuss,

About their Temperance thus,

Are not so much more temperate than others.

SIR JOHN BOWRING.

To Bowring, man of many tongues,
(All over tongues like rumor)
This tributary verse belongs
To paint his learned humor;

All kinds of gabs he talks, I wis

* 4638. On the event of a decease, every one gets a glass who comes within the door until the funeral, and for six weeks after it.

From Latin down to Scottish ;
As fluent as a parrot is,
But far more Polly-glottish!

No grammar too abstruse he meets,

However dark and verby,

He gossips Greek about the streets,
And often Russ-in urbe - :

Strange tongues, whate'er you do them call,
In short, the man is able

To tell you what's o'clock in all
The dialects of Babel.

Take him on 'Change; try Portuguese,

The Moorish and the Spanish,

Polish, Hungarian, Tyrolese,
The Swedish and the Danish;

Try him with these and fifty such,
His skill will ne'er diminish,
Although you should begin in Dutch
And end (like me) in Finnish.

THE LOGICIANS.

AN ILLUSTRATION.

"Metaphysics were a large field in which to exercise the weapons log.c had put into their hands."- SCRIBLERUS.

SEE here two cavillers,

Would-be unravellers

Of abstruse theory and questions mystical,