HARDCASTLE.

I tell you, Sir, you don't please me; fo I defire you'll leave my house.

MARLOW.

Sure you cannot be ferious? at this time o'night, and fuch a night. You only mean to banter me ? HARDCASTLE.

I tell you, Sir, I'm ferious? and, now that my paffions are rouzed, I say this house is mine, Sir; this house is mine, and I command you to leave it directly.

MARLOW.

Ha ha ha! A puddle in a storm. I shan't ftir a ftep, I affure you. (In a ferious tone) This, your houfe, fellow! It's my houfe. This is my houfe. Mine, while I chufe to stay. have you to bid me leave this house, met with fuch impudence, curfe me, whole life before.

my

HARDCASTLE.

What right Sir? I never

never in my

Nor I, confound me if ever I did. To come to

house, to call for what he likes, to turn me out of my own chair, to infult the family, to order his fervants to get drunk, and then to tell me, "This "house is mine, Sir." By all that's impudent, it makes me laugh. Ha! ha! ha! Pray, Sir, (bantering) as you take the houfe, what think you of taking the rest of the furniture? There's a pair of filver candlesticks, and there's a fire-fcreen, and

here's

here's a pair of brazen nofed bellows, perhaps you may take a fancy to them?

MARLOW.

Bring me your bill, Sir; bring me your bill, and let's make no more words about it.

HARDCASTLE.

There are a fet of prints too... What think you of the rake's progrefs for your own apartment?

MARLOW.

Bring me your bill, I fay; and I'll leave you and your infernal houfe directly.

HARDCASTLE.

Then there's a mahogany table that you may fee your own face in.

My bill, I fay.

MARLOW.

HARDCASTLE.

I had forgot the great chair, for your own particular flumbers, after a hearty meal.

MARLOW.

Zounds! bring me my bill, I fay, and let's hear

no more on't.

HARDCASTLE.

Young man, young man, from your father's letter to me, I was taught to expect a well-bred modeft man, as a visitor here, but now I find him no better than a coxcomb and a bully; but he will be down here presently, and shall hear more of it.

[Exit.

VOL. II.

MAR

MARLOW.

How's this! Sure I have not mistaken the house! Every thing looks like an inn. The fervants cry, coming. The attendance is aukward; the bar-maid too to attend us. But she's here, and will further inform me. Whither fo faft, child? A word with

you.

Enter Mifs HARDCASTLE.

Mifs HARDCASTLE.

Let it be fhort then. I'm in a hurry. (Afide) I believe he begins to find out his mistake, but it's too foon quite to undeceive him.

MARLOW.

Pray, child, answer me one question. What are you, and what may your business in this house

be?

Mifs HARDCASTLE.

A relation of the family, Sir.

MARLOW.

What, a poor relation ?

Mifs HARDCASTLE.

Yes, Sir. A poor relation appointed to keep the keys, and to fee that the guests want nothing in my power to give them.

MARLOW.

That is, you act as the bar-maid of this inn.

Mifs HARDCASTLE.

Inn. O law-What brought that in your head? One of the best families in the county keep an inn! Ha ha! ha! old Mr. Hardcastle's house an inn !

MARLOW.

Mr. Hardcastle's house! Is this houfe Mr. Hardcaftle's houfe, child?

Mifs HARDCASTLE.

Aye, fure. Whofe else should it be?
MARLOW.

So then all's out, and I have been damnably impofed on. O, confound my ftupid head, I fhall be laugh'd at over the whole town. I fhall be ftuck up in caricatura in all the print-fhops. The Dulliffimo Maccaroni. To miftake this houfe of all others for an inn, and my father's old friend for an inn-keeper! What a swaggering puppy must he take me for? What a filly puppy do I find myself? There again, may I be hanged, my dear, but I miftook you for the bar-maid.

Mifs HARDCASTLE.

Dear me! dear me! I'm fure there's nothing in my behaviour to put me upon a level with one of that ftamp.

MARLOW.

Nothing, my dear, nothing. But I was in for a lift of blunders, and could not help making you a fubfcriber. My ftupidity faw every thing the wrong way. I mistook your affiduity for afsurance, and your

Q 2

your fimplicity for allurement. But its over-This houfe I no more fhew my face in.

Mifs HARDCASTLE.

I hope, Sir, I have done nothing to difoblige you. I'm fure I should be forry to affront any gentleman who has been fo polite, and faid fo many civil things to me. I'm fure I should be forry (pretending to cry) if he left the family upon my account. I'm fure I should be forry, people faid any thing amifs, fince I have no fortune but my character.

MARLOW.

(Afide) By Heaven, the weeps. This is the first mark of tenderness I ever had from a modeft woman, and it touches me. (To her) Excufe me, my lovely girl, you are the only part of the family I leave with reluctance. But to be plain with you, the difference of our birth, fortune and education, make an honourable connection impoffible; and I can never harbour a thought of feducing fimplicity that trufted in my honour, of bringing ruin upon one, whofe only fault was being too lovely.

Mifs HARDCASTLE.

(Afide) Generous man! I now begin to admire him. (To him) But I'm fure my family is as good as Mifs Hardcastle's, and though I'm poor, that's no great misfortune to a contented mind, and, until this moment, I never thought that it was bad to want fortune.

MAR