HARDCASTLE.

I do ftir about a great deal, that's certain. Half the differences of the parish are adjusted in this very parlour.

MARLOW.

(After drinking) And you have an argument in your cup, old gentleman, better than any in Weftminster-hall.

HARDCASTLE.

Aye, young gentleman, that, and a little philosophy.

MARLOW.

(Afide.) Well, this is the first time I ever heard of an innkeeper's philofophy.

HASTINGS.

So then, like an experienced general, you attack them on every quarter. If you find their reason manageable, you attack it with your philofophy; if you find they have no reason, you attack them with this. Here's your health, my philofopher.

Good, very good, thank you; ha! ha! Your generalfhip puts me in mind of prince Eugene, when he fought the Turks at the battle of Belgrade. You fhall hear.

MARLOW.

Instead of the battle of Belgrade, I believe it's almost time to talk about fupper. What has your philofophy got in the house for fupper?

HARD

HARDCASTLE.

For fupper, Sir! (Afide) Was ever fuch a request to a man in his own houfe!

MARLOW.

Yes, Sir, fupper, Sir; I begin to feel an appetite. I' fhall make dev'lish work to-night in the larder, I promise you.

HARDCASTLE.

(Afide) Such a brazen dog fure never my eyes beheld. (To him) Why really, Sir, as for fupper I can't well tell. My Dorothy, and the cook-maid, fettle these things between them. I leave these kind of things entirely to them.

You do, do you?

MARLOW.

HARDCASTLE.

Entirely. By-the-bye, I believe they are in ace tual confultation upon what's for fupper this moment in the kitchen.

vy

MARLOW.

Then I beg they'll admit me as one of their pricouncil. It's a way I have got. When I travel, I always chufe to regulate my own fupper. Let the cook be called. No offence I hope, Sir.

HARDCASTLE.

O no, Sir, none in the leaft; yet I don't know how our Bridget, the cook-maid, is not very communicative upon these occafions. Should we fend for her, the might fcold us all out of the house.

HAST

HASTINGS.

Let's fee your lift of the larder then. I ask it as a favour. I always match my appetite to my bill of fare.

MARLOW.

(To Hardcastle, who looks at them with surprise) Sir, he's very right, and it's my way too.

HARDCASTLE,

Sir, you have a right to command here. Here, Roger, bring us the bill of fare for to-night's fupper. I believe it's drawn out. Your manner, Mr. Haftings, puts me in mind of my uncle, colonel Wallop. It was a faying of his, that no man was fure of his fupper till he had eaten it.

HASTINGS.

(Afide) All upon the high ropes! His uncle a colonel! we fhall foon hear of his mother being a juftice of peace. But let's hear the bill of fare.

MARLOW.

(Perufing) What's here? For the first courfe; for the second course; for the defert. The devil, Sir, do you think we have brought down the whole joiners company, or the corporation of Bedford, to eat up fuch a fupper? Two or three little things, clean and comfortable, will do.

HASTINGS.

But, let's hear it.

MAR

MARLOW.

(Reading) For the first course at the top, a pig,

and pruin fauce.

HASTINGS.

Damn your pig, I fay.

MARLOW.

And damn your pruin fauce, fay I.

HARDCASTLE.

And yet, gentlemen, to men that are hungry, pig, with pruin fauce, is very good eating.

MARLOW.

At the bottom, a calve's tongue and brains.

your

HASTINGS.

Let brains be knock'd out, my good Sir; I don't like them.

MARLOW.

Or you may clap them on a plate by themselves. HARDCASTLE.

(Afide) Their impudence confounds me. (To them) Gentlemen, you are my guests, make what alterations you please. Is there any thing else you wish to retrench or alter, gentlemen ?

MARLOW.

Item. A pork pye, a boiled rabbit and sausages, a Florentine, a fhaking pudding, and a difh of tifftaff-taffety cream!

HASTINGS.

Confound your made dishes, I fhall be as much at a lofs in this house as at a green and yellow din

ner

ner at the French ambassador's table. I'm for plain eating.

HARDCASTLE.

I'm forry, gentlemen, that I have nothing you like, but if there be any thing you have a particular fancy to

MARLOW.

Why, really, Sir, your bill of fare is fo exquifite, that any one part of it is full as good as another. Send us what you please. So much for fupper. And now to fee that our beds are air'd, and properly taken care of.

HARDCASTLE.

I entreat you'll leave all that to me. You fhall not stir a step.

MARLOW.

Leave that to you! I proteft, Sir, you must excufe me, I always look to these things myself.

HARDCASTLE.

I must infift, Sir, you'll make yourself eafy on that head.

MARLOW.

You fee I'm refolved on it. (Afide.) A very troublefome fellow this, as ever I met with.

HARDCASTLE.

Well, Sir, I'm refolved at least to attend you. (Afide) This may be modern modefty, but I never faw any thing look fo like old-fashioned impudence. [Exeunt Marlow and Hardcastle.

HAST