MARLOW. Zounds, man! we could as foon find out the lon gitude! HASTINGS. What's to be done, Marlow? MARLOW. This house promises but a poor reception; though perhaps the landlord can accommodate us. LANDLORD. Alack, master, we have but one spare bed in the whole house. TONY. And to my knowledge, that's taken up by three lodgers already. (After a pause, in which the reft feem difconcerted) I have hit it. Don't you think, Stingo, our landlady could accommodate the gentlemen by the fire-fide, with-three chairs and a bolster? HASTINGS. I hate fleeping by the fire-fide. MARLOW. And I deteft your three chairs and a bolfter. TONY. You do, do you!-then let me fee-what-if you go on a mile further, to the Buck's Head; the old Buck's Head on the hill, one of the best inns in the whole county? HASTINGS. O ho! fo we have escaped an adventure for this night, however. LAND LANDLORD. (Apart to Tony) Sure, you ben't fending them to your father's as an inn, be you? TONY. Mum, you fool you. Let them find that out. (To them.) You have only to keep on ftraight forward, till you come to a large old houfe by the road fide. You'll fee a pair of large horns over the door. That's the fign. Drive up the yard, and call stoutly about you. HASTINGS. Sir, we are obliged to you. The fervants can't mifs the way? TONY. No, no: but I tell you though, the landlord is rich, and going to leave off business; so he wants to be thought a gentleman, faving your prefence, he! he he! He'll be for giving you his company, and ecod if you mind him, he'll perfuade you that his mother was an alderman, and his aunt a juftice of peace. LANDLORD. A troublesome old blade to be fure; but a keeps as good wines and beds as any in the whole country. MARLOW. Well, if he fupplies us with thefe, we shall want no further connection. We are to turn to the right, did you fay? TONY. TONY. No, no; ftraight forward. I'll just step myself, and fhew you a piece of the way. (To the landlord) Mum. LANDLORD. Ah, blefs your heart, for a fweet, pleasantdamn'd mischievous fon of a whore. [Exeunt. ACT ACT THE SECOND. SCENE, an old-fashioned House. Enter HARDCASTLE, followed by three or four aukward fervants. HARDCASTLE. WELL, I hope you're perfect in the table ex ercife I have been teaching you these three days. You all know your pofts and your places, and can fhew that you have been used to good company, without ever stirring from home. Aye, aye. OMNES. HARDCASTLE. When company comes, you are not to pop out and ftare, and then run in again, like frighted rabbits in You, Diggory, whom I have taken from the barn, are to make a shew at the fide-table; and you, Roger, whom I have advanced from the plough, are to place place yourself behind my chair. But you're not to ftand fo, with your hands in your pockets. Take your hands from your pockets, Roger; and from your head, you blockhead you. See how Diggory carries his hands. They're a little too ftiff, indeed, but that's no great matter. DIGGORY. Aye, mind how I hold them. I learned to hold my hands this way, when I was upon drill for the militia. And fo being upon drill HARDCASTLE. You must not be fo talkative, Diggory. You must be all attention to the guests. You must hear us talk, and not think of talking; you must see us drink, and not think of drinking; you muft fee us eat, and not think of eating. DIGGORY. By the laws, your worship, that's parfectly unpoffible. Whenever Diggory fees yeating going forward, ecod he's always wishing for a mouthful himfelf. HARDCASTLE. Blockhead! Is not a belly-full in the kitchen as good as a belly-full in the parlour? Stay your ftomach with that reflection. DIGGORY. Ecod I thank your worship, I'll make a shift to tay my ftomach with a flice of cold beef in the pantry. HARD |