"A horse!" the elder man of physic cried, ANON. THE FARMER AND THE COUNSELLOR. (From "Gaieties and Gravities.") A COUNSEL in the "Common Pleas," In bullying, bantering, browbeating, Women, or other timid folks; So having tipped the wink to those Who kept their laughter bottled down, And went to work. Well, Farmer Numskull, how go calves at York?" "Why-not, sir, as they do wi' you; "But on four legs instead of two:" Officer!" cried the legal elf, Piqued at the laugh against himself, "Do pray keep silence down below there! "Our rustic waggish is, and quite laconic," "Why no, sir, no! we've got our share, HORACE SMITH. THE FARMER'S WIFE, AND THE GASCON. At Neuchâtel, in France, where they prepare Where they were made they sold for the immense But as salt water made their charms increase, This damsel had to help her in the farm, And such a glutton when you came to feed him, That Wantley's dragon, who ate barns and churches As if they were geese and turkeys, (Vide the ballad), scarcely could exceed him. One morn she had prepared a monstrous bowl And would'nt go to church (good careful soul!) So she gave strict injunctions to the Gascon Like my Lord Salisbury, he heaved a sigh, How I do envy you your lot!" Each moment did his appetite grow stronger; At length he could not bear it any longer, And finding that the coast was clear, he quaff'd Scudding from church, the farmer's wife But stood aghast, and could not for her life, Until she summoned breath enough to utter "Holy St. Mary!" And shortly, with a face of scarlet, The vixen (for she was a vixen), flew Upon the varlet, Asking the when, and where, and how, and who, Had gulped her cream, nor left an atom; To which he gave not separate replies, "The flies, you rogue! the flies, you guttling dog! Who bore him to the judge-a little prig With angry bottle nose, Like a red cabbage rose, While lots of white ones flourished on his wig. He turned to the delinquent, And 'gan to question him and catechise Psha!" quoth the judge, half peevish and half pompous, Why you're non compos. 'You should have watched the bowl as she desired, And killed the flies, you stupid clown." What, is it lawful then," the dolt inquired, 'To kill the flies in this here town?" "The man 's an ass-a pretty question this! "Lawful? You booby! to be sure it is. "You've my authority where'er you meet 'em, 'To kill the rogues, and if you like it, eat 'em." go hang "If yonder blue-bottle (I know his face), Is'nt the very leader of the gang "That stole the cream; let me come near it!" This said, he started from his place, And aiming one of his sledge-hammer blows And gratified a double grudge; For the same catapult completely smashed HORACE SMITH. THE NEWCASTLE APOTHECARY. A MEMBER of the Esculapian line, Lived at Newcastle-upon-Tyne: No man could better gild a pill, Or mix a draught, or bleed, or blister; His fame full six miles round the country ran ; Benjamin Bolus, though in trade, (Which oftentimes will genius fetter), Read works of fancy, it is said, And cultivated the "belles lettres." And why should this be thought so odd? Apollo patronizes physic. Bolus loved verse;—and took so much delight in 't, Of writing the directions on his labels He had a patient lying at death's door, Some three miles from the town, it might be four, And on the label of the stuff He wrote this verse, Which one would think was clear enough, And terse, "When taken, "To be well shaken." |