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EXAMINATION DAY AT MADAME SAVANTE'S.
Miss MauDE MULLER,)
[Enter Miss Kate Highfly.] Miss Highfly. Here you are, at it again! What a set of book-worms you are! I did not come here to talk about books, lowever, but am in search of that brilliant luminary, Miss Amanda Malvina Spriggs. Ah, see, she comes ! . [Enter Miss SPRIGGS, MISS ARRINGDALE, Luoy LAMMERMOOR, E. Percy.)
Miss Spriggs. What's coming—any thing for me? I say, Miss Maude Muller, what are you going to wear to the swarry ?
Maude Muller. My best suit of manners, Miss Spriggs.
Miss S. No; I don't want none of your patterns. My par is rich enough to buy my clothes ready-made. I could dress like Queen Victory if I wanted to.
Kate H. Wouldn't it be a striking likeness? There would be danger of your being mistaken for her daughter. ,
Miss S. I don't want to be taken for nobody. I'm as good as anybody; so is pap. I come here because I heard only the stocracy comed. I didn't keer much about it ; 'twas better fun at home. .
Maude M. You must be lonely among so many strangers ?
Miss S. Not a bit of it ; I'm used to seeing a great many folks. I went into company all last winter-balls, swarries, circuses, and all sorts of things. I didn't keer about coming away, but pap thought I'd better take music, and tend to painting, a spell, 'cause you know it's the fashion.
Miss H. I suppose, then, you have completed your studies ?
Miss S. Yes ; geography, grammar, and such like, I done up long ago. Pap says I know enough of 'em.
Miss P. But you have not studied mental philosophy, rhetoric, or astronomy?
Miss S. Nary one of 'em. I wouldn't be bothered with 'em. I'm a parlor boarder. Pap pays a great price for me, too.
[Enter MADAME.] Madame. Young ladies, your time for recreation has expired ; you will now prepare for the recitations of the day. The Greek and Hebrew classes will not recite, as Prof. Highscufflesneeski is suffering from temporary indisposition. You will hand in your Spanish, Italian, and French exercises for correction. The young ladies appointed to take charge of the laboratory will be prepared this afternoon to discuss electricity and to illustrate the subject by the operation of the galvanic battery. Miss Lammermoor, Miss Sinclair, Miss Glorianna Gaston, Miss Arianna Arringdale, will approximate. Young ladies, I presume you are prepared with your demonstrations in conic sections. I am much gratified with the report of your diligence, handed me by Professor Parallelogram. I wish you to persevere unweariedly, as the next text-book will be Newton's Principia. Miss Glorianna Gaston, what is that secret bond which binds together those glorious orbs that circle round in illimitable space ?
Miss G. Attraction of gravitation, madame..
Mdme. Miss Arringdale, by whom was attraction of gravitation discovered ?
Arianna Arringdale. By Newton, madame.
Ada Sinclair. Those involving the unknown power of the second quanlity.
Mdme. You have great genius for transposition, Miss Sinclair. You may retire, young ladies. The class in ethnology, natural history, and sciences—(Miss Muller, Miss Highfly, Miss Percy, Miss England, Miss Morton.) You will be kind enough, Miss Highfly, to designate some of the natural sciences ?
Kate H. Let's see. Them's ethmology, zoononomy, botony, goology, mineral-water-ology, longmeterology. Indeed, madame, I don't remember any more.
Mdme. The only wonder is, Miss Highfly, that you remember so many. You must have been spending your leisure hours in correcting the textbooks. Miss Muller, let me see if you vie with your friend. Can you tell me some of the general forms and arrangements of leaves ?
Maude M. Ovate, obovate, cuneate, sagittate, cordate, peltate, pinnate, and palmate, madame.
Mdme. Very creditable.
Miss S. Wonder why she couldn't keep on into the twelve times eight? Don't she know the rest of the multiplication table ?
Mdme. Miss England, what are the five grand divisions into which mankind is divided ?
Miss E. Caucasian, Mongolian, Malay, American, and Americans of African descent.
Mdme. Miss Morton, what are the great leading orders of fishes ?
Mdme. Perfectly correct, Miss Morton. Will you, Miss Percy, tell me what the third division of the second order is denominated ?
Miss P. The apodal or footless division, madame.
Mdme. You will take up, in review, the second volume of Prof. Superficial's treatise on this subject. Miss Spriggs, I will ask you a few questions, in order to ascertain to what department I shall assign you.
Miss S. I hope it will be a good roomy apartment, with a big fire in it, ma'am.
Mdme. Miss Spriggs, I am accustomed to conversing with young ladies who deport themselves as such.
Bliss S. Well, aint I? I always thought I was a lady.
Mdme. I will excuse you from further remarks. I perceive the preparatory will have a brilliant addition. Have you ever turned your attention to geography? If so, please to give me the capital city of each State.
Miss S. Well, if you wait till I kin give 'em to you, it will have to be till I can get pap to buy 'em for me. I brought a silver fork and spoon, and all them things; but I didn't think of them other consarns.
Mdme. Grant me patience! In what species shall I class this rara avis ?
Miss S. Specie's mighty scarce, now, I tell you. I don't wonder you're puzzled.
Mdme. Miss Spriggs, what is arithmetic ?
Miss S: 'Rethmetic! Well, I've heern tell of folks goin' on tick, and clock ticking ; is't any of them kind you mean?
Mdme. Where were you educated, or rather where were you not educated, Miss Spriggs ?.
Miss S. You're too many for me, now. I come here to be eddicated ’long with the 'stocracy; and pap said as how I'd beat the whole com
boozle, and if there was any meddle to be given, I'd be sure to get it, for · I was the most meddlesome gal he knowed.
Mdme. No more! Spare my nerves. You may retire to your apart ment. I will consider your case.
Miss S. I guess I am a case. Pap says I'm the hardest kind of a case, but he guessed you could squelch me. Well, good-by, ma'am, and when you want me again jist let me know.
Mdme. Pity the sorrows of a preceptress! What a parody on the march of intellect, when capacities are supposed to be in the market; when the substitute for Pegasus is to be greenbacks, and the road to Para nassus can be reached only by a “carriage and four !"
THE MEMORY OF A MOTHER.—When temptation assails, and when we are almost persuaded to do wrong, how often a mother's word of warning will call to mind vows that are rarely broken ! Yes, the memory of a mother bas saved many a poor wretch from going astray. Tall grass may be growing over the hallowed spot where her earthly remains repose ; the dying leaves of autumn may be whirled over them, or the white mantle of winter may cover them from sight; yet her spirit appears when he walks in the right path, and gently, softly, mournfully calls to him when wandering off into the ways of error.
TELCOME is vacation to all! And thrice welcome to the teacher !
In the long weeks of the early summer he has been looking longingly forward to his release from the badly ventilated school-room and the peculiar anxieties of his calling. Now, divested of pedagogical restraint and dignity, he is free to enjoy the broad fields and the free pure air of the country. He is free to renew his youth in the careless ease and jolly good-humor of his home and early associations.
Vacation is a blessed compensation for work and worry, toil and care. In spite of years, it tends to make children of us. We may not turn somersaults on the green; or swing our hats in air, with merry shouts and loud huzzas ; or roll, like young colts, in the soft meadow-grass ; or leap the garden fence at a bound; or turn our jackets inside out; or jump out of our boots to paddle, barefoot, down the stream. Yet, nevertheless, we are sometimes children again. Vacation calls up this childhood within us, and transforms us, for the time, into lads and lasses.
We gladly rise from our time-worn seats, shake the professional dust from our garments, and seek the velvet meadow and the rugged mountain. We pluck the wild daisy, recline under the wide-spreading tree, listening to the rippling stream and the music of the birds. We watch the flocks upon the hill-side, and delight our vision in the brood that sails stupon the stream. We pat Rover on the head, and extend a handful of fragrant clover to meek-eyed Brindle. To all these vacation lures as, pilgrims weary with the march of life.”
Verily, vacation is the teacher's honeymoon of life. It mollifies the temper that has been ruffled by the friction of school machinery. Friction is inevitable. For school boys and girls are no exceptions to the general degeneracy of the race. Children are not born angels, and we often fiud perversity and deformity in place of wings. It is well for us to con
template the freshness and beauty, the innocence and purity of childhood. • It is pleasant to teach the “young idea how to shoot ;" but when the
twig has a constitutional tendency to twist in its growth and run into knots, it is not so easy to rear it to comely proportions. It is inspiring to teach where there is a desire to learn ; but attempts to force knowledge through thickened skulls into empty craniums is hard and dogged work. To command the lively attention of those hungry for the crumbs of knowledge is pleasant employment; but when pupils prefer peanuts to geography and doughnuts to mathematics, teaching is not so very delectable after all. It is satisfactory to mark progress in wisdom, and to watch the unfolding of mind ; but it is not particularly inspiring to discover that your pupil is more eager for a surreptitious bite at an apple, or a “dig" at the ribs of his companion, than for an honorable position at the head of his class. However, whatever may be the pros and cons of "schoolkeeping," Vacation is a blessed “institution” for the teacher.
Nor is vacation less appreciated by the student. What boardingschool miss, or what collegian-be he verdant freshman, wise sophomore, conservative junior, or reverend senior—but has impatiently counted over and over again the days which preceded vacation. His vacation brings with it the gentle embraces of his mother, more esteemed by him than medals of gold or wreaths of laurel, with all his “college honors.”
To all classes and conditions of men, vacation brings grateful relief. It relaxes the lawyer's “tape," and allows him perchance a trip to Saratoga, or Newport, or Long Branch, to make the acquaintance of his wife and family. Sometimes it entices the poor metropolitan editor from his "easy (!) chair,” and gives him permission to have and to utter “opinions of his own." The editor of the MONTHLY, even, may be able to enjoy his clam chowder and blue-fish at Fire Island beach.
May this vacation indeed be a happy one for us all ; and may we all take in a good stock of new life and strength, to conduct successfully our next campaign against ignorance. May none have occasion to say that the realization of the pleasures of vacation is less than the anticipation.
THE SOCIAL STANDING OF TEACHERS. A CONTRIBUTOR to the present number of the MONTHLY, in an
interesting paper on the Teacher's Profession, assumes that the social standing of teachers is low-unjustly low; that there exists in the common mind a feeling of contempt for the profession, which, outweighing the influence of the teacher's personal worth, condemns him to neglect and contumely, simply because he is a teacher. This opinion is by no means uncommon; nor is it without some shadow of plausibility. Still, we