regiments to retire, naming the place at which we were to re-assemble. He had scarcely gone, when Colonel Benkendorf rode up to the top of the hill, and coming back with a red face, called out, The enemy is coming; those who wish may retire; but let all brave fellows follow me!' So we all followed him, because we were all brave fellows. We Saxons rushed in upon the infantry, and cut them to pieces. The Austrian regiment, St Ignon, which stood by us, followed our example; and so, by degrees, the whole of Nadasty's cavalry. The battle was won (recovered); if we had followed the aide-de-camp's order, it would have been utterly lost. Now the grand problem is, Whether, if Colonel Benkendorf had not finished the last bottle, he would have taken this daring step? I say, quod non; because it yet always annoys me to think, that in the most extreme anxiety of my stomach, the man should eat and drink before my nose, without taking the least notice of me and my wants. Thus is the victory of Kollin, like many thousand other great events in this world, to be attributed to the bottle." The justice of this conclusion we hold to be quite indisputable, nor do we see the least reason to doubt the verity of the fact from which it is deduced. In war marvels are of so frequent occurrence, that nothing ought of itself to be accounted incredible. Besides, there is unquestionable evidence, that the change in the fortune of the day was mainly, if not altogether, owing to the exertions of the Saxon colonel, whatever may have been the immediate and exciting cause of his heroism. "The most important events," says Tempelhoff, " frequently take their rise from the merest trifles, as was the case in this battle. Had it not been that Lieutenant-Colonel Benkendorf, of the Saxon regiment of cavalry, happened to observe that the ground between Kretzocor and the wood could not be maintained by cavalry, and that General Nadasty perceived the justice of the remark, and that infantry were ordered to take up the ground, the cavalry would, in all probability, have been routed by General Zeithen; and General Halser, when he had taken possession of the village of Kretzocor, might have taken their army in flank and rear. Jomini, following Tempelhoff, makes a similar remark, but, like his predecessor, is silent as to the immediate cause of Colonel Benkendorf's inspiration. This, however, is no impeachment of Brettschneider's veracity; and, for our own part, we firmly believe, that if the colonel had not devoured the ham and emptied the garde-du-vin, as above stated, the battle of Kollin would have been irretrievably lost. come when the valour of our countrymen will need any artificial stimulus, however great may be the difficulties, and however severe the trials, to which they are exposed. The stout heart, the cool head, and the resolute hand, for our money. VERNAL HOURS. By John Malcolm. THE Spring, the blessed Spring! Comes down again from heaven, to bring To smile the winter o'er the waves, The buds are on the tree, And the birds are on the wing, Awakes to welcome Spring- E'en as in Eden's day Earth owns a present God, His spirit walks abroad; A thing of smiles and tears- Rise shades of other years; In memory's dream we stand, As in the realm of sound, Of eve, such anthems come Singing the spirit home, And wakening in the heart forlorn LITERARY AND SCIENTIFIC SOCIETIES OF . WERNERIAN SOCIETY. There is a world of courage in a single bottle, to say nothing of a whole case, which Benkendorf appears to have drained on this occasion; nor have there been wanting instances where it has been judged expedient to administer a still more potent stimulus than wine, prior to attempting difficult and hazardous enterprises. On the 16th May, 1796, Bonaparte having ordered the bridge of Lodi to be stormed, the French grenadiers and carabineers selected for this service drank deep of brandy, and then obeyed the commands of their chief, under a shower of grape-shot. At the battle of Alexandria, on the 21st March, 1801, the French regiment of Invincibles, destined to penetrate the first line of the British, and, if possible, to establish themselves among some ruins in the rear, were prepared for the enterprise by an extra allowance of brandy, which many of them had imbibed so freely that, when they were surrounded and forced to lay down their arms, the effects of the dose was sufficiently visible on PROFESSOR JAMESON read a notice of a subterranean their walk and conversation. Soult employed similar forest, discovered in the coal-formation, near to Glasmeans to inflame the valour of his young conscripts, in gow, communicated by James Smith, Esq. of Jordanhill. 1813, when he attacked with so much fury the British It would be difficult to give our readers a clear idea of the positions on the Pyrenees, and so nearly succeeded in phenomena described, in the absence of the sketches which effecting his principal object of raising the siege of Pam- accompanied the notice. Several trees were discovered many peluna. At the same time, with all due respect for Co- sandstone, but with the trunks abruptly cut off by the sufeet below the surface, vertically imbedded in a stratum of lonel Benkendorf and his bottle, we cannot help think-perincumbent shale. The bark was converted into coal, ing that this is a practice more honoured in the breach but the woody structure, for a considerable space downthan the observance; and we trust the time will never wards, was become of a shaly nature. Saturday, March 19, 1831. The next communication laid before the meeting, was a other metal, however thin, stops the vibration. 5. The catalogue of coleopterous insects, collected in the neighbour-contact of the air, though essential to the formation of hood of Edinburgh, by Mr Duncan. This paper, the in- sounds, is not necessary for the occurrence of vibration. troduction to which was read by the Secretary, is one of With regard to the theory of the vibration, Mr Trevelyan great value, and the result of much personal industry and adheres to the opinion of Professor Leslie, who supposes it research. Little has been done hitherto for the entomology to be caused by the alternate contraction and expansion of of Scotland, although it has been sufficiently shown that the opposite sides of the metallic bar. Mr Trevelyan illusthis part of our Fauna is not deficient in interest. Many trated his observations by a series of beautiful experiments. years ago, a list of the insects known to have been found in We were particularly struck with one, in which, by laying the neighbourhood of Edinburgh, was drawn up by the late across the vibrating bar, another rod equally pointed, with Mr Charles Stewart, and published in the first volume of a ball at each end, the vibrations were rendered distinctly the Transactions of the Wernerian Society; but in this visible at any distance in the room. general list, scarcely more than one hundred species of Co- Mr Witham's further observations on the fossil tree at leoptera are recorded. Mr Duncan has extended the list Craigleith, were delayed till next meeting. to nearly five hundred species, among which may be particularly mentioned-Carabus nitens, Cillenum laterale, (first discovered by Dr Leach, on the sea-shore, near Portobello), Palobius Hermanni, Enicocerus viridianeus, Hydrochus brevis, Leiodes arenaria, Steph. (new species,) Silpha quadripunctata, (discovered in Scotland, we believe, by Mr James Wilson,) Byrrhus æneus, (new to the British Fauna,) Telephorus cyaneus, Merionus elevatus, Cleonus sulcirostris, Chrysomela fastuosa and varians, Conurus obscuripennis, and Evesthetus nigro-æneus. LITERARY CHIT-CHAT AND VARIETIES. W. H. HARRISON announces a second series of Tales of a Physician. Translations of Tieck's Old Man of the Mountain, The Love Charm, and Pietro of Albano, are forthcoming. Omnipotence! a Poem, by R. Jarman, will be ready about the end of March. The author of "Rank and Talent," has a novel in the press, entitled "Atherton;" the scene is laid in the days of Wilkes, Junius, and Johnson. We will take an even bet, that it proves inferior to the forgotten, and suspicious, but clever, "Chrysal." A gentleman, who has resided several years in India, is about to publish Rustum Khan, or Fourteen Nights' Entertainment at the Royal Gardens of Ahmedabad." A new Magazine, to be called the Metropolitan, is about to start, under the Editorship of Thomas Campbell, and Mr Cyrus Redding, so long the conductors of the New Monthly. Is the " Albion" already so near its latter end? We understand that Mr John Brown, Member of the Royal Phy "As it is not only interesting," observes Mr Duncan, "but important, to connect the characteristic or prevailing features of animal life with the peculiarities of climate; and as a general knowledge of the relations which exist between the dominating species and the physical characters of a country, can only be collected by degrees, I think it advisable to state the following particulars, which I have received from Mr Adie, well-known for the skill and accuracy of his meteorological observations. The average temperature throughout the year, as deduced from a register kept at Canaan Cottage, (about half a mile from the southwestern suburb of Edinburgh,) for ten years-from Janu-sical Society, is preparing for publication, "Natural Historical ary 1821 to January 1831, is 47. 25 deg. The instruments employed in making the observations, are 300 feet above the level of the high-water mark at Leith. The average of the minimum thermometer for ten years, is 15 deg. ; and the average of the maximum thermometer for the same period, is 79. 5 deg.; making the average range of the thermometer during that time, 64. 5 deg. The greatest cold which occurred during these ten years, was in 1826, when on the 16th of January, the thermometer stood at 10 deg. The greatest heat which occurred during that period, was likewise observable in the course of the same year-the thermometer, on the 24th and 25th days of June, standing so high as 87 deg. in the shade. Thus, the range of the thermometer in 1826 amounted to 77 deg., which is the maximum for the time during which the register has been kept. The average quantity of rain for one year, as deduced from registers likewise kept at Canaan Cottage for nine years, is 26.922 inches." ROYAL SOCIETY. Monday, 21st March. PROFESSOR RUSSELL, in the Chair. The first paper read, was a communication from Dr Brewster, containing an account of a new analysis of white solar light. By a number of experiments, too minute to be detailed here, he showed that it consisted of the three primary colours, red, yellow, and blue; and also, that all the other colours shown by the prism, are compounds of these. Dr Brewster also demonstrated the interesting fact, that a portion of the white light cannot be decomposed at all. The paper possessed the highly philosophical character of all Dr Brewster's optical investigations, and was very interesting. A few remarks were offered upon it by Mr Forbes. Sketches, and Authentic Anecdotes of Dogs," to be illustrated by Sir Walter with a paralytic stroke in the London prints. This is count of his appearance at the Roxburgh meeting to consider the Reform Bill, that he is far from well. A great rumpus has been kicked up about his being hissed at that meeting. For our parts we would almost as soon our tongue should drop from our mouth, as that it should utter such indignity to the bard of our own heart. At the same time we can see no occasion for such a passionate outcry. Both parties were in a towering passion, and in the heat of the moment the limits of decorum were overstepped. We have known as great liberties taken with men, before whom the offend. ers would, the next moment, have bowed down their hearts. It was not the Sir Walter of their enduring admiration, but the po litician momentarily opposed to them that was hissed. Every man who comes forward upon the political arena, in moments of excitement like the present, must be prepared for similar ebullitions. Frankly, while we disapprove of such treatment of one so timehonoured, and who has done so much for our literature, we think Sir Walter's retort equally reprehensible. An Antiquarian Correspondent in Paris writes us:-M. de Caumont has published the first part of a "Cours d'Antiquité," illustrated by a well-lithographed Atlas of eleven plates. I have read it with much pleasure: indeed, it is the only work that has given me the least notion of Keltic antiquities. Parts II. and III. ligious Architecture during the middle Ages; Part V., of their are to treat of Roman antiquities; Part IV. of the History of Re Civil and Military Architecture; and Part VI., which completes the work, of Painting, Jewellery, Gold and Silver Work, and the other arts during the same period. A paper was read from Arthur Trevelyan, Esq. on the vibration of heated metallic rods, when placed in contact with cold masses of another metal. Mr Trevelyan's obserEDINBURGH.-The Directors of the Royal Institution have oper vations were thus summed up by him at the conclusion of ed their gallery of paintings to the artists to a certain extent. The his paper:-1. The metals must be of different sorts; one days appointed for copying are Mondays and Tuesdays, from nine hard, which must be heated: the other soft, which must to four, and tickets are issued weekly at Mr Cameron's office, be cool. 2. The difference of their temperature must be Royal Exchange, to the first eight artists who apply. The cause considerable, though the exact degree is not determined. of this restriction is the limited size of the gallery. The apparatus 3. The surfaces must not be perfectly smooth, or no vibra- of every kind employed in copying must be removed on Tuesday tion will take place. 4. The interposition of a piece of an-afternoon.-A society has been established here which promises Tow. to be of the utmost utility to the Highlands of Scotland. In those districts where the communicants of the Episcopal Church are most numerous, the spiritual wants of the community are left to be supplied in a great measure by Roman Catholic and Sectarian missionaries. Impressed by this state of affairs, and by the remonstrances of the Highland bishops and clergy, several of the most influential Episcopalians of Edinburgh, as well laymen as clergymen, have united themselves into a " Gaelic Episcopalian Society," the object of which is to support Gaelic students for the ministry, catechists, and Scripture readers. Collections are to be made in aid of the society in all the Episcopalian chapels to-morWe earnestly recommend the society to the support of the public. Mr Yaniewicz's concert, yesterday evening, introduced to the Edinburgh public a lady of the name of Roche, as a singer. Her voice is fine and just, although, perhaps, scarcely powerful enough for a public singer. What we particularly admire is the perfect finish of her songs. We understand Miss Roche proposes to establish herself in Edinburgh as a teacher. The qualifications we have mentioned must prove invaluable accessories in dischar. ging the duties of such an office. We trust that Miss Roche's merits will not be overlooked by a public ever ready to patronise true desert. Our friend Roland's assault takes place, we see, early in April. We have been rather truants from the rooms of late-but know enough of what is going on to anticipate a keen contest.The Earl of Haddington has suggested that the Scottish Universi. ties should return members to Parliament a confirmation of the suspicion we have long entertained, that some of our Scottish members of the Legislature are tolerably ignorant of our Institutions. Of our Universities more anon. about to take place between Campbell, Colburn, and Kennedy, for the ascendency in Magazines. The first is applying on all sides for assistance: the se cond, nothing afraid, tries to conciliate old contributors who were offended at being cut up by the former editor: and the third trusts much to his own powers and those of his coadjutor, Leitch Ritchie." Theatrical Gossip.-Sheridan's farce of "St Patrick's Day" has been revived at Covent-Garden. The cause of Sheridan's writing this piece is said to have been his gratitude to an actor for saving "The Rivals" from being damned, at its first production in 1774. In the first cast of that comedy, the part of Sir Lucius O'Trigger was given to Lee, who, having no conception of the Irish charac ter, totally failed. The piece was withdrawn for a few days, to allow Clinch to study Sir Lucius, which he did to such purpose, that the author, to mark his sense of what he owed him, wrote "St Patrick's Day," and gave him it for his benefit. It is scarcely worthy of Sheridan.-A farce, entitled "Highways and Byways," compiled from two of Scribe's Vaudevilles, has been produced at Covent-Garden, and after considerable opposition, announced for repetition. Liston in plaid trowsers, and wearing mustaches, is said to be the only joke in the piece.-At the Italian Opera, Pacini's "L'ultimo Giorno di Pompeii" has been produced for the benefit of David. The plot of this opera is simple enough. A tribune nourishes an improper attachment to the wife of the governor of Pompeii; and, enraged at her steadfast virtue, accuses her of illicit attachment to a young citizen. Just as the innocent victim of his villainy is about to be buried alive, Mount Vesuvius makes what the French would term " demonstrations," and retribution comes down upon the habitations of the guilty in floods of lava. Pacini is not an imitator of Rossini; he is merely an adapter. The audience was not numerous.-A new piece has been received, with eminent success, at the Coburg, entitled "Reform, or John Bull Triumphant."-The English Opera Company have received notice that their services will not be required this season-Madame Vestris closes her theatre this evening. She is going to star it in the provinces. There is no truth in the report that she is going to America.-The friends of the Drury-Lane Theatrical Fund dined last week at the Freemasons' Tavern-the Duke of Sussex in the chair. His Royal Highness stated, on giving “ to the Institution," that the first theatrical representation he ever Prosperity saw was King, in the "Clandestine Marriage." A prospectus of a new theatre, under the patronage of the Duke, to be called the LEITH CHARITY CONCERT.-On Friday the 11th cart., à Concert was given in the Leith Assembly Rooms, for the benefit of two Charitable Institutions of that place. With a feeling that does them honour, the gentlemen of the Leith Philharmonic Society not only gave the Concert the advantage of their active patronage, but many of them joined the ranks of the orchestra, and sus tained their parts with much ability. The Instrumental band was numerous and effective; and among the Vocal Performers, were the Misses Paton, Miss Tunstall, Miss Turpin, and Miss Horncastle; Messrs Horncastle, Reynoldson, and Edmunds. When we add that the selection of music was judicious, it will readily be believed that the Concert was a good one. We are inclined to call it the best we have had this season. The singers never appeared to greater advantage. They were in excellent voice and spirits," Royal Sussex Theatre," and conducted by Abbott, Egerton, and and executed their various solos and duets with much effect. It seems to us that the Leith Room is better adapted for a concert than our Assembly Rooms. Certain we are, we never heard voices and instruments fill the ear more delightfully. About 800 people were present; of whom the ladies constituted, to our mortification, only a very small part. A ball, of rather an inferior description, followed the concert. LONDON SMALL-TALK.-The University of London is to receive the valuable collection of coins, belonging to the late Earl of Guildford. A subscription has been set afoot by several proprietors for placing them in the establishment, "without trenching upon the funds of the University." We fear it will prove nearly as difficult to "trench upon the funds of the University," as to tread upon the toes of the worthy mendicant who parades the streets of Edinburgh upon two wooden legs. When we say this, we mean no sneer at the London University-its failure is a disgrace to the government of this country. No university can be supported unless it have the power of granting those degrees which are required to be attained by those entering the learned professions. The London must in this respect be placed on an equal footing with Oxford and Cambridge. The state of the country demands it. Continue if you will the exclusive right of conferring theological degrees in these venerable institutions; but why restrict to them the power of granting degrees in medicine and law, when two places scarcely exist in the empire where these sciences can be studied to less purpose? Besides, Oxford and Cambridge no longer suffice for the multitudes of English youth entitled to aspire to university education. The dissenters, too, are excluded from them. In saying this, however, we are not blind to the fact, that the London University has suffered materially by the folly of its managers.--Molteno and Graves, of Pall-Mall, have at present in their possession a beautiful work of Benvenuto Cellini-a chain for the neck, formed by a series of eleven subjects of the Passion of our Lord, with a large one, as a pendant, of the Crucifixion. It is of pure Venetian ducat gold, enamelled in various colours. The taste, boldness, and vigour, both of execution and conception, are perfect. A writer in the Athenæum infers, from one side of the pendant having the Imperial, and the other the Spanish crown, that it was executed for Charles V. To this supposition, however, Cellini's own memoirs lend no countenance.-The ward of Bil. lingsgate has held a Reform meeting. The name was ominous, but the discussions were decorous.-The Atlas is piquing itself once more upon its "square feet." This may be a recommendation in a newspaper, but what would a lady say to it ?-A correspond. ent writes us, "I hear of nothing new but the contest which is Warde, has been put forth. The site is to be somewhere in the neighbourhood of Belgrave Square. The money is to be raised upon shares.-Another new theatre is to be opened on Easter Monday, in the neighbourhood of Finsbury Square, under the management of Chapman, late of the West London.-Don Gio vanni has been brought out since our last. The arrangement does by injudicious parsimony in the getting it up. Edmunds was good Reynoldson credit; but the effect of the opera has been injured -so was Miss Tunstall, Miss Turpin was feeble; Miss Horn. castle about as efficient as a chair taken to make out a couple in a country dance her brother positively annoying, except in one except that he was scarcely marble enough in the churchyard or two passages of the last scene. The Commandant was good, scene. Really the corps de ballet must be amended.-We were extremely edified t'other night by the manager's pirouettes in Moll Flaggon-if he will have cheap dancing, had he not better supply Miss Fairbrother's place himself? The benefit of poor Philharmonic Society, being unable to attend, as it was the evenDenham's widow was well attended. The gentlemen of the Leith ing of their own meeting, subscribed for twenty tickets and transmitted the sum. be admissible to Heriot's Hospital? No. Ought not a subscripA correspondent asks whether Denham's son tion to be set on foot for his education ?-Waverley, or the Bodach Glas, was brought out on Thursday, and if not damned ought to have been. Monday, and we will then show some grumblers that we can We could not sit it out.-Young is to be here on write of theatricals, when we have any thing worthy writing about. SAT. MoN. TUES. WED. FRI THURS. WEEKLY LIST OF PERFORMANCES. Don Giovanni, & Ella Rosenberg. Lord of the Manor, He Lies like Truth, & The Bottle Imp. The Soldier's Daughter, & The Marriage of Figarro. Don Giovanni, Perfection, & The Vampire. TO OUR READERS. sent number, not only the reviews, but the notices of the acted THE EDINBURGH LITERARY JOURNAL; OR, WEEKLY REGISTER OF CRITICISM AND BELLES LETTRES, No. 125. APRIL FOOLS. SATURDAY, APRIL 2, 1831. As THERE is no great harm in being an April Fool. a great poet may publish one indifferent work, or as the most demure of mankind may unawares take a glass too much, so the most rigid observer of what Colonel Bath terms "the immortal dignity of man," may, without any blot on his scutcheon, trip or stumble in his Spanish boots on the FIRST OF APRIL. Indeed there is much reason to doubt both the head and heart of the man who escapes that day without a buffet. What an un- ! social animal is he who can remain stiffly and anxiously on his guard through such a long exhilarating festival!for in "wit-combats," as in fencing, one can scarcely make a thrust without exposing an opening in return. He has in him a spice of that same timid selfishness which buried the talent in the ground. He never can love for instead of plunging over head and ears into the passion, like an honest and foolish man, he would stand watching for approaches on the lady's part, lest he should compromise his dignity by incurring a refusal. Our love and esteem for the April fool does not, however, extend itself to the whole genus fool. Indeed, we imagine naturalists labour under a mistake, when they suppose that the species we have named belongs to the genus of the same denomination. It is now pretty generally acknowledged that the "river horse" stands not in the most distant degree of relationship to the land animal we call the horse; and that the "wild man of the woods" is no nearer a cousin to humanity than any of his fellow monkeys. In short, as a philosopher of some standing and repute has observed, "there is no judging of a man by his name." For this reason, and in virtue of a marked generic difference, which we now proceed to point out, we propose that April fools (by whatever name they shall still continue to be known) no longer be considered as in any ways appertaining to the great body of mankind, generally known by the simple designation-fool. We have already remarked, that the most prominent characteristic of the April Fool is a generous unwariness. He may be soft, loutish, and credulous, or he may be brilliant, hasty, and confident-but he is exposed to the trap into which he falis by his confiding nature. We may laugh at him, but we like him still. Your true fool-your fool of all seasons-is a very different, and rather a repulsive sort of personage. There is a class of fools with which we, in our critical capacity, are frequently brought in contact. Prominent among its constituents are your bardlings-your raw unfledged would-be songsters. Most men are some time or other smitten with a desire to write verse, and young men of secluded habits, are not unfrequently induced to commit the greater folly of printing their effusions. They have felt great pleasure in writing, and never doubt that others will feel as great pleasure in reading. The guffaw of the world, laughing at their consequential airs, bursts most unexpectedly upon their startled ears. They read over what they have published-see nothing to laugh at in it-and immediately take it into their heads that some grand conspiracy has been organized to prevent the rising of young genius. Price 6d. All men, it is said, have a tinge of the fool in them; and traces of the peculiar vein we have described, of folly, may be traced in men whom we venerate too highly to mention in such company. But where the disease quite "overcrows the spirits" of the patient, the effects are most melancholy. He affects, according to his temperament, a proud misanthropical disdain of the whole human race, or plays the part of a bowed and broken reed. One striking feature of his hallucination, is a persuasion that he is alone and concealing himself from all mankind, at the very moment that he is thrusting himself in every one's way, seizing innocent bystanders by the button, and recounting, in voluble and impassioned language, the story of his maltreatment. His language is strange and incoherent: he speaks of "Envy wriggling into serpent smiles," of "hiring a serpent to sound his rattle," of " critics boasting ugly faces, and thinking his beauty a personal satire," and employs other delicate and choice expres. sions, compared with which, poor Belvidera's “ milk and ships of amber," are tame and commonplace. seas of Next in importance to this subdivision of the class of fools at present under consideration, are artists of a certain calibre. They expose their works at exhibitions, in emulation of the old Grecian, who hung up his work in public, requesting every beholder to note its beautie and defects. Such are their professions-but, in truth, it is only the beauties they wish to have noted. The moment a fault is hinted, the delicate equilibrium of their understanding is overthrown. With a subtle and perverted ingenuity, they set themselves to discover the source of the critic's ill-will to themselves, never reflecting that it is ten chances to one that he knows nothing about them—or that what little he does know may be in their favour. You may know this class, single or in groups, by their deportment. When alone with you, they are generally chivalrous-wish that they knew the fellow, that they might kick, or horse whip, or pistol him-or hint that, even in his own department, they may give him a Roland for his Oliver. In public you may frequently find a knot of them gathered round a picture which has chanced to meet the public applause, running it down with all the busy, eager, chattering malignity of monkeys tearing a cloak. The managerial folly is akin to the two kinds above enumerated, and springs from the same source. It attacks managers of patent, and sometimes of minor theatres. Its effects are various. In one instance we have known it lead a hulking giant to belabour with a stout cudgel a poor devil half his size, and this he called"giving vent to his outraged feelings." In another its workings were more pacific-he only insisted upon reading the offensive articles to all his friends, and asking them, in lacrymose accents, "whether they had ever known so persecuted a man?" A third beat his tailor, and then rushed into the street, crying, he was pursued by the "literary stilettoes of anonymous assassins," But looking into the more public walks of life, we find there, too, fools swarming in all directions—“ motley's your only wear." Not the worst, though certainly the most teazing, is the Patronising Fool. This is a kind of being who, like the objects of supernatural vengeance in the fairy tales, are always sure to effect the contrary of what they wish. They reverse the operation of Midas, and turn gold into lead by their touch. They seek to interest you in the fortunes of a protegé-deserving or not, it is all the same to them-and by dint of their incessant and reiterated appeals, their urgency in season and out of season, they manage to disgust you with him. Mrs is the widow of a yellow East Indian, the happy parent of a son and daughter, the living images of the dear deceased, and a professed patroniser. For a month previous to Y's farewell concert, it was not safe to go near her. One day we had the misfortune to drop in. "Are you going to Y's concert?" sounded in our ears, before she condescended to enquire how we were. We introduced the topic of her lamented better half, which generally excludes all others, but on this occasion it only reminded her that he was a prodigious admirer of Y's per formance. We enquired for Miss - ―, and were told that she had of late made rapid progress on the harp under Miss Y's tuition. We alluded to a party at -'s the preceding evening, which we had been unable to join, and were informed that we had missed a high treat. "Mrs Y― was there, and a very sensible, well-informed woman she is." We spoke of the comparative merits of Edinburgh and London street-coaches, and learned, à propos of the George Street stand, that our fair friend had lately met Miss Y coming out of the Assembly Rooms, where she had been lending her aid at some concert. We made a desperate attempt to change the conversation, by asking the lady if we might hope to meet her at's great turn-out on Friday evening, but were interrupted by a horror-shout" Surely they will not have a party on the night of Y's concert-they who are such enthusiastic admirers." She had scarcely spoken when the door opened, and young master entered; he had just been receiving his daily lesson on the violin from Y. It was too much-we bowed abruptly and retired; but we had not reached the foot of the stair, when we heard the voice of our tormentor overhead, exhorting us in her shrillest tones" to be sure and remember to go to Y's concert on Friday." In the glad sunshine of one of changing April's brightest days, have we unhooded our falcon, and flung her from our wrist. She shall soar with fearless wing till lost in the clear blue, and shall pounce unchecked upon the proudest quarry. It is no new thing in the annals of the world, that nations have cast out those who exercised sovereign authority over them. At times have they again sought to what they have rejected-in some cases the power passed away for ever. It is not for us to read the future, to pretend to discover, in the signs of the times, whether an old dynasty have passed away from the hearts and the minds of a nation; whether the opinion of their power-and opinion alone it is that upholds powers and dominions be obliterated. We will not take upon us to determine whether the time be arrived when all attempts to excite a counter-revolution may disturb the police of a country, or bring a few deluded men to the scaffold, but cannot restore to its ascendency a name which has been blotted from the book of kings, as assuredly as that of Stewart. But this we will say, that in the hour of adversity, whether hoping or hopeless, truly great monarchs have ever conformed to the manners of a private station. The kingly mind affects the royal office, because it feels itself happy in grappling with the arduous task. But there are minds whose delight is in the forms and ceremonies which keep them apart from others who like the theatrical pageant, not the duties of the monarch. To such we could permit with pity the folly of aping former state in a private abode and a foreign land, without one subject; but when a nation's peace is to be sacrificed to its gratification, we expose it in all its imbecility to the world. Enough for the present of this moral dissection. Were we to proceed, the task might become as unpleasing as if really performed in Surgeons' Square. Enough that we have shown that folly-real genuine folly—is selfishness. Under whatever feelings disguised, even to the wayward heart itself-devotion to art or literature-generous ambition-or benevolence-its end and aim is self-gratification. We have thus established a distinction between fools positive, and our merry April fools, upon whom the title has been so unjustly bestowed. How different the character of him who has been unsuspectingly dispatched to purchase a pennyworth of inkle, or to carry a letter which contains nothing more than an injunction to forward him on his journey, or to see the lions of the Tower washed, that is, to get himself drenched with water from the united splashings of all the boatmen and scullers at Tower Stairs. He may look foolish and be laughed at to-day, but to-morrow he holds his head erect, as if nothing had happened; and he will pay his persecutors in their own coin when the day comes round again. We have known much good done by this April-fooling. A gentleman of our acquaintance, whom we shall call John, had long indulged, what is elegantly termed, a sneaking kindness for a lady, to whom we shall give the name Sarah. Of course nobody is entitled to know how she felt. It was amusing enough to see him in her company. He was often enough in the house where she lived, but we are not aware that his visits were ever paid to her. If she did not make her appearance, he never dared to ask for her. When she was present, he generally addressed his discourse to another person. But somehow or other he was seldom long in a room where she was, without getting close to her. He did not even then say much to her, and his manner was constrained. Still he felt a pleasure in her proximity-a quiet tremulous delight. We know not whether some mischievous wag had discovered his secret feeling, of the full power of which he was himself scarcely aware, but one first of April he received a note, bearing to come from Sarah, and requesting him to discharge some slight commission for her. The eager joy with which he obeyed, we need not tell; nor the mixed feeling of jaunty boldness and sheepishness with which, when the servant opened to his ring, he, for the first time in his life, enquired if SHE were at home. We could never yet prevail upon either of the parties to tell what passed at their interview; but we know that the "Tom of Coventry" who sent the letter, found them, when he peeped in, sitting side by side on a sofa, with a tremulous light in their eyes, and a scarce perceptible flush on either countenance. In the course of a few months they were man and wife. We have now discharged our conscience, by pleading at great length the cause of a much misrepresented class of his majesty's liege subjects. We intend, as soon as we come into Parliament an honour we have some hopes of attaining, as soon as the Goosedubs are entitled to return a member-to bring in a bill for their emancipation. In the meantime, we do what is in our power to elevate them to their proper rank in society, thus: TO THE APRIL FOOLS OF THE UNITED KINGDOMS OF GREAT BRITAIN, IRELAND, AND THE ISLE OF MAN, THIS CXXV NUMBER OF THE EDINBURGH LITERARY JOURNAL, IS, IN ALL HUMILITY, DEDICATED BY A BROTHER IN AFFLICTION. |