+ Town, Schnu

SCENE 1.1

Caius. By gar, den, I have as mush mockvater as de Englishman. Scurvy jack-dog priest! by gar, me vill cut his ears.

Host. He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully.

Caius. Clapper-de-claw! vat is dat?

Host. That is, he will make thee amends. 70 Caus. By gar, me do look he shall clapper. de-claw me; for, by gar, me vill have it.

Host. And I will provoke him to't, or let

him wag.

Caius. Me tank you for dat.

Host. And, moreover, bully,-but first, master guest, and Master Page, and eke Cavaleiro Slender, go you through the town to Frog[Aside to them.

more.

Page. Sir Hugh is there, is he? Host. He is there: see what humor he is in; and I will bring the doctor about by the fields. Will it do well?

Shal. We will do it.

Page, Shal., and Slen. Adieu, good master doctor. [Exeunt Page, Shal., and Slen. Caius. By gar, me vill kill de priest; for he speak for a jack-an-ape to Anne Page.

Host. Let him die: sheathe thy impatience, throw cold water on thy choler: go about the fields with me through Frogmore: I will bring thee where Mistress Anne Page is, at a farmhouse a-feasting; and thou shalt woo her. Cried I aim? said I well?

Caius. By gar, me dank you for dat: by gar, I love you; and I shall procure-a you de good guest, de earl, de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my patients.

Host. For the which I will be thy adversary toward Anne Page. Said I well?

Caius. By gar, 'tis good; vell said.

Host. Let us wag, then.

Caius. Come at my heels, Jack Rugby.

АСТ III.

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[Exeunt.

SCENE I. A field near Frogmore.

Enter SIR HUGH EVANS and SIMPLE.

Evans. I pray you now, gocd Master Slender's serving-man, and friend Simple by your name, which way have you looked for Master Caius, that calls himself doctor of physic?

Sim. Marry, sir, the pittie-ward, the parkward, every way; old Windsor way, and every way but the town way.

Erans. I most fehemently desire you you Fill also look that way. Sim. I will, sir.

[Exit. 10

Evans. 'Pless my soul, how full of chollors am, and trempling of mind! I shall be glad f he have deceived me. How melancholies I m! I will knog his urinals about his knave's stard when I have good opportunities for the rk. 'Pless my soul] [Sings.

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Hugh.

Evans. He's welcome.

[Sings. To shallow rivers, to whose fallsHeaven prosper the right! What weapons is he?

Sim. No weapons, sir. There comes my master, Master Shallow, and another gentleman, from Frogmore, over the stile, this way.

Evans. Pray you, give me my gown; or else keep it in your arms.

Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER. Shal. How now. master Parson! Good morrow, good Sir Hugh. Keep a gamester from the dice, and a good student from his book, and it is wonderful.

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Slen. [Aside] Ah, sweet Anne Page! Page. Save you, good Sir Hugh! Evans. 'Pless you from his mercy sake, all of you!

Shal. What, the sword and the word! do you study them both, master parson ?

Page. And youthful still! in your doublet and hose this raw rheumatic day!

Evans. There is reasons and causes for it. Page. We are come to you to do a good office, master parson.

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Evans. Fery well: what is it? Page. Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, who, belike having received wrong by some person, is at most odds with his own gravity and patience that ever you saw.

Shal. I have lived fourscore years and upward; I never heard a man of his place, gravity and learning, so wide of his own re spect.

Evans. What is he?

Page. I think you know him; Master Doctor Caius, the renowned French physician.

Evans. Got's will, and his passion of my heart! I had as lief you would tell me of a mess of porridge.

Page. Why?

Evans. He has no more knowledge in Hibocrates and Galen,-and he is a knave besides ; a cowardly knave as you would desires to be acquainted withal.

Page. I warrant you, he's the man should fight with him.

Slen. [Aside] O sweet Anne Page!

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Shal. It appears so by his weapons. Keep them asunder: here comes Doctor Caius.

Enter HOST, CAIUS, and RUGBY.

Caius. Diable! Jack Rugby,-mine host de Jarteer,-have I not stay for him to kill him? have I not, at de place I did appoint?

Evans. As l'am a Christians soul now, look you, this is the place appointed : I'll be judgement by mine host of the Garter.

Host. Peace, I say, Gallia and Gaul, French and Welsh, soul-curer and body-curer!

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Caius. Ay dat is very good; excellent. Host. Peace, I say! hear mine host of the Garter. Am I politic? am I subtle ? am I a Machiavel? Shall I lose my doctor? no; he gives me the potions and the motions. Shall I lose my parson, my priest, my Sir Hugh? no; he gives me the proverbs and the no-verbs. Give me thy hand, terrestrial; so. Give me thy hand, celestial; so. Boys of art, I have deceived you both; I have directed you to wrong places your hearts are mighty, your skins are whole, and let burnt sack be the issue. Come, lay their swords to pawn. Follow me, lads of peace; follow, follow, follow.

Shal. Trust me, a mad host. Follow, gentlemen, follow.

Slen. Aside] O sweet Anne Page!

[Exeunt Shal., Slen., Page, and Host. Cuius. Ha, do I perceive dat? have you make-a de sot of us, ha, ha?

Evans. This is well; he has made us his vlouting-stog. I desire you that we may be friends; and let us knog our prains together to be revenge on this same scall, scurvy, cogging companion, the host of the Garter.

Caius. By gar, with all my heart. He promise to bring me where is Anne Page; by gar, he deceive me too.

Evans. Well, I will smite his noddles. Pray you, follow [Exeunt.

SCENE II. A street.

Enter MISTRESS PAGE and ROBIN. Mrs. Puge. Nay, keep your way, little gal

Mrs. Page. O, you are a flattering boy: now I see you'll be a courtier. Enter FORD, Ford. Well met, Mistress Page. Whither go you? Mrs. Page. Truly, sir, to see your wife. Is she at home?

10

Ford. Ay; and as idle as she may hang together, for want of company. I think, if your husbands were dead, you two would marry.

Mrs. Page. Be sure of that,-two other hasbands.

Ford. Where had you this pretty weather. cock ?

21

Mrs. Page. I cannot tell what the dickens his name my husband had him of. What do you call your knight's name, sirrah? Rob. Sir John Falstaff. Ford. Sir John Falstaff!

Mrs. Page. He, he; I can never hit on's name. There is such a league between my good man and he! Is your wife at home

indeed!

Ford. Indeed she is. Mrs. Page. By your leave, sir: I am sick till I see her. [Exeunt Mrs. Page and Robin. Ford. Has Page any brains? hath he any eyes hath he any thinking? Sure, thes sleep; he hath no use of them. Why, this boy will carry a letter twenty mile, as easy as a cannon will shoot point-blank twelve score. He pieces out his wife's inclination; he gives her folly motion and advantage: and now she's going to my wife, and Falstaff's boy with her A man may hear this shower sing in the wind And Falstaff's boy with her! Good plots, they are laid; and our revolted wives share damntion together. Well; I will take him, then torture my wife, pluck the borrowed veil of modesty from the so seeming Mistress Page divulge Page himself for a secure and wifel Actæon; and to these violent proceedings all my neighbors shall cry aim. [Clock heard.] The clock gives me my cue, and my assurance bids me search: there I shall find Falstaff: shall be rather praised for this than mocked for it is as positive as the earth is firm that Falstaff is there: I will go.

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Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, SLENDER, HOST, SI HUGH EVANS, CAIUS, and RUGBY, Shal., Page, &c. Well met, Master Ford. Ford. Trust me, a good knot: I have go cheer at home; and I pray you all go with me Shal. I must excuse myself, Master Ford. Sien. And so must I, sir: we have appoin ed to dine with Mistress Anne, and I wou not break with her for more money than I' speak of.

Shal. We have lingered about a match be

tween Anne Page and my cousin Slender, and this day we shall have our answer.

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Slen. I hope I have your good will, father Page.

Page. You have, Master Slender; I stand wholly for you: but my wife, master doctor, is for you altogether.

Caius. Ay, be-gar; and de maid is love-a me my nursh-a Quickly tell me so mush.

Host. What say you to young Master Fenton? he capers, he dances, he has eyes of youth, he writes verses, he speaks holiday, he smells April and May he will carry't, he will carry't; 'tis in his buttons; he will carry't. 71 Page. Not by my consent, I promise you. The gentleman is of no having: he kept company with the wild prince and Poins; he is of too high a region; he knows too much. No, he shall not knit a knot in his fortunes with the finger of my substance: if he take her, let him take her simply; the wealth I have waits on my consent, and my consent goes not that way.

Ford. I beseech you heartily, some of you go home with me to dinner: besides your cheer, you shall have sport; I will show you a monster. Master doctor, you shall go; so shall you, Master Page; and you, Sir Hugh. Shal. Well, fare you well: we shall have the freer wooing at Master Page's.

[Exeunt Shal. and Slen Caius. Go home, John Rugby; I come anon. [Exit Rugby. Host. Farewell, my hearts: will to my honest knight Falstaff, and drink canary with [Exit.

him. Ford. [Aside] I think I shall drink in pipe wine first with him; I'll make him dance. Will you go, gentles?

All. Have with you to see this monster.

[Exeunt.

Mrs. Ford. I warrant. What, Robin, I say!

Enter Servants with a basket.

Mrs. Page. Come, come, come. Mrs. Ford. Here, set it down. Mrs. Page. Give your men the charge; we must be brief.

Mrs. Ford. Marry, as I told you before, John and Robert, be ready here hard by in the brewhouse: and when I suddenly call you, come forth, and without any pause or staggering take this basket on your shoulders that done, trudge with it in all haste, and carry it among the whitsters in Datchet-mead, and there empty it in the muddy ditch close by the Thames side.

Mrs. Page. You will do it?

Mrs. Ford. I ha' told them over and over; they lack no direction. Be gone, and come

when you are called. [Exeunt Servants. 20 Mrs. Page. Here comes little Robin.

Enter ROBIN.

Mrs. Ford. How now, my eyas-musket! what news with you?

Rob. My master, Sir John, is come in at your back-door, Mistress Ford, and requests your company.

Mrs. Page. You little Jack-a-Lent, have you been true to us?

Rob. Ay, I'll be sworn. My master knows not of your being here and hath threatened to put me into everlasting liberty if I tell you of it; for he swears he'll turn me away.

:

Mrs. Page. Thou'rt a good boy this secrecy of thine shall be a tailor to thee and shall make thee a new doublet and hose. I'll go hide me. Mrs. Ford. Do so. Go tell thy master I am alone. [Exit Robin.] Mistress Page, remember you your cue.

Mrs. Page. I warrant thee; if I do not act it, hiss me. [Exit. 41 Mrs. Ford. Go to, then we'll use this unwholesome humidity, this gross watery pum pion; we'll teach him to know turtles from jays.

Enter FALSTAFF.

Fal. Have I caught thee, my heavenly jewel? Why, now let me die, for I have lived long enough this is the period of my ambition: O this blessed hour!

Mrs. Ford. O sweet Sir John !

Fal. Mistress Ford, I cannot cog, I cannot prate, Mistress Ford. Now shall I sin in my wish I would thy husband were dead : I'll speak it before the best lord; I would make thee my lady.

Mrs. Ford. I your lady, Sir John! alas, I should be a pitiful lady!

Fal. Let the court of France show me such another. I see how thine eye would emulate the diamond: thou hast the right arched beauty of the brow that becomes the ship-tire, the tire-valiant, or auy tire of Venetian admit61

tance.

Mrs. Ford. Do not betray me, sir. I fear you love Mistress Page.

Fal. Thou mightst as well say I love to walk by the Counter-gate, which is as hateful to me as the reek of a lime-kiln.

Mrs. Ford. Well, heaven knows how I love you; and you shall one day find it.

Fal. Keep in that mind; I'll deserve it. Mrs. Ford. Nay, I must tell you, so you do; or else I could not be in that mind.

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Mrs. Page. O Mistress Ford, what have you done? You're shamed, you're overthrown, you're undone for ever!

Mrs. Ford. What's the matter, good Mistress Page?

Mrs. Page. O well-a-day, Mistress Ford! having an honest man to your husband, to give him such cause of suspicion !

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Mrs. Ford. What cause of suspicion ? Mrs. Page. What cause of suspicion! Out upon you! how am I mistook in you! Mrs. Ford. Why, alas, what's the matter? Mrs. Page. Your husband's coming hither, woman, with all the officers in Windsor, to search for a gentleman that he says is here now in the house by your consent, to take an ill advantage of his absence: you are undone. Mrs. Ford. 'Tis not so, I hope.

Mrs. Page. Pray heaven it be not so, that you have such a man here! but 'tis most certain your husband's coming, with half Windsor at his heels, to search for such a one. I come before to tell you. If you know yourself clear, why, I am glad of it; but if you have a friend here, convey, convey him out. Be not amazed; call all your senses to you; defend your reputation, or bid farewell to your good life for ever.

Mrs. Ford. What shall I do ? There is a gentleman my dear friend; and I fear not mine own share so much as his peril: I had rather than a thousand pound he were out of the house.

Mrs. Page. For shame! never stand you had rather' and 'you had rather:' your husband's here at hand; bethink you of some conveyance: in the house you cannot hide him. O, how have you deceived me! Look, here is a basket: if he be of any reasonable stature, he may creep in here; and throw foul linen upon him, as if it were going to bucking: or-it is whiting-time-send him by your two men to Datchet-mead.

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Mrs. Ford. He's too big to go in there. What shall I do ?

Go take up these clothes here quickly. Where's the cowl-staff? look, how you drumble! Carry them to the laundress in Datchet-mead; quickly, come.

Enter FORD, PAGE, CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS.

Ford. Pray you, come near: if I suspect without cause, why then make sport at me then let me be your jest; I deserve it. How now! whither bear you this?

Serv. To the laundress, forsooth. Mrs. Ford Why, what have you to de whither they bear it? You were best medde with buck-washing.

Ford. Buck! I would I could wash myself of the buck! Buck, buck, buck! Ay, buck; warrant you, buck; and of the season too t shall appear. [Exeunt servants with the bus ket.] Gentlemen, I have dreamed to-night I'll tell you my dream. Here, here, here b my keys: ascend my chambers; search, sees. find out I'll warrant we'll unkennel the fox Let me stop this way first. [Locking the door. So, now uncape.

Page. Good Master Ford, be contented: you wrong yourself too much.

Ford. True, Master Page. Up, gentlemen you shall see sport anon: follow me, gentle [Exit. 18

men.

Evans. This is fery fantastical humors an jealousies.

Caius. By gar, 'tis no the fashion of France it is not jealous in France.

Page. Nay, follow him, gentlemen; see th issue of his search.

[Exeunt Page, Caius, and Erans Mrs. Page. Is there not a double excellen in this?

Mrs. Ford. I know not which pleases m better, that my husband is deceived, or S John.

Mrs. Page. What a taking was he in whe your husband asked who was in the basket:

Mrs. Ford. I am half afraid he will hav need of washing; so throwing him into th water will do him a benefit.

Mrs. Page. Hang him, dishonest rasca!! would all of the same strain were in the sam distress.

Mrs. Ford. I think my husband hath son

special suspicion of Falstaff's being here; for I never saw him so gross in his jealousy till

DOW

Mrs Page. I will lay a plot to try that; and we will yet have more tricks with Falstaff: his dissolute disease will scarce obey this medicine.

Mrs. Ford. Shall we send that foolish carrion, Mistress Quickly, to him, and excuse his throwing into the water; and give him another hope, to betray him to another punishment? Mrs. Page. We will do it: let him be sent for to-morrow, eight o'clock, to have amends. Re-enter FORD, PAGE, CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS.

Ford. I cannot find him: may be the knave bragged of that he could not compass.

Mrs. Page. [Aside to Mrs. Ford] Heard you that?

Mrs. Ford. You use me well, Master Ford, do you?

Ford. Ay, I do so.

Mrs. Ford. Heaven make you better than your thoughts!

Ford. Amen!

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Mrs. Page. You do yourself mighty wrong, Master Ford.

Ford. Ay, ay; I must bear it.

Erans. If there be any pody in the house, and in the chambers, and in the coffers, and in the presses, heaven forgive my sins at the day of judgment !

ies.

Caius. By gar, nor I too: there is no bod

Page. Fie, fie, Master Ford! are you not Ashamed? What spirit, what devil suggests this imagination? I would not ha' your distemper in this kind for the wealth of Windsor Castle.

Ford. 'Tis my fault, Master Page: I suffer for it.

Erans. You suffer for a pad conscience : vour wife is as honest a 'omans as I will deres among five thousand, and five hundred

Caius. By gar, I see 'tis an honest woman. Ford. Well, I promised you a dinner. Come, me, walk in the Park: I pray you, pardon ne; I will hereafter make known to you why have done this. Come, wife; come, Mistress age. I pray you, pardon me; pray heartily, ardon me.

Page. Let's go in, gentlemen; but, trust de, we'll mock him. I do invite you to-morw morning to my house to breakfast: after, e'll a-birding together; I have a fine hawk or the bush. Shall it be so ? Ford. Any thing.

Erans. If there is one, I shall make two in e company.

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Caius If dere be one or two, I shall make-a e turd.

Ford. Pray you, go, Master Page. Frans. I pray you now, remembrance toorrow on the lousy knave, mine host