ON SEEING THE BUSTS OF NEWTON, LOCKE, AND OTHERS,
Placed by Queen Caroline in Richmond Hermitage.
Louis the living learned fed,
And raised the scientific head;
Our frugal queen, to save her meat,
Exalts the heads that cannot eat.
Good Halifax and pious Wharton cry,
The Church has vapors; there's no danger nigh.
In those we love not, we no danger see,
And were they hang'd, there would no danger be.
But we must silent be, amid our fears,
And not believe our senses, but the Peers.
So ravishers. that know no sense of shame,
First stop her mouth, and then debauch the dame.
ON ONE DELACOURT'S COMPLIMENTING CARTHY ON HIS POETRY.
Carthy, you say, writes well-his genius true,
You pawn your word for him--he'll vouch for you.
So two poor knaves, who find their credit fail,
To cheat the world, become each other's bail.
Beneath this verdant hillock lies,
Demar, the wealthy and the wise.
His heirs, that he might safely rest,
Have put his carcass in a chest,
The very chest in which, they say,
His other self, his money lay.
And, if his heirs continue kind
To that dear self he left behind,
I dare believe, that four in five
Will think his better half alive.
OR, THE RECEIPT TO FORM A BEAUTY.
When Cupid did his grandsire Jove entreat
To form some Beauty by a new receipt,
Jove sent, and found, far in a country scene,
Truth, innocence, good nature, look serene:
From which ingredients first the dextrous boy
Pick'd the demure, the awkward, and the coy.
The Graces from the court did next provide
Breeding, and wit, and air, and decent pride:
These Venus cleans from every spurious grain
Of nice coquet, affected, pert, and vain.
Jove mix'd up all, and the best clay employ'd;
Then call'd the happy composition FLOYD.
Venus one day, as story goes,
But for what reason no man knows,
In sullen mood and grave deport,
Trudged it away to Jove's high court;
And there his Godship did entreat,
To look out for his best receipt:
And make a monster strange and odd,
Abhorr'd by man and every god.
Jove, ever kind to all the fair,
Nor e'er refused a lady's prayer,
Straight oped 'scrutoire, and forth he took
A neatly bound and well-gilt book;
Sure sign that nothing enter'd there,
But what was very choice and rare.
Scarce had he turn'd a page or two
It might be more, for aught I know;
But, be the matter more or less,
'Mong friends 't will break no squares, I guess.
Then, smiling, to the dame quoth he,
Here's one will fit you to a T.
But, as the writing doth prescribe,
'Tis fit the ingredients we provide.
Away he went, and search'd the stews,
And every street about the Mews;
Diseases, impudence, and lies,
Are found and brought him in a trice
From Hackney then he did provide,
A clumsy air and awkward pride;
From lady's toilet next he brought
Noise, scandal, and malicious thought.
These Jove put in an old close-stool,
And with them mix'd the vain, the fool.
But now came on his greatest care,
Of what he should his paste prepare;
For common clay or finer mold
Was much too good, such stuff to hold
At last he wisely thought on mud;
So raised it up, and call'd it—Cludd.
With this, the lady well content,
Low curtsey'd, and away she went.
THE PLACE OF THE DAMNED.
All folks who pretend to religion and grace,
Allow there's a HELL, but dispute of the place:
But, if HELL may by logical rules be defined
The place of the damn'd-I'll tell you my mind.
Wherever the damn'd do chiefly abound,
Most certainly there is HELL to be found:
Damn'd poets, damn'd critics, damn'd blockheads, damn'd knaves.
Damn'd senators bribed, damn'd prostitute slaves;
Damn'd lawyers and judges, damn'd lords and damn’d squires; Damn'd spies and informers, damn'd friends and damn’d liars;
Damn'd villains, corrupted in every station;
Damn'd time-serving priests all over the nation;
And into the bargain I'll readily give you
Damn'd ignorant prelates, and councillors privy.
Then let us no longer by parsons be flamm'd,
For we know by these marks the place of the damn'd:
And HELL to be sure is at Paris or Rome.
How happy for us that it is not at home!
With a world of thought oppress'd,
I sunk from reverie to rest.
A horrid vision seized my head,
I saw the graves give up their dead!
Jove, arm'd with terrors, bursts the skies,
And thunder roars and lightning flies;
Amazed, confused, its fate unknown,
The world stands trembling at his throne!
While each pale sinner hung his head,
Jove, nodding, shook the heavens, and said:
"Offending race of human kind,
By nature, reason, learning, blind ;
You who, through frailty, stepp'd aside;
And you, who never fell from pride:
You who in different sects were shamm'd,
And come to see each other damn'd;
(So some folk told you, but they knew
No more of Jove's designs than you);
-The world's mad business now is o'er,
And I resent these pranks no more.
-I to such blockheads set my wit!
I damn such fools!—Go, go, you 're bit.”
"A slave to crowds, scorch'd with the summer's heats, In courts the wretched lawyer toils and sweats;
While smiling Nature, in her best attire,
Regales each sense, and vernal joys inspire.
Can he, who knows that real good should please,
Barter for gold his liberty and ease?"
This Paulus preach'd :-When, entering at the door,
Upon his board the client pours the ore:
He grasps the shining gifts, pores o'er the cause,
Forgets the sun, and dozes o'er the laws.
EPIGRAMS BY THOMAS SHERIDAN.
ON A CARICATURE.
IF you say this was made for friend Dan, you belie it,
I'll swear he's so like it that he was made by it.
ON DEAN SWIFT'S PROPOSED HOSPITAL FOR LUNATICS.
Great wits to madness nearly are allied,
This makes the Dean for kindred thus provide.
Who displayed a bust of Dean Swift in his window, while publishing Lord Orre ry's offensive remarks upon the Dean.
Faulkner! for once thou hast some judgment shown,
By representing Swift transformed to stone;
For could he thy ingratitude have known,
Astonishment itself the work had done!
“God bless the King! God bless the faith's defender !
God bless-no harm in blessing—the Pretender.
But who that pretender is, and who that king,
God bless us all, is quite another thing."
ON SOME LINES OF LOPEZ DE VEGA.
If the man who turnips cries,
Cry not when his father dies,
"Tis a proof that he had rather
Have a turnip than his father.
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