again I cried, with a louder voice than before, "will you hear: me,.or will you not." "Hush, hush, hush," exclaimed all, But none keeping silence. Finding they would not cease, (by the by, I was a fool to suppose a woman could hold her tongue, e'en though the fate of empires rested on it:) by dint of edging and taking advantage of the undulations of the crowd, I contrived to get my back against the door, and when so stationed I cried out: "Ladies, for the honour you have done me, permit me to express my thanks; that you are all worthy of making excellent wives, surely can admit of no doubt. To decide, however, at present, the superior claims of one over the other, would be a task, for which I have not sufficient discernment, andallow me to retire,”—and in an instant I darted out of the door, against which I was leaning, amidst cries of "Stop a bit sir.” "Ar'n't you going to choose a wife?" "Only read my character." I wonder who would have such a fusty old fellow." "I would not marry him if he were made of gold." "Do you mean to hoax us?" "I'd marry him if I could, just out of spite." "I'd tare his eyes out if he were to come back." "A woman must want a husband bad enough, to marry such a man." "What an escape I have had, for if he had chosen me, I would have been forced to have had him." "If I had known he was such an ugly bachelor, I would'nt have been seen here." And at last they departed vowing vengeance on me..

Still I was not discouraged. To the country I will go," said I, "and among the unsophisticated daughters of nature, I will choose me a wife, uncontaminated by the follies, and vices of city dames. I shall then have a most excellent partner. Methinks I see myself the husband of some lovely Lavinia-delicious thought! Yes, the country is the place to look for a wife. These country girls are such complete housewives, they understand all the culinary duties, from the making of whips and sillabubs, to the contriving of pot-luck. To the country I'll go."

I knew a country parson; he had often invited me to visit him: he was possessed of two daughters, and I set out for his residence. I had not long been known to Miss Biddy, the clergyman's eldest daughter, and the one on whom I bestowed my attention, when she asked me what were the fashions for the season, “reckoned they must be very expensive, and guessed they were nation fine, vowed it must be vastly agreeable to live in town." etc. "Well," said I, when I retired, "here is a pretty picture of rural innocence, indeed; a head running on brocades and stuffs, when I expected to find one filled with nature's images. I looked about me for other females, but I found them all like Miss Biddy-all wanting to know what was going on in the city, and instead of simplicity, sheepishness; for openness and ingenuousness, boldness. and vulgarity; for natural grace, dowdiness; for neatness of

PODAGRE LEVAMEN.

dress, dirty and tawdry attire. I was just returning to the city, when I became acquainted with a lady about the prime of life, unmarried, and possessed of a farm well stocked, by the name of Miss Euphemia Talkwell. She had received her education in Philadelphia. She was not handsome, but she was good looking; her understanding was strong; her disposition was not unamiable, but being at an early age left pretty much to her own will, it was not sufficiently corrected, and at times she was apt to be a little waspish. She read alike, history, philosophy, theology, ethics, mythology, metaphysics, romance, poetry, drama, and even phonies and gnomonies. And it was not an unsual sight for me to see, one day in her hands, "Archeologia Atticæ," and the next "Ghost Seer;" one day, Universal History, and the next "Kirwin's Metaphysics;" one "Anquitel's day, Dryden's Virgil," and the next, "Cicero's Letters." To this may be attributed her bestowing the following names on the animals she owned. To a fine horse she had given the name of Eneas; to a beautiful filly, Dido; to her cat, Argus; to two cows, Portia and Cleopatra; and to her dog, Brutus. Her attire was, she said, after the fashion of those which the Roman matrons wore: but it would puzzle me, or any other person to describe it, and I shall not attempt to do so. tricities I liked her, and I really think we might have been pretty In spite of her eccenhappy together. But it was not ordained that we should be married, as you shall hear. I waited upon her one day for the purpose of declaring my passion. I found her as usual perusing some work. After reading aloud a passage out of the book she held in her hand, and which I perceived to be Italian, she said "Is not that an exquisite idea, Mr. Soberlove?" Now be it known to the reader, I know no more of Italian, than a dog does of music, (to make use of a vulgar and trite expression,) but being unwilling to expose my ignorance, just at a time I was about to ask her hand, I determined to brazen it out. ful indeed," I replied; "I do not recollect of ever having read "Beautior heard, a more truly poetical sentence." "There is," said she, "a melodious sweetness about the Italian language, not to be met with in any other. I am therefore happy that I have met with one who can so well understand its beauties. I am (added she,) excessively fond of hearing it read aloud; but it is so seldom that I meet with those who understand the language, that I am not often gratified. Will you favour me by reading this passage handing me the book, and pointing to a particular passage. aloud? "Mad-I-I-indeed Miss Talkwell, I am not competent to the task.".". me Miss Talkwell, I cannot, I ever was a bungler at reading Nay my dear sir, but you must." "Excuse aloud." Positively, Mr. Soberlove, I will not listen to your refusal-have done with these vain subterfuges; come, come,

(playfully) I insist upon it." I verily believe I would at this moment have given half my fortune to have avoided the confusion of telling her the truth. "What!" exclaimed she, after I had done so, not understand Italian!" And with that she gave me a look of such ineffable contempt, that it seemed to say "what an ignoramus you are," that ready to fall prostrate on the floor with confusion, blushing and bowing I retired. Afraid of coming in contact with her again, I hastened to the city with all expedient despatch.

"I'll give it up said I; 'tis in vain I look for a wife; the fates decreed that I should remain a bachelor. "I'll seek no more." In truth I believe I should have continued firm in my determination had I not became acquainted with a woman, of all woman kind the most singular. Mrs. Sarah Dealphysic was a widow of about thirty years of age, with three children. About five years before my acquaintance, she had been left a widow. Sincerely fond of her husband, her grief for his loss, for some time knew no bounds. When the exacerbation of her grief had passed off, she took to perusing of her husband's books. He had been a physician, and his library consisted principally of medicinal works; books, which however useful they may be in the hands of the skilful, are in those of the ignorant and feeble minded, too often productive of the most fatal consequences. In a few months after the death of her husband, her manners and appearance were totally changed. She neglected her dress, and her household affairs; and spent whole hours in her library, reading pharmaceutical and other books, which she was the better able to understand from the circumstance of her having been taught Latin and Greek by her parents; languages which though very useful to professional men, cannot certainly be necessary to form the accomplished female. I understand it is truly the fashion, to teach the young ladies of the present day those languages. What is the world coming to! O! tempora! O! mores! I shall not be surprised to hear, ere long, that it is the fashion to teach dogs the Chaldee tongue.

She never permitted her children even in the coldest weather to wear any more clothing than others do in Summer, because forsooth as she was wont to say "it was only an absurd practice that parents had got into, and, that if they were from infancy accustomed to slight clothing, more when older would be to them oppressive and killing. The consequence of her favouring this system, was that her children looked like so many skeletons gliding about the house, so wretched, sallow and squalid were they. Mrs. Dealphysick was naturally amiable, sensible, and kind hearted; and I actually resolved to marry her, if on a more close intimacy I found nothing more to reprehend than her strange predilection. I became a diurnal attendant

at her house, and had opportunites enough of noticing her actions.

She never permitted her offspring to taste of any thing else, than a black lenten kind of soup which she affirmed was made after the manner of Black broth, the favourite dish of the Spartans enjoined by the celebrated lawgiver Lycurgus, and which Dionysius, the tyrant. found so very unpalatable. Upon my asking her once, how she became acquainted with a dish. on the ingrediance of which historians have thrown no light, she replied, from this book. handing me one entitled: "An inquiry into the ingredients. forming the celebrated Black broth of the Spartans. By Doctor Quizall, L. L. D. A. S. S." And I must say, if unsavouriness and colour (for she gave me some to taste) can any way entitle it to a resemblance of that dish, she has succeeded in imitating it. for never did I swallow a dose of physic half so disagreeable. She never eat any thing herself. without it first having undergone a chimical process by her hands.

A great part of her medicines were made by herself, because, she said, she then knew they were genuine. In different parts of the house were electrical and galvanising machines; chimical apparatus: hot and cold baths, chalybeate waters; emulsions, infusions, barks, cerates, astringents, decoctions, pills, plaisters, ointments, solutions, cordials, powders, chalks, sudorifics. stomachics, purgatives, laxatives. lotions, alteratives, anodynes, &c. &c. &c. She never permitted a physician to enter the house, ever performing the duties of one herself. If any one of her servants or children complained of the least sickness, they were so dosed with pills, and purgatives, that from being slightly indisposed, they became seriously so. One day, I actually saw one of her children placed on a heated stove. Though scarcely able to stand, he was constrained to spring first on one foot, then on the other, to keep himself from being burnt. The child was extremely sick, and this experiment almost killed him. When I asked her, why she had attempted such a singular remedy, she replied, to use her own words, (for when speaking she always interlarded her conversation with Latin, and not unfrequently Greek,) exercitium omnia potest." Mr. Soberlove, so it stands to reason that it will be productive of the most salutary effects to the boy; nor is this merely an opinion of my own hazarding; but also that of the very erudite Doctor Greekfungus. who always adopts this plan on like occasions. I ventured to remonstrate, and endeavoured to exhibit to her the injury she had done herself and family. She made the following answer. "Mr. Soberlove, well I know tempus est breve; and that mors omnibus communis; but we may improve the first by putting of the last to the latest period. It is well said, that cetate prudentiore reddimur. Had it not been so, I should not have known how to bring up my children after the

manner laid down by various learned men, whose works so long as the world shall exist, will continue to enlighten it. That nutria aget paucis et parvis, is clearly seen by the thriving condition of my children." I courted her for two years, before I whispered into her ear my attachment for her she smiled. I asked her hand, blushing and confused she extended it to me. Now indeed, thought I, I have her for better or for worse. My readers may smile at my choosing such a woman for a wife; but bachelors have their singularities, and I am not without mine. The marriage was fixed to take place six weeks from the time of my declaration. It is said, there are many slips between the cup and the lip, a common enough saying, but a true one nevertheless; for lo! just three weeks anterior to the day I was determined to lead Mrs. Dealphysick to the Hymenial altar, she expired. She had been suddenly taken ill; but disdaining to ask any medical advice, she tried the effects of some very powerful pills of her own making and contriving, upon herself, and the result of the experiment was her dissolution. What were my feelings on the occasion, it is not necessary here to disclose.

About six months after the death of Mrs. Dealphysick, I was made acquainted with Miss Mary Bradford. I believe that Heaven ne'er created a fairer creature. Well might it be said of her:

Grace was in all her steps, Heaven in her eye,
In every gesture, dignity and love.

I had never seen such a woman. My sensation on beholding her was ineffable; love would be too cold a name to call it by it was adoration. To watch her very actions, to listen to her voice afforded me unspeakable, felicity. I wondered at my infatuation; but I had not the power to resist the influence of her charms. I would sit by her; but yet I was afraid of expressing my sentiments, and I envied the frothy coxcombs that played their apish antics before her, for they won her smiles. For eighteen months, did I pursue her like her shadow, till at length one day in the height of passion, scarcely knowing what I did, I asked her to be mine. God of Heaven! what were my feelings when she consented, and referred me to her father. Mr. Bradford accepted me as his son-in-law; he had not a portion to give his daughter, and I was rich, and he felt happy in acknowledging me as such. When I left the house, I actually seemed in Heaven, so extatic were my sensations, for when I asked her hand, I dared not to hope that she would give it to me. Now listen, reader, and candidly answer me, whether I have any cause to love the sex. Just three days before my marriage was to take place, Mary Bradford-old as I am, the flush of indignation mantles on my cheek when I relate, that she, whom I believed was wholly mine-eloped, aye, jilted me. Thanks to Heaven, I was endued