d intend to let Mrs. Trumpery have the whip hand of us now?" "I know this, Mrs. Drubbs, I'll be curst if I'll be sich a fool as I have been; nothing is in my ears, day by day, but Mrs. Trumpery does this, Mrs. Trumpery does that; if Mrs. Trumpery gives a ball we must have one too, just to show we can do as much. But here we'll stop, I'll have no more overmatching of Mrs. Trumpery-that's flat." "Why, Mr. Drubbs. don't talk so; you'r beside yourself, I wont bear it-let Mrs. Trumpery, match me! forsooth; no indeed-that would be a story to tell 'mongs our 'quaintances! Shure now, she has left New-York for Sarahtogo Springs and Falls of Ninagana, as she gave out 'fore she left Philadelphia, won't you go too?" "Mrs. Trumpery." said Drubbs, cowering as he spoke, "may go to Niragara, Suree-to-gee, or the dl, for what I care; but I won't follow her, that's poz. I'll go to New-York, as I am so far, bekase there has been a large arrival of British goods, and I may get some cheap chintz, and vestings; but as for going any further, I'll be cursed if I do." "Now hear me, Mr. Drubbs, if Mrs. Trumpery's gone to Ninagana or them there places, I'll go too. It shan't be said, that a vowan who once cleaned handirons should beat me in any thing. Don't we give the best conversassyones, parties and dances; and"-" La pa! it could never do to be told" -"Hold your tongue, saucebox." At this time Mrs. Drubbs dropped one of the jewels, (i. e. one of her band-boxes) in picking up of which, the upper part of her gown, frock, morning dress, evening dress, walking dress, dishabelle, or whatever appellation such a piece of ladies attire is denominated by, caught in a bramble and tore it from top to toe,' or 'stem to stern' as the sons of Neptune say. Mrs. Drubbs stood still, mute and motionless.-The apt author may depict the looks of a trembling urchin, who having wrong repeated his task, sees his master repair with creaking shoes and, visage ire,' to the repository of the all sufficient rod,' and then with slow and ominous step approaching to inflict corporal punishment ;-or, of a miser, when as he tells over his concealed horde, and sees one of his golden gods, drop irrecoverably down a crack ;—or of an old maid, when she sees announced in the public prints, the marriage of a sister grizzle with some young and handsome fortune hunter;—or of a coquette when she sees that the shafts of railery and sarcasm, which she is levelling at a diffident and inoffensive young man, are not only disregarded by him, but that they fail of exciting even a smile of approbation;-or of an epicure, when after having been inhaling for some time the delicious odour exhaled from a roasting pair of canvass back ducks, finds to his ineffable chagrin, when they come on the table, that they are charked;—or of an author who in an obscure corner sees the green curtain drop at the close of his play amidst howlings, d-m's. hisses and declamations of disapprobation-or of a beaux, who while dancing in a cotillion, by accidentally treading on a piece of orange peal, falls prostrate on the ball room floor; or to speak more feelingly-when the ever unlucky great toe of a gouty septuagenary, like myself, is trodden on by the splay-foot of an awkward servant-but to describe the looks of Mrs. Drubbs would have been beyond the power of Hogarth himself, had he been living. For some time she stood in a state of dumb forgetfulness,' when taking hold of her dilacerated gown, and seeing the extent of her misfortune, she bawl'd aloud, which the maniac noticing, said "e'en in such drops of rainy sorrow, mourned the dame of Ephesus her love.” After her sorrow had taken some vent, she turned to her daughter and in a piteous tone asked, "Suke, can it be mended?"" Lord, ma, how you talk-mended! vy its torn from top to bottom." "Is it-oh!" and unable to bear this addition to her accumulating distress, she again sought relief in a flood of tears. Flow on, ye crystal drops," cried the maniac. "You there, Mr. Stroller, you have little to do I think to be laughing at folks misfortens." "Why to see you thus," returned he, "would move wild laughter in the throat of death."" Sir, sir, I wish I was a man, women"-"are not in their best fortunes strong, and when the shock of rude calamity comes 'cross them, they bend as the frail reed to every blast," said her antagonist; which however Mrs. Drubbs took no notice of, but addressed herself to her daughter. "But, Suke, only to think it is sich fine muslin-Mr. Drubbs sent all the way to the East Inges for it, worked so pretty at the bottom, sich nice flounces too I had put on it!—well—well, I never had sich a pack of troubles-oh Lord! oh Lord! it never rains but it pours. I would'nt have Mrs. Trumpery catch me in this here pardicament for the world." "Yes, ma, the low thing would always be throwing it up to a body."-At this time we arrived at the Inn, at the head of what was denominated a town, but literally a small village. "Oh my friendt," said the German, waddling up to the landlord, show me to pet, I am very sick. I shall not trafel for some tays-come, my good friendt, show me to a pet.” In a little while I found myself in a room with Mrs. and Miss Drubbs, and the lunatic. Mrs. Drubbs was lamenting very pathetically her misfortunes, which lament however, we have mercy enough to spare the reader; when she was interrupted by the entrance of a little, ugly, conceited, chuffy woman. "Mrs. Trumpery!" exclaimed both mother and daughter. "Yes, my dear Mrs. Drubbs, Mr. Trumpery and myself are returning to Philadelphia. I met your dear man, at the door, he told me you were here. Sad accidents have happened to day, I hear -It is certainly very dangerous and inconvenient to travel by stages-indeed I am so put out about it, that Mr. Trumpery says he will purchase a carriage and horses as soon as he returns home, and never travel by coaches no more. To be sure it will cost a pretty penny, but that's neither here nor there. But I declare, Mrs. Drubbs, you look quite flurried, has any thing happened" "Why, my dear Mrs. Trumpery, the truth is I am almost ashamed to see you, in this pardicament, (showing the rent) but I know you too well to think you will mind it." "Ha! he! he! not at all, not at all, Mrs. Drubbs-why I do say, it will make an excellent dishabilly." "I think it is not so kind of you Mrs. Trumpery, to call my torn frock an excellent dishabilly." "Dont be flustered, my dear friend," said Mrs. Trumpery, in that little, malignant manner, which those in the lower classes of life, and not unfrequently many in the higher walks, make use of when they have a supposed advantage over their envied neighbours or acquaintances; "I could not help laughing at your appearance, ha! ha! ha!" "But let me tell you as how, Mrs. Trumpery, I don't like folks to laugh at my misfortins." "Don't now get into a passion, Mrs. Drubbs, my dear friend, be calm, be cool." "O'er step not the modesty of nature," said the lunatic. "I tells you what it is, sich conduct is not like a lady, but it is what I might have expected from you." "And what of me?" cried Mrs. Trumpery enraged in her turn, and starting up with arms a-kimbo. "Why, that your treatment of me is jist like a person who had once been a sarvant gaʼal.” “A sarvant ga'al in your teeth, Mrs. Drubbs-but if I was once a sarvant ga'al, that's as good any day as a fishwoman's dater, as you are." "I, a fishwoman's dater!" cried Mrs. Drubbs, jumping up, and also placing her arms a-kimbo. "Yes, all the world know's it, and that Mr. Drabbs used to court you as you were pickling shad." "A most foul aspertion," exclaimed my companion. Actions speak louder than words, and Mistress Drubbs expressed her indignation at this serious allegation, by immediately claping her talons on Mrs. Trumpery's bonnet, which in an instant became a thing of shreds and patches;' but the next moment saw a good portion of the grizzled hair of Mrs. Drubbs, in the hand of her incensed adversary, when both paused and gazed on each other like the lion hemmed in by foes. Taking advantage of this suspension of the fight, I endeavoured to reconcile the two Megoras, but ineffectually, passion, nay madness had possessed both. With renewed vigour the combat commenced. Mrs. Trumpery's gown fell a prey to the grasp of Mrs. Drubbs. The while, the dutiful Miss Suke was encouraging her mother, by various exclamations, as where was the best place to lay her nails, where to thrust her fist; but although Mrs. Drubbs 66 6 profited by her affectionate daughter's instructions, the day was going evidently and rapidly against her, when, with a mark of piety which, if it had been exhibited in any other way, should not have passed without an eulogium, Miss Drubbs struck in, and assisted her mother. In vain did Mrs. Trumpery aim the most skilful blows-in vain did she shift her position-a fatal hit on the nose a well directed blow inflicted by Mrs. Drubbs' carneous hand, terminated the contest, and the redoubtable Mrs. Trumpery fell vanquished. And as "looks the pent up lion o'er the wretch That trembles under his devouring paw." so Mrs. Drubbs gazed upon her prostrate foe. By this time the people in the house, alarmed by the noise, rushed into the room, and Mr. Drubbs casting a significant look towards a man who just appeared, cried our wives!" The dutchman ran in, with his night cap and dressing gown, crying: "What, in Got's name is de matter? I tink I must be possess'd, vere ever I run noting but noise, noise, gabber, gabber. gabber;" and gabbering the poor man again sought his bed. The combatants ashamed of themselves, withdrew. With the officer, his wife, and the lunatic, I proceeded on my journey, and was separated much to my concern, from the Drubbs'. E. R. FOR THE AMERICAN MONTHLY MAGAZINE. A FUNERAL SCENE. If faith unite the faithful but to part, By artless friendship blessed when life was new? CAMPBELL. THERE are few of us so unfortunate as to be confined throughout our lives, from one end of the year to the other, amid the toil and hurry of the city; and there are few that in their temporary absence do not meet with something of a character so interesting and affecting as to stamp it on their memories through every change of prospect or condition. There are some things which the heart is willing to retain with all its fondness and affection-to cherish with all the warmth of its generous nature, and to which it clings with all its sensibility and feeling; while there are others it would consider itself happy in being able to to forget. To visit the scenes of our younger days, to tread in the footsteps of our juvenile companions, to seek the haunts of what was once our dwelling place, and to look upon them as the remnants of that period of delight and hope, is an employment in which the mind can feel itself lost to present sorrow and misfortunes. The scenes of our earliest friendships and affections, how they rise before us like the shades of what was, without the promise of what will be! "But Hope can here her moonlight vigils keep, It was but lately that I left the hurry and confusion of the city, to seek among the forests of a neighbouring State, the thousand pleasures which every tongue is willing to acknowledge as the attributes of the country. To bury myself in a seclusion where the eye might look around upon creation and bless its Maker; where the soul unimcumbered by the cares of life, might, in so perfect a solitude, forget that what detained it here was mortal. It was on such a visit and with such designs, that I was invited by a friend, to follow with him the remains of a young and interesting stranger to her long and peaceful home. It was a tribute of affection and respect, trifling in itself to him who paid it, but doubly grateful to the agonized feelings of one who survived her. She for whom the grave was opened, was a stranger from the South. She came accompanied by her husband to restore her health, already wasted by consumption, when a mandate which it were impious to arraign, summoned her from a state of limited existence, to a world of immortality. Cut off in the spring-time of her life with every blessing shining on her, with every thing that wealth could purchase, that sympathy could bestow, or that love could name, she sleeps where none mourn over her grave. "By stranger's hands her dying eyes were closed, At the hour appointed for the funeral, the coffin was deposited on a bier, and covered by a velvet pall. The only real mourner, supported by the friendly arm of the physician who had watched her in her latest struggle, followed immediately, and the procession was continued by the villagers, with an appearance of feeling and of sympathy, honourable to their hearts. |