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to his family, after various escapes from danger, he was detained a day at Holyhead by contrary winds. Reading in a summer house he heard the well known sound of bullets whistling near him, he looked about, and found that two balls had just passed through the door close beside him; he looked out of the window, and saw two gentlemen who were just charging their pistols again, and, as he guessed that they had been shooting at a mark upon the door, he rushed out, and very civilly remonstrated with them, upon the imprudance of tiring at the door of a house, without having previously examined whether any one was within side. One of them immediately answered, in a tone which proclamed at once his disposition and his country---.“ Sir, I did not know you were within there, and I don't know who you are now ; but if I've given offence, I am willing," said he, holding out the ready-charg'd pistols, “ to give you the satisfaction of a gentleman----take your choice."
With his usual presence of mind, the noble lord seized hold of both the pistols, and said to his astonished countryman--
..." Do me the justice, Sir, to go into that summer-house, shut the door, and let me take two shots at you, then we shall be upon equal terms; and I shall be quite at your service to give or receive the satisfaction of a gentle
There was an air of drollery and of superiority in his manner, which, at once, struck and pleased the Hibernian---.“ Upon my conscience, Sir, I believe you are a very honest fellow," said he, looking at him earnestly in the face, “and I've a great mind to shake hands with you..--Will you only just tell me who you are?"
The nobleman told his name---a name dear to every Briton and every Irishman!
“ I beg your pardon; and that's what no man ever accused me of doing before,” cried the gallant Hibernian; “ and, had I known who you were, I
would as soon have shot my own soul as have fired at the door.---But how could I tell who was within side?"..." That is the very thing of which I conplain," said his lordship.
His candid opponent promised never more to be guilty of such a practical bull.
AN old gentleman having occasion for a footman, desired his nephew to look out for one; and as he could not find any other whom he thought would suit him, he desired his own to hire himself to his uncle. The man, who revered his young master, reluctantly quitted him; but being persuaded it would be for his advantage, he repaired to the old gentleman, who being confident that his nephew would not recommend him an improper person, only asked him, if he understood sequences. “ I do not know, Sir,” replied the man; “ but if you will be pleased to explain yourself, I hope I shall be able to give you satisfaction."..."I mean," said the old gentleman, “ that when I order you to lay the cloth, you should understand by it all the things connected with it, as the knives, forks, salt, spoons, &c. &c. And so upon all occasions, not to do barely what you are bid, by word of mouth, but to think of the con-sequences, sequences or dependences of one thing upon another."
The man assured him that he had not the least doubt of pleasing him: accordingly he was hired, and for some time they agreed perfectly well, but at last his master finding hiinself suddenly ill, one morning ordered him to fetch a nurse as soon as possible. Instead of returning with speed, he was absent for several hours; and the moment he came into his master's presence, he severely reprimanded him for staying so long away, when he had sent him on business that required dispatch. The arch, fellow waited till the old gentleman's passion was
abated, and then proceeded to justify his condue in the following manner : " That he went and found the nurse, who was below : that thinking the consequence of a nurse might be an apothecary, he had been for one, who was also below : that knowing a doctor always followed an apothecary, he had likewise fetched a physician, who was in waiting. A surgeon was often, he said, the sequence to a doctor, and an undertaker the consequence of all: he had therefore brought them, and hoped he had thoroughly understood his orders.” The old gentleman was so pleased with the humour of the man, that he ordered him to fetch a lawyer to make a codicil to his will, by which he left him a valuable legacy.
III. ON a trial at the Admiralty sessions for shooting a seaman, the counsel for the crown asked one of the witnesses, whether he was for the plaintiff or defendant ? “ Plaintiff or defendant! says the sailor, scratching his head : “ why, I don't know what you mean by plaintiff or defendant. I come to speak for that man there!” pointing at the prisoner. “ You are a pretty fellow for a witness,” says the counsel, not to know what plaintiff or defendant means," --Some time after being asked by the same sounsel what part of the ship he was in at the time-“ Abaft the binnacle, my lord, says
the sailor. 56 Abaft the binnacle!” replied the barrister : “what part of the ship is that?”...“ An't you a pretty fel. low for a counsellor,” said the sailor, pointing archly at him with his finger, “not to know what abaft thie binnacle ispus
CRAZY JANE. WHY, fair maid, in ev'ry feature,
Are such signs of fear express'd ?
Can a wand'ring wretched creature,
With such terrors fill thy breast? Do my frenzy looks alarm thee;
Trust me, sweet, thy fears are vain: Not for kingdoms would I harm thee;
Shun not, then, poor Crazy Jane.
Mark me, and avoid my woe :
Think them false,.--I found them so.
None could ever love again; But the youth I lov'd so dearly,
Stole the wits of Crazy Jane. Fondly my young heart receiv'd him,
Which was doom'd to love but one : He sigh'd--- he vow'd---and I believ'd him;
He was false---and I undone, From that hour has reason never Held her empire o'er my
brain; Henry Aled !---with him for ever
Fled the wits of Crazy Jane. Now, forlorn and broken-hearted,
And with frenzy'd looks beset, On that spot where last we parted,
On that spot where first we met; Still I sing my love-lorn ditty,
Still I slowly pace the plain! While each passer-by, in pity,
Cries-.-"God help thee, Crazy Jane !"
BRIGHT CHANTICLEER. BRIGHT chanticleer proclaims the dawn,
And spangles deck the thorn,
The lowing herds now quit the lawn,
The lark springs from the corn;
Fleet Towler leads the cry,
This day a stag must die.
The laugh and joke prevail,
The dogs snuff up the gale;
O'er fields, thro’ brakes they fly,
song, This day a stag must die.
With a hey, ho, &s. Poor stag, the dogs thy haunches gore,
The tears run down thy face,
His joys were in the chace;
To win the blocming fair,
With a hey, ho, &c.
BRITANNIA AT NELSON'S TOMB.
PALE and languid sat Britannia,
Reclining o'er her Nelson's urn, In vest of mourning, still indulging
Tears that swald, and sighs that burn! For he, in whom her heart delighted,
Whose name was terror to the foes.