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Whilst they reel
On the keel, When the stormy winds do blow. Then courage all brave mariners, and never be.
afraid, While we have bold adventurers we ne'er shalt
want a trade, Our merchants will employ us to bring them wealth, we know;
Then be bold,
Work for gold,
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A SENSIBLE MADMAN. A LORD, whom his friends had been obliged to put in a private mad-house, was not mad enough to remain insensible to the charms of the keeper's pretty daughter. His lordship, encouraged in his addresses, agreed to marry her. The day was fixed, the banns published, and they left the mad. house in a coach, to have the ceremony performed. When arrived in the church, his lordship very properly led the lady to the altar; and the clergyman began the ceremony, saying to his lordship, “ do you take this woman for your wedded wife ?" Upon which he exclaim'd, “No, no, not so mad as that, neither!" then, taking to his heels, ran out of the church, and was not found for a considerable time afterwards.
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« CRIES Nell to Tom," midst matrimonial strife, 56 Curs'd be the hour I first became your wife,”
“ By all the powers," said Tom, “ but that's too
bad, “ You've curs'd the only civil hour we've had."
TO THE MEMORY OF
MARGARET PATIENCE, Who, to the inexpressible regret of her husband, John
Fretful, departed this life at the advanced age of 46. My wife beneath this stone I dearly love, Though oft I beat and bruis'd her while above. Indeed, my Meg, I'ad always loved thee so, Had'st thou but died some 20 years ago.
ON A MISER.
The oldest man but sups and goes to bed. Large is his debt who lingers out the day; Who goes the soonest, has the least to pay.
LAW AGAINST RAVISHERS. “ If any man take a woman,” says one law of the Isle of Man, “ by constraint, or force her against her will, if she be a wife, he must suffer the law for her: if she be a maid or single woman, the deemster or judge shall give her a rope, a sword, and a ring; and she shall have her choice, either to hang him with the rope, cut off his head with the sword, or marry him with the ring. Report says, that every complainant has been lenient exccpt one, who presented the rope, but relented on the prisoner being tucked up, and desired he might be let down. She then presented the ring, but the prisoner replied, “ That one punishment was enough for one crime; therefore he should keep the ring for some future occasion.”
A CURIOUS LOVE LETTER,
TO A LADY. Most amiable Madam,
AFTER a long consideration of the great reputation, that you have in this nation; for my own preservation, I have a great inclination to become, your relation: And to give demonstration of this my estimation, without equivocation, I am making preparation, by a speedy navigation, to remove my habitation, to a nearer situation, for to pay you adoration, for the sake of conversation.
And if this my declaration, may but find your approbation, it will impose an obligation, without dissimulation, from generation to generation upon
To which the Lady sent the following Answer. Man of Ostentation,
I am filled with admiration, and fired with indignation, at your fulsome adulation, and deceitful laudation. I' (to your mortification) have a great detestation, to the constant tribulation, and usual yexation, of a conjugal station, and to hymen's abomination, love free evagation, without refranation, and have mighty delectation, in every recreation, sans secret reservation.
You may save your versification, (devoid of adoration) your intended peregrination, or further application, for they will meet with frustration.
Know my solemn protestation, my firm asseveration, and final adjudication, is to make no astipulation, or dull annexation, with a man not worth appellation, of age for regeneration.
When I incline to fornication, my plan of operation, is with a man of penetration, of vigorous corporation, a lover of association, and pleasing redintegration, yielding to gubernațion; a despiser of recrimination, and all defamation, ready a vindication, without tergiversation.
I here send my negation, to your confabulation, all manner of replication, or any visitation, upon pain of castration, perhaps amputation, or total ruination; and leaving you to meditation, on all words ending in a-ti-on till you exhaust the termination, I without alteration, for my own conservation, sweet pacification, and real consolation, shall continue my fixration, in perpetual aberration, while there's any animation, in
THE SMUGGLER. 'TWAS one morn, when the wind from the north
ward blew keenly, While sullenly roard the big waves of the main, A fam'd smuggler, Will Watch, kiss'd his Sue
then serenely, Took helm, and to sea boldly steer'd out again. Will had promis'd his Sue that this trip, if well
ended, Shou'd coil up his hopes, and he'd anchor ashore; When his pockets were lin'd, why his life should be
mended; The laws he had broken, he'd never break mor His sea-boat was trim, made her port, took her
lading, Then Will stood for home, reach'd the offing,
and cried, This night, (if I've luck,) furls the sails of my
trading; In dock I can lay, serve a friend too beside. Will lay too 'till the night came on, darksome and
dreary; To croud ev'ry sail then he pip'd up each band;