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A CURIOUS LOVE LETTER,
TO A LADY.
Most amiable Madam,
AFTER a long consideration of the great reputation, that you have in this nation; for my own preservation, I have a great inclination to become your relation: And to give demonstration of this my estimation, without equivocation, I am making preparation, by a speedy navigation, to remove my habitation, to a nearer situation, for to pay you adoration, for the sake of conversation."
And if this my declaration, may but find your approbation, it will impose an obligation, without dissimulation, from generation to generation upon
To which the Lady sent the following Answer. Man of Ostentation,
I am filled with admiration, and fired with indignation, at your fulsome adulation, and deceitful laudation. I (to your mortification) have a great detestation, to the constant tribulation, and usual vexation, of a conjugal station, and to hymen's abomination, love free evagation, without refranation, and have mighty delectation, in every recreation, sans secret reservation.
You may save your versification, (devoid of adoration) your intended peregrination, or further application, for they will meet with frustration.
Know my solemn protestation, my firm asseveration, and final adjudication, is to make no astipulation, or dull annexation, with a man not worth appellation, of age for regeneration.
When I incline to fornication, my plan of operation, is with a man of penetration, of vigorous corporation, a lover of association, and pleasing redintegration, yielding to gubernation; a despiser
ef recrimination, and all defamation, ready at vindication, without tergiversation.
I here send my negation, to your confabulation, all manner of replication, or any visitation, upon pain of castration, perhaps amputation, or total ruination; and leaving you to meditation, on all words ending in a-ti-on till you exhaust the termination, I without alteration, for my own conservation, sweet pacification, and real consolation, shall continue my fixration, in perpetual aberration, while there's any animation, in
当 * * *
"TWAS one morn, when the wind from the north
ward blew keenly, While sulleniy roard the big waves of the main, A fam'd smuggler, Will Watch, kiss'd his Sue
then serenely, Took helm, and to sea boldly steer'd out again. Will had promis'd his Sue that this trip, if well
ended, Shou'd coil up his hopes, and he'd anchor ashore; When his pockets were lin'd, why his life should be
mended; The laws he had broken, he'd never break mor His sea-boat was trim, made her port, took her
lading, Then Will stood for home, reach'd the offing,
and cried, This night, (if I've luck,) furls the sails of my
trading; In dock I can lay, serve a friend too beside. Will lay too till the night came on, darksome and
dreary; To croud ev'ry sail then he pip'd up each band; But a signal soon spied, ('twas a prospect an
cheery,) A signal that warn’d him to bear from the land.
The Philistines are out, (cries Will,) well, take no
heed on't: Attack'd who's the man that will Ainch from his
Shou'd my head be blown off, I shall ne'er feel the
need on't, We'll fight while we can), when we can't, boys,
we'll run. Through the haze of the night a bright flash now
appearing, Oh! Oh! cries Will Watch, the Philistines bear
down; Bear a hand, my tight lads, e'er we think about
sheering: One broadside pour in, shou'd we swim, boys,
But shou'd I be popp'd off; you, my mates, left
behind me, Regard my last words, see 'em kindly obey'd ; Let no stone mark the spot; and my friends, do
you mind me, Near the beach is the grave where Will Watch
would be laid. Poor Will's yarn was spun out, for a bullet next
minute, Laid him low on the deck, and he never spoke His bold crew fought the brig while a shot remain'd
in it; Then sheer'd--and Will's hulk to his Susan they
bore. In the dead of the night his last wish was complied
with; To few known his grave, and to few known his
He was borne to the earth by the crew that he died
with, He'd the tears of his Susan, the prayers of each
friend. Near his grave dash the billows, the winds loudly
bellow; Yon ash, struck with lightning, points out the
cold bed Where Will Watch, the bold smuggler, that fam’d.
lawless fellow, Once fear'd, now forgot, sleeps in peace with
FRIEND OF MY SOUL,
FRIEND of my Soul! this Goblet sip
'Twill chace thy pensive tear ; 'Tis not so sweet as Woman's lip,
But oh ! 'tis more sincere : Like her delusive beam,
'Twill steal away thy mind, But like affection's dream,
It leaves no sting behind.
These flowers were cull'd at noon,
But ah! not half so soon; For tho' the flower's decay'd,
It's fragrance is not o’er; But once when love's betray'd,
The heart can bloom no more.
* * * *
1. AT the close of the American war, as a noble lord, of high naval character, was returning home
to his family, after various escapes from danger, he was detained a day at Holyhead by contrary winds. Reading in a summer house he heard the well known sound of bullets whistling near him, he looked about, and found that two balls had just passed through the door close beside him; he looked out of the window, and saw two gentlemen who were just charging their pistols again, and, as he guessed that they had been shooting at a mark upon the door, he rushed out, and very civilly remonstrated with them, upon the imprudance of firing at the door of a house, without having previously examined whether any one was within side. One of them immediately answered, in a tone which proclamed at once his disposition and his country---.“ Sir, I did not know you were within there, and I don't know who you are now ; but if I've given offence, I am willing,” said he, holding out the ready-charg'd pistols, “to give you the satisfaction of a gentleman----take your choice."
With his usual presence of mind, the noble lord seized hold of both the pistols, and said to his astonished countryman---
--- Do me the justice, Sir, to go into that summer-house, shut the door, and let me take two shots at you, then we shall be upon equal terms; and I shall be quite at your service to give or receive the satisfaction of a gentle
There was an air of drollery and of superiority in his manner, which, at once, struck and pleased the Hibernian--
----" Upon my conscience, Sir, I believe you are a very honest fellow," said he, looking at him earnestly in the face, “and I've a great mind to shake hands with you,.--Will you only just tell me who you are ?"
The nobleman told his name---a name dear to every Briton and every Irishman!
“I beg your pardon; and that's what no man ever accused me of doing before,” cried the gallant Hibernian; " and, had I known who you were, I