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"Fine work, Miss, out upon't," cries I,
"I'll knock up your papa.'

Spoken.]---"No, no, you won't:”. ---" I shall; ? worthy old soul, to be treated in this manner.". "Here, here, take this."--" Oh! you villain; want to bribe an honest watchman---and with such a trifle too!"--" Well, well, here is more!"----"More! you seem to be a spirited lad---now go-make her a good husband---I am glad you trick'd the old hunks. Good night, I wish you safe to Gretna Green.

Then to my box I creep,
And then fall fast asleep.

What's that? St. Paul's strikes two,

The lovers off, what does I do

But gives the father warning;

And loudly bawls,

As strikes St. Paul's,

Past two o'clock, and a cloudy morning.

Then towards the square from my box I looks,
I hear such a ranting and roaring,

'Tis Pharoah's whole host, and the pigeons and rooks

Are laughing, and singing, and swearing.
Then such a hubbub and din

How they blaspheme and curse:
"That thief has stole my diamond pin,
Watch! watch! I've lost my purse!"

Spoken.]" Watch! watch! here, I charge you ;" "Honest people can't go home without being robbed.---Which is the thief?"--"That's the thief who tricked me out of two hundred pounds this evening."--"Ah, that you know is all in the way of business; but which is the thief that stole. the gentleman's purse?"--" That's him.""What, Sam Snatch! give it to me, Sam.---He. has not got your purse---you are mistaken in your man. Go home peaceably, and don't oblige me. to take you to the watch house."

Then to my box I creep,
And then falls fast asleep;

What's that? St. Paul's strikes three;
Thus from all roguery I gets free,

By giving people warning;

And loudly bawls,

As strikes St. Paul's,

Past three o'clock, and a cloudy morning.

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HIPPESLY's DRUNKEN MAN.

SO, here I am, after all, thanks to a strong brain, a steady gait, and a sober understanding; the rascals thought to have sent me home drunk, but I came away as sober as I'd wish to be. I cannot think what pleasure people take in getting drunk: it only serves to rob a man of his understanding, and makes his words totally un in-tether in-therable---Betty, Betty, bring me a pint of half and half, put it into one mug, and be sure you don't mix it; do you hear?---Well I'll sit down a little, then I'll go to bed--why the back of this chair is behind, and that's more than ever I saw before--What have we got here? the newspaper, well let us see---(reads) Yesterday, as a certain great personage was going in his chaise to Windsor, he fell a-sleep with the candle in his hand, and set fire to the bed curtains ;"--well, that might have happened, and all from the carelessness of the driver- (reads again) "" Extract of a letter from Rome. A few weeks ago his Holiness the Pope was brought to bed of twins"---that's a damn'd lie---(reads again) "On Saturday next the little manager in the Haymarket will shut up his theatre."--Well; that's tit for tat: he has done all he can to shut up another man's theatre, and now he's obliged to shut up his own.---(reads again) "The Theatre Drury-Lane will open on

Saturday next, with the School for Scandal and the Quaker."--why that's apropos enough; they have acted scandalously, and now they are quaking for fear.(reads again)" On Monday the Theatre Royal, Covent Garden, will open with the Merry Wives of Windsor; or the Humours of Sir John Falstaff.” ---Why that's apropos too; for they have been leaning upon a false-staff all along.--(reads again) "Deserted about the beginning of June last, Mr. Quick, commedian."----deserted! why I never knew he was a Soldier. Oh; deserted from the Royalty Theatre, I suppose they mean.--(reads again) "Yesterday two gentlemen of property at the east end of the town, were forced out of Covent Garden Theatre for hissing, and carried before Sir Samson Wright, who found they were right, told them he did not at first ford into the business, but now he was able to drive into it, he perceived a Small--Coleman was at the bottom of it, was sorry they had been so harrassed; and quickly discharged. 'em."---(Rises) I went to dine with my Lord what d'ye call um yesterday, and he took me to the raceground to see his horse run, so he lost the first heat and won the second; so says I, "My lord I give you joy." "Joy of what?" says he: "Your horse is come in first at last." "First at last, my Lord; what do you mean?" "Why he came in behind before."---I asked a friend the other day to go along with me to see the play of Hamlet, Prince of Dunkirk. "Hamlet, Prince of Dunkirk, says he, I never heard of such a man, and I have got all the Roman Emperors in my closet at home, but I don't know any of their names that begins with an H, except it be Titus Vespasian."-An odd accident happened in my family the other day; the Coachman and Cook quarrelled about who had travelled farthest, so in the scuffle the Cook pushed the Coachman into the dripping pan; "Damn me, says the Coachman, but I have travelled farther than you, for I have been into Greece." And so he had, for he was all over

grease.---I don't suppose there is a man happier than I am in a family; have as good a wife as a man would wish to part with, and as fine children as a man would stick a knife into.---There's my little boy Tom, he writes two very fine hands: one he can't read himself, and the other nobody else can read for him. My boy Bill had a terrible accident happen to him the other day, in turning round the corner of a street he ran against a Lawyer, and has never been able to speak a word of truth since. My little daughter Sal is a sensable slut, she was in the kitchen the other day and her mother was taking a red hot iron out ot the fire to put into the heater, the child clapt her hand upon it, and damn me if she did not take it away without bidding; she's so sharp I don't think she can live long she spent a week with the parson of the parish some time ago, and curse me if she did not mend his black stockings with white worsted, and sent the parson hopping to church like a magpye... Where the devil shall I hide my money to night, my wife always searches for it? Oh! in the Bible, she never looks there, that's the best place by far, though she's very fond of the Whole duty of Man; she's very pious, she knocks of the heels of her shoes on a Saturday night that she mayn't go to church on a Sunday.---Betty, Betty, that damn'd jade goes up stairs, forty times a day, and never comes down again, Betty, I say Betty.

TRUE COURAGE.

WHY what's that to you if my eyes I'm a wiping, A tear is a pleasure, d'ys see in its way;

'Tis nonsense for trifles I own to be piping, But they that han't pity, why I pities they.

Says the captain, says he, I shall never forget it,

If of courage you'd know, lads, the true from the sham,

"'Tis a furious lion in battle, so let it,

"But, duty appeas'd, 'tis in mercy a lamb."

There was bustling Bob Bounce, for the old one not caring,

Helter skelter, to work, pelt away, cut and drive, Swearing he for his part had no notion of sparing, And as for a foe, why he'd eat him alive;

But when that he found an old prisoner he'd wounded,

That once sav'd his life as near drowning he

swam;

The lion was tam'd, and with pity confounded,
He cried over him just the same as a lamb.

That my friend Jack or Tom, I should rescue from danger,

Or lay my life down for each lad in the mess, Is nothing at all, 'tis the poor wounded stranger, And the poorer the more shall I succour distress: For however their duty bold tars may delight in,

And peril defy, as a bugbear, a flam,!

Though the lion may feel surly pleasure in fighting, He'll feel more by compassion, when turn'd to a lamb.

The heart and the eyes you see feel the same mo tion,

And if both shed their drops, 'tis all to the same end:

And thus 'tis that every tight lad of the ocean

Sheds his blood for his country, his tears for his friend.

If my maxim's disease, 'tis disease I shall die on, You may snigger and titter, I don't care a damn! In me let the foe feel the paw of a lion,

But, the battle once ended, the heart of a lamb.

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