the foot of Lunnun Bridge? splice my vitais, if that 'ant downright navigation, and can't be desolved. My wife is one of the cleverest Men in our parish, she always makes her mutton pies of beef stakes, but she lost her cuckold to spit 'em with, and damn me if I was'nt behind her the whole time.---But here was a joke! for the cost of the whole was but five shillings, and we paid them a crown, but the man that had the cash ran away with the money. I don't like the Guilotine, because it takes away one's breath. My maid says our Tom cat pupp'd! the devil she has says I, and the cat laugh'd. I went 'tother day to see Mr. Sharp, who should come in but Mr. Flat, but there's no seeing him he's so fat, for he hid himself behind the handle of the hair broom. What a happy country do we live in, we all have the Lib-Liberty of getting D--runk, and the Pip--Privilege of paying for it. (I likes fun) so as I was saying, we drove a blind horse into a china shop, ay you. When I was a boy, I always thought I should cut a fine figure in history, and be as great a man, and have as many lives as Dr. Johnson, for damn me if I did'nt learn the Vulgar Tongue without a grammar. Well, I always reverence an English Jury, for their great understanding, my cousin Sam was indicted for a rape, and splice my vitals, if they did'nt bring it in she--sheep stealing, (takes up a paper) Wanted by the office of Ordinance, Whitehall, several ton of brimstone, the only Dutch Merchant to contract with for that, is the Devil. Let me see, my moon informs me, that last Good Friday is next Easter Monday! What a good thing it is to be an Accountant: I forgot to remember to tell ye what a wonderful memory have, I always know, by my wife, when it's high water at Cuckold's point, and she will have it the shortest day is too long by a yard and a half; but I am so doatingly fond of her, that if she long'd for Arsnic, I'd go ten miles but what she should have it. They can't deceive me in nautical affairs,

I

for I understand Greek as much as Hebrew, and can always find out a tavern in Lunnun by the map of York. What a fine thing it is to be charitable like a Bishop, I give a great deal away, but it is always to myself; for there's nobody knows the world better than I do, because as how I have travelled, I have been three times to Bath in a Gravesend boat, and twice to Margate, to bathe and drink water; as for my money, I'm so cunning, I always put that in a toothpick case, for fear of the lawyers. But as I study temperance, chastity, and sob--sobriety, I know of no shell-fish better for a man to eat than pigeon pie, so as I have din'd all the other Emperors in Europe may go to dinner. Here Water, Vater, bring me a dish of water, and a glass of Coffee, slice me like a lemon and chuck me.in ; I love's good Punch. Keep it up, keep it up! Bucks have at ye all. This is life damme! (sings)

I'm a lad full of spunk, thro' the garden I reel;
And, for tippling, I'm always the sort,

Bowls, glasses, and watchmen my courage all feel,
By the votries of Bacchus I'm taught;

Keep it up, keep it up, with a song let us boast;
For chaunting and drinking's divine!

Fill the bowl with good nectar, I'll give you a toast;
"May we never want Women and Wine."
(Now I'll go home steadily to the Sha--Shakespear) >
"May we never want Women and Wine."

CHALK AND CHEESE..

A MAN of Wales, betwixt St. David's day and Easter,

Run in his Hostess's score, for Cheese great store,,

a teaster;

His Hostess Chalks it up behind the door,

And says, for Cheese, come sir, discharge tliis

score ;

Cot zounds, quoth he, what meanest these?

D'ye think hur knows not Chalk from Cheese?

THE CRIPPLED TAR.

AID a sailor, kind Sirs, who once felt it his glory,
To fight for his country, his king to defend,
O stop for a moment, and hear my sad story,

And deign when 'tis ended my wants to defend.

I once had a sweetheart, whose vows I shall never Forget, when she said it would grieve her to part, And that happen what might she would love me for ever,

If time did not alter the worth of my heart.

We set sail from Plymouth, a French ship gave us battle.

And I was determin'd to conquer or die,
Undaunted, around me I heard the balls rattle,
And lost in the contest an arm and an eye.

Yet I thought not the loss of a limb in my duty,
To Nancy or me wou'd a sorrow impart,
One eye was still left me to gaze on her beauty,
And I knew what she priz'd in me most was my

heart.

But when maim'd and in want I regain'd Plymouth harbour,

And Nancy beheld my unfortunate plight;

Next morning she married Tom Halyard of Dover, And bade me no more venture into her sight.

NEIGHBOUR SLY:

THE passing bell was heard to toll,
John wail'd his loss with bitter cries,,
The parson pray'd for Mary's soul,
The sexton hid her from all eyes.
And art thou gone?

Cry'd wretched John;

O dear, 'twill kill me---I am dying!
Cry'd neighbour Sly,

While standing by,

"Lord, how this world is giv'n to lying!"

The throng retir'd; John left alone,
He meditated 'mongst the tombs,
And spelt out, on the mouldering stone,
What friends were gone to their long homes..
"You're gone before,"

Cry'd John, "No more!

"I shall come soon---I'm almost dying!" Cry'd neighbour Sly,

Still standing by,

"Lord, how this world is giv'n to lying!"

Here lie the bones, Heaven's will be done!
Of farmer Slug !---reader, would'st know .
Who to his mem'ry rais'd this stone:
'Twas his disconsolate widow!

Cry'd John, "Oh, ho,.

"To her I'll go ;--

"No doubt, with grief the widow's dying,' Cry'd neighbour Sly,

Still standing by,

"Lord, how this world is giv'n to lying!"

Their mutual grief was short and sweet!
Scarcely the passing bell had ceas'd,
When they sped :---the funeral meat
Was warm'd up for the marriage feast:.
They vow'd and swore,

Now o'er and o'er,

They ne'er would part 'till both were dying!.
Cry'd neighbour Sly,

Still standing by,

"Lord, how this world is giv'n to lying!"

Again to hear the passing bell,

John now a sort of hank'ring feels; Again his help-mate brags how well She can trip up a husband's heels; Again to the tomb

Each longs to come,

Again with tears, and sobs, and sighing,
For neighbour Sly,

Again to cry,

"Lord, how this world is giv'n to lying!".

THE TEA-TABLE.

THE inquest is set for the tea-things they call,
Miss Crab gave the kind invitation;

Miss Verjuice, Miss Razor, Miss Spleen, and Miss

Tiff,

Miss Hartshorn, Miss Scowl, and Miss Mump, and Miss Miff,

Miss Cholic, Miss Nose, and Miss Nerves, and
Miss Gall,

As a jury deliberate in grand consultation,
Not over such stuff as the affairs of the nation,
But over their neighbours' reputation.

Spoken.] Silence! You declare, by your forewoman, that you will, without hesitation, fear, or favour, rent, tear, split, tatter, fritter, transmogrify, torture, and disjoin the reputations, indifferently, of friends, foes, strangers, neighbours, young, old, rich, poor, married, single, handsome, ugly, short, or tall, and that you return an account of all the vices, absurdities, failings, caprices, follies, foibles, faults, weaknesses, attachments, hobby.