lady and a parrot in a cage--That fare can't go inside, one parrot's enough at a time.--No room for two ladies?--None at all for females; this is a mail coach.--Set me down at the butcher's shop; I should not like to be seen getting out of a coach. -Tie a handkerchief round your neck, Billy; you'll catch cold.--Yes; good bye grandpapa--give my love to grandmamma.--Hip! (Imitates the horn.) Then 'tis away we rattle, Jolly dogs and stylish cattle, And others come no doubt; (Spoken in different voices.)--Are my boxes all Safe?--You have put my trunk in a wrong coach. --Never fear, ma'am we shall overtake it.--What a figure you cut in that Welch wig.--Hold your tongue, sirrah; you've woke me out of a comfortable nap.--Keep the windows shut; I've got a cold and stiff neck--my little girl isn't well.--Keep your feet in; you've got your leg between mine..I don't mind it if the gentleman don't.--Hip! (Imitates the horn J Then 'tis away we rattle, Jolly dogs and stylish cattle, DISTRESS ON DISTRESS; OR, MISS WIGLEY AND DEPUTY DENT. MISS WIGLEY, her lover call'd first of the fair; The pride of her heart was call'd Deputy Dent; She admir'd his sound teeth, he her fine head of hair He talk'd about marriage-she gave her consent. It happen'd unluckily, both in a breath, Made a vow, sober, serious, without fun or rig; She never to marry a man with false teeth, And he any woman that sported a wig. Now Miss Wigley a fever had had in her youth, That completely had left her dear head without hair; And a fall from a horse had dislodg'd every tooth, Of poor Deputy Dent, that is jaws were quite bare. One day at her toilette, he knock'd at the door, She, bare-headed, cried Betty, well here's a fine rig, What to do, cry'd Miss Wigley, I don't know, I'm sure; He must not, at all events, find out the wig. Bless my soul, is there nothing; lud what shall we do; I have it a good thought, I don't care a pin. So under her toilette, her caxon she threw, And manfully cried out, Sir, you may come in. He started, drew back, gave a kind of a hoot! Did fond lover e'er such an accident twig; She bridl❜d and courtsey'd, as bald as a coote, In her flutter, forgetting her head had no wig. With gravity he was no longer endued, His risible muscles unmasterable grew.; And while a loud volley of laughter ensued, His jaws he so stretch'd that out ev'ry tooth flew. Distress on distress! what will these lovers do Tho' neither could laugh, they both relish'd the rig, And somewhat consol'd, while each vow'd to be true, She pick'd up his teeth, and he search'd for her wig: THE JEW IN GRAIN. THE little poy, about the street, I cry to ev'ry one I meet, The rolla for the hair ; The shoe-string, shealing-wax I call, Well, twelve! so when they have it all, (Spoken.) So from my cradle I was a Jew, and my grandfather Shadrach, was a Jew; and my grandmother Rebecca, was a Jew; and my father Ismael, and my mother Stuzebal, was a Jew; and my uncle Zebulon, and my aunt Bathsheba, and my cousins Absolam, and Nathan, and Jereboam, and Eleazar, and Gibeon, and Manassah, and Joshua was all Jew; and all teach me to give up father, mother, wife, cousin, and sell my life and body, and soul, and every ting in the world, and trick the very Tevil himself for the monish. So a ferry apt scholar I pretty well prove, I ket hold of the cash, and the timond and pearl, And peg, porrow, and steal, for the monish I love, More petter as any one ting in the world. To cry old cloash I go my rounds, I cheat um all so clean; The coat what cost a tousand pounds, I sell a vatch for moshe good deal, And puy um back again. (Spoken.)-So by tis time I come on pretty vell. I take in the pawn, and I ket the silver melted down in Duke's Place, and purn the cold lace in Rosemary-Lane, and I plug the kinny, and I sweat the kinny; and I make hole in the shilling, and say he all so lucky, and I make little tye for the coin, and the water mark for the bank note; but I take care never to be fone out; let who will hang, I keep my neck out e de halter. I give pail. I vas the very Jew my Lord Judge say he vill purn for the monish. I suppose he mean go to the Tevil, but I don't care moshe for dat. So true to my interest I vat you call prove; I finger the cash, and the timond and pearl, And peg, porrow and steal, for the monish I love, More petter as any one ting in the world. A great man come, I take moshe care, On Stock Exchange the pull and pear, I ket my filla; cut a dash; Crow purse-proud, rich and great; To the black leg lend my cash, They mortgage their estate. (Spoken.) So all my life I never tink of any ting but the monish. When I sold the rolla, and the shoe-string, and the shealing wax, I was ket shent per shent; when I have cry old cloash, I was ket shent per shent; when I coak the spendthrift, sell the lottery ticket, feed the gaming-table, the hazard, the faro, all these tings, I was ket shent per shent ; and now I roll in luxury, cheat all the people, take in the flat; let out my pretty kall, my little decoy duck ;---Ah, ah, dat is the fay to make de menish! And as to my interest so constant she prove, I give her the cash and the timond and pearl, And the monisk excepted, my charmer Ilove, More petter as any one ting in the world. ******** PETER M'CAWLEY'S WIFE AND THE DOCTOR. Tune--Heigho! says Rowley. A LITTLE old woman was taken ill, A little old woman was taken ill, Heigh! says Peter M'Cawley. The doctor he came to feel her hand, The Doctor he came to feel her hand, When he found her so drunk that she coudn't well stand, With her gin-bottle, wet throttle, Talk away, mug away, Heigh! says Peter M'Cawley. Says the doctor, says he, I must open a vein, Says the doctor, says he, I must open a vein, With her rowley powley, Says the doctor, says he, why then you're dead, Says the doctor, says he, why then you're dead, Heigh says Peter M'Cawley. Oh! oh! says the doctor, is this your fun? Oh! oh! says the doctor, is this your fun? Gammon and physic, |