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TRAITS

OF

AMERICAN HUMOUR.

I.

THE EDITOR'S CREED.

He takes up the crook, not that the sheep may be fed, but that he may never want a warm woollen suit and a joint of mutton.

For which reason I would derive the name editor not so much from edo, to publish, as from edo, to eat, that being the peculiar profession to which he esteems himself called. He blows up the flames of political discord for no other occasion than that he may thereby handily boil his own pot. I believe

VOL. II.

B

there are two thousand of these mutton-loving shepherds in the United States, and of these, how many have even the dimmest perception of their immense power, and the duties consequent thereon ? Here and there, haply, one.

Nine hundred and ninety-nine labour to impress upon the people the great principles of Tweedledum, and other nine hundred and ninety-nine preach with equal earnestness the doctrines according to Tweedledee.

I du believe in Freedom's cause,

Ez fur away ez Paris is;
I love to see her stick her claws

In them infarnal Pharisees ;
It's wal enough agin a king

To dror resolves an' triggers,
But libbaty's a kind o’thing

That don't agree with niggers.

I du believe the people want

A tax on teas an' coffees,
Thet nothin' aint extravygunt,

Purvidin' I'm in office;

Fer I hev loved my country sence

My eye-teeth filled their sockets, An' Uncle Sam I reverence,

Partic'larly his pockets.

I du believe in any plan

O' levyin' the taxes,
Ez long ez, like a lumberman,

I git jest wut I axes :
I go free-trade thru thick an' thin,

Because it kind o'rouses The folks to vote,—an' keeps us in

Our quiet custom-houses.

I du believe it's wise an' good

To sen' out furrin missions, Thet is, on sartin understood

An' orthydox conditions ;I mean nine thousan' dolls. per ann.,

Nine thousan' more fer outfit, An' me to recommend a man

The place 'ould jest about fit.

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