city innumerable worthy gentlemen, who have embraced that honourable order, not for the sordid love of filthy lucre, nor the selfish cravings of renown, but through no other motives than a fervent zeal for the correct administration of justice, and a generous and disinterested devotion to the interests of their fellow citizens !-Sooner would I throw this trusty pen into the flames, and cork up my inkbottle for ever, than infringe, even for a nail'sbreadth, upon the dignity of this truly benevolent class of citizens; on the contrary, I allude solely to that crew of caitiff scouts, who, in these latter days of evil, have become so numerous-who infest the skirts of the profession, as did the recreant Cornish knights the honourable order of chivalry-who, under its auspices, commit their depredations on society-who thrive by quibbles, quirks, and chicanery; and, like vermin, swarm most where there is most corruption.

Nothing so soon awakens the malevolent passions as the facility of gratification. The courts of law would never be so constantly crowded with petty, vexatious, and disgraceful suits, were it not for the herds of pettifogging lawyers that infest them. These tamper with the passions of the lower and more ignorant classes; who, as if poverty were not a sufficient misery in itself, are always ready to heighten it, by the bitterness of litigation. They are in law what quacks are in medicine-exciting the malady for the purpose of profiting by the cure; and retarding the cure for the purpose of augmenting the fees. Where one destroys the constitution, the other impoverishes the purse; and it may likewise be observed, that a patient, who has once been under the hands of a quack, is ever after dabbling in drugs, and poisoning himself with infallible remedies; and an ignorant man, who has once meddled with the law, under the auspices of one of these empirics, is for ever after embroiling himself with his neighbours, and impoverishing himself with successful lawsuits.

My readers will excuse this digression, into which I have been unwarily betrayed; but I could not avoid giving a cool, unprejudiced account of an abomination too prevalent in this excellent city, and with the effects of which I am unluckily acquainted to my cost; having been nearly ruined by a lawsuit, which was unjustly decided against me, and my ruin having been completed by another, which was decided in my favour.

It has been remarked by the observant writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript, that under the administration of Wilhelmus Kieft, the disposition of the inhabitants of New-Amsterdam experienced an essential change, so that they became very meddlesome and factious. The constant exacerbations of temper into which the little governor was thrown, by the maraudings on his frontiers, and unfortunate propensity to experiment and innovation, occasioned him to keep his council in a continual worry—and the council being to the people at large, what yeast or leaven is to a batch, they threw the whole community into a ferment-and the people at large being to the city what the mind is to the body, the unhappy commotions they underwent operated most disastrously upon NewAmsterdam-insomuch that, in certain of their paroxysms of consternation and perplexity, they begat several of the most crooked, distorted, and abominable streets, lanes, and alleys, with which this metropolis is disfigured.

But the worst of the matter was, that just about this time, the mob, since called the sovereign people, like Balaam's ass, began to grow more enlightened than its rider, and exhibited a strange desire of governing itself. This was another effect of the "universal acquirements" of William the Testy. In some of his pestilent researches among the rubbish of antiquity, he was struck with admiration at the institution of public tables among the Lacedæmonians, where they discussed topics of a general and interesting nature- at the schools of the philosophers,

where they engaged in profound disputes upon politics and morals-where gray beards were taught the rudiments of wisdom, and youths learned to become little men, before they were boys. "There is nothing," said the ingenious Kieft, shutting up the book "there is nothing more essential to the well management of a country, than education among the people; the basis of a good government should be laid in the public mind." Now this was true enough; but it was ever the wayward fate of William the Testy, that when he thought right, he was sure to go to work wrong. In the present instance, he could scarcely eat or sleep, until he had set on foot brawling debating societies, among the simple citizens of New-Amsterdam. This was the one thing wanting to complete his confusion. The honest Dutch burghers, though in truth but little given to argument or wordy altercation, yet by dint of meeting often together, fuddling themselves with strong drink, beclouding their brains with tobacco smoke, and listening to the harangues of some half a dozen oracles, soon became exceedingly wise, and, as is always the case where the mob is politically enlightened, exceedingly discontented. They found out, with wonderful quickness of discernment, the fearful error in which they had indulged, in fancying themselves the happiest people in creation; and were fortunately convinced that, all circumstances to the contrary notwithstanding, they were a very unhappy, deluded, and consequently ruined people!

In a short time the quidnuncs of New-Amsterdam formed themselves into sage juntos of political croakers, who daily met together to groan over political affairs, and make themselves miserable; thronging to these unhappy assemblages with the same eagerness, that zealots have in all ages abandoned the milder and more peaceful paths of religion, to crowd to the howling convocations of fanaticism. We are naturally prone to discontent, and avaricious after imaginary causes of lamentation:---like lubberly monks,

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we belabour our own shoulders, and seem to take a vast satisfaction in the music of our own groans. Nor is this said for the sake of paradox; daily experience shows the truth of these observations. It is next to a farce to offer consolation, or to think of elevating the spirits of a man groaning under ideal calamities; but nothing is more easy than to render him wretched, though on the pinnacle of felicity; as it is an Herculean task to hoist a man to the top of a steeple, though the merest child can topple him off thence.

In the sage assemblages I have noticed the philosophic reader will at once perceive the faint germs of those sapient convocations called popular meetings, prevalent in our day. Thither resort all those idlers and "squires of low degree," who, like rags, hang loose upon the back of society, and are ready to be blown away by every wind of doctrine. Cobblers abandoned their stalls, and hastened thither to give lessons on political economy. blacksmiths left their handicraft and suffered their own fires to go out, while they blew the bellows and stirred up the fire of faction; and even tailors, though but the shreds and patches, the ninth parts of humanity, neglected their own measures, to attend to the measures of government. Nothing was wanting but half a dozen newspapers and patriotic editors, to have completed this public illumination, and to have thrown the whole province in an uproar !

I should not forget to mention that these popular meetings were always held at a noted tavern; for houses of that description have always been found the most congenial nurseries of politics; abounding with those genial streams which give strength and sustenance to faction. We are told that the ancient Germans had an admirable mode of treating any question of importance; they first deliberated upon it when drunk, and afterwards reconsidered it when

sober.

The shrewder mobs of America, who dislike

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having two minds upon a subject, both determine and act upon it drunk; by which means a world of cold and tedious speculations is dispensed with--and as it is universally allowed, that when a man is drunk he sees double; it follows most conclusively that he sees twice as well as his sober neighbours.

CHAP. VI.

Of the great Pipe Plot-and of the dolorous Perplexi-
ties into which William the Testy was thrown, by
reason of his having enlightened the Multitude.

WILHELMUS KIEFT, as has already been made mani-
fest, was a great legislator upon a small scale.
He was
of an active or rather a busy mind; that is to say, his
was one of those small, but brisk minds, that make up by
bustle and constant motion, for the want of great scope
and power. He had, when quite a youngling, been im-
pressed with the advice of Solomon, "Go to the ant,
thou sluggard, consider her ways and be wise:" in con-
formity to which, he had ever been of a restless, antlike
turn, worrying hither and thither, busying himself about
little matters, with an air of great importance and anxiety
-laying up wisdom by the morsel, and often toiling and
puffing at a grain of mustard seed, under the full convic-
tion that he was moving a mountain.

Thus we are told, that once upon a time, in one of his fits of mental bustle, which he termed deliberation, he framed an unlucky law, to prohibit the universal practice of smoking. This he proved, by mathematical demonstration, to be not merely a heavy tax on the public pocket, but an incredible consumer of time, a hideous encourager of idleness, and, of course, a deadly bane to the prospe