From my childhood I took a pleasure in reading the scriptures, and other godly books, especially the book of Common Prayer, whose prayers and lessons for the day, I delighted to commit to memory. From the age of eight years, I was under conviction of sin, and my conscience was kept very tender. Every thing which I conceived to be sin, brought great guilt upon my spirit; and I could get no relief, until I had worn it off by prayer; and then my conscience was eased, although I did not think I was quite whole, until I had received the forgiveness of my sins, which I was made to believe, from my mother's conversation, to be a feeling thing. This I knew I had never experienced, for sin distressed me; but I concluded that God was a merciful God, and that my continual crying to him, by a regular and diligent attendance at church, by saying the Lord's prayer so many times a day, and keeping from sin, I would surely move his heart, and induce him to grant me a knowledge of the pardon of my sins. Indeed, I knew nothing of the way of salvation, as it is alone by the blood and righteousness of the Lord Jesus Christ. I was seeking my life by the filthy rags of my own righteousness, being a stranger and an enemy to God; and often thought myself better than others, and doubtless in a fairer way for heaven. While in this pharisaical state, I was frequently perplexed with dreams of death and judgment, viewing myself as standing before the Judge of all the earth, to receive

my sentence, 'Go, ye cursed, from my presence ;' the whole world in flames, and I having no God to shelter me from the devouring fire, because my sins were not forgiven. These dreams always proved as new springs to the wheels of my legal diligence, and double and treble duty did I perform to procure the favour of God. Yet with all my labour I fell short, which brought so much guilt on my conscience, that I have been afraid to close my eyes to sleep, lest I should awake in hell. Thus I went on for seven years, sinning and repenting, insomuch that no galley slave could work harder than I did, to get an interest in the favor of God and secure my own salvation. And at times I have been so wrought up into pleasurable emotion, in singing and praying in secret, that I had no doubt the Lord would pardon my sins, and take.me to heaven, until another dream of the judgment day, destroyed all my comfort, and turned my hopes upside down again.

When I was fourteen years old, my father died; and a great deliverance it was to my dear mother, and also a great comfort; as she believed he was plucked as a brand from the burning, having very terrible convictions which apparently terminated in a saving conversion. This dispensation much aroused me, and also gave me encouragment; as I had always considered him the greatest sinner on the face of the earth, and hence concluded there could be no room for me to doubt.*

*I never remember hearing a doubt thrown on my father's sal

Having been an eye and ear witness, that the mercy of God had reached my father, in the forgiveness of all his sins, as he exclaimed aloud before us all, so I judged I had nothing to fear on the ground of God's mercy, could I perform works of righteousness enough to recommend me to that mercy. I went to work in good earnest, performing double duties; but insuperable difficulties met me in my progress. At this time, I was forming intimacies with the young and the gay, as I conceived I was just entering into life, so that my sins gained upon my hands, and I could not do duty enough to pacify my conscience. I resolved again and again; I promised, but never could perform; which almost drove me distracted, and often deprived me of the enjoyment of youthful pleasure, which my heart was at that time much set upon.

Becoming weary, at length, of this round of sinning and repenting, I resolved to lay religion to one side, until I was married and settled in life, when I promised myself I would take it up in sober earnestness. This resolution I put into practice; laying my religion to one side, as I would a garment, that I had no occasion for, until the season came round to wear it again.

I was now like a bird let out of a cage. I flew to every scene of pleasure and amusement to which I was

vation by my mother or any of the friends, and in course I could have none: but my opinion in regard to death-bed conversions has undergone a change.

invited. I could go without the annoyance of an accusing conscience, and enjoy the company of my young friends, and what is falsely called, innocent amusement, with pleasure and delight.

However, my conscience was not given over to entire stupidity and hardness. For often did I get a most terrible shaking by means of storms of thunder and lightning. Then my frights and fears were beyond description; apprehending that the terrible day of Judgment, which I had so often seen in my dreams, might have come; and the thought of an everlasting departure from God, wounded me to the quick. Oh! that word which I feared, Depart from me ye cursed,' did cut my heart like a razor-I could not endure it. Then I cried to God to abate the storm, that it might not prove to be that dreadful day, promising amendment of life when it was over. But my resolutions vanished with the tempest that had forced me to them. I had a desire to be religious, but I had no courage to be singular.

When I was about eighteen years of age, I became acquainted with a young man, who had gained my mother's consent to pay his addresses to me. To this, I had, at that time, no objection; although I knew he was a deist in his principles: but as he was in easy circumstances, and could take me to parties of pleasure, both on the Sabbath day and in the week, I waived all objections that might arise from the consideration

of his irreligious character; hoping, moreover, that the good example which I intended to set him after marriage, might have an influence in correcting his principles and ordering his manner of life. His addresses to me, finally issued in a marriage engage

ment.

Oh! who can fathom the depths of divine providence, or understand the sovereign way of God, in snatching a poor, proud, blind, ignorant, condemned sinner from the pit of hell. Oh! marvellous grace! How great a debtor to it I am constrained to be!

About this time, there was a black preacher from America, whose name was John Merrit. My mother had heard him preach in Whitfield's tabernacle, with great satisfaction; and had likewise obtained a small pamphlet, giving an account of the heavy law work which he had had upon his soul, and also of the manner in which he was brought into gospel liberty, by the power of the Holy Ghost. Hearing my mother speak so much in praise of a colored person, I thought I would read his narrative; which to the praise of sovereign grace, I did. When reading of his law work, and of the terrible flashes of mount Sinai, ready to burst upon his guilty soul, my heart sunk as a stone within me. If this is religion, thought I, then I have never known any thing about it. I then saw that I was entirely ignorant of the way in which God saves sinners, by his own free grace. The delusive confi