LANDLORD.

(Apart to Tony) Sure, you ben't fending them to father's as an inn, be you?

your

TONY.

Mum, You fool you. Let them find that out (To them.) You have only to keep on ftraight forward, till you come to a large old houfe by the road fide. You'll fee a pair of large horns over the door. That's the fign. Drive up the yard, and call ftoutly about you.

HASTINGS.

The fervants can't

Sir, we are obliged to you.

mifs the way?

TONY.

No, no: but I tell you though, the landlord is rich, and going to leave off business; so he wants to be thought a gentleman, faving your prefence, he! he he! He'll be for giving you his company, and ecod if you mind him, he'll perfuade you that his mother was an alderman, and his aunt a justice of peace.

LANDLORD.

A troublesome old blade to be fure; but a keeps as good wines and beds as any in the whole country.

MARLOW.

Well, if he supplies us with thefe, we shall want no farther connection. We are to turn to the right, did you fay?

TONY.

TONY.

No, no; ftraight forward. I'll just step myself, and shew you a piece of the way. (To the landlord.) Mum.

LANDLORD.

Ah, bless your heart, for a fweet, pleasant dam'd mischievous fon of a whore.

[Exeunt

ACT

ACT THE SECOND.

SCENE, an old-fashioned House.

Enter HARDCASTLE, followed by three or four aukward fervants.

HARDCASTLE.

WELL, I hope you are perfect in the table ex

ercise I have been teaching you these three days. You all know your posts and your places, and can fhew that you have been used to good company, without ever stirring from home.

Aye, aye.

OMNES.

HARDCASTLE.

When company comes, you are not to pop out and ftare, and then run in again, like frighted rabbits in a warren.

No, no.

OMNES.

HARDCASTLE.

You, Diggory, whom I have taken from the barn, are to make a fhew at the fide-table; and you, Roger, whom I have advanced from the plough, are to

place

place yourself behind my chair.

But you're not to ftand fo, with your hands in your pockets. Take your hands from your pockets, Roger; and from

your head, you blockhead you.

carries his hands.

See how Diggory

They're a little too ftiff, indeed,

but that's no great matter.

DIGGORY.

Aye, mind how I hold them. I learned to hold my hands this way, when I was upon drill for the militia. And fo being upon drill

HARDCASTLE.

You must not be fo talkative, Diggory. You must be all attention to the guests.

You must hear

us taik, and not think of talking; you must fee us drink, and not think of drinking; you must fee us eat, and not think of eating.

By the laws, your worship, that's parfely unpoffible. Whenever Diggory fees yeating going forward, ecod he's always wishing for a mouthful himfelf.

HARDCASTLE.

Blockhead! Is not a belly-full in the kitchen as good as a belly-full in the parlour? Stay your stomach with that reflection.

DIGGORY.

Ecod I thank your worship, I'll make a fhift to ftay my ftomach with a flice of cold beef in the pantry.

HARD

HARDCASTLE.

Diggory, you are too talkative. Then if I happen to fay a good thing, or tell a good ftory at table, you must not all burft out a-laughing, as if you made part of the company.

DIGGORY.

Then ecod your worship must not tell the story of ould groufe in the gun room: I can't help laughing at that he he! he!-for the foul of me. We have laughed at that these twenty years-ha! ha! ha!

HARDCASTLE.

Ha ha ha! The ftory is a good one. Well, honeft Diggory, you may laugh at that-but ftill remember to be attentive. Suppofe one of the company should call for a glass of wine, how will you behave? A glafs of wine, Sir, if you pleafe, (To Diggory)-Eh, why don't you move?

DIGGORY.

Ecod, your worship, I never have courage till I fee the eatables and drinkables brought upo' the table, and then I'm as bauld as a lion.

HARDCASTLE.

What, will nobody move?

FIRST SERVANT.

I'm not to leave this place.

SECOND SERVANT.

I'm fure it's no place of mine.