LANDLORD. I believe they may. They look woundily like Frenchmen. TONY. Then defire them to ftep this way, and I'll fet them right in a twinkling. (Exit Landlord.) Gentlemen, as they may'nt be good enough company for you, ftep down for a moment, and I'll be with you in the fqueezing of a lemon. [Exeunt mob. TONY, folus. Father-in-law has been calling me whelp, and hound, this half year. Now, if I pleafed, I could be fo revenged upon the old grumbletonian. But then I'm afraid-afraid of what! I fhall foon be worth fifteen hundred a year, and let him frighten me out of that if he can. Enter LANDLORD, conducting MARLOW and HASTINGS. MARLOW. What a tedious uncomfortable day have we had of it! We were told it was but forty miles across the country, and we have come above threefcore. HASTINGS. And all, Marlow, from that unaccountable referve of yours, that would not let us inquire more frequently on the way. MAR MARLOW. I own, Haftings, I am unwilling to lay myself under an obligation to every one I meet; and often ftand the chance of an unmannerly answer. HASTINGS. At prefent, however, we are not likely to receive any answer.. TONY. No offence, gentlemen. But I'm told you have been inquiring for one Mr. Hardcastle in those Do you know what part of the country you parts. are in ? HASTINGS. Not in the leaft, Sir, but fhould thank you for information. TONY. Nor the way you came? HASTINGS. No, Sir? but if you can inform us TONY. Why, gentlemen, if you know neither the road you are going, nor where you are, nor the road you came, the first thing I have to inform you is, thatyou have loft your way. MARLOW. We wanted no ghoft to tell us that. TONY. Pray, gentlemen, may I be fo bold as to ask the place from whence you came? MARLOW. That's not neceffary towards directing us where we are to go, TONY. No offence; but question for question is all fair, you know. Pray, gentlemen, is not this fame. Hardcastle a cross-grain'd, old fashion'd, whimsical fellow, with an ugly face; a daughter, and a pretty fon ? HASTINGS. We have not feen the gentleman, but he has the family you mention. TONY. The daughter, a tall, trapefing, trolloping, talkative maypole the fon, a pretty, well-bred, agreeable youth, that every body is fond of. MARLOW. Our information differs in this. The daughter is faid to be well bred and beautiful; the fon, an aukward booby, reared up, and fpoiled at his mother's apron-ftring. TONY. He-he-hem!-Then, gentlemen, all I have to tell you is, that you won't reach Mr. Hardcaftle's houfe this night, I believe. Unfortunate! HASTINGS. TONY. It's a damn'd long, dark, boggy, dirty, dangerous way. Stingo, tell the gentlemen the way to Mr. Mr. Hardcaftel's! (Winking upon the Landlord.) Mr. Hardcastle's, of Quagmire Marth, you understand me. LANDLORD. Mafter Hardcastle's! Lock-a-daify, my mafters, you're come a deadly deal wrong! When you came to the bottom of the hill, you should have crofs'd down Squash-lane, MARLOW. Crofs down Squash-lane! LANDLORD. Then you were to keep ftraight forward, 'till you came to four roads. MARLOW. Come to where four roads meet! TONY. Aye; but you must be fure to take only one of them. MARLOW, O Sir, you're facetious. TONY. Then keeping to the right, you are to go fideways till you come upon Crack-fkull common: there you must look fharp for the track of the wheel, and go forward, 'till you come to farmer Murrain's barn. Coming to the farmer's barn, you are to turn to the right, and then to the left, and then to the right about again, till you find out the old mill. MAR MARLOW. Zounds, man! we could as foon find out the lon gitude! HASTINGS. What's to be done, Marlow? MARLOW, This houfe promifes but a poor reception; though perhaps the landlord can accommodate us. LANDLORD. Alack, master, we have but one fpare bed in the whole houfe. TONY. And to my knowledge, that's taken up by three lodgers already. (After a paufe, in which the reft feem difconcerted) I have hit it. Don't you think, Stingo, cur landlady could accommodate the gentlemen by the fire-fide, with- -three chairs and a bolster? HASTINGS. I hate fleeping by the fire-fide. MARLOW. And I deteft your three chairs and a bolster. TONY. You do, do you!-then let me fee-what-if you go on a mile further, to the Buck's Head; the old Buck's head on the hill, one of the best inns in the whole county? HASTINGS. Oho! fo we have escaped an adventure for this night, however. LAND |