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terrible, ineffaceable lines. A murmur sighed through the room and was gone. No man looked at his fellow.'
The Judge was gazing at the young lad so like himself, and his lips wore an expression that was a prayer. Sunlight had crept up about his knees. He rose slowly to his feet, and turned toward the man at the bar.
“Rodney Dennis, no penalty of man's devising could equal that which Heaven, in its inscrutable justice, has already pronounced upon you. The court remits the half of your intended sentence.”'
And the Judge's son, lifting his yellow head high above the crowd, smiled at his father across the room.
LADY SWEET PEA.
M. B. HILL.
HARMING Lady Sweet-Pea, robed in lavender gown,
Was as dainty as dainty could be, And among all the floral élite of the town
Scarce a peer or a rival had she.
At her shrine Johnny Jump-lip, that gay little dude,
And Sweet William bent humbly the knee, While, with brave Maréchal Neil, General Jacqueminot sued
For her favor right valorously.
But the feminine garden aristocrats vowed
That a creature of such pedigree Shouldn't enter their ranks, for she sprang, 'twas allowed,
From the family Marrowfat-Pea.
Ne'ertheless, when the beauty in lavender gown
To herself whispered softly, "We'll see," Straightway half the four hundred--the male half-fell down
At the feet of fair Lady Sweet-Pea.
YONNY'S AND ALMA'S VISIT TO COONEY I-LAND.
HUMOROUS SWEDISH-DIALECT MONOLOGUE FOR A MAN.
TECKIA M. WEYBURN.
Written expressly for this book.
CHARACTERS: YONNY, speaker present; his friend, supposed to
present. CoSTUME: House-coat or ordinary clothes, or Swedish costume. SCENE: Boarding-house sitting-room. YONNY seated comfort
ably in arm-chair, legs crossed, holding pipe which he now and then puts into his mouth and takes a puff. His friend
is supposed to be seated in chair near by. POINTS: YONNY makes frequent gestures, slapping his legs and
holding his sides, etc., expressive of his enjoyment.
an? how much foon ve haf down dere last Sunday. Really, ay lauf so much, ay tought ay vould bust.
You know Alma on'y bane in dis coontry 'bout tree mon's; 'cause she kinder greenhorn yet, dat’s vy ay haf so much foon wid her.
Ven ve got off dae train, ve landed rite in Luna Park. Ay tell you, det is a beautiful, vonderful place. Vell, ve stayed dere all dae evening 'cause dere vae so many tings to go in an' see. Ay vill tell you ’bout dae tings ay liked best.
Fust, ve vent on a sliding ting, vat you sit down on, den slide down 'bout fifty feet; vell, really, Gustav, ay vish you va dere an’ see Alma; she come down someting awful, an' she had dem home-nitted vite stockings on, an' how dae people laufed; den ve laufed, an' laufed like anyting; ve haf so much foon.
From dere, ay took her in dae roun vash-tubs dat roll down dae hill; fust, it go von vay, den de odder vay; all dae vay down it goes bumpity-bump; Alma lose her hat, an' her hair come down; but anyhow ve laufed, an' laufed like anyting; ve haf so much foon.
Ve vent to dae Scenic Railvay next, an' took dae fust seat in dae car.
Oh! how Alma hollered ven ve vent down dem steep hills, 'cause ven ve got to dae tunnel dat vas my schance to kiss her; ay did it, too, ay tell you, many times, till somebody holler, “Hay! no kissin'.” Den ve laufed, an' laufed like anyting ; ve haf so much foon.
Efter dat ve vent on dae Shute-dae-Shutes; ay tell you dat boat run down dat hill yust like lightning, an' hit dae vater wid a splash; ve got a little vet, but ve didn't care; ve laufed, an' laufed like anyting; ve haf so much foon.
Ve vas getting tired, so ve vent upstairs, an' vatched dae circus for narly two hours, till dem trapeze-actors come out; dey stretched a big net from von end o’ dae platform to de odder; den all dae ladies an’ men run up dae ladders an' took holt o’ dae swings; den dey yump from von swing to de odder; dere vas von man hingin' on dae swing wid his feet, nodder von hangin' on his hands; dae girl on de odder side vas to ketch dem, but she missed an’ fell in dae net; ven Alma see dat, she yump up from her seat an’ holler someting awful, “Oh, my goodness! she get killed”; course, everybody lauf at her, den ve laufed, an? laufed like anyting; ve haf so much foon. · Efter dat ve didn't vant to stay dere no more; so ve vent over to Heaven an' Hell; dere ve haf to vait a few minutes; den dey opened a door an’ let us in a big black coffin, wid lots o’ benches in it; in dae top o' de coffin dere is a small openin', vere you caun see de earth an' heavens. Vell, Alma she didn't like it dere; she say it vas time ’nough to go in a coffin ven she was dead.
Dere is a stage in dae front wid a reg'lar size coffin standin'in dae center. Efter ev'rybody is seated den dere is a man dressed in a heavy brown vinter coat; he tolt us all 'bout dae coffin ank ev'ryting, but Alma couldn't understan’; he asked somebody to
go up in aae coffin, an' die; ay tought ay haf some foon wid Alma so ay vent up in dat coffin; den dey turned some kind o lite on me, so dat ay look like a skeleton; ven Alma see dat she yump up from her seat, an' holler dat she haf dae man wid dae brown coat on ’rested for takin' my skin off; you caun yust emagine how dae people laufed, an' how ay laufed, ay laufed like anyting; ay haf so much foon.
Efter ay come from dae stage ve hear shains rattlin'; den dae brown-coated man opened dae door an' let us into hell; dere ve saw some o’dae big polaticians sitting in big iron pots ready to be cooked into a political stew—dat’s vat dey get for sheatin' dae public. Den ve saw bald-headed row; down dere dey get all dae teater dey vant, dancing on a stage o' tacks ;—glad ay ain't baldheaded.
On are vay out ve saw how dae people float along in dae clouds o' fire in hell. It looks awful. Ainter dey tebble ven ve tink some o' are freins go to dat place!
From dere dey let us into heaven. Fust you see a graveyard wid a big cross in dae center; preety soon you see a lovely girl clingin' to dae cross; overhead you see dae clouds wid dae angels floatin' along; den a beautiful fountain springs up on both sides o' dae girl; ay tell you it looked lovely; ay vish ay caun shoke hands wid you up dere instead o' de odder place.
Ay musn't forget to tell you 'bout dae lookin'-glass puzzle. Dae fust ting Alma did vas to run right into herself an' bunk her nose; ev'rytimes ve run into dae glass an' bumped are noses, ve laufed, an laufed like anyting ; ve haf so much foon. Dat vas dae last ting ve saw in Luna Park.
From dere ay took her to Dreamland, anodder place by Cooney I-land, vere ve had much foon too, an' laufed, an' laufed, an' laufed like anyting ; ve had so much foon.
Ve 'rived home 'bout two o'clock an’ vat you tink? Alma lost her key; dere vas no odder ting to do but ring dae bell. Vell, we ringed, an' ringed, and kicked on dae door, yet nobody heard us, so den ay took a little stone an' hit dae vinda wid it. Crack!
vent dae vinda. Ay tell you it did not tek her papa long to open dat front door; he vas so mad dat he gived me a kick in daeoh, vell, you no vere—an' sent me flyin' down dose steps, an' poor Alma she cried, an' cried like anyting; den he took an’ pushed her in an' shut dae door; course, dat spoiled are foon.
Next mornin' ay meet Alma in dae grocery store, an' she tell me if ay go up to her papa an' pay for dae vinda he let me tak Alma out again if ay don't brake any more vindas; den ve got to talkin' 'bout all dae fooney tings dat happened, den ve laufed, an' laufed like anyting; ve haf so much foon.
BILL ADAMS AT THE BATTLE OF WATERLOO.
E have been taught that the battle of Waterloo was won
by the Duke of Wellington. But this is a big mistake. The man who really won the battle of Waterloo was Bill Adams. In proof of this statement, let Bill himself tell his story.
“Well, yer see, boys, it wos like this 'ere at Worterloo: There was me and the Dook and the rest on us a-standin' there with our staff. The Dook ony got about a ’undered men awailable, and when 'ee puts up 'is hopera-glass 'ee see Bonyparty a-comin' over the 'ill with about four ’undered thousan’ men-picked men they wos, most on ’em. Well, the Dook 'ee didn't like the looks on it at all; so he turns round to Sir Garnet Wolseley and ’ee sez, ‘Garnet,' sez’ee, ''ere's a tough job as we got cut out. Who's a-goin' to take this 'eer job on?'
“ 'Not me,' sez Sir Garnet, but it's all right, guv'nor,' 'ee sez, ''ere's Nelson a-comin' up.'
“Well, just then Nelson comes a-gallopin' up on 'is white ’orse. He git off, a-salutin' me and the Dook and the rest on us, and a-stickin' 'is wooden leg in the sand-yer know, boys, Nelson had a wooden leg, wot 'ee lost at-at-let's see—ah! Sringapatam. The Dook 'ee turns to 'im and ’ee sez, “'Oratio, I'm in a fix, I've ony got about a 'undered and fifty men awailable, and 'ere's Bonyparty a-comin' over the ’ill with seven ’undered and twenty