Shal. Sin HUGH, persuade me not; I will make a Star-chamber matter of it; if he were twenty Eva. It is not meet the Council hear a riot; there is no fear of Got in a riot; the Council, look you, shall desire to hear the fear of Got, and not to hear a riot; take your vizaments in that. Shal. Ha! o' my life, if I were young again, the sword should end it. Eva. It is petter that friends is the sword, and sir John Falstaffs, he shall not abuse Robert Shal-end it: and there is also another device in my prain, low, esquire. Sten. In the county of Gloster, justice of peace, and coram. Shal. Ay, cousin Slender, and Cust-alorum. Sten. Ay, and ratolorum too; and a gentleman born, master parson; who writes himself armigero; in any bill, warrant, quittance, or obligation, armi gero. Shal. Ay, that we do: and have done any time these three hundred years. Sten. All his successors, gone before him, have done't; and all his ancestors, that come after him, may: they may give the dozen white luces in their coat. Sen. I may quarter, coz? Shul. You may, by marrying, Era. It is marring indeed, if he quarter it. Eva. Yes, py'r lady; if he has a quarter of your coat, there is but three skirts for yourself, in my simple conjectures: but this is all one: if Sir John Falstaff have committed disparagements unto you, I am of the church, and will be glad to do my benevolence, to make atonements and compromises between you. Shal. The Council shall hear it; it is a riot. it: which, peradventure, prings goot discretions with There is Anne Page, which is daughter to master George Page, which is pretty virginity. and speaks small like a woman. Sten. Mistress Anne Page! She has brown hair, just as you will desire: and seven hundred pounds Eva. It is that fery person for all the 'orld, as of monies, and gold, and silver, is her grandsire, upon his death's bed (Got deliver to a joyful resurrections!) give, when she is able to overtake seventeen years old: it were a goot motion, if we leave our pribbles and prabbles, and desire a marriage between master Abraham and mistress Anne Page. Shal. Did her grandsire leave her seven hundred pounds? Eva. Ay,and her father is make her a petter penny. Shal. I know the young gentlewoman; she has good gifts. Era. Seven hundred pounds, and possibilities, is good gifts. Shal. Well, let us see honest master Page: Is Falstaff there? Eva. Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar, as I do despise one that is false; or as I despise one that is not true. The knight, sir John, is there; and, I beseech you, be ruled by your well-willers. I will peat the door [knocks] for master Page. What, hoa! pless your house here! and justice Shallow: and here young master Slender; that peradventures shall tell you another tale, if matters grow to your likings. Page. I am glad to see your worships well: I thank you for my venison, master Shallow. Shal. Master Page, I am glad to see you; Much good do it your good heart! I wished your venison better; it was ill-killed:- How doth good mistress Page- and I love you always with my heart, la; with my heart. Page. Sir, I thank you. Shal. Sir, I thank you; by yea and no, I do. Pege. I am glad to see you, good master Slender. Slen. How does your fallow greyhound, sir? I heard say he was outrun at Cotsale,s Page. It could not be judged, sir. Slen. You'll not confess, you'll not confess. Shal. That he will not;-tis your fault, 'tis your 'Tis a good dog. fault: Page. A cur, sir. Shal. Sir, he's a good dog, and a fair dog: Can there be more said he is good, and fair.- Is sir John Falstaff here? Page. Sir, he is within; and I would I could do a good office between you. Eva. It is spoke as a Christian ought to speak. Shal. He hath wrong'd me, master Page. Page. Sir, he deth in some sort confess it. Shal. If it be confess'd, it is not redress'd; is not that so, master Page? He hath wrong'd me; indeed, he hath; - at a word, he hath ;-- -believe me; Robert Shallow, esquire, saith, he is wrong'd. Page. Here comes sir John. Enter Sir JOHN FALSTAFF, BARDOLPH, NYм, and PISTOL. Fal. Now, master Shallow; you'll complain of me to the king? Shal. Knight, you have beaten my men, killed my deer, and broke open my lodge. Fal. But not kiss'd your keeper's daughter. Ful. I will answer it straight; -I have done all this: That is now answer'd. Shal. The council shall know this. Fal. "Twere better for you, if it were known in counsel: you'll be laugh'd at. Era. Pauca verba, sir John, good worts. Fal. Good worts! good cabbage.- Slender, I broke your head; What matter have you against me? Sten. Marry, sir, I have matter in my head against you; and against your coney-catching rascals, Bardolph, Nym, and Pistol. They carried me to the tavern, and made me drunk, and afterwards picked my pocket. Bar. You Banbury cheese! Num. Slice, I say, pauca, pauca; slice! that's my humor. Slen. Where's Simple, my man? —can you tell, cousin? Fal. Is this true, Pistol? I combat challenge of this latten bilbo :2 Nym. Be advised, sir, and pass good humors: I will say, marry trap, with you if you run the nuthook's humor on me; that is the very note of it. Slen. By this hat, then he in the red face had it: for though I cannot remember what I did when you made me drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass. Fal. What say you, Scarlet and John? Bar. Why, sir, for my part, I say, the gentleman had drunk himself out of his five sentences. Era. It is his five senses: fie, what the ignorance is! Bar. And being fap, sir, was, as they say, cashier'd; and so conclusions pass'd the careires. Slen. Ay, you spake in Latin then too: but 'tis no matter: I'll ne'er be drunk whilst I live again but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick; if I be drunk, I'll be drunk with those that have the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves. Eva. So Got 'udge me, that is a virtuous mind. Fal. You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen; you hear it. Enter Mistress ANNE PAGE with wine; Mistress FORD and Mistress PAGE following. Page. Nay, daughter, carry the wine in; we'll drink within. [Exil ANNE PAGE. Slen. O heaven! this is mistress Anne Page. Page. How now, mistress Ford? Fal. Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well met: by your leave, good mistress. [Kissing her. Page. Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome:Come, we have a hot venison pasty to dinner; come, gentlemen, I hope we shall drink down all unkindness. [Exeunt all but SHAL., SLENDER, and EVANS. Slen. I had rather than forty shillings, I had my book of Songs and Sonnets here: Enter SIMPLE. How now, Simple! where have you been? I must wait on myself, must I? You have not The Book of Riddles about you, have you? to Alice Shortcake upon Allhallowmas last, a fortSim. Book of Riddles! why, did you not lend it night afore Michaelmas ? Shal. Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for you. A word with you, coz; marry, this, coz; There is, as 'twere a tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by sir Hugh here; — Do you understand me? Slen. Av, sir, you shall find me reasonable; if it be so, I shall do that that is reason. Shal. Nay, but understand me. Slen. So I do, sir. Eva. Peace: I pray you! Now let us understand: Era. Give ear to his motions, master Slender: I There is three umpires in this matter as I under-will description the matter to you, if you be capa stand: that is-master Page, fidelicet, master Page; city of it. and there is myself, fidelicet myself; and the three party is, lastly and finally, mine host of the Garter. Page. We three, to hear it, and end it between them. Eva. Fery goot: I will make a brief of it in my note-book; and we will afterwards 'ork upon the cause, with as great discreetly as we can. Fal. Pistol, Pist. He hears with ears. Era. The tevil and his tam! what phrase is this, He hears with ear? Why, it is affectations. Fal. Pistol, did you pick master Slender's purse? Slen. Ay, by these gloves, did he, (or I would I might never come in mine own great chamber again else,) of seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two Edward shovel-boards, that cost ine two shillings and two pence a-piece of Yead Miller, by these gloves. Cotswold in Gloucestershire. Worts was the ancient name of all the cabbage kind. • Sharpers. Nothing but paring! 8 The name of an ugly spirit. 1 King Edward's shilling used in the game of shuffleboard. Slen. Nay I will do as my cousin Shallow says: I pray you, pardon me; he's a justice of peace in his country, simple though I stand here. is concerning your marriage. Era. But this is not the question; the question Shal. Ay, there's the point, sir. Era. Marry, is it; the very point of it; to mistress Anne Page. Slen. Why, if it be so, I will marry her, upon any reasonable demands. Eva. But can you affection the 'oman? Let us command to know that of your mouth, or of your lips; for divers philosophers hold, that the lips is Therefore, precisely, can parcel of the mouth; you carry your good will to the maid? Shal. Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her? Slen. I hope, sir,-I will do, as it shall become one that would do reason. Eva. Nay, Got's lords and his ladies! you must • Lips • Drunk. 2 Blade as thin as a lath. If you say I am a thief. The bounds of good behavior. An intended blunder. speak possitable, if you can carry her your desires towards her. Shul. That you must: Will you, upon good dowry, marry her! Sten. will do a greater thing than that, upon your request, cousin, in any reason. Shal. Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz; what I do, is to pleasure you, coz: Can you love the maid! Eva. Nay, it is petter yet:- -give her this letter; for it is a 'oman that altogether's acquaintance with mistress Anne Page; and the letter is, to desire and to require her to solicit your master's desires to mistress Anne Page: I pray you begone: I will make an end of my dinner; there's pippirs and cheese to come. [Exeuni. Sten. I will marry her, sir, at your request; but if there be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven may decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we are married, and have more occasion to know one another: I hope, upon familiarity will grow more contempt; but if you say, marry her, I will marry her, that I am freely dissolved, and Enter FALSTAFF, Host, BARDOLPH, NYM, PISTOL, dissolutely. Era. It is a fery discretion answer; save, the Shal. Here comes fair mistress Anne:- Would Shal. I will wait on him, fair mistress Anne. Era. Od's plessed will! I will not be absence at the grace. [Exeunt SHALLOW and Sir H. EVANS. Anne. Will't please your worship to come in, sir? Sen. No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily; I am very well. Anne. The dinner attends you, sir. Sten. I am not a-hungry, I thank you, forsooth: Go, sirrah, for all you are my man, go, wait upon my cousin Shallow: [Exit SIMPLE.] A justice of peace sometime may be beholden to his friend for a man:-I keep but three men and a boy yet, till my mother be dead: But what though? yet I live like a poor gentleman born. Anne. I may not go in without your worship: they will not sit till you come. Sen. I faith, I'll eat nothing; I thank you as much as though I did. Anne. I pray you, sir, walk in. Slen. I had rather walk here, I thank you: I oruised my shin the other day with playing at sword and dagger with a master of fence, three veneys for a dish of stewed prunes; and, by my troth, I cannot abide the smell of hot meat since. Why do your dogs bark so? be there bears i' the town? Anne. I think there are, sir; I heard them talked of. Slen. I love the sport well; but I shall as soon quarrel at it as any man in England: -You are afraid, if you see the bear loose, are you not! Anne. Ay, indeed, sir. Sten. That's meat and drink to me now: I have seen Sackerson loose, twenty times: and have taken him by the chain: but, I warrant your, the women have so cried and shriek'd at it, that it pass di-but women, indeed, cannot abide 'em; they are ill-favored, rough things. Re-enter PAGE. SCENE III. A Room in the Garter Inn. and ROBIN. Fal. Mine host of the Garter, Host. What says my bully-rook? Speak scholarly, and wisely. Fal. Truly, mine host, I must turn away some of my followers. Host. Discard, bully Hercules; cashier: let them wag: trot, trot. Fal. I sit at ten pounds a week. Host. Thou art an emperor, Cæsar, Keisar, and Host. I have spoke; let him follow: Let me see thee froth, and lime: I am at a word; follow. [Exit Host. Fal. Bardolph, follow him; a tapster is a good trade; an old cloak makes a new jerkin; a withered servingman, a fresh tapster; Go, adieu. Bar. It is a life that I have desired; I will thrive. [Exit BARD. Pist. O base Gongarian wight! wilt thou the spigot wield? Num. He was gotten in drink: is not the humor conceited? His mind is not heroic, and there's the humor of it. Fal. I am glad I am so acquit of this tinder-box; his thefts were too open: his filching was like an unskilful singer, he kept not time. Nym. The good humor is, to steal at a minute's rest." Pist. Convey, the wise it call: Steal! foh, a ficos for the phrase! Fal. Well, sirs, I am almost out at heels. Fal. There is no remedy; I must coney-catch; Pist. Young ravens must have food. Fal. Which of you know Ford of this town? Pist. I ken the wight; he is of substance good. Fal. My honest lads, I will tell you what I am about. Pist. Two yards and more. Fal. No quips now, Pistol; indeed I am in the waist two yards about; but I am now about no waste; I am about thrift. Brietly, I do mean to make love to Ford's wife; I spy entertainment in her; she discourses, she carves, she gives the leer of invitation; I can construe the action of her familiar style; and the hardest voice of her beha Page. Come, gentle master Slender, come; we vior, to be English'd rightly, is, I am Sir John stay for you. Sten. I'll eat nothing; I thank you, sir. Page. By cock and pye, you shall not choose, sir; come, come. Sten. Nay, pray you, lead the way. Page. Come on, sir. Slen. Mistress Anne, yourself shall go first. Slen. Truly, I will not go first; truly, la; I will not do you that wrong. Anne. I pray you, sir. Sten. I'll rather be unmannerly than troublesome; you do yourself wrong, indeed, la. [Exeunt. SCENE II.-The same. Enter Sir HUGH EVANS and SIMPLE. The name of a bear exhibited at Paris-Garden, South- Falstaffs. Pist. He hath studied her well, and translated her well; out of honesty into English. Nym. The anchor is deep: will that humor pass? Fal. Now, the report goes, she has all the rule of her husband's purse; she hath legions of angels. Pist. As many devils entertain; and, To her, bou, say I. Num. The humor rises; it is good: humor me the angels. Fal. I have writ me here a letter to her: and here another to Page's wife; who even now gave me good eyes too; examin'd my parts with most judicious eyliads: sometimes the beam of her view gilded my foot, sometimes my portly belly. Pist. Then did the sun on dunghill shine. 4 Gold Coin. s Eyes Enter Doctor CAIUS. such a greedy intention, that the appetite of her good young man; go into this closet, [Shuts S1 Meye did seem to scorch me up 1 ke a burning-glass! PLB in the closet.] He will not stay long-What, Here's another letter to her: she bears the purse John Rugby! John, what, John, I say!-Go, John, too; she is a region in Guiana, all gold and bounty.go enquire for my master; I doubt he be not well, I will be cheater to them both, and they shall be that the comes not home:-and down, down, exchequers to me; they shall be my East and West adown-a, &c. [Sings. Indies, and I will trade to them both. Go, bear thou this letter to mistress Page; and thou this to mistress Ford: we will thrive, lads, we will thrive. Pist. Shall I sir Pandarus of Troy become, And by my side wear steel? then, Lucifer take all! Nym. I will run no base humor; here, take the humor letter; I will keep the 'havior of reputation. Ful. Hold, sirrah, [To RoB.] bear you these letters tightly; Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores.- And high and low beguile the rich and poor: Nym. I have operations in my head, which be humors of revenge. Pist. Wilt thou revenge? Nym. By welkin, and her star! Pist. With wit, or steel? Nym. With both the humors, I: I will discuss the humor of this love to Page. How Falstaff, varlet vile, His dove will prove, his gold will hold, Nym. My humor shall not cool: I will incense Page to deal with poison; I will possess him with yellowness, for the revolt of mien is dangerous; that is my true humor. Pist. Thou art the Mars of malcontents: I second thee; troop on. [Exeunt. SCENE IV.A Room in Dr. Caius' House. Enter Mrs. QUICKLY, SIMPLE, and RUGBY. Quick. What; John Rugby!-I pray thee, go to the casement, and see if you can see my master, master doctor Caius, coming: if he do, i' faith, and find any body in the house, here will be an old abusing of God's patience, and the king's English. Rug. I'll go watch. Quick. And master Slender's your master? Quick. Does he not wear a great round beard, like a glover's paring knife! Sim. No, forsooth: he hath but a little wee face, with a little yellow beard; a Cain-colored beard. Quick. A softly-sprighted man, is he not? Sim. Ay, forsooth: but he is as tall a man of his hands, as any is between this and his head; he. hath fought with a warrener. Quick. How say you?-O, I should remember him; does he not hold up his head, as it were? and strut in his gait? Sim. Yes, indeed, does he. Quick. Well, heaven send Anne Page no worse fortune. Tell master parson Evans, I will do what I can for your master; Anne is a good girl, and I wish Re-enter RUGBY. Rug. Out, alas! here comes my master. Pray you, go and vetch me in my closet un boitier Caius. Vat is you sing? I do not like dese toys; verd; a box. a green-a box; Do intend vat I speak? a green-a box. he went not in himself; if he had found the young Quick. Ay forsooth, I'll fetch it you. I am glad man, he would have been horn-mad. [Aside. Caius. Fe, fe, fe, fe! ma foi, il fait fort chau k. Je m'en vais a la cour, la grande affaire. Quick. Is it this, sir? Caius. Ouy; mette la au mom pocket; Dépêche Caius. You are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby: Come, take-a your rapier, and come after my heel to de court. Rug. 'Tis ready, sir, here in the porch. Caius. By my trot, I tarry too long:-Cd's me! Qu' ay-j' oublié ? dere is some simples in my closet, dat I vill not for the varld I shall leave behind. Quick. Ah me! he'll find the young man there, and be mad. Caius. O diable, diable! vat is in my closet? Villany! larron! [Pulling SIMPLE out.] Rugby, my rapier. Quick. Good master, be content. Caius. Verefore shall I be content-a. Quick. The young man is an honest man. Caius. Vat shail de honest man do in my closet? dere is no honest man dat shall come in my closet. the truth of it. He came of an errand to me from Quick. I beseech you, be not so flegmatick; hear parson Hugh. Caius. Vell. Sim. Ay, forsooth, to desire her to Caius. Peace-a your tongue :-Speak-a your tale. Sim. To desire this honest gentlewoman, your maid, to speak a good word to mistress Anne l'age for my master, in the way of marriage. Quick. This is all, indeed, la; but I'll ne'er put my finger in the fire, and need not. Caius. Sir Hugh send-a you? -Rugby, baillez me some paper:-Tarry you a little-a while. [Writes. Quick. I am glad he is so quiet: if he had been thoroughly moved, you should have heard him so loud, and so melancholy:-But notwithstanding, man, I'll do your master what good I can: and the very yea and the no is, the French doctor, my master,-I may call him my master, look you, for I keep his house; and I wash, wring, brew, bake, scour, dress meat and drink, make the beds, and do all myself; Sim. "Tis a great charge, to come under one body's hand. Quick. Are you avis'd o' that? you shall find it a great charge; and to be up early and down late: but notwithstanding, (to tell you in your ear; I would have no words of it,) my master himself is in love with mistress Anne Page; but notwithstanding that, I know Anne's mind,- that's neither here nor there. Caius. You jack 'nape; give-a dis letter to sir Hugh; by gar, it is a shallenge; I vill cut his troat in de park; and I will teach a scurvy jack-a-nape priest to meddle or make:-you may be gone: it is not good you tarry here:-by gar, I will cut all his two stones; by gar, he shall not have a stone to trow at his dog. [Exit SIMPLE. Quick. Alas, he speaks but for his friend. Caius. It is no matter-a for dat;- do not you tell-a me dat I shall have Anne Page for myself!by gar, I will kill de jack priest; and I have ap pointed mine host of de Jarterre to measure our Quick. We shall all be shent: Run in here, weapon:-by gar, I vill myself have Anne Page. Quick. Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall be well: we must give folks leave to pra e: What, the good-jer! Scolded, reprimanded. The goujere, what the pox! Cains. Rugby, come to the court vit me;-By gar, if I have not Anne Page, I shall turn your head out of my door:-- Follow my heels, Rugby. [Exeunt CAIUS and RUGBY. Quick. You shall have An fools-head of your own. No, I know Anne's mind for that; never a woman in Windsor knows more of Anne's mind than I do; nor can do more than I do with her, thank heaven. Quick. Troth, sir, all is in his hands above: but notwithstanding, master Fenton, I ll be sworn on a book she loves you:-Have not your worship a wart above your eye? Fent. Yes, marry, have I; what of that? Quick. Well, thereby hangs a tale;-good faith, it is such another Nan; but, I detest, an honest maid as ever broke bread:- We had an hour's talk of that wart;-I shall never laugh but in that Fent. Within.] Who's within there, ho? maid's company!-But, indeed, she is given too Quick. Who's there, I trow? Come near the much to a Licholly and musing: But for youhouse, I pray you. Well go to. Fent. Well, I shall see her to-day: Hold, there's money for thee; let me have thy voice in my behalf; -if thou seest her before me, commend me Quick. Will I i'faith, that we will: and I will tell your worship more of the wart, the next time we have confidence; and of other wooers. Fent. Well, farewell; I am in great haste now. \Exit. Quick. Farewell to your worship.-- Truly, an honest gentleman; but Anne loves him not: for I know Anne's mind as well as another does: - Out upon't! what have I forgot? [Exit. ACT II. Ford! honor: What is it? -- dispense with trifles; -- what SCENE I.- Before Page's House. Enter Mistress PAGE, with a letter. Mrs. Page. What! have I 'scaped love-letters in the holy-day time of my beauty, and am I now a subject for them? Let me see: [Reads. Ask me no reason why I love you; for though love use reason for his precision, he admits him not for his counsellor. You are not young, no more am I: go to then, there's sympathy; you are merry, so am I: Ha ha! then there's more sympathy; you love sack, and so do I: Would you desire better sympathy? Let it suffice thee, mistress Page, (at the least, if the love of a soldier can suffice.) that I love thee. I will not say, pity me, fis not a soldierlike phrase; but I say, love me.gether, than the hundredth psalm to the tune of By me, Thine own true knight, By day or night, Or any kind of light, JOHN FALSTAFF. What a Herod of Jewry is this! -O wicked, wickcd world!-one that is well nigh worn to pieces with age, to show himself a young gallant! What unweighed behavior hath this Flemish drunkard picked (with the devil's name) out of my conversation, that he dares in this manner assay me? Why, he hath not been thrice in my company!-What should I say to him?--I was then frugal of my mirth:--heaven forgive me!-- Why, I'll exhibit a bill in the parliament for the putting down of men. How shall I be revenged on him for revenged I will be, as sure as his guts are made of puddings. Enter Mistress FoRD. Mrs. Ford. Mrs. Page! trust me, I was going to your house. Mrs. Page. And trust me, I was coming to you. You look very ill. Mrs. Ford. Nay, I'll ne'er believe that; I have to show to the contrary. Mrs. Page. 'Faith, but you do, in my mind. Mrs. Ford. Well, I do then; yet, I say, I could show you to the contrary: O, mistress Page, give me some counsel! Mrs. Page. What's the matter, woman? 1 Most probably Shakspeare wrote physician. position would have gone to the truth of his words: but they do no more adhere and keep place to Green sleeves. What tempest, I trow, threw this whale, with so many tons of oil in his belly, ashore at Windsor? How shall I be revenged on him? I think, the best way were to entertain him with hope, till the wicked fire of lust have melted him in his own grease. Did you ever hear the like! Mrs. Puge. Letter for letter; but that the name of Page and Ford differs!--To thy great comfort in this mystery of ill opinions, here's the twinbrother of thy letter: but let thine inherit first; for, I protest, mine never shall. I warrant he hath a thousand of these letters writ with blank space for different names, (sure more,) and these are of the second edition: He will print them out of doubt: for he cares not what he puts into the press, when he would put us two. I had rather be a giantess, and lie under mount Pelion. Well, I will find you twenty lascivious turtles, ere one chaste man. Mrs. Ford. Why this is the very same; the very hand, the very words: What doth he think of us? Mrs. Page. Nay, I know not: it makes me almost ready to wrangle with mine own honesty. I'll entertain myself like one that I am not acquainted withal; for, sure, unless he know some strain in me, that I know not myself, he would never have boarded me in this fury. Mrs. Ford. Boarding, call you it? I'll be sure to keep him above deck: Mrs. Page. So will I; if he come under my hatches, I'll never to sea again. Let's be revenged on him; let's appoint him a meeting; give him a show of comfort in his suit: and lead him on with a fine-baited delay, till he hath pawn'd his horses to mine host of the Garter. Mrs. Ford. Nay, I will consent to act any villainy against him, that may not sully the chariness of She means, I protest. • Melancholy. 2 Caution. |