natural impertinences. In complexion Miss Brass was salow-rather a dirty-sallow, so to speak-but this hue was agreeably relieved by the healthy glow which mantled in the extreme tip of her laughing nose. Her voice was exceedingly impressive-deep and rich in quality, and, once heard, not ea sily forgotten. Her usual dress was a green gown, in color not unlike the curtain of the office window; made tight to the figure, and terminating at the throat, where it was fastened by a peculiarly large and massive button. Feeling, no doubt, that simplicity and plainness are the soul of elegance, Miss Brass wore no collar or kerchief except upon her head, which was invariably ornamented with a brown gauze scarf, like the wing of the fabled vampire, and which, twisted into any form that happened to suggest itself, formed an easy and graceful head-dress. Such was Miss Brass in person. In mind, she was of a strong and vigorous turn, having from her earliest youth devoted herself with uncommon ardor to the study of the law; not wasting her speculations upon its eagle flights, which are rare, but tracing it attentively through all the slippery and eel-like crawlings in which it commonly pursues its way. Nor had she, like many persons of great intellect, confined herself to theory, or stopped short where practical usefulness begins; inasmuch as she could engross, fair-copy, fill up printed forms with perfect accuracy, and in short transact any ordinary duty of the office down to pouncing a skin of parchment or mending a pen. It is difficult to understand how, possessed of these combined attractions, she should remain Miss Brass; but whether she had steeled her heart against mankind, or whether those who might have wooed and won her, were deterred by fears that, being learned in the law, she might have too near her fingers' ends those particular statutes which regulate what are familiarly termed actions for breach, certain it is that she was still in a state of celibacy, and still in daily occupation of her old stool opposite to that of her brother Sampson. And equally certain it is, by the way, that between these two stools a great many people had come to the ground. One morning Mr. Sampson Brass sat upon his stool copying some legal process, and viciously digging his pen deep into the paper, as if he were writing upon the very heart of the party against whom it was directed; and Miss Sally Brass sat upon her stool making a new pen preparatory to drawing out a little bill, which was her favorite occupation; and so they sat in silence for a long time, until Miss Brass broke silence. "Have you nearly done, Sammy?" said Miss Brass; for in her mild and feminine lips, Sampson became Sammy, and all things were softened down. "No," returned her brother. "It would have been all done though, if you had hel, ed at the right time." "Oh yes, indeed," cried Miss Sally; "you want my help, do n't you?-you, too, that are going to keep a clerk!" "Am I going to keep a clerk for my own pleasure, or because of my own wish, you provoking rascal ?" said Mr. Brass putting his pen in his mouth, and grinning spitefully at his "What do you taunt me about going to keep a clerk sister. for?" Miss Sally deigned to make no reply, but smiled again, and went on with her work. "But I know what it is," resumed Brass, after a short silence. "You're afraid you won't have as long a finger in the business as you v'e been used to have. Do you think I do n't see through that?" "The business would n't go on very long, I expect, without me," returned his sister composedly. "Don't you be a fool and provoke me, Sammy, but mind what you're doing, and do it." Sampson Brass, who was at heart in great fear of his sis ter, sulkily bent over his writing again, and listened as she said: "If I determined that the clerk ought not to come, of course he would n't be allowed to come. You know that well enough, so don't talk nonsense Mr. Brass 1eceived this observation with increased meekness, merely remarking, under his breath, that he did n't like that kind of joking, and that Miss Sally would be "a much better fellow" if she forbore to aggravate him. To this com pliment, Miss Sally replied that she had a relish for the amusement, and had no intention to forego its gratification. Mr. Brass not caring, as it seemed, to pursue the subject any further, they both plied their pens at a great pace, and there the discussion ended. While they were thus employed, the window was suddenly darkened, as by some person standing close against it. As Mr. Brass and Miss Sally looked up to ascertain the cause, the top sash was nimbly lowered from without, and Quilp thrust in his head. "Hallo!" he said, standing on tip toe on the window-sill, and looking down into the room. "Is there any body at home? Is there any of the Devil's ware here? Is Brass at a premium, eh?" 'Ha, ha, ha!" laughed the lawyer in an affected ecstasy. “Oh, very good, sir! Oh, very good, indeed! Quite eccen trie! Dear me, what humor he has!'' "Is that my Sally?" croaked the dwarf, ogling the fair Miss Brass. "Is it Justice with the bandage off her eyes, and without the sword and scales? Is it the Strong Arm of the Law? Is it the Virgin of Bevis ?" "What an amazing flow of spirits!" cried Brass. "Upon my word, it's quite extraordinary!" "Open the door," said Quilp. "I've got him here. Such a clerk for you, Brass, such a prize, such an ace of trumps. Be quick and open the door, or, if there's another lawyer near and he should happen to look out of window, he'll snap him up before your eyes, he will." the It is probable that the loss of the phoenix of clerks, even to a rival practitioner, would not have broken Mr. Brass's heart; but, pretending great alacrity, he rose from his seat, and going to the door, returned, introducing his client, who led by the hand no less a person than Mr. Richard Swiveller. It may be observed in this place, lest the fact of Mr. Brass "There she is," said Quilp, stopping short at the door, and calling a lady, a rascal, should occasion any wonderment or wrinkling his eye-brows as he looked toward Miss Sally; surprise, that he was so habituated to having her near him in" there is the woman I ought to have married-there a man's capacity, that he had gradually accustomed himself to talk to her as though she were really a man. And this feeling was so perfectly reciprocal, that not only did Mr. Brass often call Miss Brass a rascal, or even put an adjective before" the rascal, but Miss Brass looked upon it as quite a matter of course, and was as little moved as any other lady would be by being called an angel. "What do you taunt me, after three hours' talk last night, with going to keep a clerk for ?" repeated Mr. Brass, grinning again with the pen in his mouth, like some nobleman's or gentleman's crest. "Is it my fault?" beautiful Sarah-she is the female who has all the charms of her sex and none of their weaknesses. Oh Sally, Sally!" To this amorous address Miss Brass briefly responded Bother!" "Hard-hearted as the metal from which she takes her name," said Quilp. Why don't she change it-melt down the brass, and take another name?" "Hold your nonsense, Mr. Quilp, do," returned Miss Sally, with a grim smile. “I wonder you're not ashamed of your self before a strange man. "The strange young man," said Quilp, handing Dick Swiv"All I know is," said Miss Sally, smiling drily, for she de- eller forward," is too susceptible himself, not to understand lighted in nothing so much as irritating her brother, " that if me well. This is Mr. Swiveller, my intimate friend-a gen every one of your clients is to force us to keep a clerk, whe-tleman of good family and great expectations, but who, hav ther we want to or not, you had better leave off business, strike yourself off the roll, and get taken in execution as soon as you can." "Have we got any other client like him?" said Brass.— "Have we got another client like him, now-will you answer me that?" ing rather involved himself by youthful indiscretion, is content for a time to fill the humble station of clerk-humble, but here most enviable. What a delicious atmosphere!" If Mr. Quilp spoke figuratively, and meant to imply that the air breathed by Miss Sally Brass was sweetened and ra rified by that dainty creature, he had doubtless good reason "Do you mean in the face?" said his sister. for what he said. But if he spoke of the delights of the at“Do I mean in the face!" sneered Sampson Brass, reach-mosphere of Mr. Brass's office in a literal sense, he had cer tainly a peculiar taste, as it was of a close and earthy kind, and, besides being frequently impregnated with the strong whiffs of the second-hand wearing apparel exposed for sale in Duke's Place and Houndsditch, had a decided flavor of rats and mice, and a taint of mouldiness. Perhaps some doubts of its pure delight presented themselves to Mr. Swiveller, as he gave vent to one or two short, abrupt sniffs, and looked in credulously at the grinning dwarf. "Mr. Swiveller," said Quilp, "being pretty well accus tomed to the agricultural pursuits of sowing wild oats, Miss Sally, prudently considers that half a loaf is better than no bread. To be out of harm's way he prudently thinks is something, too, and therefore he accepts your brother's offer.Brass, Mr. Swiveller is yours." "I am very glad, sir," said Mr. Brass, "very glad indeed. Mr. Swiveller, sir, is fortunate to have your friendship. You may be very proud, sir, to have the friendship of Mr. Quilp." Dick murmured something about never wanting a friend or a bottle to give him, and also gasped forth his favorite allusion to the wing of friendship and its never moulting a feather; but his faculties appeared to be absorbed in the contemplation of Miss Sally Brass, at whom he stared with blank and rueful looks, which delighted the watchful dwarf beyond measure. As to the divine Miss Sally herself, she rubbed her hands as men of business do, and took a few turns up and down the office with her pen behind her ear. "I suppose," said the dwarf, turning briskly to his legal friend, "that Mr. Swiveller enters upon his duties at once? It's Monday morning." "At once, if you please, sir, by all means," returned Brass. "Miss Sally will teach him law, the delightful study of the law," said Quilp; "she'll be his guide, his friend, his companion, his Blackstone, his Coke upon Littleton, his Young Lawyer's Best Companion." "He is exceedingly eloquent," said Brass, like a man abstracted, and looking at the roofs of the opposite houses, with his hands in his pockets; "he has an extraordinary flow of language. Beautiful, really." With Miss Sally," Quilp went on," and the beautiful fictions of the law, his days will pass like minutes. Those charming creations of the poet, John Doe and Richard Roe, when they first dawn upon him, will open a new world for the enlargement of his mind and the improvement of his heart." “Oh, beautiful, beautiful! Beau-ti-ful indeed!" cried Brass. It's a a treat to hear him!" plexity, wondering how he got into the company of that strange monster, and whether it was a dream and he would ever wake. At last he heaved a deep sigh, and began slowly pulling off his coat. Mr. Swiveller pulled off his coat, and folded it up with great elaboration, staring at Miss Sally all the time; then put on a blue jacket with a double row of gilt buttons, which he had originally ordered for aquatic expeditions, but had brought with him that morning for office purposes; and, still keeping his eye upon her, suffered himself to drop down silently upon Mr. Brass's stool. Then he underwent a relapse, and be coming powerless again, rested his chin upon his hand, and opened his eyes so wide that it appeared quite out of the question that he could ever close them any more. When he had looked so long that he could see nothing, Dick took his eyes off the fair object of his amazement, turned over the leaves of the draft he was to copy, dipped his pen into the inkstand, and at last, and by slow approaches, began to write. But he had not written half-a-dozen words when, reaching over to the inkstand to take a fresh dip, he happened to raise his eyes, and there was the intolerable brown headdress-there was the green gown-there, in short, was Miss Sally Brass, arrayed in all her charms, and more tremendous than ever. This happened so often, that Mr. Swiveller by degrees began to feel strange influences creeping over him-horrible desires to annihilate this Sally Brass-mysterious promptings to knock her head-dress off and try how she looked without it. There was a very large ruler on the table-a large black, shining ruler. Mr. Swiveller took it up and began to rub his nose with it. From rubbing his nose with the ruler, to poising it in his hand and giving it an occasional flourish after the tomahawk manner, the transition was easy and natural. In some of these flourishes it went close to Miss Sally's head; the ragged edges of the head-dress fluttered with the wind it raised; advance it but an inch, and that great brown knot was on the ground; yet still the unconscious maiden worked away, and never raised her eyes. Well, this was a great relief. It was a good thing to write doggedly and obstinately until he was desperate, and then snatch up the ruler and whirl it about the brown head-dress with the consciousness that he could have it off if he liked.— It was a good thing to draw it back, and rub his nose very hard with it, if he thought Miss Sally was going to look up, and to recompense himself with more hardy flourishes when "Where will Mr. Swiveller sit?" said Quilp, looking round. he found she was still absorbed. By these means Mr. SwivWhy, we'll buy another stool, sir," returned Brass. eller calmed the agitation of his feelings, until his applications "We had n't any thoughts of having a gentleman with us, sir, to the ruler became less fierce and frequent, and he could even until you were kind enough to suggest it, and our accommo write as many as half-a-dozen consecutive lines without havdations are not extensive. We'll look about for a second-handing recourse to it,-which was a great victory. stoel, sir. In the mean time, if Mr. Swiveller will take my seat, and try his hand at a fair copy of this ejectment, as I shall be out pretty well all the morning "Walk with me," said Quilp. "I have a word or two to say to you on points of business. Can you spare the time?" "Can I spare the time to walk with you, sir? You're joking, sir, you 're joking with me," replied the lawyer, putting on his hat. I'm ready, sir, quite ready. My time must be fully occupied indeed, sir, not to leave me time to walk with you. It's not every body, sir, who has an opportunity of improving himself by the conversation of Mr. Quilp." The dwarf glanced sarcastically at his brazen friend, and, with a short, dry cough, turned upon his heel to bid adieu to Miss Saily. After a very gallant parting on his side, and a very cool and gentlemanly sort of one on hers, he nodded to Dick Swiveller, and withdrew with the attorney. Dick stood at the desk in a state of utter stupefaction, staring with all his might at the beauteous Sally, as if she had been some curious animal whose like had never lived. When the dwarf got into the street, he mounted again upon the window-sill, and looked into the office for a moment with a grinning face, as a man might peep into a cage. Dick glanced up at him, but without any token of recognition, and long after he had disappeared, still stood gazing upon Miss Sally Brass, seeing or thinking of nothing else, and rooted to the spot. Miss Brass, being by this time deep in the bill of costs, took no notice whatever of Dick, but went scratching on with a noisy pen, scoring down the figures with evident delight, and working like a steam-engine. There stood Dick, gazing now at the green gown, now at the brown head-dress, now at the face, and now at the rapid pen, in a state of stupid per CHAPTER XXXIV In course of time, that is to say, after a couple of hours or so, of diligent application, Miss Brass arrived at the conclusion of her task, and recorded the fact by wiping her pen upon the green gown, and taking a pinch of snuff from a little round tin box which she carried in her pocket. Having disposed of this temperate refreshment, she arose from her stool, tied her papers into a formal packet with red tape and taking them under her arm, marched out of the office. Mr. Swiveller had scarely sprung off his seat and commenced the performance of a maniac hornpipe, when he was interrupted, in the fullness of his joy at being again alone, by the opening of the door, and the reappearance of Miss Sally's head "I am going out," said Miss Brass. "Very good, ma'am," returned Dick. "And don't hurry yourself on my account to come back, ma'am," he added inwardly. "If any body comes on office business, take their messages, and say that the gentleman who attends to that matter is n't in at present, will you?" said Miss Brass. "I will, ma'am," replied Dick. "I sha' n't be very long," said Miss Brass, retiring. "I'm sorry to hear it, ma'am," rejoined Dick when she had shut the door. "I hope you may be unexpectedly detained, ma'am. If you could manage to be run over, ma'am, but not seriously, so much the better." Uttering these expressions of good-will with extreme gravity, Mr. Swiveller sat down in the client's chair and pondered; then took a few turns up and down the room, and fell into the chair again. Master Humphrey's Clock: "Brass's 'So, I'm Brass's clerk, am I?" said Dick. As he was entirely alone, it may be presumed that, in these remarks, Mr. Swiveller addressed himself to his fate or destiny, whom, as we learn by the precedents, it is the custom of heroes to taunt in a very bitter and ironical manner when they find themselves in situations of an unpleasant nature. This is the more probable from the circumstance of Mr. Swiveller directing his observations to the ceiling which these bodiless personages are usually supposed to inhabit-except in theatrical cases, when they live in the heart of the great chandelier. "Quilp offers me this place, which he says he can ensure me," resumed Dick after a thoughful silence, and telling off the circumstances of his position, one by one, upon his fingers; "Fred, who, I could have taken my affidavit, would not have heard of such a thing, backs Quilp to my astonishment, and urges me to take it also-staggerer, number one. My aunt in the country stops the supplies, and writes an affectionate note to say that she has made a new will, and left me out of it-staggerer, number two. No money; no credit; no support from Fred, who seems to turn steady all at once; notice to quit the old lodgings-staggerers three, four, five, and six. Under an accumulation of staggerers, no man can be considered a free agent. No man knocks himself down; if his destiny knocks him down, his destiny must pick him up again. Then I'm very glad that mine has brought all this upon itself, and I shall be as careless as I can and make my self quite at home to spite it. So go on, my buck," said Mr. Swiveller, taking his leave of the ceiling with a significant nod," and let us see which of us will be tired first." Dismissing the subject of his downfall with these reflections, which were no doubt very profound, and are indeed not altogether unknown in certain systems of moral philosophy, Mr. Swiveller shook off his despondency and assumed the cheerful ease of an irresponsible clerk. As a means toward his composure and self-possession, he entered into a more minute examination of the office than he had yet had time to make; looked into the wig-box, the books, and ink bottle; untied and inspected all the papers; carved a few devices on the table with a sharp blade of Mr Brass's penknife; and wrote his name on the inside of the wooden coal-scuttle. Having, as it were, taken formal possession of his clerkship in virtue of these proceedings, he opened the window and leaned negligently out of it until a beer-boy happened to pass, whom he commanded to set down his tray and to serve him with a pint of mild porter, which he drank upon the spot and promptly paid for, with the view of breaking ground for a system of future credit and opening a correspondence tending thereto, without loss of time Then three or four little boys dropped in on legal errands from three or four attorneys of the Brass grade, whom Mr. Swiveller received and dismissed with about as professional a manner, and as correct and comprehensive an understanding of their business, as would have been shown by a clown in a pantomime under similar circumstances. and over, he got upon his stool again and tried his hand at These things done drawing caricatures of Miss Brass with a pen and ink, whistling very cheerfully all the time. He was occupied in this diversion when a coach stopped near the door, and presently afterwards there was a loud double-knock. As this was no business of Mr. Swiveller's, the person not ringing the office bell, he pursued his diversion with perfect composure, notwithstanding that he rather thought there was nobody else in the house. In this, however, he was mistaken; for after the knock had been repeated with increased impatience, the door was opened, and somebody with a very heavy tread went up the stairs and into the room above. whether this might be another Miss Brass, twin sister to the Mr. Swiveller was wondering Dragon, when there came a rapping of knuckles at the office door. "Come in!" said Dick. "Don't stand upon ceremony. The business will get rather complicated if I've many more customers. Come in!" doorway, "will you come and show the lodgings?" " "Why, who are you?" said Dick. To which the only reply was, and show the lodgings?" and manners. Oh, please will you come There never was such an old-fashioned child in her looks She seemed as much afraid of Dick as Dick was amazed at her. She must have been at work from her cradle. "I have n't got anything to do with the lodgings," said Dick. "Tell 'em to call again." returned the girl; "it's eighteen shillings a week and us "Oh, but please will you come and show the lodgings," finding plate and linen. Boots and clothes is extra, and fires in winter-time is eightpence a day." 44 all about 'em," said Dick. lieve the at endance was good if they saw how small I was they?" said Dick. tain," replied the child with a shrewd look; and people He was a little surprised to perceive that the bumping gentleman's trunk, which, being nearly twice as wide as the sounds were occasioned by the progress up stairs of the single staircase, and exceedingly heavy withal, it was no easy mat coachman to convey up the steep ascent. ter for the united exertions of the single gentleman and the their might, and getting the trunk tight and fast in all kinds were, crushing each other, and pushing and pulling with all But there they of impossible angles, and to pass them was out of the ques tion; for which sufficient reason Mr. Swiveller followed slowly behind, entering a new protest on every stair against the house of Mr. Sampson Brass being thus taken by storm. To these remonstrances the single gentleman answered not sat down upon it and wiped his bald head and face with his a word; but when the trunk was at last got into the bed-room, handkerchief. He was very warm, and well he might be; for, not to mention the exertion of getting the trunk up stairs, he was closely muffled up in winter garments, though the thermometer had stood all day at eighty-one in the shade. of his mouth," that you desire to look at these apartments. "I believe, sir," said Richard Swiveller, taking his pen out uninterrupted view of-of over the way, and they are within They are very charming apartments, sir. They command an one minute's walk of-of the corner of the street. contingent advantages are extraordinary." exceedingly mild porter, sir, in the immediate vicinity, and the There is "What's the rent?" said the single gentlemen. terms. fires in winter time are-" 66 "Are all agreed to," answered the single gentleman. him from top to toe. "Two weeks certain," said Dick, "Two weeks!" cried the single gentleman gruffly, eyeing are the " years. Here; ten pounds down. The bargain's made.” "Two years! I shall live here for two Why, you see," said Dick," my name 's not Brass, and-" "Who said it was? My name's not Brass. What then?" "The name of the master of the house is," said Dick. "I'm glad of it," returned the single gentleman; it's a good name for a lawyer. Coachman, you may go. So may you, sir." Mr. Swiveller was so much confounded by the single gentleman riding rough-shod over him at this rate, that he stood looking at him almost as hard as he had looked at Miss Sally. The single gentleman, however, was not in the slightest de - gree affected by this circumstance, but proceeded with perfect composure to unwind the shawl which was tied round his neck, and then to pull off his boots. Freed of these encumbrances, he went on to divest himself of his other clothing, which he folded up piece by piece, and ranged in order upon the trunk. Then he pulled down the window blinds, drew the curtains, wound up his watch, and, quite leisurely and methodically, got into bed. "Take down the bill," were his parting words, as he looked out from between the curtains, “and let nobody call me till I ring the bell.” With that the curtains closed, and he seemed to snore immediately. "This is a most remarkable and supernatural sort of house," said Mr. Swiveller, as he walked into the office with the bill in his hand. "She dragons in the business, conducting themselves like professional gentlemen; plain cooks of three feet high appearing mysteriously from under ground; strangers walking in and going to bed without leave or license in the middle of the day! If he should be one of the miraculous fellows that turn up now and then, and has gone to sleep for two years, I shall be in a pleasant situation. It's my destiny, however, and I hope Brass may like it. I shall be sorry if he don't. But it's no business of mine-I have nothing whatever to do with it!" CHAPTER XXXV. [ MR BRASS, on returning home, received the report of his clerk with much complacency and satisfaction, and was particular in inquiring after the ten-pound note, which, proving on examination to be a good and lawful note of the Governor and Company of the Bank of England, increased his good humor considerably. Indeed, he so overflowed with liberality and condescension, that in the fullness of his heart he invited Mr. Swiveller to partake of a bowl of punch with him at that remote and indefinite period which is currently denominated one of these days,' and paid him many handsome compliments on the uncommon aptitude for business which his conduct on the first day of his devotion to it had so plainly evinced. It was a maxim with Mr. Brass that the habit of paying compliments kept a man's tongue oiled without any expense; and, as that useful member ought never to grow rusty or creak in turning on its hinges in the case of a practitioner of the law, in whom it should be always glib and easy, he lost few opportunities of improving himself by the utterance of handsome speeches and eulogistic expressions. And this had passed into such a habit with him that, if he could not be correctly said to have his tongue at his finger's ends, he might certainly be said to have it any where but in his face; which being, as we have already seen, of a hard and repulsive character, was not oiled so easily, but frowned above all the smooth speeches; one of Nature's beacons, warning off those who navigated the shoals and breakers of the World, or of that dangerous strait, the Law, and admonishing them to seek less treacherous harbors and try their fortune elsewhere. While Mr. Brass by turns overwhelmed his clerk with compliments and inspected the ten-pound note, Miss Sally showed little emotion and that of no pleasurable kind; for as the tendency of her legal practice had been to fix her thoughts on small gains and gripings, and to whet and sharpen her natural wisdom, she was not a little disappointed that the single gentleman had obtained the lodgings at such an easy rate, arguing that, when he was seen to have set his mind upon them, he should have been charged double or treble the usual terms, and that, in exact proportion as he pressed forward, Mr. Swiveller should have hung back. But neither the good opinion of Mr. Brass nor the dissatisfaction of Sally wrought any impression upon that young gentleman, who, throwing the responsibility of this and all other acts and deeds thereafter to be done by him upon his unlucky destiny, was quite resigned and comfortable; fully prepared for the worst, and philosophically indifferent to the best. 66 "Good morning, Mr. Richard," said Brass, on the second day of Mr. Swiveller's clerkship. Sally found you a secondhand stool, sir, yesterday evening in Whitechapel. She's a rare fellow at a bargain, I can tell you, Mr. Richard. You'll find that a first rate stool, sir, take my word for it.' "It's rather a crazy one to look at," said Dick. "You'll find it a most amazing stool to sit down upon, you may depend," returned Mr. Brass. "It was bought in the open street just opposite the hospital, and as it has been standing there a month or two, it has got rather dusty and a little brown from being in the sun, that's all." "I hope it hasn't got any fevers or any thing of that sort in it," said Dick, sitting himself down discontentedly between Mr. Sampson and the chaste Sally. "One of the legs is long than the others." "Then we get a bit of timber in, sir," retorted Brass. "Ha, ha, ha! We get a bit of timber in, sir, and that's another advantage of my sister's going to market for us. Miss Brass, Mr. Richard is the " these remarks, looking up from her papers. "Will you keep quiet?" interrupted the fair subject of "How am I to work if you keep on chattering?" "What an uncertain chap you are!" returned the lawyer. "Sometimes you 're all for a chat. At another time you're all for work. A man never knows what humor he'll find you in." ness. "I'm in a working humor now," said Sally, "so don't dis turb me if you please. And do n't take him"-Miss Sally pointed with the feather of her pen to Richard-' off his busiHe won't do more than he can help, I dare say." Mr. Brass had evidently a strong inclination to make an angry reply, but was deterred by prudent or timid considerations, as he only muttered something about aggravation, and a vagabond; not associating the terms with any individual, but mentioning them as connected with some abstract ideas which happened to occur to him. They went on waiting for a long time in silence after this-in such a dull silence that Mr. Swiveller (who required excitement) had several times fallen asleep, and written divers strange words in an unknown character with his eyes shut, when Miss Sally at length broke in upon the monotony of the office by pulling out the little tin box, taking a noisy pinch of snuff, and then expressing her opinion that Mr. Richard Swiveller had "done it." "Done what, ma'am?" said Richard. "Do you know," returned Miss Brass, "that the lodger is n't up yet-that nothing has been seen or heard of him since he went to bed yesterday afternoon?" 66 Well, ma'am," said Dick, "I suppose he may sleep his ten pound out in peace and quietness, if he likes." "Ah! I begin to think he'll never wake," observed Miss Sally. "It's a very remarkable circumstance," said Brass, laying down his pen; "really, very remarkable. Mr. Richard, you remember, if this gentleman should be found to have hung himself to the bed-post, or any unpleasant accident of that kind should happ n-you'll remember, Mr. Richard, that this tenpound note was given to you in part payment of two years' rent? You'll bear that in mind, Mr. Richard; you had better make a note of it, sir, in case you should ever be called upon to give evidence." Mr. Swiveller took a large sheet of foolscap, and with a countenance of profound gravity, began to make a very small note in one corner. "We can never be too cautious " said Mr. Brass. "There is a deal of wickedness going on about the world, a deal of wickedness. Did the gentleman happen to say, sir-but never mind that at present, sir; finish that little memorandum." Dick did so, and handed it to Mr. Brass, who had dismounted from his stool and was walking up and down the office. 66 "Oh, this is the memorandum, is it?" said Brass running his eye over the document. 'Very good. Now, Mr. Richard, did the gentleman say anything else?" "No." "Are you sure, Mr. Richard," said Brass solemnly," that the gentleman said nothing else." "Devil a word, sir," replied Dick. "Think again, sir," said Brass, "it's my duty, sir, in the position in which I stand, and as an honorable member of the legal profession, the first profession in this country, sir, or in any other country, or in any of the planets that shine above at night and are supposed to be inhabited-it's my duty, sir, as an honorable member of that profession, not to put to you a leading question in a matter of this delicacy and importance. Did the gentleman, sir, who took the first floor of you yester clear I should be more than a match for him of course, but day afternoon, and who brought with him a box of property I'm the master of the house, and the laws of hospitality must -a box of property-say anything more than is set down in this memorandum ? ""' "Come, do n't be a fool," said Miss Sally. Dick looked at her, and then at Brass, and then at Miss Sally again, and still said "No." Pooh, pooh! Deuce take it, Mr. Richard, how dull you are!" cried Brass, relaxing into a smile. "Did he say anything about his property ?-there." her brother. "That's the way to put it," said Miss Sally, nodding to "Did he say, for instance." added Brass, in a kind of comfortable, cozy tone-" I don't assert that he did say so, mind; I only ask you, to refresh your memory-did he say, for instance, that he was a stranger in London-that it was not his humor or within his ability to give references-that he felt we had a right to require them-and that, in case anything should happen to him, at any time, he particularly desired that whatever property he had upon the premises should be considered mine, as some slight recompense for the trouble and annoyance I should sustain-and were you, in short," added Brass, still more comfortably and cozily than before. were you induced to accept him on my behalf, as a tenant, upon those conditions?" 'Certainly not," replied Dick. 'Why then, Mr. Richard," said Brass, darting at him a supercilious and reproachful look, "it's my opinion that you have mistaken your calling, and will never make a lawyer." be respected.-Hallo there! Hallo, hallo!" While Mr. Brass, with his eye curiously twisted into the keyhole, uttered these sounds as a means of attracting the lodger's attention, and while Miss Brass plied the hand-bell, Mr. Swiveller put his stool close against the wall by the side of the door, and mounting on the top and standing bolt upright, so that if the lodger did make a rush, he would most probably pass him in its onward fury, began a violent battery with the ruler upon the upper panels of the door. Captivated with his own ingenuity, and confident in the strength of his position, which he had taken up after the method of those hardy individuals who open the pit and gallery doors of theatres on crowded nights, Mr. Swiveller rained down such a shower of blows that the noise of the bell was drowned; and the small servant who lingered on the stairs below, ready to fly at a moment's notice, was obliged to hold her ears lest she should be rendered deaf for life. Suddenly the door was unlocked on the inside and flung violently open. The small servant fled to the coal cellar; Miss Sally dived into her own bedroom; Mr. Brass, who was not remarkable for personal courage, ran into the next street, and finding that nobody fellowed him, armed with a poker or other offensive weapon, put his hands in his pockets, walked very slowly all at once, and whistled. Meanwhile Mr. Swiveller, on the top of the stool, drew himself into as flat a shape as possible against the wall and "Not if you live a thousand years," added Miss Sally.-looked, not unconcernedly, down upon the single gentleman, Whereupon the brother and sister took each a noisy pinch who appeared at the door growling and cursing in a very aw of snuff from the little tin box, and fell into a gloomy thoughtful manner, and, with the boots in his hand, seemed to have an intention of hurling them down stairs on speculation. This idea, however, he abandoned, and he was turning into his room again, still growling vengefully, when his eyes met those of the watchful Richard. fulness. Nothing further passed up to Mr. Swiveller's dinner-time, which was at three o'clock, and seemed about three weeks in coming. At the frst stroke of the hour, the new clerk disappeared. At the last stroke of five, he reappeared, and the office, as if by magic, became fragrant with the smell of gin and water and lemon-peel. "Mr. Richard," said Brass, "this man's not up yet. Nothing will wake him, sir. What's to be done?" "I should let him have his sleep out," returned Dick. "Sleep out!" cried Brass; "why he has been asleep now, six-and-twenty hours. We have been moving chests of drawers over his head, we have knocked double knocks at the street-door, we have made the servant-girl fall down stairs several times, (she's a light weight, and it don't hurt her much,) but nothing wakes him." Perhaps a ladder," suggested Dick, "and getting in at the first-floor window "But then there's a door between; besides, the neighborhood would be up in arms," said Brass. "What do you say to getting on the roof of the house through the trap door, and dropping down the chimney?" "That would be an excellent plan," said Brass, "if any body would be-" and here he looked very hard at Mr. Swiveller "would be kind, and friendly, and generous enough, to undertake it. I dare say it would not be anything like as disagreeable as one supposes." Dick had made the suggestion, thinking that the duty might possibly fall within Miss Sally's department. As he said nothing further, and declined taking the hint, Mr. Brass was fain to propose that they should go up stairs together, and make a last effort to awaken the sleeper by some less violent means, which, if they failed on this last trial, must positively be succeeded by stronger measures. Mr. Swiveller, assenting, armed himself with his stool and the large ruler, and repaired with his employer to the scene of action, where Miss Brass was already ringing a hand-beli with all her might, and yet without producing the smallest effect upon their mysterious lodger. "There are his boots, Mr. Richard," said Brass. "Very obstinate-looking articles they are too," quoth Richard Swiveller. And truly they were as sturdy and bluff a pair of boots as one would wish to see; as firmly planted on the ground as if their owner's legs and feet had been in them, and seeming, with their broad soles and blunt toes, to hold possession of their place by main force. "I can't see anything but the curtain of the bed," said Brass, applying his eye to the keyhole of the door. "Is he a strong man, Mr. Richard?" "Very," answered Dick. "It would be an extremely unpleasant circumstance if he was to bounce out suddenly," said Brass. "Keep the stairs "Have you been making that horrible noise?" said the single gentleman. "I have been helping, sir," returned Dick, keeping his eye upon him, and waving the ruler gently in his right hand, as an indication of what the single gentleman had to expect if he attempted any violence. "How dare you, then?" said the lodger, "Eh?" To this, Dick made no other reply than by inquiring wheth er the lodger held it to be consistent with the conduct and character of a gentleman to go to sleep for six-and-twenty hours at a stretch, and whether the peace of an amiable and virtuous family was to weigh as nothing in the balance. "Is my peace nothing?" said the single gentleman. "Is their peace nothing, sir?" returned Dick. "I don't wish to hold out any threats, sir-indeed, the law does not allow of threats, for to threaten is an indictable offence-but if ever you do that again, take care you're not sat upen by the coroner and buried in a cross-road before you wake. We have been distracted with fears that you were dead, sir," said Dick, gently sliding to the ground," and the short and the long of it. is, that we cannot allow single gentlemen to come into this establi hment and sleep like double gentlemen with out paying extra for it." "Indeed!" cried the lodger. "Yes, sir, indeed," returned Dick, yielding to his destiny and saying whatever came uppermost; "an equal quantity of slumber was never got out of one bed and bedstead, and if you're going to sleep in that way, you must pay for a doublebedded room. Instead of being thrown into a great passion by these re marks, the lodger relapsed into a broad grin and looked at Mr. Swiveller with twinkling eyes. He was a brown faced, sun-burnt man, and appeared browner and more sun-burnt from having a white nightcap on. As it was clear that he was a choleric fellow in some respects, Mr. Swiveller was relieved to find him in such good humor, and to encourage in it, smiled himself. him The lodger, in the testiness of being so rudely roused, had pushed his nightcap very much on one side of his bald head. This gave him a rakish, eccentric air which, now that he had leisure to observe it, charmed Mr. Swiveller exceedingly therefore, by way of propitiation, he expressed the hope that the gentleman was going to get up, and further that he would never do so any more. "Come here, you impudent rascal," was the lodger's an swer as he reentered his room. Mr. Swiveller followed him in, leaving the stool outside, but reserving the ruler in case of surprise. He really con |