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a picture of the solitary relic of human nature weltering amidst the ocean in his tiny bark, and awaiting his fate in the wilderness of waters!!"--Gemini!!!
The readers of the London Magazine know, that the name of Sir James Mackintosh met with an accident in the February Number; well, I cannot express how much this unhappy circumstance vexed me-I lost my appetite, pined, and wasted away, as the quack advertisements have it, in a pitiable sort, so that all about me despaired of my life; and at last I fell so downright sick of grief, that I was not able to keep my Diary regularly, which must explain any deficiencies this month. Certainly I should have died-indeed, I would not have consented to live, had I not, by great good luck, taken up the last number of the Retrospective Review, and read the article on Busbequius's Travels, in which I found that which reconciled me to life and restored me to the world. I find that Busbequius speaks of a man of great knowledge, and particularly skilled in medicine, of the name of Quackquebenus. So that it is clear that there is no reason why I should die broken-hearted because Sir James was printed Quackingtosh, there having been a man of the name of Quackquebenus, who was no quack. Surely Sir James cannot in reason quarrel with a slip of the types, which only gave him the first syllable of the illustrious name of the renowned physician Quackquebenus, the first of the ancient family of the Quacks.
There is an account in the Paper to-day of a splendid cowhouse which has been built at the Modern Athens. The building is described at some length, and an idea may be formed of its extent, when it is stated, that from a gallery the spectator sees “two hundred splendidly accommodated cows." The cows' eating-room is one hundred and twenty feet in length and sixty in breadth. · The chief novelty of the design is the cleanliness which is to be observed in the establishment, and which will render it the most desirable residence in Edinburgh for a visitor, whose nose is not born to the manner of that nice city. We Southerns, when we make a trip to the Modern Athens, will all go and live with the cows. Some time ago, a cow establishment (that must be the word) was formed on a similar design at Cambridge. It was observed that cow-houses were by no means kept so tidily as drawing-rooms, and that cows did a variety of things in a very unpolished, not to say gross, way; so much so, as extremely to shock dairy-maids of genteel education. I have been told on good authority indeed, that some dairy-maids from London, who had never had to do with these beasts before, were so shocked at their goings on when they became acquainted with them for the first time, on going to live in the country, that they positively refused to stay in their places. The Cambridge people endeavoured to refine the manners of the cows, and to make them fit to give milk to delicate females. Knowing that all refinements are knit together, they began with their food, and instead of giving them hay in the vulgar form, they made it into tea, (if I may be permitted the bull,) and I am assured that they had effected so great an improvement in the manners of the brutes, that they had prevailed upon them to sit upon their hinder, and never-to-be-named ends, like Christians, and to sip the beverage out of spoons !
25th.—Cobbett said at the Norwich dinner " As I passed by your Cathedral this morning, I saw the words : No Popery' written in very legible characters upon the elegant door-way of that ancient edifice. The words “ no Popery' upon a building which, were it not for our Roman Catholic ancestors, would never have had existence !!"Those who wish to know how long it will be before a Protestant Dean and Chapter will build a cathedral, may consult Mr. Goulburn's speech in answer to Sir John Newport's motion that the expence of building churches* in Ireland should be charged on the first fruits and tenths, and not on the people; or else they may look at the debates on the conduct of the reverend showmen of St. Paul's and Westminster Abbey. - The Catholic clergy erected churches and cathedrals, endowed schools and colleges; the monuments of the reformed Priesthood are to be found only in the splendid fortunes of the parsons and their
progeny. 26th.—The two Papers systematically opposed to all schemes to improve the minds, or conduce to the happiness of the lower classes, are the Herald and the John Bull. The Herald writes stark nonsense about the matter; the John Bull employs ridicule on this very simple plan. It chooses to assume on the part of the people and their instructors the most incredible absurdity, and then makes merry with it. The John Bull argues, for example, that the education of the lower classes would be the most useless and laughable thing conceivable, BECAUSE, it assumes, that dyers would surely learn mechanics, carpenters chemistry, sailors agriculture, and ploughmen astronomy. Let it be supposed that all these sciences are taught, and taught to the right, instead of to the wrong persons, and where is the absurdity? The dyer learns chemistry, the carpenter mechanics, the sailor astronomy, and the ploughman agriculture. Is there any thing very ridiculous in this distribution, which merely supposes that very moderate portion of wisdom which may safely be ascribed even to the multitude ? The John Bull and the Herald do not confine their hostility to the education of the people; whatever tends to their improvement, either of mind or body, is malevolently opposed by these journals. It has been proposed to establish a Gymnasium for the lower classes, as a means of affording them healthy exercise, and diverting them from the dissipation of the pot-house. It is not easy to imagine what objection could be offered to a design so apparently unexceptionable. The John Bull however attempts to torture it into something at once ridiculous and alarming: it is alarming, because throwing javelins is to form part of the exercise. We all know, that in the time of the Romans javelins were very formidable weapons, the loyal journalist therefore calculates on producing a panic throughout the country, by publishing, in its largest print, that the mechanics of London are about to be trained in the use of this redoubted missile. All the alarmists of the land will parody the well-known lines, and revolution will be anticipated :
Swift as a javelin to its mark,
And when the churches are built, I suppose we must pay for the hire of the congregations : these things are not to be had for nothing in Ireland.
The project is ridiculous, because, according to the method of perversion which I have already described, it is assumed that the design is to practice each labourer in the exercise which may ignorantly be supposed to be wholly useless to him—" to teach the tailor to throw the javelin, to bid the cobbler ride the wooden horse, to train the bricklayer to run, or the costermonger to climb,” is presented as an unprecedented absurdity. Let us however suppose the cramped legs of the tailor are to be stretched by the wooden horse, that the bricklayer climbs, and the costermonger runs- —where then is the joke?
But it is not thus that we are to consider the subject; the principle of gymnastics is to strengthen, by exercise, those muscles which in ordinary situations are inert; it is therefore by no means so absurd to assign to each workman the amusement most opposite to his ordinary occupation; though we can easily imagine that persons “ pleased with a rattle, tickled with a straw,” will find something immoderately ludicrous in this opposition of exercise and employment.
27th.—The Morning Chronicle is unrivalled in its small-print paragraphs, the aptness of its allusions and quotations is truly admirable. If any thing can be objected, it is excess of learning :-“ Latin it speaks as natural as pigs do squeak," and with about as much grace and discretion. See what it says to-day, reader, first calling for your Ainsworth's Dictionary, for you are about to converse with a very very learned Theban.-" The death of the Bishop of Durham has occasioned terrible perturbation amongst the lawn sleeves. “Noli me tangere,' is ardently expected by the jocund Bishop Legge.” *-I make no sort of doubt, that this learned gentleman would give to an irascible Scotsman the motto,“ Nolo episcopari.” He should learn in future, that “ Nolo episcopari'' is the set form of accepting a bishoprick" Noli me tangere" is the protest to all interference with the ecclesiastical revenue derived from it.
MR. M'CULLOCH'S DOCTRINE ON ABSENTEEISM.
WITH AN EXTENSION TO THE SUBJECTS OF FREE TRADE AND NEUTRAL RIGHTS.
The following attempt at the evolution of the principle briefly laid down in the celebrated evidence before the Select Committee of the House of Commons, was written before the publication of the article on the same subject in the Edinburgh Review. It appears to comprehend some points which the article alluded to has omitted; and from this circumstance, and the subsequent extension of the principle to other questions, it may possibly yet possess some interest.
An additional reason for extending the examination of the principle to the utmost, is to be found in the pointed manner in which it has been spoken of by some of its Parliamentary opponents as absurd. After such a declaration, the public necessarily feels an interest in knowing
By the by, this Bishop's calves have been running through all the newspapers in
what it is that has been so characterised, and in being able to compare the different degrees of acuteness displayed by the promulgator and by the opponent.
The questions put to Mr. M*Culloch, and his evidence in reply, were as follows:
Supposing the absentee landlords of Ireland were to return and reside upon their estates, is it your opinion that that would be productive of any decided advantage to the lower orders of the people ?—No, I am not aware that it would be productive of any advantage to them in the way of increasing the general and average rate of wages all over the country.
Would not the expenditure of their incomes among them be productive of a great good ?-The income of a landlord, when he is an absentee, is really as much expended in Ireland as if he were living in it.
Will you have the gooduess to explain that a little farther ?–When a landlord becomes an absentee, his rent must be remitted to him one way or another; it must be remitted to him either in money or in commodities. I suppose it will be conceded that it cannot continue to be remitted to him from Ireland in money, there being no money to make the remittance; for if the rents of two or three estates were remitted in money, it would make a scarcity of money and raise its value, so that its remittance would inevitably cease ; it is clear then that the rents of absentees can only be remitted in commodities. And this, I think, would be the nature of the operation :--when a landlord has an estate in Ireland, and goes to live in London or Paris, his agent gets his rent, and goes and buys a bill of exchange with it; now this bill of exchange is a draft drawn against equivalent commodities that are to be exported from Ireland ; it is nothing more than an order to receive an equivalent in commodities which must be sent from Ireland. The merchants who get 10;000l. or any other sum from the agent of an absentee landlord, go into the Irish market and buy exactly the same amount of commodities as the landlord would have bought had he been at home; the only difference being that the landlord would eat and wear them in London or Paris, and not in Dublin, or in his house in Ireland.
Therefore, in proportion to the amount of rent remitted will be the correspondent export of Irish commodities? Precisely: if the remittances to absentee landlords amount to three millions a year, were the absentee landlords to return home to Ireland the foreign trade of Ireland would be diminished to that amount.- Report from the Select Committee on the State of Ireland : 1825. Ordered by the House of Commons to be printed, 30th June 1825–p. 813. Evidence of J. R. M.Culloch, Esq. 30th June 1825.
In so confined a space it is not surprising if there should be deficiencies, and even inaccuracies, which may be usefully corrected in a more extended investigation.
If it should happen at any particular period, that a number of residents in Ireland who have been previously in the habit of expending their revenues on Irish produce, are seized with a desire of expending them on commodities the produce of France, then a new quantity of commodities of some kind or other, which either are of Irish origin or must in some stage or other have been procured by giving commodities of Irish origin, will be sent over to France by the merchants of Ireland ; and after they have been sold for French currency in the French markets, the French currency so received will be applied to the purchase of the French commodities desired, which French commodities on being received by the merchants in Ireland, will be sold for Irish currency to the individuals with whom the desire for French commodities has been surposed to originate. And the quantity of Irish commodities sent over to France will be so adjusted by the merchants, that on the sale of the French commodities finally received in return, the proceeds shall replace the Irish currency expended, and also return the necessary expenses and profits of the merchants. Hence the quantity of Irish currency which the merchants will expend on Irish commodities to be sent to France, will be equal to the quantity which the individuals first described are desirous of applying to the purchase of French commodities, minus the necessary expenses and profits of the merchants. But as that portion which composes the expenses and profits of the merchants will assuredly be expended on something or other as well as the rent, the whole quantity of Irish commodities finally demanded and purchased, will be equal in amount to what would have been purchased if the individuals who desire French commodities had continued to desire Irish as before.
But if there is not at the same time any corresponding increase of inclination in any persons in France to consume Irish produce, there can be only one way of persuading the French to consume more Irish commodities than before; which is, by offering them those commodities for a smaller quantity of French currency. For example: if the French are to be persuaded to consume a greater quantity of Irish salt butter, instead of French fresh butter which they were consuming before, they can only be induced to do this by a diminution in the price. The money prices therefore of Irish commodities in France must fall. And the quantity of French commodities which will be bought with the French currency obtained by the sale of the increased quantity of Irish commodities, though in absolute magnitude it will be greater than before, will be relatively smaller, or smaller in comparison with the Irish commodities received. But when the French commodities thus purchased arrive in Ireland, they must from time to time be sold for as much Irish currency as will pay for all the commodities transmitted to France to procure them, together with the expenses of freight and the profits of the merchants, who are the importers. And since the quantity of the French commodities is smaller in comparison with the quantity of Irish commodities to be paid for than it used to be, the quantity of Irish currency demanded for any given portion of the French commodities in Ireland must be raised in a corresponding proportion; for otherwise it is plain that the trade cannot continue to go on. In all which it is clear that the demand for the production of Irish commodities upon the whole continues the same as ever, but that a degree of pecuniary loss is imposed upon the consumers of French commodities by the raising of the money prices of those commodities in Ireland; which loss of theirs in fact goes to prevent the producers and manufacturers of the Irish commodities sent to France, from being affected by the reduced money prices fetched by Irish commodities in that country. The expense of forcing the French to consume more Irish commodities by reducing the price, must be paid for by somebody; and it is paid for by those who desire to consume the French commodities, which is as it ought to be.
This rise in the money prices of French commodities in Ireland, will cause men in Ireland in a certain degree to diminish their consumption of French commodities and return to the consumption of Irish; which, as far as it goes, will diminish the quantity of Irish commodities sent subsequently to France in pursuit of French produce, and increase by the same amount the quantity consumed at home. But the reaction thus effected will only be partial, and will finally leave both the consumption of French commodities and their money prices higher than they were originally. For if it did not, the tendency for both to