Except a scattering in the epigram —
Provided that by art, and in due time,
They turned upon the thought, and not the rime.
Thus in all parts disorders did abate;
Yet quibblers in the court had leave to prate,
Insipid jesters and unpleasant fools,

A corporation of dull punning drolls.

"Tis not but that sometimes a dextrous muse

May with advantage a turned sense abuse,

And on a word may trifle with address;

But above all avoid the fond excess,

And think not, when your verse and sense are lame,
With a dull point to tag your epigram.

THE COUNTRY WIFE.

BY WILLIAM WYCHERLEY.

[WILLIAM WYCHERLEY, the most characteristic of the Restoration dramatists, was born near Shrewsbury, about 1640. Fashionably educated in France (fifteen to twenty), he turned Catholic, Protestant again at Oxford on being placed there after returning, and Catholic again when James II. paid his debts and patronized him. He played at learning law, but made the stage and a bad life about town his real business; and in 1672 produced "Love in a Wood," a play so clever and so noisome that the Duchess of Cleveland took him up and made him her paramour. "The Gentleman Dancing Master" (1673) followed; then, in 1675 and 1677, his masterpieces, "The Country Wife," and "The Plain Dealer." On their and the Duchess's account, Charles II. was about to make him tutor to the little Duke of Richmond, when Wycherley lost the royal favor for good by a concealed marriage with the Countess of Drogheda which Charles discovered. The marriage was unhappy, and her death left him only a lawsuit so costly that he was seven years in prison for debt, whence James II. released him. At seventy-five he married a young girl, and died eleven days after, in December, 1715. Pope corrected a volume of bad verses for him.]

SCENE: A Room in PINCHWIFE's House, London.

Mrs. MARGERY PINCHWIFE (a young bride lately brought from the country) and ALITHEA. PINCHWIFE peeping behind at the door.

Mrs. Pinchwife - Pray, sister, where are the best fields and woods to walk in, in London?

Alithea [Aside.] A pretty question! - [Aloud.] Why, sister, Mulberry Garden and St. James's Park; and for close walks, the New Exchange.

Mrs. Pinchwife - Pray, sister, tell me why my husband looks so grum here in town, and keeps me up so close, and will not let me go a-walking, nor let me wear my best gown yesterday.

Alithea O, he's jealous, sister.

Mrs. Pinchwife-Jealous! what's that?

Alithea He's afraid you should love another man.

Mrs. Pinchwife - How should he be afraid of my loving another man, when he will not let me see any but himself? Alithea Did he not carry you yesterday to a play?

-

Mrs. Pinchwife - Aye; but we sat amongst ugly people. He would not let me come near the gentry, who sat under us, so that I could not see 'em. He told me, none but naughty women sat there, whom they toused and moused. But I would have ventured, for all that.

Alithea But how did you like the play?

Mrs. Pinchwife - Indeed I was weary of the play; but I liked hugeously the actors. They are the goodliest, properest men, sister!

Alithea O, but you must not like the actors, sister.

Mrs. Pinchwife - Aye, how should I help it, sister? Pray, sister, when my husband comes in, will you ask leave for me to go a-walking?

Alithea A-walking! ha, ha! Lord, a country-gentlewoman's pleasure is the drudgery of a footpost; and she requires as much airing as her husband's horses. - [Aside.] But here comes your husband: I'll ask, though I'm sure he'll not grant it.

Enter PINCHWIFE.

Mrs. Pinchwife - O my dear, dear bud, welcome home! Why dost thou look so fropish? who has nangered thee? Pinchwife-You're a fool.

[MRS. PINCHWIFE goes aside, and cries. Alithea - Faith, so she is, for crying for no fault, poor tender creature!

Pinchwife-What, you would have her as impudent as yourself, as arrant a jilflirt, a gadder, a magpie; and to say all, a mere notorious town-woman?

Alithea Brother, you are my only censurer; and the honor of your family will sooner suffer in your wife there than in me, though I take the innocent liberty of the town.

Pinchwife-Hark you, mistress, do not talk so before my wife. The innocent liberty of the town!

Alithea Why, pray, who boasts of any intrigue with me? what lampoon has made my name notorious? what ill women frequent my lodgings? I keep no company with any women of scandalous reputations.

Pinchwife-No, you keep the men of scandalous reputations company.

Alithea - Where? would you not have me civil? answer 'em in a box at the plays, in the drawing-room at Whitehall, in St. James's Park, Mulberry Garden, or—

Pinchwife - Hold, hold! Do not teach my wife where the men are to be found: I believe she's the worse for your towndocuments already. I bid you keep her in ignorance, as I do.

Mrs. Pinchwife - Indeed, be not angry with her, bud, she will tell me nothing of the town, though I ask her a thousand times a day.

Pinchwife-Then you are very inquisitive to know, I

find?

Mrs. Pinchwife-Not I indeed, dear: I hate London. Our place-house in the country is worth a thousand of't: would I were there again!

Pinchwife-So you shall, I warrant. But were you not talking of plays and players when I came in?-[To ALITHEA.] You are her encourager in such discourses.

Mrs. Pinchwife — No, indeed, dear; she chid me just now for liking the playermen.

Pinchwife-[Aside.] Nay, if she be so innocent as to own to me her liking them, there is no hurt in't. [Aloud.] Come, my poor rogue, but thou likest none better than me?

Mrs. Pinchwife-Yes, indeed, but I do. The playermen are finer folks.

Pinchwife-But you love none better than me?

Mrs. Pinchwife-You are my own dear bud, and I know you. I hate a stranger.

Pinchwife - Aye, my dear, you must love me only and not be like the naughty town-women, who only hate their husbands, and love every man else; love plays, visits, fine coaches, fine clothes, fiddles, balls, treats, and so lead a wicked townlife.

Mrs. Pinchwife-Nay, if to enjoy all these things be a townlife, London is not so bad a place, dear.

Pinchwife-How! if you love me, you must hate London. Alithea The fool has forbid me discovering to her the pleasures of the town, and he is now setting her agog upon them himself.

[Aside. Mrs. Pinchwife - But, husband, do the town-women love the playermen too?

Pinchwife-Yes, I warrant you.

Mrs. Pinchwife-Aye, I warrant you.
Pinchwife-Why, you do not, I hope?
Mrs. Pinchwife-No, no, bud.
No, no, bud.
ermen in the country?

But why have we no play

Pinchwife-Ha!—Mrs. Minx, ask me no more to go to a

play.

Mrs. Pinchwife-Nay, why, love? I did not care for going : but when you forbid me, you make me, as 'twere, desire it. Alithea So 'twill be in other things, I warrant.

Mrs. Pinchwife - Pray let me go to a play, dear.
Pinchwife-Hold your peace, I wo' not.
Mrs. Pinchwife — Why, love?

Pinchwife-Why, I'll tell you.

[Aside.

Alithea Nay, if he tell her, she'll give him more cause to forbid her that place.

Mrs. Pinchwife - Pray why, dear?

[Aside.

Pinchwife - First, you like the actors; and the gallants may like you.

Mrs. Pinchwife-What, a homely country girl! No, bud, nobody will like me.

Pinchwife-I tell you yes, they may.

Mrs. Pinchwife—No, no, you jest-I won't believe you: I will go.

Pinchwife-I tell you then, that one of the lewdest fellows in town, who saw you there, told me he was in love with you.

Mrs. Pinchwife-Indeed! who, who, pray who was't? Pinchwife-I've gone too far, and slipped before I was aware; how overjoyed she is! [Aside. Mrs. Pinchwife-Was it any Hampshire gallant, any of our neighbors? I promise you I am beholden to him.

Pinchwife-I promise you, you lie; for he would but ruin. you, as he has done hundreds. He has no other love for women but that; such as he look upon women, like basilisks, but to destroy 'em.

Mrs. Pinchwife. -Aye, but if he loves me, why should he ruin me? answer me to that. Methinks he should not, I would do him no harm.

Alithea
Pinchwife

Ha! ha! ha!

'Tis very well; but I'll keep him from doing you any harm, or me either. But here comes company; get you in, get you in.

Mrs. Pinchwife - But pray, husband, is he a pretty gentleman that loves me?

Pinchwife-In, baggage, in.

[Thrusts her in, and shuts the door.

Enter SPARKISH and HARCOURT.

What, all the lewd libertines of the town brought to my lodg ing by this easy coxcomb! 'sdeath, I'll not suffer it.

Sparkish Here, Harcourt, do you approve my choice? [To ALITHEA.] Dear little rogue, I told you I'd bring you acquainted with all my friends, the wits and

[HARCOURT salutes her. Pinchwife - Ay, they shall know her, as well as yourself will, I warrant you.

Sparkish This is one of those, my pretty rogue, that are to dance at your wedding to-morrow; and him you must bid welcome ever, to what you and I have.

Pinchwife - Monstrous!

[Aside. Sparkish-Harcourt, how dost thou like her, faith? Nay, dear, do not look down; I should hate to have a wife of mine out of countenance at anything.

Pinchwife-Wonderful!

[Aside.

Sparkish Tell me, I say, Harcourt, how dost thou like her? Thou hast stared upon her enough, to resolve me.

Harcourt So infinitely well, that I could wish I had a mistress too, that might differ from her in nothing but her love and engagement to you.

Alithea Sir, Master Sparkish has often told me that his acquaintance were all wits and raillieurs, and now I find it.

Sparkish-No, by the universe, madam, he does not rally now; you may believe him. I do assure you, he is the honestest, worthiest, true-hearted gentleman a man of such perfect honor he would say nothing to a lady he does not mean.