She Stoops to Conquer: O R, The Mistakes of a Night. 1 A C T I. SCENE, A CHAMBER in an old fashioned HouSE I Mr. Hardcaffle, very part, there a creature in the whole country, but ourfelves, that does not take a trip to town now and then, to rub off the ruft a little? There's the two Mifs Hoggs, and our neighbour, Mrs. Grigby, go to take a month's polifhing every winter. HARDCASTLE. Ay, and bring back vanity and affectation to laft them the whole year. I wonder why London cannot keep its own fools at home. In my time, the follies of the town crept flowly among us, but now they travel fafter than a stage-coach. Its fopperies come down, not only as infide paffengers, but in the very basket. Mrs. HARD B Mrs. HARDCASTLE. Ay, your times were fine times, indeed; you have been telling us of them for many a long year. Here we live in an old rumbling manfion, that looks for all the world like an inn, but that we never fee compaOur best visitors are old Mrs. Oddfifh, the curate's wife, and little Cripplegate, the lame dancing-master: And all our entertainment your old stories of Prince Eugene and the Duke of Marlborough. I hate fuch old-fashioned trumpery. ny. HARDCASTLE. And I love it. I love every thing that's old: old friends, old times, old manners, old books, old wine; and, I believe, Dorothy, (taking her band) you'll own I have been pretty fond of an old wife. Mrs. HARDCASTLE. Lord, Mr. Hardcastle, you're for ever at your Dorothy's and your old wife's. You may be a Darby, but I'll be no Joan, I promife you. I'm not fo old as you'd make me, by more than one good year. Add twenty to twenty, and make money of that. HARDCASTLE. Let me fee; twenty added to twenty, makes juft fifty and feven. Mrs. HARDCASTLE. It's falfe, Mr. Hardcaftle: I was but twenty when I was brought to bed of Tony, that I had by Mr. Lumpkin, my first husband; and he's not come to years of difcretion yet. HARDCASTLE. Nor ever will, I dare anfwer for him. Ay, you have taught him finely. Mrs. HARDCASTLE. No matter, Tony Lumpkin has a good fortune. My fon is not to live by his learning. I don't think a boy wants much learning to fpend fifteen hundred a year. HARD HARDCASTLE. Learning, quotha! A mere compofition of tricks and mischief. Mrs. HARDCASTLE. Humour, my dear: nothing but humour. Come, Mr. Hardcastle, you must allow the boy a little humour. HARDCASTLE. I'd fooner allow him an horfe-pond. If burning the footmen's fhoes, frighting the maids, and worrying the kittens, be humour, he has it. It was but yesterday he fastened my wig to the back of my chair, and when I went to make a bow, I popt my bald head in Mrs. Frizzle's face. Mrs. HARDCASTLE. And am I to blame? The poor boy was always too fickly to do any good. A fchool would be his death. When he comes to be a little ftronger, who knows what a year or two's Latin may do for him? HARDCASTLE. Latin for him! A cat and fiddle. No, no, the ale-house and the ftable are the only schools he'll ever go to. Mrs. HARDCASTLE. Well, we muft not frub the poor boy now, for I believe we shan't have him long among us. Any, body that looks in his face may fee he's confumptive. HARDCASTLE. Ay, if growing too fat be one of the symptoms. Mrs. HARDCASTLE. He coughs fometimes. HARDCASTLE. Yes, when his liquor goes the wrong way. Mrs. HARDCASTLE. I'm actually afraid of his lungs. HARDCASTLE. And truly fo am I; for he fometimes whoops like B 2 a fpeaking a speaking trumpet-(Tony hallooing behind the Scenes) O there he goes- A very confumptive figure, truly. Enter TONY, creffing the Stage. Mrs. HARDCASTLE. Tony, where are you going, my charmer? Won't you give papa and I a little of your company, lovee.? ΤΟΝ Υ. I'm in hafte, mother, I cannot ftay. Mrs. HARDCASTLE. You fhan't venture out this raw evening, my dear? You look moft fhockingly. ΤΟΝ Υ. I can't ftay, I tell you. The Three Pigeons expects me down every moment. There's fome fun going forward. fo. HARD CASTLE. Ay; the ale-houfe, the old place: I thought Mrs. HARD CASTLE. A low, paltry fet of fellows. ΤΟ Ν Υ. Not fo low neither. There's Dick Muggins the excifeman, Jack Slang the horse doctor, Little Aminadab that grinds the mufic box, and Tom Twift that spins the pewter platter, Mrs. HARDCASTLE. Pray, my dear, difappoint them for one night at léaft. TONY. As for difappointing them, I fhould not fo much mind; but I can't abide to difappoint myself. Mrs. HARDCASTLE. (Detaining bim) You fhan't go. Ay, there goes a pair that only fpoil each other. But is not the whole age in a combination to drive fenfe and difcretion out of doors? There's my pretty darling Kate; the fafhions of the times have almost infected her too. By living a year or two in town', fhe is as fond of gauze, and French frippery, as the best of them. Enter MIS's HARDCASTLE. HARDCASTLE. Bleffings on my pretty innocence! Dreft out as ufual my Kate. Goodnefs! What a quantity of fuperfluous filk has thou got about thee, girl! I could never teach the fools of this age, that the indigent world could be cloathed out of the trimmings of the vain. Mifs HARDCASTLE. You know our agreement, Sir. You allow me the morning to receive and pay. vifits, and to drefs in my own manner; and in the evening, I put on my housewife's dress to please you. HARDCASTLE. Well, remember I infift on the terms of our agreement; and, by the bye, I believe I fhall have occafion to try your obedience this very evening. Mifs HARD.CASTLE. I proteft, Sir, I don't comprehend your meaning. HARDCASTLE. Then, to be plain with you, Kate, I expect the young |