1 Thither the waves file off, and make their way, Where they encamp, and in their station stand, Yon armies are the Cards which both must play ; Throw boldly at the Sum the Gods have set ; But the principal branch of the Alamode is the PRURIENT, a style greatly advanced and honoured of late, by the practice of persons of the first Quality; and by the encouragement of the Ladies, not unsuccessfully introduced even into the drawing-room. Indeed its incredible progress and conquests may be compared to those of the great Sesostris, and are every where known by the same marks, the images of the genital parts of men or women. It consists wholly of metaphors drawn from two most fruitful sources or springs, the very Bathos of the human body, that is **** and **** Hiatus magnus lachrymabi to say *** **************** **** And selling of Bargains, and double Entendre, and Κιβέρισμος and Ελιφιέλδισμος, all derived from the said sources. 4. THE FINICAL STYLE, which consists of the most curious, affected, mincing metaphors, and partakes of the alamode. As this, of a brook dry'd by the sun: m Won by the summer's importuning ray, 1 Lee, Sophon. m Blackm. Job, p. 26. n When watchful Death fhall on his harvest look, Of trees in a storm: • Oaks whose extended arms the winds defy, The tempest sees their strength, and sighs, and passes by. Of water simmering over the fire : The sparkling flames raise water to a Smile, 5. LASTLY, I shall place the CUMBROUS, which moves heavily under a load of metaphors, and draws after it a long train of words. And the BUSKIN, or Stately, frequently and with great felicity mixed with the former. For as the first is the proper engine to depress what is high, so is the second to raise what is base and low to a ridiculous visibility: when both these can be done at once, then is the Bathos in perfection; as when a man is set with his head downward and his breech upright, his degradation is complete one end of him is as high as ever, only that end is the wrong one. Will not every true lover of the Profund be delighted to behold the most vulgar and low actions of life exalted in the following manner? Who knocks at the door? For whom thus rudely pleads my loud-tongu'd gate, See who is there? • Advance the fringed curtains of thy eyes, And tell me who comes yonder. n Blackm. Job. p. 23. • Denn. 9 Temp. P Anon. Tons. Misc. Part vi. p. 224. Shut the door. The wooden guardian of our privacy Quick on its axle turn. Bring my clothes. Bring me what Nature, taylor to the Bear, Light the fire. Bring forth some remnant of Promethean theft, Snuff the candle. Yon luminary amputation needs, Wax! render up thy trust. Uncork the bottle, and chip the bread. CHAP. XIII. A PROJECT FOR THE ADVANCEMENT OF THE BATHOS. THUS have I (my dear countrymen) with ineredible pains and diligence discovered the hidden sources of the Bathos, or, as I may say, broke open Theo. Double Falsehood. the abysses of this Great Deep. And having now established good and wholesome laws, what remains but that all true moderns with their utmost might do proceed to put the same in execution? In order whereto, I think I shall in the second place highly deserve of my country, by proposing such a Scheme, as may facilitate this great end. As our number is confessedly far superior to that of the enemy, there seems nothing wanting but unanimity among ourselves. It is therefore humbly offered, that all and every individual of the Bathos do enter into a firm association, and incorporate into one regular body, whereof every member, even the meanest, will some way contribute to the support of the whole; in like manner, as the weakest reeds, when joined in one bundle, become infrangible. To which end our art ought to be put upon the same foot with other arts of this age. The vast improvement of modern manufactures ariseth from their being divided into several branches, and parcelled out to several trades: for instance, in clock-making one artist makes the balance, another the spring, another the crownwheels, a fourth the case, and the principal workman puts all together to this economy we owe the perfection of our modern watches, and doubtless we also might that of our modern poetry and rhetoric, were the several parts branched out in like manner. Nothing is more evident than that divers persons, no other way remarkable, have each a strong disposition to the formation of some particular trope or figure. Aristotle saith, that the Hyperbole is an ornament fit for young men of quality; accordingly we find in those gentlemen a wonderful propensity towards it, which is marvellously improved by travelling: soldiers also and seamen are very happy in the same figure. The Periphrasis or Circumlocution is the peculiar talent of country farmers; the Proverb and Apologue of old men at their clubs; the Elipsis or speech by half words, of ministers and politicians; the Aposiopesis of courtiers; the Litotes, or diminution, of ladies, whisperers, and backbiters; and the Anadiplosis of common cryers and hawkers, who, by redoubling the same words, persuade people to buy their oysters, green hastings, or new ballads. Epithets may be found in great plenty at Billingsgate, Sarcasm and Irony learned upon the water, and the Epiphonema, or Exclamation, frequently from the bear-garden, and as frequently from the Hear him of the House of Commons. Now each man applying his whole time and genius upon his particular figure, would doubtless attain to perfection; and when each became incorporated and sworn into the society (as hath been proposed), a poet or orator would have no more to do but to send to the particular traders in each kind, to the Metaphorist for his Allegories, to the Simile-maker for his Comparisons, to the Ironist for his Sarcasms, to the Apothegmatist for his Sentences, etc. whereby a dedication or speech would be composed in a moment, the superior artist having nothing to do but to put together all the materials. I therefore propose that there be contrived with all convenient dispatch at the publick expence, a Rhetorical Chest of Drawers, consisting of three stories, the highest for the Deliberative, the middle for the Demonstrative, and the lowest for the Judicial. These shall be divided into Loci, or Places, being repositories for matter and argument in the several kinds of oration or writing; and every drawer shall again be subdivided into cells, resembling those of cabinets for rarities. The apartment for Peace or War, and that of the Liberty of the Press, may in a very few days be filled with several arguments perfectly new; and the Vituperative Partition will as easily be replenished with a most choice collection, entirely of the growth and manufacture of the present age. Every composer will |