Mode. I am stark mad for a dimity petticoat. "Heart. Ten thousand "Mode. Pray give me leave, Sir; her "Heart. I tell you, Sir; ten thousand thousand "Cupids play in every ringlet of her hair, millions "of little loves wanton in her eyes, myriads of graces "sip nectar from her lips; infinite, nameless, be" witching beauties revel in every feature of her trans"porting face; 'tis extreme pleasure to see her, 'tis rapture to hear; when she smiles I am in ecstasy, "and all beyond, George, all beyond are unutterable ❝joys. "Mode. Unspeakable pleasures." Heart. Ah, rogue, rogue! what a lucky night is this! Mode. If we get in. [Embracing one another. Heart. If we have entrance-Hold, here they come, and old Crabtree with 'em. Enter FREEHOLD, FLORA, and AURA. Free. Oh, hoh-perhaps these are some of my Covent-Garden acquaintance. Flora. I can't tell; but they have waited a great while for an answer. Free. Let 'em wait, with a murrain. Aura. Please, Sir, to say aye or no. Free. No, then, no-Burn my house and barns, send the murrain among my cattle, the mildew in my corn, and the blight in my fruit-but let no London plagues come within my doors-What has bewitch'd you to ask such a question? Flora. They desire in common humanity, as they are gentlemen Free. Gentlemen-Hah! why they are the bane of your sex. The devil did less mischief in the form of the serpent to Eve, than in that to her daughters————— A woman's reputation is always lost when 'tis ventur'd—but these are profess'd sharpers, who never play upon the square for beauty, and are worse enemies to it than old age or the small-pox. Aura. We are guarded, Sir, by you-by your in structions. Free. Hah! true daughter of the first woman. Well! I'll talk with 'em, to oblige you. Where are they? Flora. There they are, Sir: they look like sober, civil, honest gentlemen, and not as if they came from London. Free. Now I think they look like a deputation from the cuckold-makers of the corporation. Mode. Sir, the unexpected occasion of this trouble [To Freehold. Free. Oons, Sir, speak truth; I know what you are pumping for, a pretty excuse for an unseasonable visit; I have not told one lie in compliment these thirty years. Heart. Nor heard one neither? Free. No, Sir, nor heard one; here we only make up a few necessary lies for a market-day, or so. . Mode. But we wou'd only say in plain wordsFree. I'll tell you what honourable design you two have clubb'd for in plain words; your horses were to fall lame, you were to be benighted, and making use of my humanity for entrance into my house, you very honestly hope for an opportunity to ruin my family. Ask your conscience, is it not so? hah! Heart. We confess the charge is too generally true; but we beg leave to be excepted, and declare such practices, whatever habits men wear, call 'em villains However, if 'tis impossible to gain credit with you : Free. Whence came you? Heart. From London. Free. From London? so I thought again; the mart of iniquity, Satan's chief residence; he picks up a vagabond soul or two now and then with us, but he monopolizes there. "Heart. What drove you first from London? "Free. Millions of impertinents. I could not bear "to dance attendance in the antichambers, and catch "cold on the stair-cases of false tricking courtiers; "nor endure to be bespattered by the chariot of an upstart, a mushroom, who finds himself, he does "not know how, by a figure in a lottery, a turn of a "die, or the folly of a woman, metamorphosed into a gentleman, and lolling in the chariot that his fa"ther drove. I could not pay my court to a quality "idiot of the last edition, I had not patience to attend “the burlesque rhodomontades of a liar in red, nor "the nauseous flattery of an atheist in black. "Heart. Ah, Sir, London is changed since your "pious days; then indeed, there was too great an "indulgence given to libertines. "Free. Ay, 'tis changed, truly; I hear what your "modern London is; we were lewd, indeed, in our “days, but then, even lewdness had propriety; but "of late they say your fools set up for rakes, and "rakes for politicians; nay, even now you may see "there sharpers in brushed beavers and bobs, and "cullies in long wigs and swords; and instead of "changing honest staple for gold and silver, you deal "in bears and bulls only; you have women who are "chaste, and would yet appear lewd; and you have "saints that are sinners; in short, 'tis a very wicked "town, your parsons stock-job, and your wenches << pray. "Mode. But what is all this to the world of love, and "wit, and gallantry, old Diogenes? "Free. Your very beaus, they say, now give way "to your witlings; and you may hear your fops in un"derstanding rail at those in dress. Who can with "patience bear a coxcomb that supports the credit of "his parts by retailing of wit, who makes a feast in "the city, with the good things, as he calls 'em, the "scraps that he steals from court, aud insults his in❝timates with a stolen understanding, who really be"lieves himself a useful creature for keeping up the "circulation of wit. "Heart. Those gentlemen have breviates for wits; "and while they attend a vacancy serve as cadets." Mode. But, Sir, to our purpose; is there no security to be taken for one night only? Free. There is; but 'tis in my own hands, if you'll accept the terms; look ye, gentlemen, I have one faithful friend in the world, 'tis honest Towser, a truebred mastiff, one who never scrapes nor kisses my hand, but in honest truth; who will stand by me with his best blood. Now he does me the favour to lie every night at my bed's foot; I am likewise master of a brace of large-boned threshers; and these three have been the guardians of my farm these ten years; they have no more respect than I for a laced coat: you know the rest; if I hear the conies squeak, I'll send the hunt abroad; I'll ha' no poaching, no tunneling, no driving in the dark. Heart. Sir, we accept your terms; he that intends no wrong, fears none. Free. There then, enter. There lies your way. [Exeunt Freehold, Modely and Heartwell, into the Farm. Flora. Laud, cousin, he has taken 'em both in. Aura. You were bewitched to ask him. Flora. Why did not you advise me to the contrary? Aura. O dear, my heart beats. Flora. Ay, it beats to arms, child, the garrison is besieged. Aura. Come, let's in; courage. Flora. These are your doings, you wild little colt. [Exeunt. |