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“ Lurch. So I have heard."
Sir John. Belike your grace might know him, for he kept company o' the best. Ah, who but Dick Lurcher! Well, he has; tho' he be but my sister's son, much of my blood in him, that he has. “ Does “ your grace understand music ?
“ Lurch. I have but a bad ear.''
Sir John. " This nephew o’mine has been in comic “ pranks-Oh, very wild, very wild-but” he is like to have all when I die. The whoreson shall have all .--I love him--but he shall never find it while I live.
• Lurch. What a temptation is here to poison him! 6. How he draws his own picture.
[ Aside. ". Sir John. He is, yet, my Lord, but as I may 6 say imberbis juvenis, no more hair on his chin than a “ midwife. Will your grace eat an oyster or two be“ fore supper?
“ Lurch. I never do eat oysters.
“ Sir John. Never eat oysters! Good now! good " now! That is wonderful !"
Lurch. 'Tis something “ more” wonderful, that you can dote upon this nephew of yours, and make no provision for him. Has he any fortune of his own?
Sir John. Not a shilling, Sir. All spent. Do you mark me? Laud! he, Sir! why he is a wit, and a rake, and a gamester; he has twenty trades besides women. O' my conscience he lives upon women. The boy has a fine eye; he has my eye. He shall not have a groat while I live --but when I die
Lurch. I must have a small matter while you live, dear uncle.
[ Aside. Sir John. What's your grace's pleasure ? My ears did not rightly lay hold on your last words.
Lurch. I say, you should allow him a small matter while you live.
Sir John. No, no; let him look out sharp; sharp ; he will know better how to manage when I am laid.
« Lurch. Do you never steal up to court, Sir John? .
“ Sir John. Ah, my Lord Duke, I was very fond " of it once-I have danced a hornpipe in the draw“ing-room before now, I have.
« Lurch. Have you no inclination to a little snug " place, or so?
“ Sir John. Ay, my good Lord, if it might be done “ without much trouble- hunting of places is too “ much fatigue ; 'tis fit for young people. I can't " play at puss in the corner now; no, no.
“ Lurch. Ay, but a teller, a commissioner in the " customs, or so, would do you no harm.
“ Sir John. No, no; if I might be but deputy-lieu. " tenant ; that indeed, I
“ Lurch. I'll speak to the king, it shall be done "! you are so reasonable
Sir John. Come, come, good now, I see supper is going thro' the hall. Will your grace give me leave? Do you hrear; take care his grace's equipage want no. thing. I will shew your grace the way. [Exeunt.
ACT III. SCENE 1. .
Enter Lurcher and his Equipage.
Lurcher. So, now to our business, friends. “Come, comé, or the vizards.” Where are the masking suits ?
« Carb. Here, here in the portmanteau, my boy of mettle."
Lurch. Well, gentlemen, I beg leave only to re. peat what I said before, be honest and you shall all be safe, have every penny that I owe, and a present into the bargain; but you'll hang yourselves and me too if you purloin a sixpence. I have a particular reason for this sham robbery, which will help me to execute my design with honour and safety.
Carb. Oh, I'll be very honest; don't suspect me, my little bully.
Long. Indeed, 'Squire, this way of robbing is quite out of our way.
Sneak. I do not like it, 'tis so like robbing. Dear Squire, turn me out of the house-We shall certainly be taken and hanged. .
Lurch. Carbuncle, bind all fast: terrify much and hurt little, that's your way. ...
Cårb. Well, well, we'll do our best.
Lurch. Now, ceremonious uncle, with your good worship's leave, I hope to borrow from your awk. ward generosity a little ready money, however. “ 'Tis strange this old man would upon no account “ Jend to supply the necessities of his nephew-nay, “ of a nephew he seems to love too--- he will readily « pay down to the glare of his grace.” But to business, my friends, to business; you all know your several appointments; away.
Changes. Enter VULTUR with a pistol, thrusting in
SHACKLEFIGURE in his shirt and breeches. Vult. Your money, your money, dog-bolt.
Tim. Really I never part with money without a receipt.
Vult. You rascal, a receipt! when did you ever hear of a receipt given by a gentleman of our profession ?
Tim. Dear Sir, only let it be then by way of memorandum, that it may appear in my accounts, and that his worship may be satisfied what you shall receive of me in a violent manner.
Vult. Villain, mention one word more of your memorandums and accounts, and I'll shoot you thro'the head for understanding arithmetic. Oons, Sir, the nine figures are all authorised thieves.
Tim. No, Sir, with all submission, they are not thieves, but guardians of estates.
Vult. Dog-bolt! must'I drive a pellet through your scull to confound your figures ?
Tim. Ah, Sir, I do not insist upon it- Ah, spare my life, and I'll confess all the money and the plate.
Vult. In, in then, dismal, and I'll give you bond for the money.
[Exeunt. Enter CARBUNCLE, haling DOUBLEJUCG after him,
very drunk, and SNEAK and LONGBOTTOM at a distance.
Doub. Are you not ashamed to bind an honest man hand and foot, who can neither stand nor go?
Carb. Rot you, do you prate ?
Carb. Where's your plate, you drunken sot, your plate ?
Doub. My plate, Sir, why, [Hiccups] why it is, it is
Carb. Where is it?
Doub. Why it isamato tell you the truth it is locked up.
Carb. Demme, the keys, or I'll slice October.
Sneak. I beg you, Sir, to make no resistance, I entreat you.
Long. Upon my soul, Sir, if you don't comply with
Doub. I thank you very kindly, but I don't care for drinking a drop more.
Carb. Give me the keys of the cellar, or by Gogmagog I'll slice you, hash you, carbonade youl, pickle you, pepper you, salt you, broil you, and eat you.
Doub. Keep your temper, friend; there they are.