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The safe director of unguided youth,

Slow of belief, and fickle in desire, Fraught with kind wishes, and secur'd by truth; Who, ere they'll be persuaded, muft enquire, That cordial-drop heaven in cur cup has thrown, As if they came to fpy, and not t'admire : To make the nauseous draught of life go down ; With searching wisdom, fatal to their ease, On which one only blessing God might raise, They still find out why what may should not please; In lands of Atheists, sublidies of praise :

Nay, take themselves for injur'd, when we dare For none did e'er fo dull and stupid prove,

Make them think better of us than we are; But felt a God, and bless'd his power, in love : And if we hide our frailties from their fights, This only joy, for which poor we are made,

Call us deceitful jilts and hypocrites; Is grown, like play, to be an arrant trade : They little guess, who at our arts are griev'd, The rooks creepin, and it has got of late

The perfect joy of being well deceiv'd; As many little cheats and tricks as that ;

Inquisitive as jealous cuckolds grow; But, what yet more a woman's heart would vex, Rather than not be knowing, they will know 'Tis chiefly carry'd on by our own sex;

What, being known, creates their certain woe. Our Giliy sex, who born, like monarchs, free, Women should these, of all mankind, avoid, Turn Gipfies for a meaner liberty,

For wonder, by clear knowledge, is destroy'd

. And hate restraint, though but from infamy: Woman, who is an arrant bird of night, That call whatever is not common nice,

Bold in the dusk, before a fool's dull fight And, deaf to Nature's rule, or Love's advice, Must fly, when Reason brings the glaring light. Forsake the pleasure, to pursue the vice.

But the kind easy fool, apt to admire 'To an exact perfection they have brought Himself, trusts us; his follies all conspire The adion Love, the passion is forgot.

To flatter his, and favour our desire: 'Tis below wit, they tell you, to admire, Vain of his proper mierit, he with ease And ev’n without approving they desire: Belicves we love him best, who best can please; Their private with obeys the public voice, On him our gross, dull, common flatteries pass, 'Twixt good and bad whimsy decides, not choice : Ever most hapry when most made an ass; Fashions grow up for taste, at forms they strike, Heavy to apprehend, though all mankind They know what they would have, not what they Perceive us false, the fop himself is blind; like.

Who, doating on himselfBovy's a beauty, if some few agrec

Thinks every one that sees him of his mind. 'To call him so, the rest to that degree

These are true womens men-Here, forc'd to cenie Affected arc, that with their ears they see.

Through want of breath, not will, to hold het Where I was visiting the other night,

peace, Comes a fine lady, with her hunible knight, She to the window runs, where she had spy'd Who had prevail'd with her, through her own Her much-esteemid dear friend, the monkey, ty2; skill,

With forty smiles, as many antic bows, At his request, though much against his will, As if 't had been the lady of the house, To come to London

The dirty chattering monster she embrac'd, As the coach stopt, I heard her voice, more loud And made it this fine tender speech at lait : Than a great-belly d woman's in a croud;

Kiss me, thou curious miniature of man; Telling the knight, that her affairs require How odd thon art, how pretty, how jaran! He, for some hours, obfequiously retire.

Oh! I could live and die with thee: then on, I think she was asham'd he should be seen :

For half an hour, in compliments she ran : Hard fate of husbands! the gallant had been, I took this time to think what Nature meant,

When this mixt thing into the world she sent, Dispatch, says she, the business you pretend, So very wisc, yet so impertinent : Your beastly visit to your drunken friend, One that knows every thing that God thought :, A bottle ever makes you look so fine;

Should be an ass through choice, not want or wit; Methinks I long to smell you stink of wine. Whose foppery, without the help of sense, Your country drinking breath 's enough to kill; Could ne'er have rose to such an excellence : Sour ale corrected with a lemon-peel.

Nature 's as lame in making a true fop,
Pr'ythee, farewell; we'll meet again anon : As a philosopher ; the very top
The necessary thing bows, and is gone.

And dignity of folly we attain
She flies up stairs, and all the halte docs show By studious search and labour of the brain,
That fifty antic poftures will allow;

By obfervation, counsel, and deep thought: And then bursts out-Dear madam, am not I God never made a coxcomb worth a groat; The strangelt, alter'd creature : let me die, We owe that name to industry and arts : I find myself ridiculously grown,

An eminent fool must be a fool of parts, Embarrast with my being out of town :

And such a one was fhe, who had turu'd o'er Rude and untaught, like any Indian queen, As many books as men, lov'd much, read mort, My country nakedness is plainly seen.

Had a discerning wit; to her was known How is Love govern'd? Love that rules the state ; Every one's fault, or merit, but her own. And pray who are the men most worn of late ? All the good qualities that ever bleit When I was marry'd, fools were à-la-mode, A woman fo distinguish'd from the rest, The men of wit were then held incommode : Except discrction only, the pollet.

But now, mon cher, dear Pug, she cries, adieu ;
And the discourse broke off does thus renew :

You smile to see me, who the world perchance
Mistakes to have some wit, so far advance
7 he interest of fools, that I approve
Their merit more than nien of wit in love ;
But in our sex too many proofs there are
Of such whom wits undo, and fools ripuir.
This, in my time, was fo observd a rule,
Hardly a wench in town but had her fool;
The meanest common flut, who long'was grown
The jest and scorn of every pit buffvon,
Had yet lest charms enough to have fubdued
Some fop or other, fond to be thought lewu.
Folter could make an Irish lord a Nokes,
And Betty Morris had her city Cokes.
A woman's ne'er fo ruin'd, but she can
Beitill reveng'd on her undoer, man:
How lost soe'er, she'll find some lover more
A lewd abandoa'd fool than fe a whore.
That wretched thing Coriana, who has i un
Through all :he several ways of being undone :
Cozen'd at firit by love, and living their
B; turning the too dcar-bought cheat on niani
Gay were the hours, and wing'd with joy they

flew, When first the town her early beauties knew; Courted, admir'd, and lov’il, with pretints sed, Youth in her looks, and pleasure in her bid; Till fate, or her ill angel, thought it fit To make her doat upon a man of wit; Who found ’t was dull to love above a day, 1...de his iil-satur'd jest, and went away. Now scorn'd of all, Orsaken and corrett, She's a memento mori to the rett : Diseas'd, decay d, to the up half a crown Mut morigage her longfari and m.1:42 gown; Puur creature, who, unhar::of, as a tiy la fome dark hole most all the winter lie, And want and dist endure a whole half-y"ar, That for one month h: tawdry may appear. In Eafer-term she gets hor a new gown; When my young master's worlhip comes to town, from pedagogue and mother just fet fice, The heir and hopes of a great family; Who with trong beer and beef the culintry rules, And ever since the Conquclt have been foo's; And now, with careful prospect to maintain This character, leit croffing of the frain Should mend the bouby breed, his friends provide A coulin of his own to be his bride : And thus set out--With an estate, no wit, and a young wise, The folid comforts of a coxcomb's life, Dunghili and pcase forsook, he comes to town, l'urns spar's, learns to be lewd, 2.d is undone ; Nothing suits worse with vice than want of sense, Tools are still wicked at their own expence. This o'er-erown school-boy loft Corinna wins; At the first daih to make an ass begins: Pretends to like a man that has not known The vanities or vices of the town; fresh is the youth, and faithful in his love, Eager of joys which he does feldom prove ;


Healthful and strong, be doce no pains erdure
But what the fair-one he adorcs can cure;
Grateful for favours, does the sex esteem,
And bbeis none for being kind to him;
Then of the lewdrets of the town complains,
Rails at the wits and atheists, and maintains
"Tis better than good finse, than power or wealth,
To have a blood untainted, youth, and health,
The unbred puppy, who had never seen
A crcature look to gay, or talk so fine,
Believes, then falls in love, and then in debt;
Mortgages all, ev’a to the ancient seat,
To buy his mistri is a new house for life,
To give her plate and jewels, robs his wise;
And when to th' height of fondness he is grown,
'Tis time to poison him, and all's her own :
Thu- metewig in her common arms his fate,
He leaves her bastard heir to his eflute;
nd, as the race nf such an owl deserves,
His own dull lawful progeny he starves,
Nature (that never made a thing in vain,
But does each infcct to forie end ordain)
Wisely provokes kind keepirg fools, no doubt,
To patch up vices men of wit wear out.

Thus the ran on two hours, fome grains of fense
Still mixt with folliis of impertinence.
But now 'tis time I th: uld fome piły show

2 To Cloe, fince I cannot choofc but know, Readers muli roap what dullest writers fuw. By the next prut I will such stories tell, As, join'd to these, shall to a volume swell; As true as haren, more infamous than hell, But you are tir d, and fu am i. Farewell.






FAR friend, I hear this town docs so abound

In faucy censurers, that faults are found
With what of lace we, in poetic race
Bestowing, threw away on the dull age.
But (howsoe'er envy their fpicen niay raise,
To rob my brows of the deserved tays)
Their than's, at lealt, I mcrit; since through me.
They are partakers of your pottiy.
And this is all I'll lay in my defence,

? T'obtain one line of


well-wordesi sense, Ull be content t' have writ the “ British Prince.". I'm none of those who think themselves inspiru, Nor write with the vain hope to be admir'd; But from a rule I have (upon long trial) T'avoid with care all sort of feliderial. Which way fue'er defire and fancy lead, (Contenining fame), that path i boldly tread: And if exposing what I take for wit, To my dear fell a pleasure i beget, No matter though the censuring critics fret. These whom my Mufe difpleases are at ftrise, With equal fpbeen, against my course of life;,



Stand lond,

The least delight of which I'll not forego, Then who the devil would give this to be free
For all the flattering praise man can bestow. From th' innocent reproach of infamy?
If I design'd to please, the way were then These things confider'd, make me (in despight
To mend my manners, rather than my pen : Of idle rupiour) keep a honie and write.
The first's unnatural, therefore unfit;
And for the second I despair of it,
Since grace is not so hard to get as wit :
Perhaps ill verses ought to be confin’d,

A TRIAL OF THE POETS FOR THE In mere good breeding, like unfavory wind.

Were reading forc'd, I should be apt to think,
Men might no more write scurvily than stink.

I'll own that you write better than I do,
But I have as much need to write as you.

INCE the sons of the Muses grew numeres In all I write, should sense, and wit, and rhyme, Fail me at once, yet something so sublime

For th' appeasing so fa&tious and clamorous i Shall stamp my poem, that the world may see,

croud, It could have been prodąc'd by none but me. Apollo thought for, in so weighty a cause, And that's my end; for man can wih no more T'establish a government, leader, and laws. Than fo to write, as none e'cr writ before; The hopes of the bays, at the summoning call, Yet why am I no poet of the times?

Had drawn them together, the Devil and all; I have allusions, Emiles, and rhymes,

All thronging and listening, they gap'd for t! And wit; or else 'tis hard that I alone,

blcfung : of the whole race of mankind, should have none No presbyter sermon had more crowding and pd Unequally the partial hand of heaven

sing: Has all but this one only blessing given.

In the head of the gang, John Dryden appear'! The world appears like a great family,

That ancient grave wit so long lov'd and fear'd, Whose lord, oppress'd with pride and poverty, But Apollo had heard a fory in town, (That to a few great bounty he may show) of his quiteing the Muses, to wear the bike Is fain to farve the numerous train below.

gown; Just fo seems Providence, as poor and vain, And so gave him leave now his poetry's done, Keeping more creatures than it can maintain: To let him turn priest since R is turn'd Dec Here 'tis profuse, and there it meanly faves, This revèrend author was no sooner fet hy, And for one prince, it makes ten thousand Laves. But Apollo had gnt gentle Georget in his eye, In wit alone 't has been magnificent,

And frankly confess'd, of all men that writ, of which so just a fare to each is sent,

There's none had more fancy, sense, judgment, a:! That the most avaricious are content.

wit : For none e'er thought (the due division's such) But in th' crying fin, idleness, he was so harder's His own too little, or his friend's too much.

That, his long feven years silence was not to be Yet most men show, or find, great want of wit,

pardon'd. Writing themselves, or judging what is writ.

-y i was the next man shew d his face, But I, who am of sprightly vigour full,

But Apollo e'en thought him too good for i Look on mankind as envious and dull.''

place; Born to myself, I like myself alone,

No gentleman writer that office fuould bear, And must conclude my judgment good, or none : But a trader in wit the laurel should wear, For could my sense be naught, how should I know As none but a Cit-e'er makes a Lord-Mayer. Whether another man's were good or no ?

Next into the crowd, Tom Shadwell does wa? Thus I resolve of my own poetry,

And swears by his guts, his paupch, and his taila That 'tis the best ; and there's a fame for me. That 'tis he alone best pleases the age, If then I'm happy, what does it advance, Himself and his wife have supported the stage : Whether to merit due, or arrogance ?

Apollo, well pleas'd with so bonny a lad, Oh, but the world will take offence hereby!

T'oblige him, he told him, he should be hugo! Why then the world fall lufser for’t, not I.

glad, Did e'er this saucy world and I agree,

Had he half so much wit, as he fancy'd he had To let it have its beastly will on me?

Nat Lee stepp'd in next, in hopes of a prize, Why should my prostituted sense be drawn, Apollo remember'd he had hit once in thrice; To every rule their inusly customs spawn? By the subics in’s face, he could not deny, But men may censure you ; 'tis two to one, But he had as much wit as wine could suppls; Whene'er they censure, they'll be in the wrong. There's not a thing on earth, that I can name; So foolish, and so false, as common fame.

* See “ The Sesion of the Poets,” in the ** It calls the courtier knave, the plain-man rude, Poems, vol. I. and “ The Election of the pe Haughty the grave, and the delightful lewd, Laurcat, 1719," in Sheffield Duke of Bucbis Impertinent the brisk, morose the fad,

ham's Works. Mean the familiar, the reserv'd-one mad.

+ Sir George Ethercge. Poor helpless woman is not favour'd more,

Mr. Wycherley, She's a Ny hypocrite, or public whore,






Confess'd that indeed he had a musical note, By his one sacred light he solemnly swore, But sometimes strain'd so hard that he rattled in That in search of a laureat, he'd look out no throat;

more, Yet owning he had sense, t'encourage him for't, A general murmur ran quite through the hall, He made him his Ovid in Augustus's court. To think that the bays to an actor should fall; Poor Setele, his trial was the next came about, Tom cold them, to put his desert to the test, He brought him an Ibrahim with the preface torn That he had MAID plays as well as the best,

And was the great'st wonder the age ever bore, And humbly desir'd he might give no offence; Of all the play-fcribblers that e'er writ before, D--n him, cries Shadwell, he cannot write sense : His wit had moft worth, and modesty in't, And Bancks, cry'd Newport, I hate that dull For he had writ plays, yet ne'er came in print.

rogue ;
Ápollo, considering he was not in vogue,
Would not trust his dear bays with so modest a

And bid the great boy be sent back to school.
Tom Otway came next, Tom Shadwell's dear AGAINST MANKIND.

And swears, for heroics, he writes best of any :

I, who to my coft
Don Carlos his pockets fo amply had fillid,
That his mange was quite cur'd, and his lice were man,
all kill'd;

A spirit free, to choose for my own share,
Anababaluthu put in for a share,

What sort of Aeth and blood l pleas'd to wear,
And little Toni Effence's author was there : I'd be a dog, a monkey, or a bear,
But Apollo had seen his face on the stage,

Or any thing, but that vain animal,
And prudently did not think fit to engage Who is so proud of being rational.
The scumn of a play-house, for the prop of an The senses are too gross, and he'll contrive

A sixth, to contradict the other five;
n the numerous croud that encompassid him round, And, before certain instinct, will prefer
Little starch'd Johnny Crown at his elbow he Reason, which fifty times for one does err.

Reason, an ignis fatuus of the mind, His cravat-ttring new iron'd, he gently did stretch Which leaves the light of nature, senfe, behind : His lily-white hand out, the laurel to reach. Pathless and dangerous wandering ways it takes, Alledging that he had most right to the bays, Through error's fenny bogs, and thorny brakes; For writing romances, and th-ting of plays : Whilst the misguided follower climbs with pain Apollo rose up, and gravely confefs'd,

Mountains of whimsies, heapt in his own brain : of all men that writ, his talent was best; Stumbling from thought to thought, falls headlong for fince pain and dishonour man's life only.

down damn,

Into Doubt's boundless sea, where like to drown The greatest felicity mankind can claim,

Bouks bear him up a while, and make hım try Is to want sense of smart, and be past fense' of To swim with bladders of philosophy: Thame;

In hopes still to o'ertake the skipping light, And to perfect his bliss in poetical rapture, . The vapour darices in his dazzled fight, He bid him be dull to the end of the chapter. Till, spent, it leaves him to eternal night. The poetess Afra next few'd her sweet face, Then Old Age and Experience, hand in hand, And (worc by her poetry, and her black ace, Lead him to Death, and make him understand, The laurel by a double right was her own,

After a search fo painful and so long, For the plays she had writ, and the conquests she That all his life he has been in the wrong. had won.

Huddled in dirt, this reasoning engine lies, ,
Apollo acknowledg'd 'twas hard to deny her, Who was fo proud, so witty, and to wise :
Yet, to deal srankly and ingenuously by her, Pride drew him in, as cheats their bubbles catch,
He told her, were conquests and charms her pre. And made him venture to be made a wretch:

His wifdom did his happiness destroy,
She ought to have pleaded a dozen years since. Aiming to know the world he should enjoy :
Nor could D'Urfey forbear for the laurel to stic., And wit was his vain frivolous pretence,

Of pleafing others at his own expence ;
Protesting that he had the honour to tickle For wits are treated just like comnion whores,
Th' cars of the town, with his dear madam First they're enjoy'd, and then kick'd out of doors :

The pleasure paít, a threatening doubt remains, With other pretenders, whose names I'd rehearse, That frights th' enjoyer with succeeding pains. But that they're too long to stand in my verse : Women, and men of wit, are dangerous tools, Apollo, quite tir'd with their tedious harangue, And ever fatal to admiring fools. Lai lait found Tom Betterton's face in the gang, Pleasure allures ; and when the fops escape, 2 For, Gnce poets without the kind players may 'T'is not that they are lov'd, but fortunate ; hang,

And therefore what they fear, at heart they hate.


But now, methinks, some formal band and beard
Takes me to talk : come on, Sir, I'm prepar'd.
Then, by your favour, any thing that's writ,
Against this gibing, gingling knack, cally Wit,
Likes me abundantly; but you'll take care,
Upon this point, not to be too severe;
Perhaps my Muse were fitter for this part;
For, I profess, I can be very smart
On wit, which I abhor with all my heart,
I long to lash it in sonte sharp etsay,
But your grand indiscretion bids me ftay,
And turns my tide of ink ano:her way.
Wkat rage ferments in your degeneratc mind,
To make you rail at reason and mankind?
Blest glorious man, to whom alone kind heaven
An everlasting soul hath freely given ;
Whom his great Maker took such care to make,
That from himíelf he did the image take,
And this fair frame in shining reason drest,
To dignify his nature above beast :
Reason, by whose aspiring influence,
We take a flight beyond material fense,
Dive into mysteries, then foaring pierce
The flaming limits of the universe,
Search heaven and hell, find out what's acted

there, And give the world true grounds of hope-and fear.

Hold, mighty man, I cry; all this we know From the pathetic pen of Ingelo, Prom Patrick's Pilgrim, Sibb's Soliloquies, And 'tis this very reason I difp'se This supernatural gist, that makes a mite Think he's the image of the lufinite; Comparing his short life, vcil of all rest, To the Etcrnal and the Evu-bici. This busy puzzling stirrer up of doubt, That frames deep niysteries, then tinds thens out, Filiing with frantic crouds of thinking fools, 'The reversa) bulams, colleges and Iclioois, Borne on whole wings; each heavy fot can pierce The limits of the boundlets univeris. So charming ointments make an oll witch fly, And bear a crippled carcafe through the sky. 'Tis this exalted power, whose bulines lies In nonfense and impoflibilities : This made a whimsical philosopher, Before the spacious world his tub prefer; And we have many modern coxcombs, who Retire to think, 'cause they have bought to do. But thoughts were given for ac.ions' government, Where action ceases, thought 's in:pertinent. Our sphere of action is life's happiness, And he that thinks beyond, thinks like an ass. Thus whilst against falfe reasoning I inveigh, I own right rcafon, which I wonid obey; That reason, which distinguishes by fense, And gives us rules of good and ill from thenee; 'That bounds desires with a reforming will, To keep them more in vigour, not to kill: Your reason hinders, mine helps to enjoy, Renewing appetites, yours would destroy. My reason is my friendyours is a cheat; Hunger calls out, my reason bids me eat; Perversely yours, your appetite does nock; This asks for food; that answers, what's a clock ?

This plain diftin&ion, Sir, your doubt secures; 'Tis not true reason I despise, but yours, Thus I think reason righted: but for man, l'll ne'et recant, defend him if you can. For all his pride, and his philosophy, 'Tis evident beasts are, in their degree, As wise at least, and better far than he. Those creatures are the wifeft, who attain, "y furétt means, the ends at which they aim. If therefore Jowler finds, and kills his hare, Better than Meres supplies committee-chair; Though one's a statesman, th' other but a boond, Jowler in justice will be wiser found. You see how far man's wisdom here extends : Look next if human nature makes amends; Whose principles are most generous and jult; And to whose morals you would sooner truk. Be judge yourself, I'll bring it to the teft, Which is the baseft creature, man or beast : Birds feed on birds, beaits on each other pres, Eut savage man alone do:s man betray. Prest by neceflity, they kill for food; Man undous man, to do himself no good: With teeth and claws by nature arm'd, they home Nature's allowance, to fmpply their want. But man, with imiles, embraces, (siendships, praik, Inhumanly his fellow's life betrars; With voluntary pains works his distress; Not through necellity, but wantonnefs. For hunger or for love, they bite or tear, Whilft wretched man is still in aims for fear: For fear he arms, and is of arms afraid, From fear to fear fuccellively betray'd : Basc fear, the fource whence his bafe paf

cane, His boalted honour, and his dear-bought fame : The lult of power, to which he's such a fare, And for the which alone he dares be brave; To wliich his various projeås are design'd, Which makes him gencrous, aitable, and kind; For which he takes such pains to be thougat w., And icrews liis actinns in a sorc'd disguise; Leads a most tedious life, in misery, Under laborious, mtan hypocrisy. Look to the bottom of his vast dcfign. Wherein man's wisdom, power, and glory i The good he acts, the ill he does endure, 'Tis all from fear, to make himseil fecure. Merciy for safety, after fame they thirit; For all men would be cowards if they durit: And honefly's against all conimon sense; men must be knaves; 'tis in their own defence, Mankind 's honest; if you think it fair, Amcngh known cheats, to play upon the square You'll be undoneNor can weak truth your reputation save; The kılaves will all agree to call you knave. Wrong'd shall he live, insulted o'er, opprch, Who dares be less a villain than the rest. Thus here you see what human nature craves, Most men are cowards, all men should be knares. The difference lies, as far as I can see, Not in the thing itself, but the degree; And all the subject-matter of debate, Is only who's a knave of the first rate.

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