AN AFTERNOON'S CAMPAIGN. 78 for the amusement of his visiter, and to convince him that he was a great disciplinarian. The cunning Risingh, while he pretended to be struck dumb outright, with the puissance of the great Von Poffenburgh, took silent note of the incompetency of his garrison, of which he gave a hint to his trusty followers, who tipped each other the wink, and laughed most obstreperously-in their sleeves. The inspection, review, and flogging being concluded, the party adjourned to the table; for among his other great qualities, the general was remarkably addicted to huge entertainments, or rather carousals, and in one afternoon's campaign would leave more dead men on the field, than he ever did in the whole course of his military career. Many bulletins of these bloodless victories do still remain on record; and the whole province was once thrown in amaze by the return of one of his campaigns; wherein it was stated, that though, like Captain Bobadil, he had only twenty men to back him, yet in the short space of six months he had conquered and utterly annihilated sixty oxen, ninety hogs, one hundred sheep, ten thousand cabbages, one thousand bushels of potatoes, one hundred and fifty kilderkins of small beer, two thousand seven hundred and thirty-five pipes, seventy-eight pounds of sugar plumbs, and forty bars of iron, besides sundry 88 VON POFFENBURGH'S BANQUET. :-- small meats, game, poultry, and garden stuff:An achievement unparalleled since the days of Pantagruel and his all-devouring army, and which showed that it was only necessary to let belli-potent Von Poffenburgh and his garrison loose in an enemy's country, and in a little while they would breed a famine, and starve all the inhabitants. No sooner, therefore, had the general received the first intimation of the visit of Governor Risingh, than he ordered a great dinner to be prepared; and privately sent out a detachment of his most experienced veterans, to rob all the hen-roosts in the neighbourhood, and lay the pig-sties under contribution; a service to which they had been long inured, and which they discharged with such incredible zeal and promptitude, that the garrison table groaned under the weight of their spoils. : I wish, with all my heart, my readers could see the valiant Von Poffenburgh, as he presided at the head of the banquet; it was a sight worth beholding there he sat, in his greatest glory, surrounded by his soldiers, like that famous winebibber, Alexander, whose thirsty virtues he did most ably imitate-telling astounding stories of his hair-breadth adventures and heroic exploits, at which, though all his auditors knew them to be most incontinent and outrageous gasconadoes, yet did they cast up their eyes in admiration, CAPTURE OF FORT CASIMIR. 89 and utter many interjections of astonishment. Nor could the general pronounce any thing that bore the remotest semblance to a joke, but the stout Rinsingh would strike his brawny fist upon the table till every glass rattled again, throwing himself back in the chair, and uttered gigantic peals of laughter, swearing most horribly it was the best joke he ever heard in his life.--Thus all was rout and revelry and hideous carousal within Fort Casimir, and so lustily did Von Poffenburgh ply the bottle, than in less than four short hours he made himself, and his whole garrison, who all seduously emulated the deeds of their chieftain, dead drunk, and singing songs, quaffing bumpers, and drinking patriotic toasts, none of which but was as long as a Welsh pedigree or a plea in chancery. No sooner did things come to this pass, than the crafty Risingh and his Swedes, who had cunningly kept themselves sober, rose on their entertainers, tied them neck and heels, and took formal possession of the fort, and all its dependencies, in the name of Queen Christina of Sweden: administering at the same time an oath of allegiance to all the Dutch soldiers who could be made sober enough to swallow it. Risingh then put the fortifications in order, appointed his discreet and vigilant friend, Suen Scutz, a tall, wind-dried, water-drinking Swede, to the 90 TRANSPORTATION OF THE GARRISON. command, and departed, bearing with him this truly amiable garrison, and their puissant commander; who when brought to himself by a sound drubbing, bore no little resemblance to a "deboshed fish," or bloated sea-monster, caught upon dry land. The transportation of the garrison was done to prevent the transmission of intelligence to New-Amsterdam; for as much as the cunning Risingh exulted in his stratagem, he dreaded the vengeance of the sturdy Peter Stuyvesant ; whose name spread as much terror in the neighbourhood as did whilom that of the unconquerable Scanderbeg among his scurvy enemies the Turks. FEMININE QUALITIES OF FAME. 91 CHAPTER II. Showing how profound secrets are often brought to light; with the proceedings of Peter the Headstrong when he heard of the misfortunes of General Von Poffenburgh. WHOEVER first described common fame, or rumour, as belonging to the sager sex, was a very owl for shrewdness. She has, in truth, certain feminine qualities to an astonishing degree; particularly that benevolent anxiety to take care of the affairs of others, which keeps her continually hunting after secrets, and gadding about proclaiming them. Whatever is done openly and in the face of the world, she takes but transient notice of, but whenever a transaction is done in a corner, and attempted to be shrouded in mystery, then her goddess-ship is at her wit's end to find it out, and takes a most mischievous and lady-like pleasure in publishing it to the world. It is this truly feminine propensity that induces her continually to be prying into cabinets of princes, listening at the key holes of senate chambers, and peering through chinks and cran : |