Lady M. O. Mr Oldboy, won't you give me your hand, to lead me up stairs, my dear?-Sir, I am prodigiously obliged to you; I protest, I have not been so well I don't know when. I have had no return of my bilious complaint after dinner to-day, and ate so voraciously!-Did you observe, miss? Doctor Arsenic will be quite astonished when he hears it; surely his new-invented medicine has done me a prodigious deal of service.

Col. O. Ah! you'll always be taking one slop or other, till you poison yourself.-Give me a pinch of your ladyship's snuff.

Lady M. O. This is a mighty pretty sort of a man, Colonel-who is he?

Col. O. A young fellow, my lady, recommended

to me.

Lady M. O. I protest, he has the sweetest taste for poetry!-He has repeated to me two or three of his own things; and I have been telling him of the poem my late brother, Lord Jessamy, made on the mouse that was drowned.

Col. O. Ay, a fine subject for a poem; a mouse that was drowned in a

Lady M. O. Hush, my dear Colonel, don't mention it; to be sure, the circumstance was vastly indelicate; but, for the number of lines, the poem was as charming a morsel-Pray, sir, was there any news when you left London?

Col. O. What is that crawling on your ladyship's petticoat?

Lady M. O. Where-where?

Col. O. Zounds! a spider, with legs as long as my

arm!

Lady M. O. Oh, Heavens! Ah, don't let me look at it! I shall faint, I shall faint! a spider, a spider! a spider!

[Exit. Col. O. Hold-zounds, let her go! I knew the spider would set her a galloping, with her damned fuss about her brother, my Lord Jessamy!-Harman, come here, how do you like my daughter? Is the girl you are in love with as handsome as this?

Har. In my opinion, sir.

Col. O. What! as handsome as Dy?-I'll lay you twenty pounds she has not such a pair of eyes-He tells me he's in love, Dy-raging mad for love, and, by his talk, I begin to believe him.

Diana. Now, for my part, papa, I doubt it very much; though, by what I heard the gentleman say just now within, I find, he imagines the lady has a violent partiality for him; and yet he may be mistaken there too.

Col. O. For shame, Dy, what the mischief do you mean? How can you talk so tartly to a poor young fellow under misfortunes! Give him your hand, and ask his pardon.-Don't mind her, Harman-For all this, she is as good-natured a little devil as ever was born.

Har. You may remember, sir, I told you before dinner, that I had for some time carried on a private correspondence with my lovely girl; and that her father, whose consent we despair of obtaining, is the great obstacle to our happiness.

Col. O. Why don't you carry her off, in spite of him, then? I ran away with my wife-ask my Lady Mary, she'll tell you the thing herself. Her old conceited lord of a father thought I was not good enough; but I mounted a garden wall, notwithstanding their chevaux-de-frize of broken glass bottles, took her out

of a three pair of stairs window, and brought her down a ladder in my arms-By the way, she would have squeezed through a cat-hole to get at me.-And I would have taken her out of the Tower of London, damme, if it had been surrounded with the three regiments of guards.

Diana. But surely, papa, you would not persuade the gentleman to such a proceeding as this is;-consider the noise it will make in the country; and if you are known to be the adviser and abettor

Col. O. Why, what do I care? I say, if he takes my advice he'll run away with her, and I'll give him all the assistance I can.

Har. I am sure, sir, you are very kind; and, to tell you the truth, I have, more than once, had the very scheme in my head, if I thought it was feasible, and how to go about it.

Col. O. Feasible, and knew how to go about it! The thing's feasible enough, if the girl's willing to go off with you, and you have spirit sufficient to undertake it.

Har. O, as for that, sir, I can answer.

Diana. What, sir? that the lady will be willing to go off with you?

Har. No, ma'am, that I have spirit enough to take her, if she is willing to go;-and thus far I dare venture to promise, that, between this and to-morrow morning, I will find out whether she is or not.

Col. O. So he may-she lives but in this county; -and tell her, Harman, you have met with a friend, who is inclined to serve you. You shall have my post-chaise, at a minute's warning; and if a hundred pieces will be of any use to you, you may command them.

Har. And are you really serious, sir?

Col. O. Serious? damme if I an't. I have put twenty young fellows in the way of getting girls, that they never would have thought of-and bring her to

my house whenever you come, you shall have a supper and a bed; but you must marry her first, because my lady will be squeamish.

Diana. Well, but, my dear papa, upon my word you have a great deal to answer for: suppose it was your own case to have a daughter in such circumstances, would you be obliged to any one

Col. O. Hold your tongue, hussy, who bid you put in your oar? However, Harman, I don't want to set you upon any thing-'tis no affair of mine, to be sure I only give you advice, and tell you how I would act, if I were in your place.

Har. I assure you, sir, I am quite charmed with the advice; and, since you are ready to stand my friend, I am ready to follow it.

Col. O. You are?
Har. Positively.

Col. O. Say no more, then, here's my hand-You understand me-No occasion to talk any further of it at present-When we are alone-Dy, take Mr Harman into the drawing-room, and give him some tea.-I say, Harman, mum. [Exeunt severally.

SCENE IL

CLARISSA'S Dressing-Room-On one Side, a Table, with a Glass, Boxes, and Two Chairs.

Diana. Come, brother, I undertake to be mistress of the ceremony, upon this occasion, and introduce you to your first audience. Miss Flowerdale is not here, I perceive; but no matter.

Jess. Upon my word, a pretty, elegant, dressingroom this! but confound our builders, or architects, as they call themselves; not one of them knows the situation of doors, windows, or chimnies.

Diana. My dear brother, you are not come here as a virtuoso, to admire the temple; but, as a votary, to address the deity to whom it belongs. Show, I beseech you, a little more devotion, and tell me, how do you like Miss Flowerdale ?-Don't you think her very handsome?

Jess. Pale-but that I am determined she shall remedy; for, as soon as we are married, I will make her put on rouge-Let me see, has she got any in her boxes here?

Diana. Brother, I would fain give you some advice upon this occasion, which may be of service to you. You are now going to entertain a young lady

-Let me prevail upon you to lay aside those airs, on account of which, some people are impertinent enough to call you a coxcomb; for I am afraid she may be apt to think you a coxcomb too, as I assure you, she is very capable of distinguishing.

Jess. So much the worse for me :-If she is capable of distinguishing, I shall meet with a terrible repulse I don't believe she'll have me.

Diana. I don't believe she will, indeed.
Jess. Go on, sister-ha! ha! ha!

Diana. I protest, I am serious! Though, I perceive, you have more faith in the counsellor before you there, the looking-glass: But, give me leave to tell you, it is not a powdered head, a laced coat, a grimace, a shrug, a bow, or a few pert phrases, learnt by rote, that constitutes the power of pleasing all

women.

Jess. You' had better return to the gentleman, and give him his tea, my dear.

Diana. These qualifications we find in our parrots and monkies. I would undertake to teach Poll, in

D