started out o' my sleep wi' a great drive | me that I wud tak' a leaf out o' the ballant. atween the shouthers, and her crying, "Get up, ye lazy body, ye! Get up and see what's the maiter wi' this bairn.' "An' this was the trade half a dizen o' times in a nicht. "At last there was ae day when a' that I had dune was simply saying a word about the denner no bein' ready, and afore ever I kenned whar I was a cracky-stool that she had bought for the bairn cam fleein' across the room and gied me a dirl on the elbow that made me think my arm was broken. Ye may guess what a stroke it was when I tell ye I couldna lift my hand to my head for a week to come. Noo, the like o' that, ye ken, was what mortal man couldna stand. Tibby,' said I, and I looked very desperate and determined, 'what do ye mean by this conduct? By a' that's gracious, I'll no put up wi' it any langer.' 664 Therefore, still keeping the same serious and determined look, for I was in no humor to seem otherwise, Tibby,' says I, there shall be nae mair o' this, but I will gang and 'list this very day, and ye'll see what will come ower ye then. Ye'll maybe repent o' yer conduct whan it's ower late.' 666 'List, ye totum ye!' totum ye!' said she. said she. 'Do ye say 'list?' and she said this in a tone and wi' a look o' derision that gaed through me very soul. 'What squad will ye 'list into? What regiment will tak' ye? Do ye intend to 'list for a fifer-laddie?' and as she said. this she held up her oxter, as if to tak' me below't. "I thought I wad hae drapped doun wi' indignation. I could hae strucken her if I durst. Ye observe I am just five feet twa inches and an eighth upon my stockin'-soles. That is rather below the army standard; and I maun say it's a very foolish standard, for a man o' my height stands a better chance to shoot anither than a giant that wad fire ower his head. But she was aware that I was below the mark, and my threat was of no avail; so I just had to slink awa into the shop rubbin' my elbow. "But the cracky-stool was but the beginnin' o' her drivin'; there wasna a week after that but she let flee at me whatever cam in the way whenever I by accident crossed her cankered humor. It's a wonder that I'm in the land o' the livin', for I've had the skin peeled off my legs, my arms maistly broken, my head cut, and ither parts of my body a' black and blue, times out o' number. I thocht her an angel whan I was courtin' her, but oh, Robin, she has turned out—I'll no say what-an adder, a teeger, a she-fury. "As for askin' onybody to the house, it's a thing I durstna do for the life that's in my body. I never did it but ance, and that was whan an auld schulefellow that had been several years in America ca'ed at the shop to see me. After we had cracked a while, But I maun see the wife, Patie,' says he. Whether he had heard aboot her behavior or no I canna tell, but I assure ye his request was onything but agreeable to me. However, I took him into the house, and introduced him wi' fear and tremblin'. 666 6 Tibby dear,' said I—and I dinna think I had ca'ed her dear' for ten years afore 'here's Mr. W- an auld schulefellow o' mine, that's come a' the way frae America an' ca'ed in to see ye.' "Ye're aye meetin' wi' auld schulefellows or some set or ither to tak' ye aff your wark,' muttered she, sulkily, but loud enough for him to hear. "I was completely at a loss what to say or do next; but, pretending as though I hadna heard her, I said as familiarly and as kindly as I could, though my heart was in a terrible swither, Bring out the bottle, lass.' "Bottle!' quo't she; what bottle? What does the man mean? Has he pairted wi' the little sense that he ever had?' "The speerit-bottle!' cried she, wi' a scream; and when was there a speeritbottle within this door? Dinna show yoursel' aff to your American freend for a greater man than ye are, Patie. I think if wi' a that ye bring in I get meal and bits o' duds for your bairns I do very weel.' "This piece o impudence completely o' knocked me stupid; for-wad ye believe it, Robin?-though she had lang driven a' my friends frae aboot the house, yet never did ony o' her friends ca'-and that was maistly every Sunday and every Coldstream marketday--but there was the bottle out frae the cupboard, which she aye kept under lock and key, and a dram and a bit short-bread nae less was aye and to this day handed round to every ane o' them. They hae discovered that it's worth while to make Patie the bicker-maker's a halfway-house. But if I happen to be in when they ca', though she pours a fu' glass apiece for them, she takes aye guid care to stand in afore me when she comes to me, between them and me, so that they canna. see what she is doing or how meikle she pours out, and I assure ye it is seldom a thimblefu' that fa's to my share, though she holds the bottle lang up in her hand, mony a time no a-weetin'; and again and again have I shoved my head past her side, and said, Your health, Mrs. So-and-So,' or Yours, Mr. Such-a-Thing,' wi' no as meikle in my glass as wad droun a midge. Or if I was sae placed that she durstna but for shame fill out a glass within half an inch o' the tap or sae, she wad gie me a look or a wink, or mak' a motion of some kind which weel did I ken the meanin' o', and which was the same as saying, 'Drink it, if ye daur!' Oh, Robin, man, it's weel for ye that no kens 6 "I daresay my freend burned at the bane fer me, for he got up, and I wish you good-day, Mr. Crichton,' said he; I have business in Kelso to-night yet, and can't stop. "I was perfectly overpowered wi' shame, but it was a relief to me when he gaed awa, and I slipped out after him and into the shop again. what it is to be a footba'* at your ain fire- at a distance, I dinna ken how they are situside. ated wi' their guidmen, though I maun say for them they send her a stane o' oatmeal, an ounce o' tobacco or a pickle tea and sugar now and then, which is very likely as often as they hae it in their power; and that is a great deal mair than I'm allowed to do for her-me that has a right to protect and maintain her. A' that she has to support her is fifteen pence a week aff the parish o' Mertoun. Oh, Robin, man! Robin, man! my heart rugs within me when I talk to you about this. A' that I hae endured is naething to it. To see my puir auld mither in a state o' starvation, and no be allowed to gie her a sixpence! Oh, Robin, man! Robin, man! is it no awfu'? When she was first left destitute and a widow, I tried to break the matter to Tibby and to reason wi' her. I "But Tibby's isna the only persecution that I hae to put up wi', for we hae five bairns, and she's brought them a' up to treat me as she does hersel'. If I offer to correct them, they cry out, I'll tell my mither!' and frae the auldest to the youngest o' them, when they speak aboot me, it is 'He did this,' or 'He did that.' They for ever talk o' me' They for ever talk o' me as him-him! never got the name o' 'faither' frae ane o' them, and it's a' her doings. Now, I just ask ye simply if ony faither would put up wi' the like o' that. But I maun put up wi't. If I were offering If I were offering to lay hands upon them for't, I am sure and persuaded that she wad raise a' Birgham about me; my life wadna be safe where she is. But, indeed, I needna say that, for it never is. "But there is ae thing that grieves me beyond a' that I hae mentioned to ye. Ye ken my mither-puir auld body!-is a widow now. She is in the seventy-sixth year o' her age and very frail. She has naebody to look after her but me-naebody that has a natural right to do it; for I never had ony brothers, as ye ken, and, as for my twa sisters, I daresay they just have a sair aneugh fecht wi' their ain families, and, as they are † Toil. * Football. Oh, Tibby, woman,' said I, 'I'm very distressed. Here's my faither laid in the grave, and I dinna see what's to come o' my mither, puir body! She is auld and she is frail; she has naebody to look after or provide for her but me "You!' cried Tibby- you! I wush ye wad mind what ye are talkin' about. Ye have as many dougs, I can tell ye, as ye hae banes to pike. Let your mither do as other widows hae done afore her: let the parish look after her.' 666 pride,' said Tibby. 'I wish ye wad haud start, her leddyship sees every bowie, bicker Ay, but, Tibby,' says I, for I was nettled mair than I durst show it, but she has been a guid mother to me, and ye ken yersel' that she's no been an ill-guid mother to ye. She never stood in the way o' you and me coming thegither, though I was paying six shillings a week into the house.' shall "And what am I obliged to her for that?' them I'll spend wi' you, Robin, and the rest interrupted my Jezebel. gang to my mither. Oh, man, ye may bless your stars that ye dinna ken what it is to hae a termagant wife." "I dinna ken, Tibby, says I; but it's a hard thing for a son to see a mither in want when he can assist her. Now, it isna meikle she takes: she never was used wi' dainties; and if I may just tak' her hame, little wull serve her, and her meat will ne'er be missed.' "Ye born idiot!' cried Tibby. 'I aye thought ye a fule, but ye are warse than a fule. Bring your mither here-an auld, cross-grained, faultfinding wife that I ne'er could hae patience to endure for ten minutes in my days? Bring her here, say ye? No! While I live in this house, I'll let ye ken that I'll be mistress.' "Ay, and maister too,' thought I. "I found it was o' nae use to argue wi' her. There was nae possibility o' gettin' my mither into the house, and, as to assisting her wi' a shillin' or twa at a time by chance, or paying her house-rent, or sending her a load o' coals, it was perfectly out o' the question and beyond my power. Frae the night that I went to Orange Lane to this moment I hae never had a sixpence under my thumb that I could ca' my ain. Indeed, I never hae money in my hands unless it be on a day like this, when I hae to gang to a fair, or the like o' that, and even then, before I "I'm sorry for ye, Patie," said Robin Roughead; "but really I think in a great measure ye hae yoursel' to blame for it a'.' "Me!" said Patie. "What do ye mean, Robin ?" "Why, Patie," said Robin, "I ken it is said that every ane can rule a bad wife but he that has her, and I believe it is true. I am quite convinced that naebody kens sae weel where the shoe pinches as they that hae it on, though I am quite satisfied that had my case been yours I wad hae brought her to her senses lang afore now, though I had "Dauded her lug wi' Rab Roryson's bannet' or gien her a hoopin', like your friend the cooper o' Coldingham." "Save us, man!" said Patie, who loved a joke, even though at second hand and at his own expense. "But ye see the cooper's case is not in point, though I am in the same line, for, as I hae observed, I am only five feet twa inches and an eighth in height. My wife is not the weaker vessel that I ken to my sorrow." Weel, Patie," said Robin, "I wadna hae ye to lift your hand-I was but jokin' upon "Do you think sae?" inquired the little she should greet." + bicker-maker. "Yes, I think sae, Peter, and I say it," said Robin; "and there is but ae remedy left." "And what is that?" asked Patie, eagerly. "Just this," said Robin: "stop the supplies." 66 "Stop the supplies!" returned Patie. What do you mean, Robin? I canna say that I fully comprehend ye." "I just mean this," added the other: "be your ain banker-your ain cashier; be maister o' your ain siller. Let her find that it is to you she is indebted for every penny she has the power to spend; and if ye dinna bring Tibby to reason and kindness within a month, my name's no Robin Roughead." "Do ye think that wad do it?" said Patie. "If that wadna, naething wad," answered Robin. "But try it for a twelvemonth. Begin this very nicht; and if we baith live and be spared to this time next year, I'll meet ye again, and I'll be the death o' a mutchkin but that ye tell me Tibby's a different woman, your bairns different, your hail house different and your auld mither comfortable.' *An English pint. I thoroughly understand ye," said Patie; my resolution's ta'en, and I'll stand by it." Gie's your hand on't," said Robin; and Patie gave him his hand. 66 Now the two friends parted, and it is unnecessary for me either to describe their parting or the reception which Patie on his arriving at Birgham met with from his spouse. Twelve months went round. Dunse fair came again, and after the fair was over Patie Crichton once more went in quest of his old friend, Robin Roughead. He found him standing in the horse-market, and “How's a' wi' ye, my freend?" says Patie. "Oh, hearty, hearty!" cries the other. But how's a' wi' ye? How is yer family ?" "Come and get the bottle o' wine that I've to gie ye," said Patie, “and I'll tell ye a' about it." "I'll do that," said Robin, "for my business is dune." So they went into the same house in the castle-wynd where they had been twelve months before, and Peter called for a bottle of wine; but he found that the house had not the wine † Weep. |