choice! I am the more alarmed at this, because the lady feems particularly fmitten with men of their make.

I believe I fhall fet my heart upon her; and think never the worfe of my miftrefs for an epigram a fiart fellow writ, as he thought, against her; it does but the more recommend her to me. At the fame time I cannot but difcover that his malice is ftolen from Martial.

Tata places, audita places, fi non videare
Tota places, neutro, fi videare, places.

Whilft in the dark on thy foft hand I hung,
And heard the tempting firen in thy tongue,
What flames, what darts, what anguish, I endur'd!'
But when the candle enter'd I was cur'd.

YOUR letter to us we have received as a fignal mark of your favour and brotherly affection. We fhall be heartily glad to fee your short face in Oxford; and fince the wifdom of our legislature has been immortalized in your fpeculations, and our perfonal deformities in fome fort by you recorded to all pofterity; we hold ourselves in gratitude bound to receive, with the highest refpect, all fuch perfons as for their extraordinary merit you fhall think fit, from time to time, to recommend unto the board. As for the Pictish damfel, we have an eafy chair prepared at the upper cnd of the table; which we doubt not but fhe will grace with a very hideous afpect, and much better become the feat in the native and unaffected uncomeliness of her perfon, than with all the fuperficial airs of the pencil, which, as you have very ingenuoufly obferved, vanifh with a breath; and the most innocent adorer may deface the farine with a falutation, and, in the literal fenfe of our poets, snatch and imprint his balmy killes, and devour her melting lips; in fhort, the only faces of the Pictish kind that will endure the weather, must be of Dr. Carbuncle's die; though his, in truth, has coft him a world the painting; but then he boasts with Zeuxes, in aeternitatem pingo; and oft jocosely tells

the

the fair ones, would they acquire colours that would ⚫ ftand kiffing, they muft no longer paint but drink for a complexion; a maxim that in this our age has been purfued with no ill fuccefs; and has been as admirable in its effects as the famous cofmetic mentioned in the • Postman, and invented by the renowned British Hippocrates of the pestle and mortar`; making the party, after a due courfe, rofy, hale, and airy; and the best and most approved receipt now extant for the fever of the fpirits. But to return to our female candidate, who, I understand, is returned to herfelf, and will no longer hang out falfe colours; as the is the first of her fex that has done us fo great an honour, fhe will certainly, in a very fhort time, both in profe and verse, be a lady of the moft celebrated deformity now living, and meet with admirers here as frightful as herself. But being a long-headed gentlewoman, I am apt to imagine fhe has fome further defign than you have yet penetrated; and perhaps has more mind to the Spectator than any of his fraternity, as the perfon of all the world the could like for a paramour; and if fo, really I cannot but applaud her choice; and should be glad if it might lie in my power to effect an amicable ac'commodation betwixt two faces of fuch different extremes, as the only poffible expedient to mend the breed, and rectify the phyfiognomy of the family on both fides. And again, as she is a lady of a very fluent elocution, you need not fear that your first child will be born dumb, which otherwife you might have fome reafon to be apprehenfive of. To be plain with you, I can fee nothing fhocking in it; for tho' fhe has not a face like a John-Apple, yet as a late friend of mine, who at fixty-five ventured on a lafs of fifteen, very frequently, in the remaining five years of his life, gave me to understand, that, as old as he then feemed, when they were first married he and his fpoufe could make but fourscore; fo may madam Hecatiffa very juftly alledge hereafter, that, as long-vifaged as the may then be thought, upon their wedding-day Mr. Spectator and fhe had but half an ell of face betwixt them; and this 'my

T 3

my very worthy predeceffor, Mr. Serjeant Chin, always maintained to be no more than the true oval pro" portion between man and wife. But as this may be a new thing to you, who have hitherto had no expecta- ̧ tions from women, I fhall allow you what time you think fit to confider on't; not without fome hope of feeing at laft your thoughts hereupon fubjoined to mine, and which is an honour much defired by,

'Sir,

Your affured friend,

and most humble fervant,

HUGH GOBLIN, Præfes.

The following letter has not much in it; but, as it is written in my own praife, I cannot from my heart fupprefs it.

• Sir,

YOU propofed, in your Spectator of last Tuesday, Mr. Hobbes's hypothefis, for folving that very odd phænomenon of laughter. You have made the hypothefis valuable by efpoufing it yourfelf; for, had it continued Mr. Hobbes's, nobody would have minded it. Now here this perplexed cafe arifes. A certain company laughed very heartily upon the reading of that very paper of yours; and the truth on it is, he must be a man of more than ordinary conftancy that could stand it out against so much comedy, and not do as we did. Now there are few men in the world fo far loft to all good fenfe, as to look upon you to be a man in a state of folly inferior to himself. Pray then, how do you justify your hypothefis of laughter?

Thursday, the 26th of the month of Fools.

• Your most humble,

'Q. R.'

IN anfwer to your letter, I must defire you to recollect yourfelf; and you will find, that, when you did me the honour to be fo merry over my paper, you • laughed at the Idiot, the German Courtier, the Gaper, the Merry-Andrew, the Haberdasher, the Biter, the • Butt; and not at

"Your humble fervant,
• The Spectator.'

No. LIII. TUESDAY, MAY 1.

Aliquando bonus dormitat Homerus.

Homer himfelf hath been obferv'd to nod.

MY

HOR.

ROSCOMMON:

Y correfpondents grow fo numerous, that I cannot avoid frequently inferting their applications to me.

• Mr. Spectator,

I AM glad I can inform you, that your endeavours to adorn that fex, which is the fairest part of the visible creation, are well received, and like to prove not un• fuccefsful. The triumph of Daphne over her sister Letitia has been the fubject of converfation at several tea-tables where I have been prefent; and I have ob⚫ ferved the fair circle not a little pleafed to find you con • fidering them as reasonable creatures, and endeavouring to banish that Mahometan custom which had too much prevailed even in this ifland, of treating women as if they had no fouls. I must do them the justice to fav, that there feems to be nothing wanting to the • finishing of these lovely pieces of human nature be• fides the turning and applying their ambition properly, and the keeping them up to a fenfe of what is their true merit. Epictetus, that plain honest philofopher, as little as he had of gallantry, appears to have under

6

• flood

ftood them, as well as the polite St. Evremont, and has hit this point very luckily. "When young "women,” says he, “arrive at a certain age, they hear "themselves called Miftreffes, and are made to believe "that their only bufinefs is to please the men; they im

mediately begin to drefs, and place all their hopes in "the adorning of their perfons; it is therefore," conti66 nues he, worth the while to endeavour by all means to make them fenfible that the honour paid to "them is only upon account of their conducting them"felves with virtue, modefty, and discretion.”

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Now to pursue the matter yet further, and to render your cares for the improvement of the fair ones more effectual, I would propofe a new method, like those applications which are faid to convey their virtue by fympathy; and that is, that in order to embellish the miftrefs, you fhould give a new education to the lover, and teach the men not to be any longer dazzled by false charms and unreal beauty. I cannot but think that if our fex knew always how to place their efteem justly, the other would not be so often wanting to themselves in deferving it. For as the being enamoured with a woman of fenfe and virtue is an improvement to a • man's understanding and morals, and the paffion is ennobled by the object which infpires it, fo, on the other fide, the appearing amiable to a man of a wife and elegant mind, carries in itself no fmall degree of merit and accomplishment. I conclude therefore, that one way to make the women yet more agreeable is, to make the men more virtuous.

'I am, Sir,

Your most humble fervant,

• Sir,

'R. B.'

April 29.

• YOURS of Saturday laft I read, not without fome <refentment; but I will fuppofe, when you fay you expect an inundation of ribbons and brocades,

and to fee