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Sir H. Ay, her cousin, too! that's right procuress again.
Lady D. (Reads.] Madam -Earnest inclination to servem Sir Harry
Madam -court my cousin-Gentleman--fortune----
Your ladyship's most humble servant, VIZARD. Sir, your fortune and quality are sufficient to recommend you any where; but what goes farther with me is the recommendation of so sober and pious a young gentleman as my cousin Vizard. Sir H. A right sanctified bawd o’
Aside. Lady D. Sir Harry, your conversation with Mr Vizard argues you a gentleman free from the loose and vicious carriage of the town. I shall therefore call my daughter.
[Exit. Sir H. Now go thy way for an illustrious bawd of Babylon :-she dresses up a sin so religiously, that the devil would hardly know it of his making.
Enter LADY DARLING with ANGELICA. Lady D. Pray, daughter, use him civilly; such matches don't offer every day. [Erit LADY DARL,
Sir H. Oh, all ye powers of love ! an angel 'Sdeath, what money have I got in my pocket? I can't offer her less than twenty guineas and, by Jupiter, she's worth a hundred.
Ang. 'Tis he! the very saine! and his person as agreeable as his character of good humour. Pray Heaven his silenc proceed from respect !
Sir H. How innocent she looks! How would that modesty adorn virtue, when it makes even vice look so charming ! By Heaven, there's such a commanding innocence in her looks, that I dare not ask the question !
Ang. Now, all the charms of real love and feigned indifference assist me to engage his heart; for mine is lost already
Sir H. Madam-I-Zouns, I cannot speak to her!-Oh, hypocrisy! hypocrisy! what a charming sin art thou ?
Ang. He is caught; now to secure my conquesta I thought, sir, you had business to communicate ?
Sir H. Business to communicate! How nicely she words it! -Yes, madam, I have a little business to communicate. Don't
you love singing-birds, madam? Ang. That's an odd question for a lover-Yes, sir.
Sir H. Why then, madam, here's a nest of the prettiest goldfinches that ever chirp'd in a cage; twenty young ones,
Sir H. Why then, madam, there are twenty young ones—’Slife! I think twenty is pretty fair. Ang. He's mad sure !
-Sir Harry, when you have learned more wit and manners, you shall be welcome here again.
(Exit. Sir H. Wit and manners ! 'Egad, now, I conceive there is a great deal of wit and manners in twenty guineas I'm sure 'tis all the wit and manners I have about me at present. What shall I do?
Enter CLINCHER JUNIOR and DICKY. What the devil's here? Another cousin, I warrant ye!-Hark ye, sir, can you lend me ten or a dozen guineas instantly ? I'll pay you fifteen for them in three hours, upon my honour.
Clinch. jun. These London sparks are plaguy impudent! This fellow, by his assurance, can be no less than a courtier.
Dicky. He's rather a courtier by his borrowing.
Clinch. jun. 'Faith, sir, I ha'n't above five guineas about me.
Sir H. What business have you here then, sir ?For, to my knowledge, twenty won't be sufficient. Clinch. jun. Sufficient! for what, sir?
Sir H. What, sir ; Why, for that, sir; what the devil should it be, sir? I know your business, notwithstanding all your gravity, sir.
Clinch. jun. My business! Why, my cousin lives here.
Sir H. I know your cousin does live here, and Vi. zard's cousin, and every body's cousin sir, I shall return immediately; and if you off-r to touch her till I come back, I shall cut your throat, rascal.
[Exit. Clinch. jun. Why, the man's mad, sure ! Dicky. Mad, sir! Av. -Why, he's a beau.
Clinch. jun. A beau ! What's that? Are all mad. men beaux ?
Dicky. No, sir; but most beaux are madmen.But now for your cousin. Remember your three scrapes, a kiss, and your humble servant. [E.ceunt.
Enter Sır HARRY WILDAIR, COLONEL STANDARD
following Colonel S. Sir Harry! Sir Harry!
Sir H. I am in haste, colonel ; besides, if you're in no better humour than when I parted with you
in the Park this morning, your company won't be very agreeable.
Colonel S. You're a happy man, Sir Harry, who are never out of humour. Can nothing move your gall, Sir Harry?
Sir H. Nothing but impossibilities, which are the same as nothing
Colonel S. What impossibilities?
Sir H. The resurrection of my father to disinherit me, or an act of parliament against wenching. A man of eight thousand pounds per annum to be vexed! No, no; anger and spleen are companions for younger brothers.
Colonel S. Suppose one called you a son of a whore behind
back. Sir H. Why, then would I call him rascal behind his back; so we're even.
Colonel S. But suppose you had lost a mistress. Sir H. Why, then I would get another.
Colonel S. But suppose you were discarded by the woman you love; that would surely trouble you.
Sir H. You're mistaken, colonel ; my love is neither romantically honourable, nor meanly mercenary; 'tis only a pitch of gratitude : while she loves me, I love her; when she desists, the obligation's void.
Colonel S. But to be mistaken in your opinion, sir; if the Lady Lurewell (only suppose it) had discarded you—I say, only suppose it
-and had sent your discharge by me.
Sir H. Pshaw! that's another impossibility.
Sir H. Why, 'twere a solecism in nature. Why, we are finger and glove, sir. She dances with me, sings with me, plays with me, swears with me, lies with me.
Colonel S. How, sir?
Sir H. I mean in an honourable way; that is, she lies for me.
In short, we are as like one another as a couple of guineas.
Colonel S. Now that I have raised you to the highest pincacle of vanity, will I give you so mortifying a fall, as shall dash your hopes to pieces. I pray your honour to peruse these papers.
(Gives him the packet
Sir H. What is't, the muster-roll of your regiment, colonel ?
Colonel S. No, no, 'tis a list of your forces in your last love campaign; and, for your comfort, all dis- ' banded.
Sir H. Pr’ythee, good metaphorical colonel, what do ye mean?
Colonel S. Read, sir, read; these are the Sibyl's leaves, that will unfold your destiny.
Sir H. So it be not a false deed to cheat me of my estate, what care l-[Opening the Packet.] Humph! my hand !To the Lady Lurewell To the Lady Lurewell-To the Lady Lurewell-What the devil hast thou been tampering with, to conjure up these spirits?
Colonel S. A certain familiar of your acquaintance, sir. Read, read.
Sir H. (Reading.] Madam, my passion-so natural your beauty contending force of charms
---Mankind- -eternal admirer, WILDAIR. I ne'er was ashamed of my name before.
Colonel S. What, Sir Harry Wildair out of humour! ha! ha! ha! Poor Sir Harry! More glory in her smile than in the jubilee at Rome; ha! ha! ha! But thev her foot, Sir Harry; she dances to a miracle ! ha! ha! ha! Fie, Sir Harry; a man of your parts write letters not worth keeping !
Sir H. Now, why should I be angry that a woman is a woman? Since inconstancy and falsehood are grounded in their natures, how can they help it ?-Here's of verses too: I must turn poet, in the devil's name Stay-'Sdeath, what's here?- This is her hand-Oh, the charming characters [Read-: ing. -My dear Wildair,—That's I 'egad! This kuff-bluff Colonel—that's he is the rarest foot in nature the devil he is !_and as such have I used him. With all my heart, 'faith !I have no better way of