PORTFOLIO OF MR. PETER POPKIN.

DICKY SUETT IN PAWN.

SUETT, the comedian, had one son, of whom he was very fond. The boy had just come home from school for the holidays; and walking down the Strand with his father, Suett took him into a pastrycook's shop to treat him to some tarts. After the lad had eaten as many as he could, Suett put his hand into his pocket to pay for them, when, lo! there was no money there. Suett was much disconcerted, and said to the woman behind the counter, 66 Oh, la! don't you know me, my dear?"-" No, sir."-" I am Mr. Suett, the comedian." The woman replied sulkily, "She could not help that." -"Won't you trust me, marm?" said Dicky; but the lady's look was enough, and he was fain to send his son home for the money, while he remained in the shop till his return. Here he ever and anon poked his odd face out at the door, exclaiming, "O la! ha! ha! O dear! la! Here's the great Mr. Suett, the comedian, in pawn for ten penn'orth of tarts! O la! only think-ha! ha! Pawned for ten penn'orth of tarts!"

WARM FRIENDS.

Bernard, the pleasant dramatic author, was describing an evening he passed, when a large company were invited to a house of very small dimensions, in the month of July. He had attired himself in a new suit, and the visitors were so jammed together, that some of the effects of the black-hole of Calcutta were exemplified in the "perspiring heroes." "When I got home," said Bernard, “after six hours' crowding, I discovered that the dye was cast' all over my person." "Ay," replied his friend Barnaby, "you found yourself party-coloured."

6

EARLY DINNER.

Tokely, the comic actor, although a young man, died a victim to intemperance. He drank so much ardent spirits, that the other performers were compelled to complain to Mr. Fawcett, the manager, that Tokely at the rehearsals was not bearable; he was, in fact, most offensive. Fawcett, with a kind feeling, and with real admiration of the young actor's talents (which were original and effective), undertook to give him a lecture. He pointed out to him the folly of his conduct; that it would destroy him in his profession; and expatiated so eloquently and in so parental a manner on the subject, that both parties shed tears. Fawcett, perceiving that he had produced an effect, and thinking that he had almost gone too far, told Tokely that "he did not object to a little stimulus or exhilaration after dinner; but that Tokely must sacredly promise him that he would not for the future drink anything prior to that meal. They parted, Fawcett convinced that Tokely would become a reformed man. Two days afterwards a rehearsal of a farce was called at eleven o'clock in the forenoon; in this farce Tokely was to sustain a prominent character; but, alas! the performers in a body came and reiterated their complaints of him. Fawcett beckoned the unfortunate Tokely aside, severely remonstrated with him, and reminded him of his vow, "that he would not touch anything drinkable until

VOL. VIII.

R

after dinner." At this time the green-room clock was ten minutes past eleven. Tokely, with great modesty and simplicity, replied to Mr. Fawcett, "I have dined, sir."

SHUTER.

On January 20, 1776, Shuter, the comedian, was robbed by two footpads in Tottenham-court-road; though he told them that he thought it very hard to be robbed by others, when he had been robbing himself all his life.

JOHN REEVE, MORALISING.

"

John Reeve was accosted in the Kensington road by an elderly female, with a small bottle of gin in her hand. "Pray, sir, I beg your pardon, is this the way to the workhouse? ' John gave her a look of clerical dignity, and, pointing to the bottle, gravely said, 'No, ma'am ; but that is."

GARRICK AND MRS. CLIVE.

Garrick having a green-room wrangle with Mrs. Clive, after listening to all she had to say, replied, Madam, I have heard of tartar and brimstone, and know the effects of both; but you are the cream of one, and the flower of the other."

NEW APPLICATION OF WHISKEY.

At a celebrated convivial society, the Dukes of Argyle and Leinster sat together at the bottom of the table, giving it the appearance of having a pair of vice-presidents. The Knight of Kerry remarked to the gentleman who was next to him, " Behold the two vices of their respective countries, Ferintosh and Inishone!"

DUBLIN GALLERY AUDIENCE.

Mr. Morris Barnett, who has gained a reputation in the London theatres for his finished performance of "Monsieur Jacques," was on a visit to Dublin. Although the season was over, Mr. Calcraft, the manager, thought that a very profitable night might be produced by the engagement of Charles Kean, on his return from Cork; and Calcraft asked Barnett to act Monsieur Jacques, first time in Dublin. It was, however, impossible for Mr. Kean to arrive to play Richard until eight o'clock. There were some interludes announced between the tragedy and the farce; consequently Barnett had to walk on in the quiet character of pathos (Monsieur Jacques) at a quarter past twelve o'clock. The gallery audience, numerous, remained to a man, and determined to have their "whack" for their money; but, unluckily, it had entered their heads that Monsieur Jacques was somehow or other connected with an exhibition which had been given at the London Adelphi, and elsewhere; moreover, they confused it with the pantomime of "Jocko," in which poor Mazurier was so admirable.

Barnett began his sentimental scene, and was delivering it with all the pathos he could muster, when he heard a man in the gallery exclaim, "Holy father, it is not a monkey!" Startled at this, he proceeded to act his best, when another fellow called out, "Where's your tail, and be d-d to you ?"

Barnett thought it now high time to push on as rapidly as pos

sible, and he arrived at the part where Monsieur Jacques salutes the girls. Here the whole gallery started up, and cried out, "Ah, the ould thief!" This concluded the performance.

HARLEY, LORD OXFORD.

At Lord Oxford's seat at Wimple, there hung a fine picture of Harley in his robes as Speaker, with the roll of the bill in his hand for bringing in the House of Hanover, which was supposed to have been accomplished by his casting vote. In allusion to Harley's being afterwards sent to the Tower, Prior wrote with a pencil on the white scroll," Bill paid, 16th July 1715."

Harley, like many an ex-minister, became hypochondriacal in the latter part of his life. His active mind, not having any pabulum to feed it, began to prey upon itself. He became deaf, or at least thought himself so. When some one asked him whether he had ever observed himself to be deaf when he was in office, "Faith,' replied he, "I was then so afraid of my head, that I did not attend very much to my ears."

MONSIEUR DE VIVONNE.

Monsieur de Vivonne, who was commander of the French expedition against Messina, writing from that place to the King, closed his letter in these words, "May it please your Majesty, to finish the affair we only want ten thousand men." He gave his letter to seal to Du Terron, commissioner of the army, who was bold enough to add," and a general."

COLLEY CIBBER.

This actor was extremely haughty as a theatrical manager, and very insolent to dramatists. When he had rejected a play, if the author desired him to point out the particular parts of it which displeased him, he took a pinch of snuff, and answered in general terms, " Sir, there is nothing in it to coerce my passions."

ABSENT BRIDEGROOM.

In 1787 John Philip Kemble married the widow of Brereton, (she was formerly Miss P. Hopkins), Mr. and Mrs. Bannister undertook to give them a wedding-dinner. By some accidental alteration in the play-bills, Kemble was announced to perform at Drury Lane theatre on that evening. He therefore quitted his bride, and a very agreeable party at Bannister's house, to toil through five acts of Hamlet. After which, totally forgetting that he had been married in the morning, and adhering to old and constant habit, he walked from the theatre to his own house, and seated himself in his easy chair, with his lamp and his book, in his library. The bride and party waited, in due expectance of the arrival of the tragedian; but in vain. Bannister was compelled to convey the lady to her husband, who, (as Bannister informed the writer,) was rather astonished at the intrusion of visitors at that time of night.

66 THE LIGHT FANTASTIC TOE."

Robert Jobling was dancing at an evening party; Jobling was almost as fat as Falstaff. A lady remarked, that for so corpulent a

person "his dancing was extremely light." "Light, madam," said Barnaby; "how can you be surprised at that, considering his taper legs!"

R. S. V. P.

An old-fashioned couple, in 1806, received a card of invitation to dinner from some much gayer folks than themselves. At the bottom of the card was the then new R. S. V.P. This puzzled the worthy pair. It might puzzle us in these days, although most of us are a little better acquainted with the French,-" Respondez s'il vous plait." The old gentleman took a nap upon it, from which he was awaked by his helpmate, who said, after shaking him up, "My love, I have found it out. R. S. V. P. It means remember six very punctual."

TOMMY ATKIN.

Dear old Tommy! All who have had the pleasure to be acquainted with Mr. Whitbread, or Southill, during a number of years, must have known that fine old fellow, Tommy Atkin. We can tell a few tales of him. Alas, he is dead and gone! With all his fooleries, his whims, his extravagances, there was a jovial kind heart about him, that endeared him to most of the persons to whom he was introduced. His first connection with Samuel Whitbread was at college. Tommy Atkin, being an extremely entertaining companion, was afterwards invited by his friend, Samuel, to pass a week at his seat in Bedfordshire. Tom accepted the invitation gratefully, and, to prove his gratitude, he remained a guest of that opulent, distinguished, and worthy family, for THIRTY THREE YEARS! More of this eccentric old boy,

anon.

HOOD-WINKED.

On the facetious Thomas Hood coming to town one day, he called on an equally facetious friend, well known in the literary world, with the intention of dining with him. The friend, however, happened to have an engagement; but, as he had reasons for not treating Hood with any want of hospitality, and knowing that he must return to Enfield early, he asked Hood to accompany him to a veterinary surgeon's, where he was compelled to go on business. The friend, knowing Hood's state of stomach, took him to see a horse's tail cut off! an operation which positively induced Hood to decline any idea of eating a dinner.

ELEGANT COMPLIMENT.

When Rousseau was banished from Geneva, he landed at Dover, January 11th, 1766, and visited Drury Lane theatre on the 23rd, to witness the performance of Zara and Lethe, by command of their Majesties. Upon this occasion Garrick played Lusignan and Lord Chalkstone. Rousseau was much gratified, and complimented him by saying, "Sir, you have made me cry at your tragedy, and laugh at your comedy, though I scarce understood a word of your language."

DR. JONES'S SHOE TAX.

This tax was proposed in January 1787. Mr. Rose had a very favourable opinion of it, and it was calculated that it would bring an addition to the revenue of about four hundred thousand pounds per

annum. Of this tax Major Topham remarked, that "Dr. Jones and his shoe-tax had already been productive of many a pinching apprehension; and for any club, in town or country, we give it as a toast to our fellow-sufferers, May Dr. Jones's shoe be on Mr. Pitt's last!

A SENSIBLE LITTLE BOY.

A friend of Mr. Cartwright, the celebrated dentist, took his son to have his mouth inspected by that able artist, who, with wonderful celerity, removed seven of the boy's first teeth. Upon the boy crying out with surprise, and a little pain, Cartwright said, "Never mind, Johnny, your teeth will come again."

Johnny, with tears in his eyes, inquired, "Will they come again before dinner, Mr. Cartwright?”

THE EARL OF CHESTERFIELD.

In the winter 1776, in one of the public rooms at Bath, the young Lord Chesterfield accidentally dropped his snuff-box. A gentleman, who was standing near snatched it instantly from the floor, and politely returned it to the noble owner. His lordship, with great indifference, turned away his head, and pocketed his box, without seeming to notice the favour, which conduct extorted from the finder the following severe but pertinent exclamation:-"I am positive," said he, "that gentleman never read Lord Chesterfield's letters."

LOVE'S SECOND SIGHT.

I LOVED thee long before we met,
My dreams had traced thy form so well;
I heard thy name, nor could forget
The tender music of its spell.

And when at last I saw those eyes,

They seem'd no wand'ring fires unknown,

But stars, that from my native skies

Their beams o'er all my life had thrown.

When thou wert mine, I ask'd my heart
What meant its strange foreboding fear,
That whisper'd we were doom'd to part,
Even when most happy and most dear?

Although the bloom was on thy cheek,
To me it wore a hue of gloom;
The tones that would thy fondness speak
Sigh'd like the wind around a tomb.

Too much my trembling heart has known
That casts a shade on coming years;

The present never was my own,-
And, oh! how sad the past appears!

Alas! the fatal gift was vain

That taught how frail my hopes must be

Time found me, after years of pain,

All unprepared for losing thee!

LOUISA STUART COSTELLO.