thought him, as any two diftin&t perfons can differ from each other. This proceeds from the want of forming fome law of life to ourselves, or fixing fome notion of things in general, which may affect us in fuch manner as to create proper habits both in our minds and bodies. The negligence of this leaves us exposed not only to an uncommon levity in our ufual converfation, but alfo to the fame inftability in our friendships, in terefts, and alliances. A man who is but a mere fpectator of what paffes around him, and not engaged in commerces of any confideration, is but an ill judge of the secret motions of the heart of man, and by what degrees it is actuated to make fuch visible alterations in the fame perfon: but at the fame time, when a man is no way concerned in the effect of fuch inconfiftencies in the behaviour of men of the world, the fpeculation must be in the utmoft degree both diverting and inftructive; yet to enjoy fuch obfervations in the highest relish, he ought to be placed in a post of direction, and have the dealing of their fortunes to them. I have therefore been wonderfully diverted with fome pieces of fecret hiftory, which an antiquary, my very good friend, lent me as a curiofity. They are memoirs of the private life of Pharamond of France, Pharamond,' fays my author, was a prince of infinite humanity and generofity, and at the fame time the most plea⚫fant and facetious companion of his time. He had a peculiar tafte in him, which would have 'been unlucky in any prince but himself, he thought there could be no exquifite pleasure in converfation but among equals; and would pleafantly bewail himself that he always lived in a crowd, but was the only man in France that never could get into company. This turn of mind made him delight in midnight rambles, attended only with one person of his bedchamber: he would in thefe excurfions get acquainted with men, whofe temper he had a mind to try, and recommend them privately to the particular obfervation of his first minifter. He generally found himself neglected by his new ⚫ acquaintance as foon as they had hopes of growing great; and ufed on fuch occafions to re· mark, that it was a great injuftice to tax princes of forgetting themselves in their high fortunes, when they were fo few that could with conftancy bear the favour of their very creatures.' My author in thefe loofe hints has one paffage that gives us a very lively idea of the uncommon genius of Pharamond. He met with one man whom he had put to all the ufual proofs he made of thofe he had a mind to know thoroughly, and found him for his purpose: in difcourfe with him one day, he gave him opportunity of faying how much would fatisfy all his wishes. The prince immediately revealed himfelf, doubled the fum, and spoke to him in this manner. "Sir, you have "twice what you defired, by the favour of Phara"mond; but look to it, that you are fatisfied "with it, for 'tis the laft you fhall ever receive. "I from this moment confider you as mine; "and to make you truly fo, I give you my soyal "word you shall never be greater or less than you are at prefent. Anfwer me not," concluded the prince finiling, "but enjoy the fortune "I have put you in, which is above my own "condition: for you have hereafter nothing to "hope or to fear." His majefty having thus well chofen and bought a friend and companion, he enjoyed alternately all the pleasures of an agreeable private man and a great and powerful monarch: he gave himself with his companion, the name of the merry tyrant; for he punished his courtiers for their infolence and folly, not by any act of public disfavour, but by humourously practifing upon their imaginations. If he obferved a man untractable to his inferiors, he would find an opportunity to take fome favourable notice of him, and render him infupportable. He knew all his own looks, words, and actions, had their interpretations; and his friend Monfieur Eucrate, for fo he was called, having a great foul without ambition, he could communicate all his thoughts to him, and fear no artful ufe would be made of that freedom. It was no fmall delight when they were in private to reflect upon all which had passed in public. Pharamond would often, to fatisfy a vain fool of power in his country, talk to him in a full court, and with one whifper make him defpife all his old friends and acquaintance. He was come to that knowledge of men by long observation, that he would profefs altering the whole mass of blood in fome tempers by thrice fpeaking to them. As fortune was in his power, he gave himself conftant entertainment in managing the mere followers of it with the treatment they deferved. He would, by a skilful caft of his eye and half a fmile, make two fellows who hated, embrace and fall upon each other's neck with as much eagernefs, as if they followed their real inclinations, and intended to stifle one another. When he was in high good-humour, he would lay the scene with Eucrate, and on a public night exercise the paffions of his whole court. He was pleased to see an haughty beauty watch the looks of the man the had long defpised, from observation of his being taken notice of by Pharamond; and the loyer conceive higher hopes, than to follow the woman he was dying for the day before. In a court, where men fpeak affection in the strongest terms, and diflike in the fainteft, it was a comical mixture of incidents to fee difguifes thrown afide in one cafe and increafed on the other, according as favour or difgrace attended the respective objects of mens approbation or difesteem. Pharamond, in his mirth upon the meannefs of mankind, used to fay, "As he could take away a man's five fen fes, he could give him an hundred. The man "in difgrace fhall immediately lofe all his natu "ral endowments, and he that finds favour have the attributes of an angel." He would carry it fo far as to fay, "It fhould not be only so in "the opinion of the lower part of his court, but "the men themfelves thall think thus meanly or "greatly of themselves, as they are out, or in the "good graces of a court." A monarch, who had wit and humour like Pharamond, mut have pleasures which no man elfe can ever have an opportunity of enjoying. He gave fortune to none but thofe whom he knew could receive it without tranfport: ho made a noble and generous ufe of his obfervations; and did not regard his minifters as they were agrecable to himself, but as they were useful to his kingdom: by this means the king appeared in every officer ci ftate; and no man had a participation of the power, who had not a dimilitude of the virtuc of Phuramond. R No. N° 77. TUESDAY, MAY 29. confefs that I once laboured under the fame infirmity myself. The method I took to conquer it was a firm refolution to learn fomething from whatever I was obliged to fee or hear. There is a way of thinking, if a man can attain to it, MART. Epig. lxxxvii. i. by which he may ftrike fomewhat out of any Non convivere licet, nec urbe totâ What correfpondence can I hold with you, Who are fo near, and yet so distant too? M Y friend Will. Honeycomb is one of thofe fort of men who are very often abfent in converfation, and what the French call a reveur and a diftrait. A little before our club time laft night we were walking together in Somerfet-garden, where Will. had picked up a fmall pebble of fo odd a make, that he said he would prefent it to a friend of his, an eminent Virtuofo. After we had walked fome time, I made a full ftop with my face towards the weft, which Will, knowing to be my ufual method of afking what's o'clock in an afternoon. immediately pulled out his watch, and told me we had feven minutes good. We took a turn or two more, when to my great furprize, I faw him fquir away his watch a confiderable way into the Thames, and with great fedatenefs in his looks put up the pebble he had before found, in his fob. As I have naturally an averfion to much speaking, and do not love to be the meffenger of ill news, especially when it comes too late to be useful, I left him to be convinced of his mistake in due time, and continued my walk, reflecting on thefe little abfences and diftractions in mankind, and refolving to make them the fubject of a future fpeculation. I was the more confirmed in my defign, when I confidered that they were very often blemishes in the characters of men of excellent fenfe; and helped to keep up the reputation of that Latin proverb, which Mr. Dryden has tranflated in the following lines: Great wit to madrefs fure is near ally'd, And thin partition do their bounds divide.' My reader, does, I hope, perceive, that I diftinguish a man who is abfent, because he thinks of fomething elfe, from one who is abfent. because he thinks of nothing at all: the latter is too innocent a creature to be taken notice of; but the diffractions of the former may, I believe, be generally accounted for from one of these reasons. Either their minds are wholly fixed on fome particular science, whi h is often the cafe of mathematicians and ot er learned men; or are wholly taken up with fome violent paffion, fuch as anger, fear, or love, which ties the mind to fome diftant object; or, lastly, thefe diftra&ions proceed from a certain vivacity and ficklenefs in a man's temper, which while it raifes up infinite numbers of ideas in the mind, is continually pufhing it on. without allowing it to reft on any particular image. Nothing therefore is more unnatural than the thoughts and conceptions of fuch a man, which are feldom occafioned either by the company he is in, or any of those obje@s which are placed before him. While you fancy he is admiring a beautiful woman. it is an even wager that he is felving a propofition in Fuclid; and while you may imagine he is reading the Paris- Gazette it is far from being impoffible, that he is pulling down and rebuild ng the front of his country-houfe. At the fame time that am endeavouring to expofe this weaknessia others, I fhall readily thing. I can at prefent obferve thofe starts of good fenfe and ftruggles of unimproved reafon in the converfation of a clown, with as much fatisfaction as the most fhining periods of the moft finished orator; and can make a shift to command my attention at a Puppet-fhow or an Opera, as well as at Hamlet or Othello. I always make one of the company I am in; for though I fay little myfelf, my attention to others, and thofe nods of approbation which I never bestow unmerited, fufficiently fhew that I am among them. Whereas Will. Honeycomb, though a fellow of good fenfe, is every way doing and faying an hundred things which he afterwards confeffes, with a well-bred franknefs, were fomewhat mal à propos, and undefigned. I chanced the other day to go into a coffeehoufe, where Will. was ftanding in the midst of feveral auditors whom he had gathered round him, and was giving them an account of the perfon and character of Moll Hinton: My appearance before him just put him in mind of me, without making him reflect that I was actually prefent. So that keeping his eyes full upon me, to the great furprize of his audience, he broke off his first harangue, and proceeded thus :-" Why now there's my friend," mentioning me by name, "he is a fellow that thinks a great deal, but never opens his mouth; warrant you he is now thrufting his fhort "face into fome coffee-houfe about 'Change. "I was his bail in the time of the Popish-plots; "when he was taken up for a jefuit." If he had looked on me a little longer, he had certainly described me fo particularly, without ever confidering what led him into it, that the whole company must neceffarily have found me out; for which reafon, remembering the old proverb, 'Out of fight out of mind,' I left the room; and, upon meeting him an hour afterwards, was afked by him, with a great deal of goodhumour, in what part of the world I had lived, that he had not feen me these three days. Monfieur Bruyere has given us the character of an absent Man, with a great deal of humour, which he has pushed to an agreeable extravagance; with the heads of it I fhall conclude my prefent paper. 'Menalcas,' fays that excellent author, 'comes down in a morning, opens his door to go out, but fhuts it again, becaufe he perceives that he has his night-cap on; and examining himfelf further finds that he is but half-fhaved, that he has fuck his fword on his right fide, that his ftockings are about his heels, and that his fhirt is over his breeches. When he is dreffed, he goes to court, comes into the drawing-room, and walking bolt-upright under a branch of candlesticks his wig is caught up by one of them, and hangs dangling in the air. All the courtiers fall a laughing, but Menalcas laughs louder than any of them, and looks about for the perfon that is the jeít of the company. Coming down to the court-gate he finds a coach, which taking for his own he whips into it; and the coach, man drives off, not doubting but he carries his mafter, As foon as he ftops, Me nalcas “ nalcas throws himfelf out of the coach, croffes the court, afcends the stair-cafe, and runs thro' all the chambers with the greateft familiarity, repofes himself on a couch, and fancies himself at home. The mafter of the house at last comes in, Meralcas rifes to receive him, and defires him to fit down; he talks, mufes, and then talks again. The gentleman of the houfe is tired and amazed; Menalcas is no lefs fo, but is every moment in hopes that his impertinent guest will at laft end his tedious vifit. Night comes on, when Menalcas is hardly undeceived. When he is playing at backgammon, he calls for a full glass of wine and water;'tis his turn to " throw, he has the box in one hand, and his glafs in the other, and being extremely dry, and un'willing to lofe time, he fwallows down both the dice, and at the fame time throws his wine into 'the tables. He writes a letter, and flings the ffand into the ink-bottle; he writes a fecond, and mistakes the fuperfcription: a nobleman receives one of them, and upon opening it reads < as follows: "I would have you, honest Jack, "immediately upon the receipt of this, take in hay enough to ferve me the winter." His farmer receives the other, and is amazed to fee in fit. 66 My Lord, I received your Grace's com'mands with an entire fubmiffion to" If he fis at an entertainment, you may fee the pieces of bread continually multiplying round his plate; 'tis true the reft of the company want it, as well as their knives and forks, which Menalcas does no let them keep long. Sometimes in a morning he puts his whole family in an hurry, ' and at laft goes out without being able to stay for his coach or dinner, and for that day you may fee him in every part of the town, except the very place where he had appointed to be 6 upon a bufinefs of importance. You would ' often take him for every thing that he is not; for a fellow quite ftupid, for he hears nothing; for a fool, for he talks to himself, and has an hundred grimaces and motions with his head, which are altogether involuntary; for a proud man, for he looks full upon you, and takes no notice of your faluting him; the truth on't is, his eyes are open, but he makes no ufe of them, and 'neither fees you, nor any man, nor any thing else: he came once from his country-houfe, and his ! own footmen undertook to rob him, and fucceeded: They held a flambeau to his throat, and bid him deliver his purfe; he did fo, and coming home told his friends he had been robbed; they defired to know the particulars; "Afk my fervants, fays Menalcas, for they were f with me." X 'SIR, I Send you the inclofed, to be inferted, if you think them worthy of it, in your Spectators; in which fo furprizing a genius appears, that it is no wonder if all mankind endeavours to to get fomewhat into a paper which will always live, As to the Cambridge affair, the humour was 'really carried on in the way I defcribe it. However, you have a full commiffion to put out or in, and to do whatever you think fit with it. I have already had the fatisfaction of feeing you take that liberty with fome things I have before fent you. 'Go on, Sir, and profper. You have the best wifhes of, Sir, Yo Your very affe&ionate and obliged humble fervant." Mr. Spectato", Cambridge. OU well know it is of great confequence to clear titles, and it is of importance that it be done in the proper feafon : on which account this is to affure you, that the Club of Ugly Faces was inftituted originally at Cam'bridge in the merry reign of king Charles II. As. ' in great bodies of men it is not difficult to find 'members enough for fuch a club, fo, I remember, it was then feared, upon their intention of dining together, that the hall belonging to Clare-Hall, the uglieft then in the town, tho'. now the neateft, would not be large enough handfomely to hold the company. Invitations were made to great numbers, but very few accepted them without much difficulty. One ' pleaded that being at London in a bookfeller's 'fhop, a lady going by with a great belly longed to kifs him. He had certainly been excused, but that evidence appeared, that indeed one in London did pretend the longed to kifs him, but that it was only a pickpocket, who during his kiffing her stole away all his money. Another would have got off by a dimple in his chin; ⚫ but it was proved upon him, that he had, by 'coming into a room, made a woman miscarry, and frightened two children into fits. A Third alledged, that he was taken by a lady for another gentleman, who was one of the handfomeft in the Univerfity; but upon inquiry it was found that the lady had actually loft one eye, and the other was very much upon the decline. A Fourth produced letters out of the country in his vindication, in which a gentleman offered him his daughter, who had lately fallen in love with him, with a good fortune: but it was made appear that the young lady was amorous, and had like to have run away with her father's coachman, fo that it was fuppofed, that her pretence of falling in love with him was only in order to be well married. It was pleasant to hear the several excufes which were made, infomuch that fome made as much in❝. tereft to be excufed as they would from serving fheriff; however at laft the fociety was formed, and proper officers were appointed: and the day was fixed for the entertainment, which was in Venifon Season. A pleasant Fellow of King's College, commonly called Crab from his four look, and the only man who did not pretend to get off, was nominated for chaplain; and nothing was wanting, but fome one to fit in the elbow-chair, by way of Prefident, at the the upper end of the table; and there the bufinefs ftuck, for there was no contention forfu periority there. This affair made fo great a noife, that the king, who was then at Newmarket, heard of it, and was pleafed merrily and gracioufly to say, "He could not be there himfelt, but he would fend them a brace of bucks." I would defire you, Sir, to fet this affair in a true light, that pofterity may not be misled in fo important a point: for when "the wife man "who shall write your true Hiftory" fhall acquaint the world, that you had a Diploma fent from the Ugly Club at Oxford, and that by virtue of it you were admitted into it, what a learned work will there be among future Critic about the original of that club, which both Univerfities will contend fo warmly for? And perhaps fome hardy Cantabrigian author may then boldly affirm, that the word Oxford was an interpolation of fome Oxonian inflead of Cambridge. This affair will be beft adjusted in your lie-time; but I hope your affection to your Ather will not make you partial to your Aunt. To tell you, Sir, my own opinion: though I cannot find any ancient records of any acts of the Society of the Ugly Faces, confidered in a public capacity; yet in a private one they have certainly antiquity on their ice. I am perfua'ded they will hardly give place to the Lownger's; and the Loungers are of the fame ftanding with the University itfel. Though we well know, Sir, you want no motives to do juftice, yet I am commition'd to tell you, that you are invited to be admitted ad eundom at Cambridge; and I believe I may venture fafely to deliver this as the wifh of our whole • Univerfiy.' To Mr. Spectator. The humble Petition of Who and Which • Sheweth, TH HAT your petitioners, being in a forlorn and deftitute condition, know not to whom we should apply ourselves for relief, because there is hardly any man alive who hath not injured us. Nay, we fpeak it with forrow, even you yourself, whom we fhould fufpect of fuch a practise the laft of all mankind, can hardly acquit yourself of having given us fome caufe of complaint. We are defcended of ancient families, and kept up our dignity and honour many years, till the Jack-fprat Thar fupplanted us. How often have we found ourselves flighted by the clergy in their pulpits, and the lawyers at the bar? Nay, how often have we heard in one of the most polite and auguft affemblies in the Unive: fe, to our great mortification, thefe words,' "That That that noble lord "urged;" which if one of us had had juftice done, ⚫ would have founded nobler thus, "That Which "that noble lord urged." Senates themfelves, the guardians of British liberty, have degraded and preferred That to us and yet no decree was ever given against us. In the very acts of parliament, in which the utmoft right fhould be done to every Body, Word, and Thing, we find ourselves often either not used, or ufed one instead of another. In the first and beft prayer children are taught, they learn to mifufe us. "Our Father Which art in Heaven," fhould be, "Our Father The art in Heaven;" and even a • Convocation, after long debates, refused to con३ . us, fent to an alteration of it, In our general Confeffion we fay," Spare thou them, O God, "Which confefs their faults." which ought to be, "Who confefs their faults." What hopes then have we of having justice done us, when the makers of our very prayers and laws, and the most learned in all faculties, feem to be in a 'confederacy against us, and our enemies themfelves must be our judges. The Spanish Proverb fays. El fabio muda confejo, el necio no; i. e. "A wife man changes "his mind, a fool never will." So that we think you, Sir, a very proper perfon to addrefs to, 'fince we know you to be capable of being convinced, and changing your judgment. You are well able to fettle this affair, and to you we fubmit our caufe. We defire you to affign the butts and bounds of each of us; and that for the uture we may both enjoy our own. We would defire to be heard by our counfel, but that we fear in their very pleadings they would betray our caufe: befides, we have been oppreted fo many years, that we can appear no other way, but in forma pauperis. All which confidered, we hope you will be pleafed to do that which to right and juftice fall appertain, R And your petitioners, &c.' Have received very many letters of late, from my female correfpondents, most of whom are very angry wich me for abridging their pleasures, and looking feverely upon things in themselves indifferent. But I think they are extremely unjust to me in this imputation; all that I contend for is, that thofe excellencies, which are to be regardcd but in the fecond place, fhould not precede more weighty confiderations. The heart of man deceives him in fpite of the lectures of half a life spent in difcourfes on the subjection of paffion; and I do not know why one may not think the heart of woman as unfaithful to itfelf. If we grant an equality in the faculties of both fexes, the minds of women are less cultivated with precepts, and confequently may, without difrefpect to them, be accounted more liable to illusion in cafes wherein natural inclination is out of the interests of virtue. I fhall take up my present time in commenting upon a billet or two which came from ladies, and from thence leave the reader to judge whether I am in the right or not, in thinking it is poffible fine women may be mistaken. The following addrefs feems to have no other defign in it, but to tell me the writer will do what fhe pleafes for all me. head, which, whatever, mufty Sir, you may think of the matter, I defign to pafs away in hearing mufic, going to plays, vifiting, and all other fa'tisfactions which fortune and youth, protected · by innocence and virtue, can procure for, • Sir • Your most humble fervant, M.T." • My lover does not know I like him; there'fore, having no engagements upon me, I think to ftay and know whether I may not like any one • elfe better.' I have heard Will. Honeycomb fay, 'A woman feldom writes her mind but in her poftfcript." I think this gentlewoman has fufficiently difco, vered hers in this. I'll lay what wager the pleafes against her prefent favourite, and can tell her that fhe will like ten more before fhe is fixed; and then will take the worft man the ever liked in her life. 6 well be raised by a glass of wise, or a dram of citron, they may all the rest of their time go o in whatever their particular paffion leads them to. The beauteous Philantia, who, is, în your language, an Idol, is one of thefe votaries; fe has a very pretty furnished closer, to which the retires at frer appointed hours: this is bar dref 'fing-room, as well as chapel; he has conftantly 'before her a large looking-glass, and upon the table, according to a very witty author, Together lie her prayer-book and paint, It must be a good fcene, if one could be pre'fent at it, to fee this Idol by torns lift up her eyes to heaven, and fteal glances at her own dear perfon. It cannor but be a pleasing conflict 'between vanity and humiliation. When you are upon this fubject, choose hooks which elcvate the mind above the world, and give a pica- ' fing indifference to little things in it. For want There is no end of affection taken in at the eyes ny people take it in their heads to be fullen, of fuch instructions, I am apt to believe fo maonly; and you may as well fatisfy thofe eyes with feeing, as controul any paffion received by them crofs, and angry, under pretence of being abftracted from the affairs of this life, when at the only. It is from loving by fight that coxcombs fo frequently fucceed with women, and very often a 'fame time they betray their fondness for them young lady is beftowed by her parents to a man by doing their duty as a talk, and pouting and who weds her as innocence itfelf, though the has 'reading good books for a week together. Mach in her own heart, given her approbation of a dif' of this I take to proceed from the indifcretion of the books themselves, whofe very titles of ferent man in every affembly fhe was in the whole year before. What is wanting among women, as weekly preparations, and fuch limited godliness, well as among men, is the love of laudable things,rors, and raife in them a mechanical religion, 'lead people of ordinary capacities into great er. and not to reft only in the forbearance of fuch as are reproachful, How far removed from a woman of this light imagination is Eudofia! Eudofia has all the arts of life and good-beeeding with fo much eafe, that the virtue of her conduct looks more like an inftin&t than choice. It is as little difficult to her to think justly of perfons and things, as it is to a woman of different accomplishments to move ill or look awkward. That which was, at first, the effect of instruction, is grown into an habit; and it would be as hard for Eudofia to indulge a wrong fuggeftion of thought, as it would be for Flavia, the fine dancer to come into a room with an unbecoming air. But the mifapprehenfions people themselves have of their own ftate of mind, is laid down with much difcerning in the following letter, which is but an extract of a kind epiftle from my charming mistress Hecatiffa, who is above the vanity of external beauty, and is the better judge of the perfections of the mind. < Mr. Spectator, Write this to acquaint you, that very many I ladies, as well as wayfelf, spend many hours intirely diftinct from morality. I know a lady the employs fix or eight hours of the twenty'fo given up to this fort of devotion, that though four at cards, fhe never miffes one conftant 'hour of prayer, for which time another holds her cards, to which the returns with no little anxioufnefs till two or three in the morning. All these acts are but empty fhows, and, as it were, compliments made to virtue; the mind is all the while untouched with any true pleafure in the purfuit of it. From hence I prefume tuous from no other pretence to it but an ab'it arifes that fo many people call themfelves vir'fence of ill. There is Dulcianara, is the most in'folent of all creatures to her friends and domef tics, upon no other pretence in nature but that, as her Gilly phrafe is, no one can fay black is 'her eye. She has no fecrets, forfooth, which 'fhould make her afraid to speak her mind, and 'therefore the is impertinently blunt to all her acquaintance, and unfeafonably imperious to all her family. Dear Sir, be pleafed to put fuch books in our hands, as may make our virtue more inward, and convince fome of us that in a mind truly virtuous the fcorn of vice is always accompanied with the pity of it. This and other things are impatiently expected from you by our whole fex; among the reft by, " more than we ufed at the glafs, for want of the Sir, Your most humble fervant, 'B. D.' No. |