Dromio, thou drone, thou snail, thou slug, thou sot!

Dro. S. I am transform'd, master, am not I?
Ant. S. I think, thou art, in mind, and so am I.
Dro. S. Nay, master, both in mind, and in my
shape.

Ant. S. Thou hast thine own form.

Dro. S. No, I am an ape.

Luc. If thou art changed to aught, 'tis to an ass. Dro. S. 'Tis true; she rides me, and I long for grass.

'Tis so, I am an ass; else it could never be,
But I should know her as well as she knows me.
Adr. Come, come, no longer will I be a fool,
To put the finger in the eye and weep,
Whilst man, and master, laugh my woes to scorn.-
Come, Sir, to dinner; Dromio, keep the gate:-
Husband, I'll dine above with you to-day,
And shrive you of a thousand idle pranks:
Sirrah, if any ask you for your master,
Say, he dines forth, and let no creature enter.-
Come, sister:-Dromio, play the porter well.

Ant. S. Am I in earth, in heaven, or in hell?
Sleeping, or waking? Mad, or well-advised?
Known unto these, and to myself disguised!
I'll say as they say, and perséver so,
And in this mist at all adventures go.

Dro. S. Master, shall I be porter at the gate? Adr. Ay; and let none enter, lest I break your pate.

Luc. Come, come, Antipholus, we dine too late. [Exeunt.

ACT III.

SCENE I.-The same.

Enter ANTIPHOLUS of EPHESUS, DROMIO of EPHE SUS, ANGELO, and BALTHAZAR.

Ant. E. Good signior Angelo, you must excase us all;

My wife is shrewish, when I keep not hours:
Say, that I linger'd with you at your shop,
To see the making of her carkanet t,
And that to-morrow you will bring it home.
But here's a villain, that would face me down
He met me on the mart; and that I beat him,
And charged him with a thousand marks in gold;
And that I did deny my wife and house :-
Thou drunkard, thou, what didst thou mean by

Ant. E. And welcome more common; for that's nothing but words.

Bal. Small cheer, and great welcome, makes a merry feast.

Ant. E. Ay, to a niggardly host, and more sparing guest:

But though my cates⚫ be mean, take them in good part;

Better cheer may you have, but not with better heart.

But, soft; my door is lock'd; go bid them let us in. Dro. E. Maud, Bridget, Marian, Cicely, Gillian, Jen'!

Dro. S. [Within.] Momet, malt-horse, capon, coxcomb, idiot, patch !

Either get thee from the door, or sit down at the hatch:

Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call'st for such store,

When one is one too many? Go, get thee from the door.

Dro E. What patch is made our porter? My master stays in the street.

Dro. S. Let him walk from whence he came, lest he catch cold on's feet.

Ant. E. Who talks within there? Ho, open the door.

Dro. S. Right, Sir, I'll tell you when, an you'll tell me wherefore.

Ant. E. Wherefore? for my dinner; I have not dined to-day.

Dro. S. Nor to-day here you must not; come again, when you may.

Ant. E. What art thou, that keep'st me out from the house I owe $?

Dro. S. The porter for this time, Sir, and my name is Dromio.

Dro. E. O villain, thou hast stolen both mine office and my name;

The one ne'er got ine credit, the other mickle blame.

If thou hadst been Dromio to-day in my place, Thou wouldst have changed thy face for a name, or thy name for an ass.

Luce. [Within.] What a coil is there? Dromio, who are those at the gate ?

Dro. E. Let my master in, Luce. Luce. Faith, no; he comes too late; And so tell your master.

Dro. E. O Lord, I must laugh:

Have at you with a proverb.-Shall I set in my

staff?

Luce. Have at you with another: that's,-When?

Can you tell?

Dro. 8. If thy name be call'd Lace, Luce, thou hast answer'd him well.

Ant. E. Do you hear, you minion? You'll let us in, I hope?

Luce. I thought to have ask'd you.
Dro. 8. And you said, no.

Dro. E. So, come, help; well struck; there was blow for blow.

Ant. E. Thou baggage, let me in.
Luce. Can you tell for whose sake?
Dro. E. Master, knock the door hard.
Luce. Let him knock till it ake.

Ant. E. You'll cry for this, minion, if I beat the

door down.

Luce. What needs all that, and a pair of stocks in the town?

Adr. [Within.] Who is that at the door, that keeps all this noise!

Dro. S. By my troth, your town is troubled with unruly boys.

Ant. E. Are you there, wife? You might have come before.

Adr. Your wife, Sir knave! Go, get you from the door. this knave

Dro. E. If you went in pain, master, would go sore.

Ang. Here is neither cheer, Sir, nor welcome; we would fain have either.

Bal. In debating which was best, we shall part with neither.

Dro. E. They stand at the door, master; bid them welcome hither.

Ant. E. There is something in the wind, that we cannot get in.

It would make a man mad as a buck, to be so bought and sold ⚫.

Ant. E. Go, fetch me something, I'll break ope the gate.

Dro. S. Break any breaking here, and I'll break your knave's pate.

Dro. E. A man may break a word with you, Sir; and words are but wind;

Ay, and break it in your face, so he break it not

behind.

Dro. S. It seems, thou wantest breaking: Out upon thee, hind!

Dro. E. Here's too much, out upon thee! I pray thee, let me in.

Dro. S. Ay, when fowls have no feathers, and fish have no fin.

Ant. E. Well, I'll break in; go borrow me a

crcw.

Dro. E. A crow without a feather; master, mean you so ?

For a fish without a fin, there's a fowl without a feather:

If a crow help us in, sirrah, we'll pluck a crow together.

Ant. E. Go, get thee gone, fetch me an iron crow. Bal. Have patience, Sir; 0, let it not be so; Herein you war against your reputation, And draw within the compass of suspect

The unviolated honour of your wife.

Once this,-Your long experience of her wisdom,
Her sober virtue, years, and modesty,

Plead on her part some cause to you unknown;
And doubt not, Sir, but she will well excuse
Why at this time the doors are made↑ against you.
Be ruled by me; depart in patience,
And let us to the Tiger all to dinner:
And, about evening, come yourself alone,
To know the reason of this strange restraint.
If by strong hand you offer to break in,
Now in the stirring passage of the day,
A vulgar comment will be made on it;
And that supposed by the common rout
gainst your yet ungalled estimation,
at may with foul intrusion enter in,
And dwell upon your grave when you are dead:
For slander lives upon succession;

For ever housed, where it once gets possession. Ant. E. You have prevail'd; I will depart in quiet,

And, in despight of mirth, mean to be merry.
I know a wench of excellent discourse,-
Pretty and witty; wild, and, yet too, gentle ;—
There will we dine: this woman that I mean,
My wife (but, I protest, without desert),
Hath oftentime upbraided me withal;
To her will we to dinner.-Get you home,

And fetch the chain; by this, I know, 'tis made:
Bring it, I pray you, to the Porcupine;
Per there's the house; that chain will I bestow
Be it for nothing but to spite my wife),
Upon mine hostess there: good Sir, make haste :
Since mine own doors refuse to entertain me,
I'll knock elsewhere, to see if they'll disdain me.
Ang. I'll meet you at that place, some hour
hence.

Ant. E. Do so: this jest shall cost me some ex-
pence.
[Exeunt

SCENE II.-The same.
Enter LUCIANIA, and ANTIPHOLUS of SYRACUSE.
Luc. And may it be that you have quite forgot
A husband's office? Shall, Antipholus, hate,
Even in the spring of love, thy love-springs rot?
Shall love, in building, grow so ruinate?
If you did wed my sister for her wealth,
Then, for her wealth's sake, use her with more
kindness:

Or, if you like elsewhere, do it by stealth;
Muffle your false love with some show of blind-

Look sweet, speak fair, become disloyalty;
Apparel vice like virtue's harbinger:
Bear a fair presence, though your heart be tainted;
Teach sin the carriage of a holy saint;
Be secret-false: what need she be acquainted?
What simple thief brags of his own attaint?
Tis double wrong, to truant with your bed,
And let her read it in thy looks at board:
Shame hath a bastard fame, well managed;
Iil deeds are doubled with an evil word.
Alas, poor women! make us but believe,
Being compact of credit, that you love us;
Though others have the arm, shew us the sleeve;
We in your motion turn, and you may move us..
Then, gentle brother, get you in again;
Comfort my sister, cheer her, call her wife:
'Tis holy sport, to be a little vain t,

When the sweet breath of flattery conquers strife.
Ant. S. Sweet mistress (what your name is else,
I know not,

Nor by what wonder you do hit on mine),

Less, in your knowledge, and your grace, you

shew not,

Than our earth's wonder; more than earth di

vine.

Teach me, dear creature, how to think and speak;
Lay open to my earthly gross conceit,
Smother'd in errors, feeble, shallow, weak,
The folded meaning of your word's deceit.
Against my soul's pure truth why labour you,
To make it wander in an unknown field?
Are you a god? Would you create me new?
Transform me then, and to your power I'll yield.
But if that I am I, then well I know,

Your weeping sister is no wife of mine,
Nor to her bed no homage do I owe;

Far more, far more, to you do I decline. O, train me not, sweet mermaid, with thy note, To drown me in thy sister's flood of tears; Sing, siren, for thyself, and I will dote:

Spread o'er the silver waves thy golden hairs, And as a bed I'll take thee, and there lie; And, in that glorious supposition, think

He gains by death, that hath such means to die :Let love, being light, be drowned if she sink! Luc. What, are you mad, that you do reason so? Ant. S. Not mad, but mated 9; how, I do not know.

Luc. It is a fault that springeth from your eye. Ant. S. For gazing on your beanis, fair sun, be

ing by.

Luc. Gaze where you should, and that will clear your sight.

Ant. Š. As good to wink, sweet love, as look on night.

Luc. Why call you me love? Call my sister so. Ant. S. Thy sister's sister.

Luc. That's my sister.

Ant. S. No;

It is thyself, mine own selfs better part;
Mine eye's clear eye, my dear heart's dearer heart;
My food, my fortune, and my sweet hope's aim,
My sole earth's heaven, and my heaven's claim.

Luc. All this my sister is, or else should be.
Ant. S. Call thyself sister, sweet, for I aim thee;
Thee will I love, and with thee lead my life;
Thou hast no husband yet, nor I no wife;
Give me thy hand.

Luc. O, soft, Sir, hold you still ; I'll fetch my sister, to get her good will. [Exit Luciania. Enter, from the House of Antipholus of Ephesus, DROMIO of SYRACUSE.

Ant. S. Why, how now, Dromio? where run'st thou so fast?

Dro. S. Do you know me, Sir? Am I Dromio? Am I your man? Am I myself?

Ant. S. Thou art Dromio, thou art my man, thou art thyself.

Dro. S. I am an ass, I am a woman's man, and besides myself.

Ant. S. What woman's man? and how besides thyself?

Dro. S. Marry, Sir, besides myself, I am due to a woman; one that claims me, one that haunts me, one that will have me.

Ant. S. What claim lays she to thee?

• i. e. Being made altogether of credulity. + Vain, is light of tongue. Mermaid of siren. ý i. e. Confounded.

excuse

Ether send the chain, or send me by some token. Ant. E. Fie! now you run this humour out of breath:

Come, where's the chain? I pray you, let me see it.
Yer. My business cannot brook this dalliance;
God Sir, say, whe'r you'd answer me, or no;
not, I'll leave him to the officer.

Ant. E. I answer you! What should I answer you?

Ang. The money, that you owe me for the chain. Ant. E. I owe you none, till I receive the chain. Ang. You know, I gave it yon half an hour since. Ant. E. You gave me none; you wrong me much to say so.

Ang. You wrong me more, Sir, in denying it: Consider, how it stands upon my credit.

Mer. Well, officer, arrest him at my suit.

Off. I do; and charge you in the duke's name, to obey me.

Ang. This touches me in reputation :-
Ether consent to pay this sum for me,
Or I attach you by this officer.

Ant. E. Consent to pay thee that I never had! Arrest me, foolish fellow, if thon darest.

Ang. Here is thy fee; arrest him, officer;
I would not spare my brother in this case,
If he should scorn me so apparently.

Off. I do arrest you, Sir; you hear the suit.
Ant. E. I do obey thee, till I give thee bail :-
Bat, sirrah, you shall buy this sport as dear
As all the metal in your shop will answer.
Ang. Sir, Sir, I shall have law in Ephesus,
Te your notorious shame, I doubt it not.

Enter DROMIO of SYRACUSE.

Dro. S. Master, there is a bark of Epidamnum, That stays but till her owner comes aboard, And then, Sir, bears away: our fraughtage, Sir, I have convey'd aboard; and I have bought The oil, the balsamum, and aqua vitæ. The ship is in her trim; the merry wind Blows fair from land: they stay for nought at all, But for their owner, master, and yourself. Ant. E. How now! A madman? Why thou peevish sheep,

What ship of Epidamnum stays for me!

Dro. S. A ship you sent me to, to hire waftaget. Ant. E. Thou drunken slave, I sent thee for a rope;

And told thee to what purpose and what end.

Dro. S. You sent me, Sir, for a rope's end as soon: You sent me to the bay, Sir, for a bark.

Ant. E. I will debate this matter at more leisure, And teach your ears to listen with more heed. To Adriana, villain, hie thee straight: Give her this key, and tell her, in the desk That's cover'd o'er with Turkish tapestry, There is a purse of ducats let her send it; Tell her I am arrested in the street,

And that shall bail me: hie thee, slave; be gone. On, officer, to prison till it come.

[Exeunt Merchant, Angelo, Officer, and

Ant. E.

Luc. Then swore he, that he was a stranger here. Adr. And true he swore, though yet forsworn he

were.

Luc. Then pleaded I for you.

Adr. And what said he?

Luc. That love I begg'd for you, he begg'd of

First he did praise my beauty; then, my speech. Adr. Didst speak him fair?

Luc. Have patience, I beseech.

Adr. I cannot, nor I will not, hold me still; My tongue, though not my heart, shall have his will.

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere t,
Il-faced, worse-bodied, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind;
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
Luc. Who would be jealous then of such a one?
No evil lost is wail'd when it is gone.
Adr. Ah! but I think him better than I say,
And yet would herein others' eyes were worse:
Far from her nest the lapwing cries away) ;
My heart prays for him, though my tongue do

curse.

Enter DROMIO of SYRACUSE. Dro. S. Here, go; the desk, the purse; sweet now, make haste.

Luc. How hast thou lost thy breath?
Dro. S. By running fast.

Adr. Where is thy master, Dromio? Is he well?
Dro. S. No, he's in tartar limbo, worse than hell:
A devil in an everlasting garment hath him,
One, whose hard heart is button'd up with steel;
A fiend, a fairy, pity less and rough;

A wolf, nay, worse, a fellow all in buff;

A back-friend, a shoulder-clapper, one that countermands

The passages of alleys, creeks, and narrow lands; A hound that runs counter, and yet draws dry-foot well;

One that, before the judgment, carries poor souls to hell.

Adr. Why, man, what is the matter?

Dro. S. I do not know the matter: he is 'rested

on the case.

Adr. What, is he arrested? Tell me, at whose suit. Dro. S. I know not at whose suit he is arrested,

well;

But he's in a suit of buff, which 'rested him, that can I tell :

Will you send him, mistress, redemption, the money in the desk ?

Adr. Go fetch it, sister.-This I wonder at, [Exit Luciana. That he, unknown to me, should be in debt: Tell me, was he arrested on a band ••? Dro. $. Not on a band, but on a stronger thing; A chain, a chain; do you not hear it ring? Adr. What, the chain?

Dro. S. No no, the bell: 'tis time, that I were

Adr. The hours come back! that did I never hear. Dro. S. O yes, if any hour meet a sergeant, a' turns back for very fear.

Adr. As if time were in debt! How fondly dost

thou reason!

Dro. S. Time is a very bankrupt, and owes more

than he's worth, to season.

Nay, he's a thief too: have you not heard men say, That time comes stealing on by night and day?

An allusion to the redness of the northern lights likened to the appearance of armies. + Dry, withered.

Marked by nature with deformity.

Who crieth most where her nest is not.

The officers in those days were clad in buff, which is also a cant expression for a man's akin. Hell was the cant term for prison.

• i. e. Bond.

As if I were their well-acquainted friend;
And every one doth call me by my name.
Some tender money to me, some invite me;
Some other give me thanks for kindnesses;
Some offer me commodities to buy:
Even now a tailor call'd me in his shop,
And shew'd me silks that he had bought for me,
And, therewithal, took measure of my body.
Sure, these are but imaginary wiles,
And Lapland sorcerers inhabit here.

Enter DROMIO of SYRACUSE.

Dro. S. Master, here's the gold you sent me for: What, have you got the picture of old Adam new apparell'd?

Ant. S. What gold is this? what Adam dost thou

mean?

Dro. S. Not that Adam, that kept the paradise, but that Adam, that keeps the prison: he that goes in the calf's-skin that was kill'd for the prodigal; he that came behind you, Sir, like an evil angel, and bid you forsake your liberty.

Ant. S. 1 understand thee not.

Dro. S. Not why, is a plain case: he that went like a base-viol, in a case of leather; the man, Sir, that, when gentlemen are tired, gives them a fob, and 'res's them: he, Sir, that takes pity on decay'd men, and gives them suits of durance; he that sets up his rest to do more exploits with his mace, than a morris pike.

Ant. S. What! thou mean'st an officer?

Dro. S. Ay, Sir, the sergeant of the band; he, that brings any man to answer it, that breaks his band: one that thinks a man always going to bed, and says, God give you good rest.

Ant. S. Well, Sir, there rest in your foolery. Is there any ship puts forth to-night? May we be gone?

Dro. S. Why, Sir, I brought yon word an hour since, that the bark Expedition put forth to-night; and then were you hinder'd by the sergeant, to tarry for the hoy, Delay: here are the augels that you sent for, to deliver you.

Ant. S. The fellow is distract, and so am I; And here we wander in illusions;

Some blessed power deliver us from hence!

Enter a COURTEZAN.

Cour. Well met, well met, master Antipholus. I see, Sir, you have found the goldsmith now; Is that the chain, you promised me to day? Ant. S. Satan, avoid! I charge thee, tempt me not! Dro. S. Master, is this mistress Satan? Ant. S. It is the devil.

Dro. S. Nay, she is worse, she is the devil's dam; and here she comes in the habit of a light wench; and thereof comes, that the wenches say, God damn me, that's as much as to say, God make me a light wench. It is written, they appear to men like angels of light: light is an effect of fire, and fire will burn; ergo, light wenches will burn;

come not near her.

Sir.

must eat with the devil.

Cour. Give me the ring of mine you had at din

ner,

Or, for my diamond, the chain you promised;
And I'll be gone, Sir, and not trouble you.

Dro. S. Some devils ask but the paring of one's th nail,

A rush, a hair, a drop of blood, a pin,

A nut, a cherry-stone: but she, more covetous,
Would have a chain.

Master, be wise; and if you give it her,
The devil will shake her chain, and fright us with
it.

Cour. I pray you, Sir, my ring, or else the chain; d I hope, you do not mean to cheat me so. Ant. S. Avaunt, thou witch! Come, Dromio, let :¿ us go.

Dro. S. Fly pride, says the peacock: mistress, that you know. [Exeunt Ant. and Dro. Cour. Now, out of doubt, Antipholus is mad, Else would he never so demean himself: A ring he hath of mine, worth forty ducats, And for the same he promised me a chain; Both one, and other, he denies me now. The reason that I gather he is mad, (Besides this present instance of his rage), Is a mad tale, he told to-day at dinner, Of his own doors being shut against his entrance. Belike, his wife, acquainted with his fits, On purpose shut the doors against his way. My way is now, to hie home to his house, And tell his wife, that, being lunatic, He rush'd into my house, and took perforce My ring away this course I fittest choose; For forty ducats is too much to lose.

SCENE IV.-The same.

*Exit.

Enter ANTIPHOLUS of EPHESUS, and an Officer. Ant. E. Fear me not, man, I will not break away; I'll give thee, ere I leave thee, so much money To warrant thee, as I am 'rested for. My wife is in a wayward mood to-day; And will not lightly trust the messenger. That I should be attach'd in Ephesus: I tell you, 'twill sound harshly in her ears.

Enter DROM10 of EPHESUS, with a Rope's End. Here comes my man; I think, he brings the money How now, Sir? have you that I sent you for t

Dro. E. Here's that, I warrant you, will pay

them all.

Ant. E. To what end did I bid thee hie thee home?

Dro. E. To a rope's end, Sir; and to that end am I return'd.

Ant. E. And to that end, Sir, I will welcome [Beating him.

you.

Off. Good Sir, be patient.

Dro. E. Nay, 'tis for me to be patient; I am in adversity.

Off. Good now, hold thy tongue.

Dro. E. Nay, rather persuade him to hold his hands.

Ant. E. Thon whoreson, senseless villain! Dro. E. I would I were senseless, Sir, that I might not feel your blows.

Ant. E. Thou art sensible in nothing but blows and so is an ass.

Dro. E. I am an ass, indeed; you may prove it by my long ears. I have served him from the hour of nativity to this instant, and have nothing at his hands for my service, but blows: when I am cold, he heats me with beating: when I am warm, he cools me with beating: I am waked with it, when I sleep; raised with it, when I sit; driven out of doors with it, when I go from home; welcomed home with it, when I return: nay, I bear it on my shoulders, as a beggar wont her brat; and, I think, when he hath lamed me, I shall beg with

it from door to door.

Enter ADRIANA, LUCIANA, and the COURTEZAN, with PINCH, and others. Ant. E. Come, go along; my wife is coming yonder.

• Correct them all.