PARODY OF HORACE.

The god, who knew the world too well,
Would not be humbugg'd so;
But brib'd the faithless sentinel,
As well-flogg'd scholars know."

For golden key he held, they say,
Will always let you in;
And bribery the surest way

The human heart to win.

Gold opes the guarded city's gate,
The sleepy sentry charms,
Gives sudden turn to fierce debate,
And patriot rage disarms,

'Tis gold decides the venal choice
Of Cornish Boroughs still;
And gains the ready members' voice
To vote whate'er you will.

France owes her wide-extended sway
Not to the sword alone:
"T was gold all-powerful pav'd the way
To Buonaparte's throne.

"What! gold?" cries St-h-pe; "long ago,
While banks were yet unknown,

I grant, perhaps, it might be so ;

Thank Heav'n! we now have none."

Let sordid fools with sleepless care
Their cumbrous wealth conceal,

Whose ear each midnight step can scare,
Whose store each pilferer steal.

Without a guinea in their purse
See bankers strut and vapour;
Their credit still is ne'er the worse-
For why they're rich in paper,

No dread of nightly prowling thieves
Disturbs their balmy slumbers;
One simple rule their care relieves-
They take down all the numbers.

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What

What miser now locks up his hoard
In chest or iron closet;

While consols three per cent. afford
To tempt the safe deposit?
Though growing taxes and excise
Affright the groaning nation,
The Bank in pure good-will supplies
Increasing circulation.

While Indian wretches waste their days
Beneath Potosi's rock,

One single note from Henry Hase
Will purchase Rundle's stock.

Then why such countless thousands spend

To beautify Tower Hill?

We need, our clam'rous wants to end,

But one small paper-mill.

C. P.

INDECISION: A TALE, NOT OF OTHER TIMES.

A

[From the same, July 26.]

Qui capit ille habet.

LEARNED Peer, in office high,

Sat, an important cause to try,

Heard learned counsel twist the laws,
And for their clients search out flaws;
Talk much of equity and right,
In words and phrases erudite.

Each side made out their case most clear,
And strove to gain His Lordship's ear.
This to remove, that fix th' injunction,
Fleecing their dupes without compunction!
His Lordship's mind with doubts perplex'd,
A sudden pang his stomach vex'd;
He sought relief from a vexation
Common to all in ev'ry station :
So powerful nature wills, that Throne
The slave and monarch call their own!
But mark the sequel of my tale—

A judge is man, and man is frail;

And

279

THE ROMAN POET.

And mark the adage, fully known,
"Misfortune never comes alone!"
It so fell out, that full in view,
This temple boasted seat-holes, two,
Of varied form and plan, design'd
To suit the bottoms of mankind;
To fit the case à fortiori,

Or more at ease à posteriori.

His Lordship view'd them with surprise!
He gaz'd, then wildly threw his eyes:
With anxious doubts his bosom heav'd,
With racking pain his bowels griev'd.
Were this less straight it might be fitting,
It sure must be uneasy sitting;

But best of all 't would have been found,
Had this been oblong 'stead of round.
Thus musing, doubting, undecided,
"Twixt right and left his mind divided ;
Now half determin'd, half amaz'd,
He look'd, still doubted, paus'd, and gaz'd;'
Till nature, who will ne'er defer,
Nor grant e'en Judges to demur,

Discharg'd the motion with costs of suit,
Then said, "Behold, my L-d, the fruit
Of indecision, and of wav'ring speeches:
The cause is clear, th' effect is in your breeches!"

THE ROMAN POET.

ON LORD COCHRANE AT MALTA.

[From the British Press, July 27.]

"animum ad civilia vertit

Jura suum, leges que tulit."

HE turn'd his mind to civil laws,

(A friend to those who plough the seas,)

And in the practice finding flaws,
He bore away the Code of Fees.

Would

Would that the Muse could add, that he,
Like Cæsar, first had peace restor'd * !
But let them trust him, and they'll see
He'll conquer, or he 'll die on board.
His words and actions prove his aim,
To war with all mankind that do ill;
On throne or bench to him the same,
Napoleon hight, or Dr. Sewell.

DEFENCE OF AN INJURED CHARACTER.
[From the General Evening Post, July 27.]

SIR,

TO THE EDITOR.

KNOWING the liberal principles upon which your paper is conducted, I have no fear of your rejecting any application in behalf of injured innocence; and I am equally confident, that if you have, by any mistake or misapprehension, been led to join in the popular clamour against the worthy old gentleman for whose character I plead, you will be ready to retract all such suspicions, insinuations, and reflections, when you have perused this letter.

The worthy, and (I may add) illustrious man, to whom I allude, has long been accused of being an enemy to the corn-trade of this country; and I cannot remember a bad harvest, for many years past, in which, if you believe common report, he has not had a very active hand. But as there are people, especially in this great metropolis, who feel more for themselves, and their own selfish enjoyments, than for the fruits of the earth, there is a still heavier charge brought against my worthy old friend; and that is, the pains he takes to spoil parties of pleasure, both

*The beginning of the passage runs thus, "Pace date terris;" and if this part does not apply to His Lordship, it is not his fault.

by

DEFENCE Of an injurED CHARACTER.

281

by land and water. was a more remarkable instance of this species of accusation that on last Sunday; I never, in one day, heard so many spiteful things said of this gentleman. If I did not know his character better than any of his accusers, I should have thought that he had no other employment than to break chaises and coaches in pieces, and to lame all the horses in all the stables in London; and no greater pleasure than to lay the streets and roads under water, and spoil all the Sunday clothes of all the Sunday parties in and about the metropolis. The number of disappointments, of broken engagements, and of engagements performed out of all humour and temper, which he is said to have occasioned on the aforesaid day, are beyond my calculation; but I am confident they were as many in number, and as bitter in the baulk, as ever occurred within the same space of time. By these, many were reduced to that most painful of all necessities-staying at home; without any employment, any amusement, any resources within themselves, to defeat that great enemy, Time— an enemy, who, for what reason I know not, exerts his power on Sunday with a force more resistless than on any other day.

I do not remember when there

But in all this, painful as it may be to bear, I cannot discover why the old gentleman, whose history I am about to give, should be blamed. I can discover no proof nor evidence of the slightest kind., I inquire of as many of his accusers as come in my way, why they fix their suspicions on him? but they can give me no reason whatever. Many avow that they know not even who or what he is; and others, when hard pressed on the subject, can bring no other authority for their accusations, than the traditionary rumours of a parcel of old women, or old men who have passed into the stage of old women. I ask what interest so good a man, as he they accuse, can have

in