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For myself, I shall always obey your commands;

And the message which I have receiv'd through your hands, Affords me, I must say, no small satisfaction,

And saves me almost from a state of distraction;
Resolv'd such Constituents never to scout,
When in Parliament, Gentlemen, ay, and when out,
I shall always be ready to serve you in reason,
(That is, to bawl out for reform, and brew

To you, Bob and George, I return my best thanks,
And hope we shall have a fine day for our pranks;
As, should we assemble-if that point we weather-
No doubt we shall be very pleasant together,
Unless some great man, or Commander in Chief,
Should call out an army to charge our roast-beef:
In that case, you know, each must bolt like a thief,
And I, to avoid the confusion and slaughter,
Shall feel it my
ty to take to the water.
I remain, &c. &c.
Mr. G. P. and Mr. R. H.

F. B-RD-TT.

THE SAILOR'S CREED.

[From the same, July 31.]

Sa Sailor, while working my passage through life, Many hands I with grief oft remark, Dishearten'd at failures in this scene of strife,

In despair let chance pilot their bark.

At peril dismay'd, yet unable to fly,
Stupify'd they relinquish the oar:

But such conduct, d' y' see, is in Jack Splicewell's eye
Beneath e'en a lubber on shore.

Off Cornwall, when once mountains high the sea roll'd,
Averse to our hopes the wind veer'd,

While, new scenes of danger and care to unfold,
On our starboard-side breakers appear'd.

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Alarm'd, poor Tom Topsail thus cried out to me,
"All is over-our efforts are vain!
In less than a glass, at the bottom, Jack, we
Shall be strangers to fear, hope, or pain!

"The

"The wind still against us continues to blow; Ev'ry chance of escaping is past;

To Davy we all in a short time must go,

For the leak, messmate, gains on us fast!""Well, brother," said I," with fear yield not the ghost, If be as how danger you scan;

Never strike to despair, but stand firm to your post,
Do your duty, and die like a man!"

My words were not slighted; with pleasure I found
Each his part anxious well to perform;
The leak we got under, the wind shifted round,
And in safety we weather'd the storm.
In life, thus from duty disdaining to swerve,
Though calamities fast on us press,
Some comfort we find Fate has still in reserve,
And superior we rise to distress.

The misfortunes of life, which so many bewail,
I regard not the end of a rope.

Be Reason our helm, Resolution our sail;
Ay-and still let our anchor be Hope.

Then smoothly our vessel will scud with the breeze,
And, the shoals of adversity pass'd,

Though tempests assailing, sometimes may chase ease,
We shall gain a fair haven at last.

And thus, when the voice of base faction is loud,
Though unprincipled arrogant elves
May a while our horizon political cloud,
Yet, if Britons are true to themselves,
Their daring illusions must quickly decay,
Nor longer our glories deform.

With Bt, Trn's sons will, in trembling dismay,
View the Albion weather the storm.

THE PERFECT AGREEMENT.

[From the British Press, Aug. 2.]

CRIED

RIED a wealthy old Cit t' other day to his Wife,
"The times may be bad-but for me-on my life,
I laugh at these men who have fail'd-one and all-
For I says that the weakest must go to the wall."

"And

"And I," said his Lady, " approve your remark-
For I said just the same-t' other night-to our Clerk.”

RECIPROCITY;

EPIGRAM.

A BINDER of Books-a small Volume of Love

Address'd a rich Widow in suit most profound: "Fair Lady, if you but my courtship approve,

You will find me well letter'd and handsomely bound. "That style," cried the Widow,“ my Library meetsFor I hear that your Works took but poorly-in Sheets." UDOLPHO.

ON A CELEBRATED BOOK OF COOKERY.
[From the Morning Post, Aug. 8.]

AN Authoress, of culinary fame,

Skill'd in the art which practice long had taught her, In cooking greens, if well you'd do the same, Most wisely bids you "boil them in cold water!"

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LONG AND SHORT HORNED BREEDERS.
[From the British Press, Aug. 14.]

OF Bulls and their qualities, which may be best,

I attempt not to argue, unless as a jest ;
After all our fine statements, the labour I grudge,
When I think that a Cow is a much better judge.
But horns long and short we with confidence scan,
'Tis a subject comes home to the fortunes of man;
And if 't is our fate aught of these to throw out,
Gd send they may be of the Hereford sprout!
The poet, when measuring our wants, deeply thinking,
At horns, big or little, sure only was blinking;
We want little below, or old Goldsmith was wrong,
And those little, he said, had no need to be long.

Our fathers (their like we shall ne'er see again),
Where good humming beer was the liquor of men,
Draus heir ale out of horns of their own handicraft,
And which, long or short, held a dev'lish long draught.

Then

Then success to John Bull, and his horns, which are strong,
And may they, whoever his foes, be felt long:
May his English horn blow long, defying Mounseer,
And long be the French horn before it blows here.

TRICKS OF NEWSMEN.

TO THE EDITOR OF THE MORNING POST.

[Aug. 17.]

SQUIB.

SIR,

I AM afraid you must do me the favour to provide me with another Newsman; the person who has hitherto supplied me with papers I have long known to be an idle fellow and a drunkard; but, for the sake of his large family, mere compassion has induced me to persevere in employing him. But now, Sir, besides going down in the world, he has turned politician it seems, and quite an arrant patriot, at least I judge so from a certain twist he has taken in the way of forwarding my newspapers. It was only this morning that he had the impudence to send me down. a certain" Talent" Journal, instead of your decent, steady Morning Post; and, to complete the joke, the fellow was wise enough to stick a scrap of writingpaper between the folds, half covered with stains of tobacco and porter, on which he had contrived to scratch, in a scarce legible hand,

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"SIR-Hope you'll excuse me sending you that d-mn-d Post any longer-no sober Gemman can bear to read it. I gives you our to-day, and you 'II find a particular good account of WELSLY, and of great use to the cause. Sir, am yours,

"GREG. GRUMBLE."

When we had done laughing at this characteristic puff, I gave the paper to my friend Dr. Solid, who happened to be present (my wife, poor woman, being

troubled

troubled with a flatulency, had sent for him); but all the account the good Doctor could give us of " Welsly" was, that in one part of the paper there appeared to be a pass in the rear of his army, which the French would find absolutely impregnable; and in another part of the same Journal, WELSLY," Sir, wast transformed into a chess-player, who knew that he "must be finally check-mated," move in what direction he pleased.

Dr. S. appeared to muse for a few seconds, and then, raising his spectacles on his forehead, he turned

to me:

"My good friend, Hopeful, it seems passing strange that such things should be in such a country as this; but I have for some time observed, and you know Į am a pretty close observer, that the Editors of two or three of the London Journals have of late been afflicted with a train of disorders, which, on different occasions, and in different constitutions, assume a variety of aspects:-the leading diagnostic strikes me to be, a depression of spirits, accompanied by frequent eructations of foul wind-an utter loathing of all wholesome and nutritious aliment, or a speedy rejection of it, if accidentally swallow ed-a voracious craving for all sorts of acid, bitter, and even bony substances, utterly indigestible by any healthy stomach-together with a perpetual fretfulness, peevishness, and moroseness, venting itself in passionate exclamations on things in general, but more particu larly on public affairs, and in strange contradictions of their own stories. In short, many of the symptoms are those of mere dyspepsia; but there are numberless anomalies which I have not yet mentioned, and for which, in truth, I am at a loss to account. A curious coincidence in point of time is, that the complaint never appeared to take a serious turn until the hopes of the Spaniards began to revive; and espe

cially

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