Since haughty Philip, in despite of peace, With hostile hand hath struck at England's trade. "Sir C. I know it well." "Sir W. Philip, you know, is proud Iberia's king! "Sir C. He is. "Sir W. His subjects in base bigotry. "And Catholic oppression held,-while we, "You know, the Protestant persuasion hold. 66 Sir C. We do. "Sir W. You know beside,-his boasted armament, "The fam'd Armada,-by the Pope capsized," Puff. No, no-laptized, not capsized. "Sir W. With purpose to invade the realms— "Sir C. Is failed, "Our last advices so report. "Sir W. While the Iberian admiral's chief hope, "His darling son "Sir C. Ferolo Whiskerandos "Sir W. The same;-by chance a pris'ner hath been ta’en, "And in this fort of Tilbury— "Sir C. Is now "Confin'd;-'tis true, and oft from yon tall turret top "I've mark'd the youthful Spaniard's haughty mien "Unconquer'd, tho' in chains. 66 Sir W. You also know". Puff. Very good, indeed! Allow me to introduce you to my friends Mr. Brown:-Mr. Dangle, Mr. Sneer. Dan. Mr. Puff, as he knows all this, why does Sir Walter go on telling him? Puff. But the audience are not supposed to know anything of the matter, are they? Sneer. True, but I think you manage ill: for there certainly appears no reason why Sir Walter should be so communicative. Puff. For, egad now, that is one of the most ungrateful observations I ever heard,—for the less inducement he has to tell all this, the more I think you ought to be oblig'd to him; for I am sure you'd know nothing of the matter without it. Dan. That's very true, upon my word. Puff. But you will find he was not going on. "Sir C. Enough, enough,—'tis plain,—and I no more "Am in amazement lost!" "But, see where noble Burleigh comes! supreme "In honours and command. "Sir W. And yet methinks "At such a time, so perilous, so fear'd, "That staff might well become an abler grasp. "Sir C. And so, by heav'n! think I, [very loud] but soft, he's here!" Puff. No, no. Say it with a little more "idea" [very softly]. But soft, he's here. "Sir C. But soft, he's here. Puff. But now for my principal character. Here he comes; -Lord Burleigh in person!-Pray, gentlemen, step this way; -softly I only hope the Lord High Treasurer is perfect!— If he is but perfect— Enter BURLEIGH. [Goes slowly to a chair and sits.] Sneer. Mr. Puff! Puff. Hush! vastly well, sir! vastly well! a most interesting gravity! Dan. What, isn't he to speak at all? Puff. Egad, I thought you'd ask me that;-yes it is a very likely thing, that a minister in his situation, with the whole affairs of the nation on his head, should have time to talk ;— but hush! or you'll put him out. Sneer. Put him out! how can that be, if he's not going to say anything? Puff. There's a reason! why, his part is to think! do you imagine he can think if you keep talking? Dan. That's very true, upon my word! [Burleigh comes forward, shakes his head, and exit.] Sneer. He is very perfect, indeed.-Now, pray what did he mean by that? Puff. You don't take it? Sneer. No; I don't, upon my soul. Puff. Why, by that shake of the head, he gave you to understand, that even tho' they had more justice in their cause, and wisdom in their measures; yet, if there was not a greater spirit shewn on the part of the people, the country would at last fall a sacrifice to the hostile ambition of the Spanish monarchy. Sneer. What did he mean all that by shaking his head? Puff. Every word of it;-if he shook his head as I taught him. Sneer. But who are these? Puff. O very valiant knights; one is the governor of the fort, the other the master of the horse. And now, I think you shall hear some better language: I was obliged to be plain and intelligible in the first scene, because there was so much matter of fact in it. Enter EARL OF LEICESTER, the GOVERNOR, and others. "Leic. How's this, my friends! is't thus your new-fledg'd zeal "And plumed valour moulds in roosted sloth? 66 Why dimly glimmers that heroic flame, "Whose redd'ning blaze by patriot spirit fed, "No! rather let the fountain of your valour "Each petty channel of conducive daring, "Till the full torrent of your foaming wrath "O'erwhelm the flats of sunk hostility!" Puff. There it is,-follow'd up! Very good, indeed, allow me to introduce you to my friends. "Sir W. No more! the fresh'ning breath of thy rebuke "Hath fill'd the swelling canvass of our souls! "And thus, tho' fate should cut the cable of [All take hands.] "Our topmost hopes, in friendship's closing line "We'll grapple with despair, and if we fall, "We'll fall in glory-whack! Puff. Excuse me! will you allow me to look at your part? It's not "Whack;" it's "Wake, GLORY'S WAKE." "Leic. There spoke Old England's genius! "Then we are all resolv'd? "All. We are;—all resolv'd. -or be free? "Leic. To conquer,— "All. To conquer, or be free. "Leic. All? "All. All!" Dan. Nem. con. eh! Puff. O yes, where amateurs do agree on the stage, their unanimity is wonderful! "Leic. Then, let's embrace. O mighty Mars!" [Kneels.] Puff. But Mars isn't in the coal cellar, you know! Look up! When you address the gods always look up to the gallery! "Leic. If in thy homage bred, "Each point of discipline I've still observ'd; "Nor but by due promotion, and the right "Knight. And me! "Sir W. And me! "Sir C. And me! Puff. Now, altogether. "All. Behold thy votaries submissive beg, They all Kneel. "That thou wilt deign to grant them all they ask; "Assist them to accomplish all their ends, "And sanctify whatever means they use "To gain them!" Puff. Vastly well gentlemen. Is that well managed or not? Have you anything like this on the stage? Sneer. Not exactly. Leic. [To Puff] But, Sir, you hav'nt settled how we are to get off here. Puff. You could not go off kneeling, could you? Sir W. [To Puff] O no, sir! impossible! Puff. It would have a good effect i'faith, if you could exeunt on your knees, and would vary the established mode of springing off. Sneer. O never mind, so as you get them off, I'll answer for it the audience wont care how. Puff. Well then, repeat the last line standing: each with a different emphasis, and go off the old way. "All. And sanctify whatever means they use to gain them." Exeunt.] Puff. Pretty well, but not quite perfect. We'll finish the piece to-morrow. READING OF THE WILL. [By k nd permission of Messrs. GEO. ROUTLEDGE & SONS.] Scene the First. SIR JOHN, BLOUNT, LADY FRANKLIN, GEORGINA, GLOSSMORE, STOUT, EVELYN, GRAVES. Sir John. How d'ye do?-Ah! How d'ye do, gentlemen? That is a most melancholy meeting! The poor deceased! what a man he was! Blount. I was chwistened Fwedewick after him! He was my first cousin. -an Sir John. And Georgina his own niece-next of kin !-a excellent man, though odd-a kind heart, but no liver! I sent him twice a-year thirty dozen of the Cheltenham waters. It's a comfort to reflect on these little attentions at such a time. Stout. And I, too, sent him the Parliamentary Debates regularly, bound in calf. He was my second cousin-sensible man-and a follower of Malthus: never married to increase the surplus population, and fritter away his money on his own children. And now Eve. He reaps the benefit of celibacy in the prospective gratitude of every cousin he had in the world! Sir John. A sad occasion! Graves. But everything in life is sad. Be comforted, Miss Vessey. True, you have lost an uncle; but I-I have lost a wife-such a wife!-the first of her sex-and the second cousin of the defunct! Excuse me, Sir John; at the sight of your mourning my wounds bleed afresh. Sir John. Take some refreshment-a glass of wine. Graves. Thank you! (very fine sherry!)-Ah! my poor sainted Maria! Sherry was her wine: everything reminds me of Maria! Ah, Lady Franklin! you knew her. Nothing in life can charm me now.-[4 side.] A monstrous fine woman that! Sir John. And now to business. Evelyn, you may retire. Sharp. Evelyn-any relation to Alfred Evelyn? Eve. The same. Sharp. Cousin to the deceased, seven times removed. Be seated, sir; there may be some legacy, though trifling: all the relations, however distant, should be present. Geor. Ah, Mr. Evelyn; I hope you will come in for something-a few hundreds, or even more. Sir John. Silence! Hush! Wugh! ugh! Attention! Sharp. The will is very short--being all personal property. He was a man that always came to the point. Sir John. I wish there was more like him! Sharp [reading]. "I, Frederick James Mordaunt, of Calcutta, being at the present date of sound mind, though infirm body, do hereby give, will, and bequeath-Imprimis, To my second cousin, Benjamin Stout, Esq., of Pall Mall, London |