cannot express the regret I feel at having been thus the innɔcent cause of your agitation; but" I felt the gold spectacles were through me again. "You're mistaken! I'm not the-the individual you take me for." The gold spectacles, though still on me, were gradually sinking aghast into a chair. "I regret exceedingly that I have intruded, I assure you; but my name is Teviotdale Twiddle, I am four-and-twenty years of age" The gold spectacles, I felt, were absolutely quivering with embarrassment, and glaring with astonished indignation. Once more the wearer moved towards the door "I apprehend you, sir," she said. 66 "Don't! No, no," I replied,-in my excited imagination connecting the term with police phraseology and the necklace. I'm a perfect paragon of honesty! I wouldn't wrong you or any human being of a farthing." The gold spectacles were now looking at me through and through; the gaze gradually relaxed into one of reproach, then into something of pity; lastly, unmistakably into fear. The old lady moved stealthily towards the door; it was all over: she evidently thought me insane-another instant, the door had closed on her-I was once more ALONE. Time was precious,—a few moments and the servants would be there to remove me as a lunatic or expel me as an impostor: only to brand me subsequently as a housebreaker. Heart, soul, and action--all were instantly combined to recover the unhappy cause of my seemingly endless misery. I seized the tongs-down my back they went in the search: they grasped it-but for a moment-and down, and down the necklace slid more frantically than before. I took off my coat-vest— -no use. Suddenly I shook myself violently-my body first, and afterwards my leg; when, to my inexpressible joy, I felt the necklace sliding gradually; but, unfortunately, instead of finding its way, as I fondly anticipated it would, to the ground, it lodged in the heel of my boot. Any one would suppose that I might now have seized on my prize and restored it immediately; but no! that boot was destined but to add to my still further discomfiture. The bootmaker had made it so tight that when it was off you couldn't get it on, and when it was on you couldn't get it off. All that I remember for the next three minutes is, the entrance of the servant, my inducing her, by half a sovereign, to procure me a bootjack; and finally, contemplating with unutterable satisfaction the boot off:-lying before me, as if its neck was broken; and the diamond necklace in my hand-regained. With one sad, never-to-be-erased-from-my-memory incident, I conclude. I had recovered the diamonds; my boot was off; but how on earth was I to get it on again; how, when, and where could I find a pair of boothooks! in vain I searched: fruitlessly I turned over the work basket, pulled open drawers, explored every table: in desperation I seized on a paper knife and a pen!—they snapped with the first tug. At length I grasped the poker, and encased that through one strap. I then experimentalized, but inefficiently, through the other, with the shovel, the latter fire-iron was too large. Dragging myself across the room with the poker dangling at my bootless heel, I seized on the leg of one chair, and seating myself firmly on another unfortunately it was the one I had occupied when Mrs. Scripp had been overcome-I determined to pull on that boot or perish in the attempt. With a violent effort, my veins starting to my forehead, my face purple with my previous exertions, with rigid muscles and extended leg, I threw my concentrated strength into the act and flung myself back. The chair, whose powers of endurance had been already tried to the utmost, yielded to the shock and gave way. -I am conscious of witnessing the ceiling, floor, and furniture turn suddenly topsy-turvy, like a flash of lightning, of there being a wild and awful crash, as of falling steel, of the first object that met my eyes being my boots elevated into the air, of my face being exactly opposite the gasalier in the centre of the ceiling, and the back of my head being amongst the fire-irons in an upturned fender.-All this took place just as the door opened, and Mrs. Scripp, her niece, and somebody else came into the room. In this ambiguous position we formed an interesting group: I remaining for some moments motionless and speechless, gazing on their astonished faces, without the slightest attempt at recognition or explanation, they in their turn staring silently at me. This was the final and most impressive of the tableaux. All was eventually explained: I was really a relative--but a very distant one. The niece of Mrs. Scripp, the young lady who had been the innocent cause of all my misfortunes, had been married in India, and had returned some months before, leaving her husband to follow her. He had been expected on the day and at the very hour on which I made my memorable visit; but-really-the facts have affected me so much in thus attempting to relate them that-pardon me-excuse me -I can say no more.-Walter Baynham. AUTHORS AND AMATEURS. DANGLE, PUFF, and SNEER. Puff. I CALL my tragedy "The Spanish Armada ;" and have laid the scene before Tilbury Fort. Enter UNDER PROMPTER. Under P. Sir, the scene is set, and everything is ready to begin if you please. Puff. Egad; then we'll lose no time. Mr. your name. Under P. Thomson. I forget Puff. Mr. Thomson-just so-allow me to introduce Mr. Thomson, the under prompter: most responsible situation, I assure you. Mr. Thomson-my friends Mr. Dangle, Mr. Sneer. As we have the scenes and dresses, egad, we'll go to't, as if it was the first night's performance; but you need not mind stopping between the acts. [Turning to leader of orchestra.] Now, Mr. Smith! how do you do, Mr. Smith? Mrs. Smith quite well? and all the little Smiths? Allow me [introducing his friends] Mr Dangle Mr. Sneergentlemen of the press, most valuable acquaintances-this is Mr. Smith, the esteemed and talented conductor of the musical department. Will you be good enough to play us a few bars for the rising of the curtain; soft and plaintive, Mr. Smith? Leader. What would you like, sir? Puff. Whatever you please; it is not for me to presume to dictate to a gentleman bearing the reputation of Mr. Smith. [The Band plays a few bars of "What can the matter be.”] Puff. Stop! stop! stop! Mr. Smith. I ask you to play a few bars, soft and plaintive, and you immediately strike up, "What can the matter be." [Bell rings.] Soh! stand clear, gentlemen. Now you know there will be a cry of down!down-hats off!-silence !-Then up curtain, and let us see. what our painters have done for us. The Curtain rises and discovers Tilbury Fort.-Two Dan. Tilbury Fort!-very fine indeed! Puff. Now, what do you think I open with? Sneer. Faith I can't guess— Puff. A clock-Hark!-[Clock strikes.] I open with a clock striking, to beget an awful attention in the audience;-it also marks the time, which is four o'clock in the morning, and saves a description of the rising sun, and a great deal about gilding the Eastern hemisphere. Dan. But pray, are the sentinels to be asleep? Sneer. Isn't that odd tho', at such an alarming crisis? Puff. To be sure it is, but smaller things must give way to a striking scene at the opening; that's a rule. And the case is, that two great men are coming to this very spot to begin the piece; now, it is not to be supposed they would open their lips, if these fellows were watching them, so I must either have sent them off their posts, or set them asleep. Sneer. O, that accounts for it!—But tell us, who are these coming? Puff. These are they,-Sir Walter Raleigh, and Sir Christopher Hatton.—You'll know Sir Christopher, by his turning out his toes,-famous you know for his dancing. I like to preserve all the little traits of character. Now attend. Enter SIR WALTER RALEIGH and SIR CHRISTOPHER HATTON. Puff. Excuse me! if you remember I did'nt tell you Mr. Brown to turn your toes out. Sir Walter Raleigh was n't a dancing master, you know. Suppose you were to turn your toes in, by way of contrast, you know. "Sir C. True, gallant Raleigh!"— Dan. What, they had been talking before? Puff. O, yes; all the way as they came along.-I beg pardon gentlemen, [to the Actors,] but these are particular friends of mine, whose remarks may be of great service to us. Don't mind interrupting them whenever anything strikes you. [To Sneer and Dangle.] "Sir C. True, gallant Raleigh! But O, thou champion of thy country's fame, What mean these mighty armaments? This general muster? And this throng of chiefs?" Sneer. Pray, Mr. Puff, how came Sir Christopher Hatton never to ask that question before? Puff, What, before the play began? could he? Dan. That's true i'faith! How the plague Puff. But you will hear what he thinks of the matter. Array'd-When I count o'er yon glittering lines you Puff. Excuse me ! just one word! Don't you think could give it a little light and shade? slightly monotonousdon't you think so? Now, something after this style :— "Forgive, my friend, if the conjecture's rash I cannot but surmise"-and something in that way. "Sir W. [imitates Puff] Forgive, my friend, if the conjecture's rash-and something of that sort of thing." Puff. No, no no! [resignedly] well have it your own way: do get on. "Sir W. O, most accomplished Christopher!" Puff. He calls him by his christian name, to shew that they are on the most familiar terms. "Sir W. O most accomplished Christopher" Puff. Just a little louder. "O most acomplished Christopher." Up with your Christopher. "Sir W. I find Thy staunch sagacity still tracks the future, In the fresh print of the o'ertaken past.” Puff. Figurative! "Sir W. Thy fears are just." "Sir C. But where? Whence? When? and What? The danger is: Puff But, my good friend, the danger's not down there. Don't look for it as if you were looking for a black beetlelook all around you. "Sir W. You know, my friend, scarce two revolving suns, Puff. But could'nt you give a little suggestive action there? such as [imitates revolving motion]. "Sir W. [imitating Puff.] Two revolving suns, And three revolving moons, have closed their course, |