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VOL. LXIII.

H

The subject suggests much facetiousness. We graciously leave it to our young men. The Bill for opening this Watery "Eye of England" has passed.

So has the Druidical Circles Bill, but there is to be no Military Dépôt at Oxford until the Dons have given their sentence on the plan.

So has the Public Health Bill, an excellent step in the right direction, but not half enough of a stride.

MR. LOWE stated that he could not coin more than £50,000 of silver in a week. This is a bore, as we want small change when out of town.

We nearly polished off the Licensing Bill in the Commons. The Publicans have not succeeded in overthrowing the Grocers, in the matter of liquor-vending, but have done something. Grocerius is to be treated as Publicanus is treated. The person who buys a sealed bottle of liquor at a grocer's is, prima facie, a person who is going to refresh himself, reasonably, in the bosom of his family, and to share his comforts with them, and this sort of purchase is to be encouraged. The opposition to it is all spite and greed. The modification in the Bill, however, is not of much consequence, and Bung says he has been betrayed.

On the case of the REV. MR. O'KEEFE, suspended by his priestly superiors for resorting to British law, severe things were said about the Irish Education Commissioners being subservient to the Priests. Subserviency was denied, but error of judgment admitted by the Government.

MR. ASTON, of the Bounty Office, thought that “money-lenders" would put on the screw to defeat a Dilapidation Bill which is meant to benefit the Clergy, so he wrote to some Members, asking them to make a House, and defeat Shylock. Breach of privilege was talked about, but MR. ASTON meant well, and the affair came to nothing. Tuesday.-Heaps of legislation forwarded by the Lords. In the Commons, the Indian Budget was presented by MR. GRANT DUFF. Into a great mass of figures he suddenly stuck a quotation, to make matters lively. Here it is,

"My father was an Affghan and came from Candahar,

He rode with Nawal Amir Khan in the old Mahratta war. From the Deccan to the Himalay, five hundred of our clan, They asked no leave of king or chief as they swept thro' Hindostan." This narrative has much interest, and the argument is convincing. MR. GRANT DUFF, however, mentioned a few other points. We are happy to say that he gave a most favourable account of the Indian Revenue, and stated that we had a much larger surplus than was expected, in fact, the largest cash balance ever known. Yet, since the mutiny, we have spent, for the benefit of India, Eighty-Nine Millions sterling, which

"Indus litoribus rubra scrutatur in alga.”

Nay, friend CLAUDIAN, not so; it has been usefully laid out. Why poke in with a quotation which is not to the purpose?

MR. FAWCETT then performed a feat which must be mentioned. To understand it, we must of necessity recall the fact that he is dependent on the attention and affection of others for all the information he can obtain. To-day he delivered a long speech on Indian finance, resuming the subject at the evening sitting, and the lucidity with which he marshalled the facts and figures which must have been compiled for and recited to him, afforded a wonderful instance of acquired skill. The display must have been very gratifying to the friend who had helped him-we venture no surmise on the subject. His opinions as to our treatment of India are not those of the majority of the House, but there was little discussion, and the Indian Budget was accepted.

Wednesday, and yet the Lords did not keep Woden's day, but sat to push on business. SIR JOHN LUBBOCK said that as it was so late in the Session he should not bring on his motion regarding DR. HOOKER. Let us quote a Sheffield song of the lower sort. Boh!' cried Tiger, undaunted." Tiger here stands for MR. FAWCETT. You'll read.

We quite polished off the Licensing Bill, and sent it to the Lords. SIR WILFRID LAWSON begged leave to describe the measure. Heavier penalties were imposed on drunkards, and on drunkardmakers, and there were stricter penalties against adulteration. It would not diminish the number of licensed public-houses. MR. BRUCE said that he did not expect legislation to stop drunkenness, but it was a duty to punish it.

An Irish Member, and his name is MR. MURPHY, from Cork, actually thanked the Saxon Government for the Bill.' But this is a season of phenomena.

Thursday.-The Lords behaved like gentlemen. They met at five, to forward Bills, then they adjourned until nearly midnight, when they came again to expedite the Appropriation Bill.

The Commons had their last night of fight, and it was not a bad After a great number of small matters, the Third Reading of the last-mentioned Bill was moved.

one.

MR. FAWCETT, the Undaunted, interposed. He called upon MR. GLADSTONE to give such an explanation of the DR. HOOKER business, as should show that the Government appreciated the eminent services of that gentleman.

This made it necessary for SIR JOHN LUBBOCK to state the case against MR. AYRTON, which he did at some length.

MR. OSBORNE said that, with all MR. AYRTON's faults, the House loved him still. (Very still.) He was an efficient servant, but had a military abruptness which would be more proper at the Horse Guards, or in Ireland. He had been audacious, and also orchidaceous, as regarded the great botanist. But, added MR. OSBORNE, is there not a job somewhere? Kensington, eh? Is Kew to be made a Cole-cellar? However, let MR. AYRTON and the Doctor say they have both been wrong, and make it up.

MR. BROMLEY-DAVENPORT said that if, as was supposed, there was a yearly wager between MR. LOWE and MR. AYRTON as to which should make the greatest number of discourteous answers, Me AYRTON had won in a walk.

Then did the great AYRTON show himself equal to the occasion, and his speech approached the sublime. He was for treating small quarrels in an easy, good-tempered way-that was for MR. BROMLEY and there was usually some good sense obscured by MR. OSBORNE'S jokes. As for DR. HOOKER, MR. AYRTON had done what he believed to be his duty, and the former was one of those scientific gentlemen who do not make themselves amenable to the usages of the publi service. He wrote offensive letters, and had no right to complain Other subordinates did not complain. But as for the letter or me morial of the "philosophers," (Mr. Punch's readers will recal the signatures-nay, read them again. SIR CHARLES LYELL, M DARWIN, PROFESSOR HUXLEY, PROFESSOR TYNDALL, SIR JAYE PAGET, SIR H. HOLLAND, SIR H. RAWLINSON, the President of the College of Physicians, the President of the College of Surgeons, the President of the Linnean Society, and MR. SPOTTISWODE,) this what MR. AYRTON had to say:

"These gentlemen think themselves of great weight and authority. 5 doubt they are gentlemen who are eminent for their knowledge of organie inorganic matter. (Laughter.) They have applied their minds to var branches of natural science, and they pride themselves upon being indivali ally superior to myself. I am but myself—(laughter)—an humble mem of a profession which prides itself upon receiving deservedly higher consider tion than the science of organic and inorganic matter. It is a science whi regulates the relations between man and man, and teaches people that must act righteously."

Mr. Punch feels that after this he must, for once, imit AYRTON, who presently declined to have anything more b the subject. This is

"The large utterance of the early gods."

added that grave charges had been made against him by a subIt is too stupendous for comprehension, let alone comment. should be disposed of what his course would be. He said, and sat dinate (DR. HOOKER) and it depended on the way that change

the House to take breath, and then, dignus vindice nodus, Another slight row, raised by MR. BROMLEY-DAVENPORT, enabled His desire had been to retain the services of two able and valus The PREMIER expressed his deep regret at what had occurred

men.

But the latter had charged MR. AYRTON with evasions and m The Treasury had offered clear explanation to DR. HOOKER representations: this charge must be withdrawn. MR. GLADSTONE failed. Still, up to five o'clock MR. AYRTON had been content own Private Secretary, MR. WEST, had tried to make peace, but ha leave matters in his PREMIER's hands, but such an attack had be made that it was not to be expected he could remain silent. H had certainly answered strongly. But, if it had not been for lå HOOKER's illness, a letter from him would probably have stopped the whole matter. Government only desired to do its duty.

MR. COWPER-TEMPLE said that MR. AYRTON had shown a bitter ness against DR. HOOKER and all scientific men, and in the letters was assumed that they were not to be treated as gentlemen. The Appropriation Bill then passed.

It was supposed that we had done with the debate on MR. BUT'S endeavour to procure a condemnation of MR. JUSTICE KROGH. But somehow, it was resumed, and after several exceedingly flat speeches. relieved by a manly and spirited defence of the Judge by ROBERT PEEL, 126 Members voted against the motion, which had a supporters. MR. JUSTICE KEOGH, as was certain to be the case, ha thus been upheld by the Imperial Parliament, against the Ultramontanes and their representatives. The Bishop and Priests will be put on their trial.

Friday. The last discussion in the Lords was on the question t Farthings, complaint of a deficiency having been made. Lo LANSDOWNE said that there were enough. Did he ever see one: Does he know that the word means a fourth of a penny; à fourthing? We did not sit long in the Commons, but we had great fun. Ma

WHALLEY brought on the case of CASTRO; and, amid the roars of the House, declared his belief in that ill-used man, and vowed that he would "beg from door to door" for funds to assist him. He used language for which he was sternly rebuked by MR. BRUCE, and MR. HENRY JAMES cautioned the House not to permit one of its Members to wander about abusing judges, juries, and counsel, and indulging in a Mountebank Performance. Of course, a ridiculous motion by the Member for the Idiots of Peterborough was negatived, and CASTRO will go into the dock.

Saturday. We were released from our labours.
The Royal Speech mentioned-

1. Maintenance of the American Treaty.

2. Menaced end to Free Trade with France.

3. Treaty with Germany for Extradition of Criminals.

4. Suppression of East African Slave-trade.

5. Responsible Government at the Cape.

6. Pacific Islanders' Protection.

7. Army Localisation.

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Protestant, who would have loudly condemned as Jesuitically immoral the doctrine that the end justifies the means. Take the case in phrenological terms. Conscientiousness presided over this gentleman's conduct in all secular affairs. In matters of religion, however, veneration appears to have presided somewhat over conscientiousness, and self-esteem a little over both. Still he lived a good life, and made a good end. He sank peacefully to rest, says our Southampton contemporary; and adds the quotation :

"Mark the perfect man and behold the upright, for the end of that man is peace."

Upright undoubtedly; but what man is perfect? A degree of bumptiousness, however, which sometimes a little obscures a generally cloudless ethical vision, only superadds a slight touch of the comic to the character of a model man.

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Although an intelligent member of the Church of England, this gentleman was a Sabbatarian, and an extreme, though not a crabbed, but on the contrary a jovial and even jocular one. He once attended a meeting of the Evangelical Alliance at Edinburgh, and no g doubt made the humorous Scotchmen, if not their more serious English allies, laugh heartily, at least, by the point led up to in the following remarks:

"He was sorry to see so many Christians employing cabs to stand outside the door of their churches to receive them when they retired from worship. There might sometimes be excuses for that, but he really thought it would be better if some people stayed at home than prevent those whom they employed in this way from going to a place of worship. The only one who raised an objection to the clause was a gentleman of high standing, who said, "What will become of the people coming into the town on a Sunday?' and he replied, 'If there is anything in the world that would give me pleasure, it would be to have an enactment that would put all the persons that come into town on a Sunday to the greatest possible inconvenience.""

The audience thus addressed was one of whom the most part, no doubt, felt their fancy tickled by the suggestion of a legislative practical joke to be enforced at the expense of "Sawbbath"-breakers; the joke sure to have been enhanced in the utterance by a style of genial self-complacency. A conscientious, jocund self-satisfaction is known to have been one of this excellent gentleman's most distinctive qualities. He firmly believed that he always acted for the best, and any doubt about the correctness of anything he did apparently never occurred to him. Accordingly he also told the Scotchmen and his other Evangelical hearers the following story about himself:

"He felt it incumbent on him, as a religious man, who had to give an answer before God, to do something to put the Sabbath traffic down, and he went to the chief man in the town who kept his shop open, bought something from him, and laid information against him, but a second magistrate could not be found upon the Bench to convict him."

To the reader the fun of this anecdote will probably appear to lie principally in the utter absence it evinced of the slightest misgiving as to his own right, in the cause of Sabbatarianism, to break the "Sabbath," for the purpose of getting an anti-Sabbatarian fined for breaking it. This little mistake, too, was made by an enthusiastic

ALK is right sweet beside the sea, Beside Sweet JANE as well;

For Ocean shows itself, like me, Sometimes a wondrous swell.

Here at Llandudno I

With step superb and grand,

And feel in London, for I face, Whene'er I like, the Strand.

JANE loves the fashions more than booksThe Opera best of all;

She leads me there by words and looks, Horse-like, into a stall.

She smiles whene'er I talk of men Whose names can never die;

And sad it is to hear

her then Just mutter slowly, "Why ?"

IN his calling he is, modest AYRTON declares,
What are LYELL, and HUXLEY, and PAGET, in theirs:
Then, why's he so low down the Government stairs?

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TAKING THOUGHT FOR THE FUTURE.

"YOU SEEM TO BE A GREAT FAVOURITE WITH THE YOUNG LADIES OF THE HOUSE, MISS MUNDAYNE!"
"YES! I'M ALWAYS CIVIL TO GIRLS! ONE NEVER KNOWS WHOM THEY MAY MARRY, YOU KNOW!"

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"LONDON HOME-RULERS AND THE PRIESTS:-A strenuous effort is being made to increase and organise the Irish vote for the purpose of influencing the coming elections. On Monday evening an influential meeting of Roman Catholics, lay as well as clerical, was held at the Presbytery, Tottenham Road, Kingsland. ARCHBISHOP MANNING, at whose instance the meeting was convened, took the chair, and was supported by fifteen priests."

The Times goes on to say that they formed a Roman Catholic Registration Society, and organised a general committee empowered to appoint fifteen sub-committees, one for each mission, to be composed of Priests and Laymen, the chief Priest of each mission to be ex officio chairman. It also announces the gratifying intelligence that a meeting is to be held at Islington, on Monday next, under the presidency of CANON OAKLEY, "in furtherance of these objects; also that:

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"An address has been widely distributed by the governing body of the Irish Home Rule Association,' in which they urge the London Irish to enroll their names in the lists of voters in every parish and precinct within the metropolitan Parliamentary electoral district.

See how British enlightenment puts to shame the blind intolerante of Germany! ARCHBISHOP MANNING and his sacerdotal confede rates have no fear of a weak but bigoted BISMARCK before their eyes. Jesuits are free to try and avenge their martyred predecessors For fidelity to the POPE's deposing Bulls, by the law of England, Jesuits were formerly hanged, drawn, and quartered. Their present representatives are able to combine for the overthrow of the Protestant monarchy, and unrestrained in taking steps towards the dismemberment of the British Empire. Yah, BISMARCK, YOU pusillanimous persecutor! What can you and your King and country say for yourselves like that?

New Article for the Life-Guards.
(Not on any account to be declined except as follows:-)
Masc.
Fem. Neuter.
Nom. Hickey. Hæckey. Hockey.
Gen. Hu-jus(t get out of the way!)
Dative. Polo.

Acc. Hunc-le. Hanc-le (which hurts if hit at) Hoc-key,
(and makes you cry out)
Vocative. O!

Abl. Polo. Hâc(-cident). Polo.

The Lambeth Nuisance.

Thus we behold the formation of a League with an ultimate object essentially identical with that of the celebrated one recorded in SHOULD the ARCHBISHOP OF CANTERBURY still have cause to French History. Home Rule, if obtained, will of course issue in the complain of the Smoke nuisance, he ought at once to put up the repeal of the Act of Settlement. The Irish Church was a sentimental celebrated Lambeth Register," and get rid of it. Any careful grievance which its disestablishment and disendowment have not Paterfamilias would have seen to the register at the first mention of redressed. Still the faithful Irish remain precluded from having smoke.

to reign over them a Sovereign professing their own faith. Home Rule, if conceded (after having been thought about twice and three times), will of course end in the further concession of the abolition of that statute which insults Roman Catholic Ireland by the imposition of Protestant Royalty.

EDMUNDS V. ELLIS.

ANOTHER "Edmunds Scandal" Case is o'er;
Here endeth, let us hope, the Edmunds Bore.

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.-AUGUST 17, 1872.

SWAIN SO

THE MINISTERIAL

ODD MAN.

(MR. CHILDERS has just joined the Ministry as CHANCELLOR OF THE DUCHY OF LANCASTER. This official was described by LORD DUFFERIN as the "odd man" of the Government, who is expected to do anybody's and everybody's work, at the shortest notice.) CARDWELL. "GOOD BYE, CHILDERS; YOU'LL TAKE CARE OF THE ARMY!" GOSCHEN." YES, AND OF COURSE YOU'LL TAKE CARE OF THE NAVY!"

PABOR 66 AND

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AYRTON. "AND MIND YOU'RE POLITE AND GENTLEMANLY-D'YOU HEAR?" LOWE. "AND, ABOVE ALL THINGS, TAKE CARE OF THE MONEY." REMEMBER THERE ARE ALWAYS THREE COURSES BEFORE YOU!"

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