MR. PUNCH received a letter stating that in the writer's opinion it might interest Mr. P.'s readers to know the state of the weather in Naples. If there be one thing in the world nobody out of Naples cares one farthing about, Mr. Punch supposes that thing to be mentioned above. But, respice finem. On examining the report enclosed by his Correspondent, Mr. Punch discovers that the subject is very interesting indeed. Here is the faithful reprint of an official document supplied to the Naples Observer. Emphatically we call the weather in question queer weather. We omit barometers and thermometers, and all that stuff.

STATE OF THE WEATHER IN NAPLES FROM THE 6TH TO THE
12TH JAN. 1872.

EDUCATIONAL EPIGRAMS.

A MODEST DEMAND.

THE season might be milder-it could hardly be more malevolent. But here is mildness:

three children at boarding school, desires a HOME in the house of WIDOWER of midd'e ag, of qui and regular habits, who has independent Christian widow or single lady, whose object in letting apart ments is chiefly society, who would accept merely nominal terms, and where he would be the only lodger. Nice house and servant desirable.-Addres with every particular, &c., &c.

What a charming person must this advertiser be, if we may judge from the high value which he sets on his society! No doubt he has been deluged with replies to his advertisement. What independent lady could possibly decline to offer him the home which he so modestly demands, and to sacrifice her independence by accepting him as lodger, first, and finally as lord, as soon as he inclined to offer her his heart? "Beware of widows, Sammy!" said the elder Mr. Weller. Beware of widowers, ladies! adds the wiser Mr. Punch.

The Weather and the Paths.

FOUL weather! Come on, my Macintosh
And my Boots; we'll never mind it,
While the rain the face of the Earth doth wash,
Though the dirtier still we find it.

Fresh women of the Future.

IT is proposed to transfer the Ladies' College to Cambridge. This addition, if made, to Alma Mater will, in case of future controversy between disorderly undergraduates and other inhabitants, be obviously an advantage over Town in favour of Gown. For ever the Graduates and Dons of the gentler sex will all be Gownswomen.

แ

SOLDIERS OR SUPERNUMERARIES? THE late SIR JOHN BURGOYNE, in a recently published letter, expressed his opinion that the Volunteers are a patriotic force, deserving great credit and encouragement," for the reason that "they may be of immense value among the measures for the military protection of the country." When, however, the illustrious FieldMarshal, of whom all that was mortal now rests in St. Peter - ad -Vincula, said the Volunteers might be of immense value, he hardly spoke in measured terms. For, speaking within bounds, he went on to say that "the service demanded of them should" from the nature of their case,

66

be of the simplest nature," and defined those services to be garrison-duty, and fighting behind fortifications.

The Post collates this appraisement of the Volunteers with NAPOLEON'S saying that he wanted "soldiers" in the field, but that "men" would suffice for the simple service to which SIR JOHN BURGOYNE limited the use of Volunteers. Well, but if the Volunteers are no better than "men, mortal men" (as another SIR JOHN than that one described his regiment) and 'food for powder," what of another branch of the British land forces, on which we have been led to place reliance; namely, the Militia ? Are those gallant fellows better instructed, better drilled, and more intelligent than the other; are they equally with them able to "fill a pit as well as better," and may we venture to trust that one pit which they are capable of filling

All alone had the Income-tax payers to pay
Abyssinian war's total expenses;

And the honour they have, by themselves, to defray
Those incurred for the nation's defences.

Upon you, should our suit at Geneva be lost,

The untoward result of that action

Can no burden entail; they, whatever the cost,
Are doomed solely to make satisfaction.

Very likely 'twere cheaper at once to risk fight
Than to venture a ruinous payment,

Which would serve but to arm the unquenchable spite
Of the cunning, unscrupulous claimant.
For we fools having paid those 'cute Yankees in full
An indemnity heavy as France's,

A fresh quarrel they'd pick, and to war with JOHN BULL,
Go supplied by himself with finances.

We put down Ireland's Protestant Church; for Home Rule
Get a howl, of thanks Paddy's expression.
And what Statesman that's honest, not being a fool,
Ever hoped more from that large concession ?

He who thinks to conciliate serpents, mistakes,
When with malice and envy they're frantic:
Deadly vengeance alone will sate such as some snakes
On this side, and beyond, the Atlantic.

ANATOMY EXTRAORDINARY.

MRS. MALAPROP says she was once bled in the same place as ROGER TICHBORNEin the temporary artery.

When we've hundreds of millions spent war to avert,
And more millions in war spent thereafter,
Forced to fight after all, having had to eat dirt,
Sight of scorn to the world-food for laughter,
Still the People may sing; the derisive contempt
Of mankind they'll put up with like sages:
From war charges to Yankee Bill added, exempt-
They can lose but their work and their wages.

NONCONFORMITY TO ANYTHING.

THE generality of persons consider that any religion is better than none; but those Dissenters who have now changed their old demand for "unsectarian" to a demand for "secular" education appear to be very much, on the contrary, of opinion that no religion is better than any religion, unless it be their own. But how much of any religion have those allies of educational secularists got r Nonconformists in general are commonly called "Religious Dissenters; but those Nonconformists in particular seem to be more accurately describable as "Irreligious Dissenters." Their Dissent would seem to be Dissent toto cœlo. Those particular Dissenters can hardly include in their number any who are not altogether the reverse of Particular Baptists.

"CIVILISATION AT ST. PAUL'S."

THIS was the startling heading of an article which appeared a few days ago in the Times. What could it mean? men asked. What traces of lingering barbarism had been detected and effaced within the walls of the national Cathedral? Some readers surmised that the fees had been abolished; others asserted that the monuments were never again to be allowed to get dusty and dirty; while a few were sanguine enough to hope that the Corporation of London and the wealthy City Companies had undertaken the restoration and decoration of St. Paul's at their own expense. After all, it was found that nothing more was meant than the delivery, by the Dean, of the last of a series of lectures on Civilisation" in the Cathedral.

66

Have no fear
Of what thine Uncle murmurs in thine ear.
Thou art my Nephew!

I shall know no rest
Until my deeds of horror stand confest
In open daylight..

Dost thou love me, child?
I know thou dost: For have I not beguiled
Thy leisure hours? Hath not my half-crown
Ofttimes unlocked for thee the joys of town?
Stand where thou art, and let thy hoop unroll'd
Remain till all I have to tell be told.
O Boy!-

I loved thy mother!-She, another!
Not me!-that other was my younger brother!
O beating heart, be still! down throbbing pulse!
(He resumes, after an instant's conflict.)

We had a house upon the hill of Tulse,
Within a breath of fiercely seething town;

Who sought our roof, went up; who left, went down. 'Twas ever thus. Thy father came and went.

I followed him, with murderous intent.

I was his shadow-nightly-day by day

Ay!-year by year I saw him waste away.
A subtle poison mingled with his blood.
Yet was I what the world esteemed as good;
But loathsome all within.-

Nay, do not fear-
To thee I'm harmless as the love-sick deer,
Or as the Monarch of the Beasts, who gave
His thorn-pierced paw and fawned upon the Slave.

End of Fragment.

TOO MUCH ZEAL.

THE other day there appeared a letter in the Times which the political world should not willingly let die. In type which wil keep this document from filling excessive space with matter-of-fact detail, here it is:

"MR. LOWE AND VICTORIA PARK.

"To the Editor of the Times.

"S18,-The principals of this department having informed me that they consider that my letter to the Times, published on the 18th inst, under the above heading, and signed by me in my capacity of Honorary Secretary of the Victoria Park Preservation Society, was entirely inconsistent with that respect and becoming behaviour which are due by all Civil servants of the Crown to their official superiors, I have to state that I had no intention of giving offenc to Her Majesty's CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER. I beg, therefore, t express my sorrow for having used the expressions contained in my letter. and I hereby withdraw the same.

"I remain, Sir, your obedient Servant, "Her Majesty's Customs, Jan. 30. "FRANCIS GEORGE HEATH." Thus we see that it will not do for any subordinate Civil Servant to criticise, even in the delegated capacity of a Secretary to an As80ciation, the public conduct of a Member of the Government. If he venture upon so near an approach to petty treason, his superiors are straightway down upon him with an admonition, the consequence of which is that he loses no time in eating the words which have flowed from his pen. What would have happened to MR. FRANCIS GEORGE HEATH had he failed to attend to the suggestion which he received from the principals of his department? What if he had omitted to regale himself on the meal or mess of statement which he had bee the instrument of making in reference to MR. LOWE? Is it possible that, in reparation to the Author of Budgets, the Custom-Hous Clerk would have been presented with the Sack? Would his refusa to feast on "matter in the wrong place" have been as much as his place was worth?

The agitation for the rescue of Victoria Park, Epping Forest, the New Forest, and other Crown Lands, from sale and enclosure, is no doubt extremely annoying and vexatious to a Minister and a Gor ernment who, with a single eye to economy, would like to see your now wooded or open spaces crowded with dwelling-houses shops, and factories, and to behold groves of tall chimneys substi tuted for groves of trees. But those Right Honourable Gentlemen, the CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER and his colleagues, are, ever if not too Liberal, too magnanimous, to be capable of any mandate of which, primarily, the retractation above-quoted can have bee the result. No; it has, of course been purely the officious work of the principals of MR. HEATH's department; his immediately superior servants, subordinate to the Queen's Head Servants, and at presen: out of livery.

An Easy Riddle.

WHAT Parliamentary Elections are those which are always con ducted apart from the Public-house? The elections for the Univer sities of Oxford and Cambridge, and the Election of the SPEAKES.

tion such a valuable saving of time and patience; with the understanding that the Member shall be at liberty to supply the public press with a copy of the speech for publication to his country and constituents.

From the day that the Ballot becomes law all Divisions in the House shall be taken by this method of voting.

No talking will be allowed in the Ladies' Gallery.

PARLIAMENTARY NOTICES.

MR. WHALLEY. To obtain leave to bring in a Bill to establish direct diplomatic relations with the POPE OF ROME.

MR. WATNEY. To obtain leave to bring in a Bill to limit the number of public-houses in England and Wales.

SIR WILFRID LAWSON. To move for a Commission to inquire into the expediency of abolishing all customs, duties, and imposts now levied on brandy, rum, gin, and other alcoholic liquors.

SIR CHARLES DILKE. To transfer to the Consolidated Fund all charges for the maintenance and support of the Royal Household. MR. MIALL. To move for leave to bring in a Bill for the establishment of a Central Educational Board, to consist of the Archbishops and Bishops of the Church of England, the Heads of Colleges in the Universities of Oxford and Cambridge, the MARQUIS_OF SALISBURY, MR. BERESFORD HOPE, ARCH DEACON DENISON, DR. PUSEY, the President of the Wesleyan Conference, the REV. C. H. SPURGEON, MR. GEORGE DIXON, MR. SAMUEL MORLEY, and MR. MIALL.

MAJOR ANSON. To move an Address to the Crown, praying that a Royal Warrant may be issued, abolishing all Honorary Colonelcies.

The CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER. In Committee, to move a resolution to the effect that 10 per cent. be added to the salaries of all persons in Government employment.

MR. GLADSTONE. That it be an instruction to the Civil Service Commissioners to examine all future Under-Secretaries of State, Junior Lords of the Treasury, and Junior Lords of the Admiralty, and to report to the Treasury on their fitness for employment before they are allowed to take office.

MR. AYRTON. Bill to empower the First Commissioner of Works and Buildings to negotiate with the Metropolitan Board of Works for the transfer of all the Public Statues in the streets of London to Hampstead Heath.

ALDERMAN LAWRENCE. Bill for the Reform of the Corporation of London.

OUR ADMIRABLE RESERVE.

As to the decencies of journalism, in the special point of reticence with respect to pending trials, we certainly are not as those Americans are. ' The Claimant's case, if proceeding in America, would have been discussed and prejudged in Yankee newspapers over and over again. Fear of commitment for contempt of Court being before the eyes of our Editors, withholds them from daring to publish remarks on a case pendente lite such as are heard in every company, and nobody scruples to make across a table. The ability to say such things with impunity must rather tend to lessen the great advantage of enforcing reticence on journalists. The jurymen engaged on Tichborne v. Lushington can hardly have gone anywhere since that suit began and not have heard it canvassed without reserve. Nothing they could have read in a newspaper, probably, could have given them the slightest additional bias. They must have heard plenty of observations as likely as any they could have read to affect their judgment otherwise than the plain statements and unimpassioned arguments of counsel can. This is a very great pity. The licence of private conversation must render the reticence of the Press almost of none effect. Ought not, therefore, everyone who speaks, as well as the person who prints, a word for or against a plaintiff or defendant, be liable to be committed for contempt of Court, too? Or would it be a better plan to keep the Jury locked up from communication with the outer world, perhaps, as in the Tichborne trial they would have had to be already, for above half-ayear at a stretch. If this incarceration of the Jury is of any use at all in a case of felony which concerns nobody, or very few, out of Court, it would be immensely more useful in an action involving enormous interests. Only, as we always say, in commending this wise precaution, when you lock up the Jury, lock up also the Judge.

Accommodation for the Army.

MR. SHEKELS says that he foresees one great disadvantage which must result from fixing the educational test for commissions in the Army too high. Young Officers have always heretofore got the greatest credit, and now in future they won't want any.

GIANTS IN THE WAY.

(Introit Sessio 1872.)

THE fight draws near-the hour is here,
The silk to doff, the steel to don;
Breathing the breath of strife to death,
Set stiffly his high horse upon,
Against the giants in his path,
Grimly Childe GLADSTONE rideth on!

The Passage Perilous before,

The Passage Dolorous behind-
'Tis hard to say which survey more
Might lame his lance, or move his mind-
Thought of the year that dogs his rear,
Or that of foes in front combined.

A good knight he, in Learning's lists,
With pens for points, and ink for blood;
Bold to face Prehistoric mists,

Or fetlock deep, through mythic mud,
To dog Teutonic critics' twists,
Or probe Earth's youth, beyond the flood.

A stalwart warrior, too, confest,'

In wordy war, where tongues are swords; Heedless what lance he lays in rest, 'Gainst Commons fierce or stubborn LordsThe best to him is that which best

And readiest help in need affords:

But Learning's gear avails not here,

Nor tongue-fence serves this Session's need Ne'er yawned defile more dark and drear More threatening before knight and steed: Beset with giant shapes of fear,

Allied in hate, of diverse breed.

Chiefs of the crowd, big, beetle-browed,
Not so well-knit as huge of limb,
The Giant Ultramontane proud,

And Giant Nonconformist grim,
Expectant wait, their mutual hate
Postponed in common hate of him.

"ALL FOR THE PRIEST" upon his shield, As legend, Ultramontane bears;

d;

"NOUGHT FOR THE PRIEST," from chequered field
Of Nonconformist's buckler glares:
But cry and shield each keeps concealed,
As for joint onslaught he prepares.

Dark in their rear, more Giants peer,
Looming the larger for the shade
Through which their doubtful bulks appear,

In magnifying mists arrayed.

The Giant Bunkum, see prepare

The biggest bill e'er Bunkum made!

And Giant Job, and Giant Mull,

And Giant Muddle, and Misrule-
Giants that, by the Office-full

Find in Whitehall their home and school,—
Big brainless Giants, deaf and dull,
That botch the business of JOHN BULL.
Ere GLADSTONE quell this Giant band,
That with armed ambush lines his way,
He'll need as steady heart and hand,
As cool head, as e'er knight in fray,
And at his back a helpful band,

Of wills that hold, and wits that weigh.

I look around at foes before,

And weak or wavering friends behind; I'count the Session's chances o'er,

And more to chill than cheer I find. But as Punch wished him well of yore, Still the old "good-speed" comes to mind.

Beyond Suspicion.

OFTEN as we hear of the "City Oratory," we never for a moment suppose that this implies any imputation on the City's Protestantism.