guardian, I shall have to take them to school, then to college. I shall have to write to their Master, and say: "Dear Sir,-I hear Thought.-that you make some reduction on taking two Uncles instead of one. How much per annum for the pair ?" &c., &c.

66

"P.S. I wish my Uncles to have One Shilling each, pocketmoney, per week, and to have a cold bath every morning."

Uncle

My Uncles-Uncle JACK and Uncle GIL (abbreviated)-being
tired of sand-digging, are commencing stone-throwing. Their im-
mediate object is an old gentleman who is gazing at the sea.
JACK'S intention (he is four years old) is, no doubt, admirable, but
his capabilities are limited. It might be called a game of "Any-
body's head." This time very near mine. I awake from a reverie
to the fact that stone-throwing is dangerous. I speak severely.
They laugh.

Happy Thought.-Here's my Aunt JANE and the nurse.
My Uncles are given in charge.

My Aunt JANE has something to say on the subject of Health; hers. On this she prefers consulting me to going to a Doctor.

She is aware that I once went to Aix-la-Chapelle for rheumatism, and that, more or less, ever since, I've been studying pulling myself together and picking myself up; with one exceptional time when my whole object was to pull myself down.

HAPPY THOUGHTS. ERY Happy Begin again. By the sea-side at Little Shrimpton comes this Happy Thought to me. I refer back to the last note made in my diary five years ago. I note, also, that the First Volume of Typical Developments has nearly reached completion: all but putting it together, and writing the last hundred-and-fifty pages, it is comparatively finished. Happy Thought. Finish it positively. POPGOOD AND GROOLLY, my publishers, are thinking about it. It will certainly be (I think) a grand philosophic and generally comprehensive work. They want to know, by way of coming practically to business, What it will make ?" Happy Thought.-To reply, genially, "A Hit." They mean, however, "How many pages will it make ?" The question with me is, 66 How many pages do they want it to make ?" Subject postponed until I've found this out. I decline to hurry it. They agree with me. She addresses me, speaking rather hurriedly, and occasionally Because a work like this requires application, concentration, stopping with a kind of gasp, and a surprised look, her mouth open, and sustentation. Again they agree with me. In the mean- as if the supply of words had (as it were) been suddenly cut off at time they have, they say-at least, their Managing Director says the main, I've been suffering all the morning with face-ache, but that they have by them some novel illustrations for a Christmas whether it's my toothjaw (one word this) or what I don't know, but book about Cinderella, and if I'd like to undertake writing up to I'm really afraid that I've got some irremedibiddle disease these, why, Typical Developments, Vol. I., might easily wait. which- here she gasps. Supply cut off. I take advantage of Think it over at sea-side. Little Shrimpton with my other Aunt this to ask what she means by "irremedibiddle." and a couple of Uncles. "You know very well what the word means, I'm sure, or ought to," she replies, a little hurt.

[Why the Cottage in the Country was given up nearly three years ago, why I am in charge of my other Aunt (bless her!), why I am but for her and my two Uncles alone, and how it comes about that I am really beginning again, has nothing to do with Happy Thoughts either past or present. If this is enigmatic, so it must remain. Passons.]

Complication in Family Matters.-Basking in the rays of a warm sun on a pebbly beach, under a clear blue sky, and fanned by a gentle breeze, which is neither east nor north-and that's all that I negatively know about it-I lie, considering present circumstances. I am here, supposed to be, what my friend ENGLEMORE calls "picking myself up," and "pulling myself together."

Happy Thought-Like a puzzle. Mem.-Note this for Typical Developments, Vol. I. (or somewhere, if not room for it here on account of POPGOOD AND GROOLLY wanting it to make so many or so few pages), under heading, "P. for Puzzle; Man," &c., &c. There's a fine thought in this, rather hidden, but to be worked out. Do it later.

The process of pulling myself together and picking myself up, seems to consist chiefly in laying myself out, not to shine in Society, but away from Society, in the sun. After two weeks of this method I am partly pulled together, and slightly picked up. Without a family, I am a family man. Inexact quotation which occurs to me, "Some achieve families, and some have families thrust upon them." Mine is the latter case. My Aunt (as I said before, "Bless her!") came to take care of me, and my two Uncles were bequeathed to my care.

My two Uncles are now on the sands, within easy reach of the human voice (mine), trying to bury one another with wooden spades in holes of moderate depth. If necessary, I can take both my Uncles under my arm, and whip them, if they deserve it. They are four and five years of age respectively. They are the result of a Happy Thought (occurring to a hale and hearty grandfather over seventy.)-Marry again.

Reminds me of arithmetical game of Thoughts. "Think of a grandfather, over seventy. Double him. Add two to him. Halve him. Then subtract him altogether. Remainder, my two Uncles." Orphans. Poor little Uncles! * One of these days, as their

My Aunt JANE is a martyr to neuralgia, she describes it as Rheumatic Neuralgia. She is of an impulsive, warm-hearted disposition, and, generally speaking, would rather be talking than not. Happy Thought.-She is "generally speaking."

She has a queer way of getting her words entangled before they come out, leaving it to the hearer to unravel them and arrange them in a coherent sentence. In a Pagan country she would have been an Oracle.

Happy Thought.-My Sphinxian Aunt.

Having thought over her style of conversation-or her absence of style-I see that it is not a Mrs. Malaproprian nor a Mrs. Ramsbothamian style, but one peculiarly her own, and, on analysis, I should say it arose out of an economical desire to save time by thinking of sentence Number Two, while in the middle of sentence Number One.

"If you mean, Aunt, irremediable ". [Happy Thought that flashes across me. Que diable! irremediable! To arrange this afterwards as a French joke, and put it down to TALLEYRAND or MOLIÈRE.]

"if you mean 'irremediable,'" I continue, for the Happy Thought is only a mental flash which does not interrupt the sentence, 'I understand."

"Of course," she replies, "I said irremediable, and I know it's a correct word, though you always find fault with what I say, because when I was thinking about what a cureness was which couldn't be" here she corrects herself of her own accord," I mean an illness was which couldn't be cured, I thought there was one word for it, and so I looked out irremediable and found it in Dixon's Johnsonary."

"Johnson's Dictionary, Aunt," I say.

"I said so," she returns with some dignity; "and if I didn't, you know what I mean well enough, and needn't take me up for every little mistake."

She has decided that she has "Rheumatism all over her, and is not quite sure that it isn't what the Doctors call 'imperceptible gout,' which results," she adds, "in goodness knows what, and all sorts of things."

66

What does she propose as a cure? She answers, readily, that she would trust herself implicitly to me if I would take her where I went myself some years ago, to Aix-la-Chapelle. She has evidently made up her mind to this. I reply, that I will "turn it over." While she goes down to my two Uncles on the sands, I meditate. Process of turning it over."-This year I have determined to take up farming and gardening, or gardening and farming, scientifically and (I think I foresee it in the future) profitably. Besides, in Vol. II., Typical Developments, I shall soon come to Letter F., naturally, "Farming," with a note at bottom of page, "See, also, G. Gardening," and I shall want to write about it. My friend and adviser, ENGLEMORE, has strongly recommended me agricultural pursuits as a first-rate thing. As he is coming down to-morrow (unless he telegraphs, which, when once you've started him at what he calls wiring," he generally does three or four times a day), I can consult him as to when I ought to begin my "farming and gardening operations." I am dropping off into a drowsy state when some

...

HAPPY THOUGHT-INCOGNITO SECURED-BLUSHES CONCEALED AND SELF

RESPECT PRESERVED (AT LEAST OUTWARDLY).

COMPARISON WITH COUSINS GERMAN

COMPARISONS are odious, O

My countrymen and brothers!
Not when we to advantage show,
Compared, ourselves, with others.
Does not the difference 'twixt two Powers,
Weighed by the world together,
The Prussian Government, and ours,
Just now exceed a feather?

It must, it cannot but, compel
All people's commendation
To see how Prussia we excel
In point of toleration.

BISMARCK fears Ultramontane leagues
To break up German union;
Frames laws 'gainst Jesuit intrigues
Among the POPE's communion.
And none there are that, in debate,
Or print, denounce his folly.
Say he resembles NEWDEGATE,
And liken him to WHALLEY.
No "able Editors" has he

Such as with us are common,
To twit him with "No Popery,"

And call him an old woman.

No High Church clique genteel, with gibes
Doth steadily pursue him;

No band of faithful Irish scribes

On principle pooh-pooh him:
He has no Public, duly taught

By sneers in fitting season,

To laugh to scorn a Statesman's thought
Of priestly Popish treason.

Weak bigotry you don't behold
Check Priests in these dominions;
The Reverend Fathers, uncontrolled,
Inculcate their opinions.

At home of what sage rule boast we!
Abroad in our relations,

Of what adroit diplomacy,
Above all other nations!

how, in connection with my Aunt's notion about Aix-la-Chapelle, heard that the GLYMPHYNS have gone there: young MR. GLYMPHIS there occurs to me suddenly a

Happy Thought.-German Gardening.

is a martyr, I'm told, to Dipthatical Sytherea in one of the twoif
not both, and he can't put one leg to the ground without the other,
so they hope to cure him."
"Cure him of what ?" I ask.

"Sciatica," she answers. "I said so before, only you really

Odd that, quite coincidentally, the two words fall naturally under G" in Typical Developments, Vol. II. (if I get as far in Vol. II.: it might be Vol. X. before I reached "G": but, anyhow, I should be prepared with material. [Note.-Hitherto, I've generally col-never do seem to attend to me." lected material" in mems and notes, on odd slips of paper, for months, and then either been unable to remember the circumstances to which they relate, or have lost them altogether, or later intelligence has rendered them valueless.] Also, as another really very curious coincidence, under the letter "F," "Farming in France."

Happy Thought.-French Farming. Or, if any difficulty about Farming, why not Floricultur with English E... when I commence 66

us

66

events," she I can't quite make up my mind. I tell her the reason. "At all GLYMPHYNS, who would be delighted to see me, and take the says, you might take me over, and leave me at the most possible care, and if CHARLOTTE GLYMPHYN, though she's mottled and serried now and her name is BORROWDAILE, I faney it will be pleasant if" here comes the gasp, and the stream is dried up. again to Germany, it will be simply, The GLYMPHYNs to me are not an inducement. Besides, if I some word initialled with "E," and meaning Gardening. and solely in the interests of the letter "G"-"German Gardening"-consequently, I don't want to Happy Thought.-Dixon's Johnsonary. Look it out. 66 Eagle- be mixed up with nothing but English, nor do I want to live in a Eardrops-Earth." This is nearer but not the thing, "English town. No; in a farm, or German Gardener's house. Conversations - continue with Dixon's Johnsonary-"Ear-trumpet- with German Gardener's Daughter. Easter-Eaves." Eaves is suggestive of country and poetry, but, on the whole, is not sufficiently comprehensive. Try again. "Echo-Eddy-Eelspout-Eflorescence." Here we

Earth

are.

Think of

Happy Thought.-English Efflorescence! The series would be (1) English Efflorescence. (2) French Farming. (3) German Gardening. Telegraph this to POPGOOD AND GROOLLY. Really an idea. With Illustrations. Coloured. Query who 'll do 'em? My Aunt, who has dismissed Uncles JACK and GIL to their dinner-[we see them in the distance staggering about very unsteadily, Uncle JACK being in perpetual difficulties with an elastic hat-string which won't keep his hat on his head for more than two minutes in anything like a breeze, and Uncle GIL who " little at the knees and has an undecided style of progression]-asks gives" a me if I've decided, because if so we ought to go as soon as possible in order to make Hay while the shun sines-or rather, sun shines she means. Strange coincidence again that she should have used the expression "make hay."

"At all events," she says, with a letter in her hand, "I've just

Happy Thought.-"G" stands for Gretchen.

I know my Aunt's object. She is always trying to make me what she calls "go about more." I fancy, from what she says, that she has "somebody in her eye." On this subject we have a difference of opinion. Great one. that I shall consult ENGLEMORE. We agree to talk it over to-night. After Happy Thought.-Give it till to-morrow.

being "the thief of time." I suggest Procrastination." She To this my Aunt replies with something about "Procrastion" returns that that is what she said, and adds her usual reference which is, that if I don't think there is such a word, I'd better consult Dixon's Johnsonary. But, anyhow, give it till to-morrow.

A Case of Gross Misnomer.

MR. JUSTICE CHRISTIAN-to judge by his extra-judicial ob Legislature. servations on his brethren of the Bench and his Lords of the

1

"Because He had Too Much Cheek," 158 Domestic Economy, 139

Printed by Joseph Smith, of No. 24, Holford Square, in the Parish of St. James, Clerkenwell, in the County of Middlesex, at the Printing Offices of Messrs. Bradbury, Evans, & Co. Lombard

Street, in the Precinct of Whitefriars, in the City of London, and Published by him, at No. 85, Fleet Street, in the Parish of St, Bride, City of London.-SATURDAY, June 19, 1972.

66

GENTLEMEN Arbitrators, I salute you in the concrete," said MR. PUNCH, walking up to the table of the Hall of

Congress at Geneva. "I also salute you specially. COUNT SCLOPIS, una voce poco fà; M. STAEMPFLI, my Merry Swiss Boy, point d'argent, point de Suisse; BARON ITAJUBA, I hope your sangre azul is cool this hot weather."

Really, MR. PUNCH," said the LORD CHIEF JUSTICE COCKBURN

"And really, my dear SIR ALEXANDER," was MR. PUNCH's lightning-like repartee. "How are you? and Davis, my BANCROFT, how are you? Have you seen MRS. BANCROFT in Caste? Capital, isn't she? And now to business, and after that we'll go for a row on the Lake, my Allobroges. Know they settled here, DAVIS ? "

"I know several things," said MR. DAVIS, "and one is that you have no business in this chamber." "Rem acu tetigisti, my Occidental. My visit is strictly on pleasure. And I reckon to have the pleasure of sticking these here Negotiations in a greased groove before I quit."

"We should not get it good here.
"We should not get it good here. A bottle of Seltzer, if you
lake, but unsweetened."

"Porter!" exclaimed the COUNT SCLOPIS, angrily. "Not a drop, I thank you," said MR. PUNCH, smiling. please, with a slight dash of the liquid named after yonder His exquisite good-temper-he associates with GRANVILLE and DISRAELI was too much for the dignitaries. They all shook hands with him, said he was welcome, and begged that he would go away until dinner-time.

"Not a bit of it, my Beamish Boys," said MR. PUNCH. "I am going to earn that dinner."

"But, dear MR. PUNCH," pleaded MR. DAVIS, "we can't admit another British Representative, especially so omnipotent a one as yourself."

"You are polite, and I'm cosmopolite, my dear DAVIS. Non ubi nascor, sed ubi pascor, and being asked to an international repast I shall behave internationally."

"You will have to let him speak," laughed BARON ITAJUBA.

"You open your mouth to drop Brazilian diamonds, my Baron."

"He'd better remain, for I don't think he'll go," gaily carolled the Chief Justice, with a reminiscence of a burlesque written at a time when burlesques were comic.

"Take your brief, and belabour away," sang the Merry Swiss Boy.

"Come, MR. PUNCH," said the Count, " you and I have a common Italian ancestry. Do us credit." "Con rispetto parlando, Count, you ought not to doubt that I shall. Arbitrators! Have you all read RABELAIS?" "There's a question!" shouted Everybody, indignantly. "Have five great nations sont clowns to represent them?"