ROME! Away with her! Leave her to be finished off by MR. JUSTICE KEOGH -we have no time to waste upon the Lady Scarlatina. We have a Miracle of our Own a real Ritualist Miracle. 'Tis recorded in the Church Times, and vouched for by the REVEREND GERALD MOULTRIE, South Leigh Vicarage, Oxford.

His letter is about a column in length, but for which fact, and for some of its language, Punch might transfer it to his columns. He must boil it down, like spinach. But he pledges himself to the accuracy of his résumé. A (horrid) Methodist named MICHAEL ALLEN, was, twelve years ago, digging a drain. After work he supped, and went to bed Now, MR. MOULTRIE, go on :"That night his wife had a dream. She seemed to be watching her husband as he was digging the drain. She noticed a small hole opening southward in the excavation, to which she called her husband's attention; that he put his spade in, and found that the more he dug the larger it got. Finally, the passage got large enough for her to enter, and then she descended into the earth. After her descent she found herself in a chamber of great beauty, with many ornaments. That what most struck her attention were two pedestals, square, and about four feet high, covered with frosted silver, like hoarfrost on a hedge in winter. That she was struck with the idea that it was something mysterious and sacred, which made her exclaim, "* That, looking round on the costly ornaments of the room, she was then filled with desire for them, and shouted out aloud, 'Lord, MICHAEL! you don't know half what we are worth!' This woke her husband, who roused her from sleep, after which she dreamed no more."

FAITH FOR THE FRENCH ARMY.

66

IN the French National Assembly, the other day, there occurred, with respect to the subject of Army Re-organisation, a rather brisk debate on that of Religion. Question, question!" would have been the cry had the topic been imported into a similar discussion in the House of Commons. There, indeed, it would perhaps be beside the question. For the Legislature of France it is not beside the question at all, now, certainly. So long as the French Army consisted of willing conscripts and voluntary substitutes, religion may have stood in a relation to it of no special importance. The man who, in return for a few sous a day, his clothes and victuals, did not hesitate to run the risk of compound comminuted fractures and amputation, loss of under-jaw perhaps, or of both hands, in this world, was little likely to look so far forwards for anything unpleasant as the other. But compulsory service will bring into the Army of France brains against their will. Brains object to be blown out, the rather when they are largely endowed with the organs of the religious sentiments, Veneration, as the Phrenologists say, and Marvellousness. Brains object to be blown out even on the supposition:

But, next day, she made her husband dig in the direction indicated in her dream. He digged. He did not discover the chamber of beauty, nor the frosted silver pedestals, but he dug up an Ancient Crucifix. Alas, being a Methodist, he sold this, two years later, for half-a-crown! Ten years later, MR. MOULTRIE heard of the Miracle, and he says, "I was half wild." (He seems to have amended his half-ness now.) But he resolved to obtain the Crucifix; and by another Miracle, a little one of which he makes no account, he recovered it from a curiosity dealer. He has it now. He describes it. Enough for a secular paper to extract one passage from the description:

:

"It is very rude; and one's first impression is, 'How very ugly!' But the expression of the face is full of divine agony, which causes in one after a time a certain indescribable awe, which makes one nervous when alone in the room with it. I speak from my own experience, and others have expressed their consciousness of the same feeling."

There! Now has the Anglican, or rather the Ritualist, Church no Miracles to support it? A Methodist, who is, of course, worse than any heathen, has been made the instrument. A dream suggests the search. The hard-hearted Methodist sells the relic. A curiosity shop-keeper secretes it for ten years. At last it is discovered, and it makes MR. MOULTRIE nervous. What has Rome to say to this Henceforth let S. Januarius, the Winking Picture, the

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*

*

We are very sad, very much shocked. Will it be believed that the following verses have been found inscribed on a wall at South Leigh ?

"O please and be cautious, you dear MR. MOULTRIE,
Don't go in the farm-yard and look at the poultry;
For though his suspicion could have no excuse,
A Protestant gander might think you a Goose."

The Strasburg Zone.

Ir has of late years become customary with sculptors to represent cities of any degree of magnitude or importance as female figures. Many a statuary, doubtless, has made a graven image of Strasburg. According to certain German papers, Strasburg is about to be refortified. They say that Strasburg will be surrounded by a girdle of eighteen forts. A corresponding alteration will require to be made in the statue of Strasburg, which should for the future have the bas-reliefs of eighteen forts chiselled on its girdle. This will, perhaps, originate a sweet thing in girdles.

"That when the brains were out the man would die."

Much more do they object to be blown out on the opposite supposition, and very much more still on the opposite belief, to wit, that when the brains are out the man will not die. The influence likely to be exerted by religion on brains is therefore quite a point requiring to be perpended by legislators who meditate opposing brains to bullets and balls, and bombs, and bits of jagged iron. Are the rank and file of thinking Christians the stuff that a thinking General would prefer to place in that antagonism? Is the position of a combatant in the cannon's mouth tolerable for any thinking believer but one who is confident of being a perfect Saint? Messieurs may well consider if the union of religious faith with reflective intellect is likely to be serviceable, or otherwise than extremely unserviceable for any army but an Army of Martyrs. world that the religion of the great majority of Frenchmen, who Here only think what a happy thing it is for Europe and the have any at all, is what it is, namely Popery, which represents future conditions as unspeakably frightful for all mankind except a comparatively very few Romish Saints. Its tremendous dissuasives, for ordinary mortals, from braving death anywhere, and particularly on the battle-field, have doubtless had some pacific effect upon their minds. It has assuredly kept them as quiet as any religion could keep such a people ridiculously miscalled logical. What a state mankind would be in, now, if the French were Mussulmans! belief of HASSAN concerning "the maids of Paradise," and "the Fancy what would happen if JULES were generally actuated by the dark Heaven of Houris' eyes," reserved for Zouaves and Chasseurs who have the good fortune" mourir pour la patrie" :—

"They come-their kerchiefs green they wave,
And welcome with a kiss the brave:
Who falls in battle 'gainst a Giaour
Is worthiest an immortal bower."

It is truly a wonder that NAPOLEON, called the Great, had not the greatness to compel the French, when he ruled them, to turn Mahometans. Islam is the creed that their Bishops and Statesmen should inculcate on them, if they want to humbug them into charging batteries. Religion would be of immense advantage on the side of French soldiers if it made them charge to the shout of Allah Hu! There is, however, a certain personal religion of the French kind which may answer very well for military purposes-with proper management. The religion of the unthinking Roman Catholic will do, under adequate direction. But then he must be extremely unthinking. He must think nothing of aught that he has read, if able to read, about futurity, or even of anything which he heard his Priest preach the other day. He must think only of his Priest's last words; and those must be "En avant!" With a Chaplain well up to his official work, Christianity à la Romaine might, as far perhaps as the multitude are concerned, be rendered a religion for French soldiers the next best after Mahometanism.

"I may tell" Barnes "something more. There is a Bill in Parliament by which a large portion of the Common is to be taken for a railway and railway terminus. This has already passed the Commons without one single word of opposition from the advocates for the preservation of commons and open spaces, so that probably we may have coal-sheds and smoking chimneys built on it. It would appear that commons and open spaces are only preserved when not wanted for other purposes."

If it is simply true that a large portion of Barnes Common is about to be taken for another railway there, the vigilance of people of the right sort has been eluded by some of the money-grubbers of the Midas kind, who turn everything they are suffered to touch, however beautiful or useful in any other than a pecuniary way, into money. Are there no gentlemen in Parliament who will organise themselves into a preventive service to look out for and frustrate the attempts of those sordid parties? The need of an additional railway on a spot so accessible as Barnes Common, is very little; the advantage of preserving that open space is very great. Spoil Barnes Common, spoil Hyde Park, spoil Kensington Gardens. Cut a railway through Hampton Court, and convert its Palace into a Terminus! Perhaps the House of Lords will dare to rescue Barnes Common.

A Word for Sir Wilfrid.

AN advocate for compulsory abstinence from spirituous liquor may found an argument upon the fact that the three first letters of Ignorance are convertible into Gin.

READING MADE UNEASY.

IN a delightful letter, in the Pall Mall Gazette, by MR. CHARLES READE, that gentleman describes the Kensington Show of Musical Instruments. But he says

for it has nineteen hundred and twenty-eight precious stones outside it, and "Then there are Italian spinets, one of which ought to interest the Ladies, very little music inside."

interest the Ladies? Is a Lady something externally rich in er What do you mean, MR. READE? Why should this specially pensive glitter, and internally devoid of charming and harmonious qualities? Can you intend to signify this? O, dear Sir, explicate.